Why can’t my animals be my kids?

[Kbana]

I am a teacher, so don’t get me wrong, I LOVE children. I would have to in order to teach 30 kids every day for the last 10 years.  That being said, I am a 34 year old woman who has zero desire to have children of my own. (At least for now. )  My animals are my children.  I invest my energy, worry and time into their care.  I get so much joy from them. I feel fulfilled.

I suppose I am writing this post in hopes I can find some common ground. I am so tired of being told that I am “misplacing” my love and affection.  “Why don’t I have children? I would love a child so much more than I can ever love an animal.”

Maybe that is so, but why does that matter? Right now, my heart is full with the love I have for my animals. Why isn’t that enough? I highly doubt that if I were the parent of a newborn baby people would worry about how much stress I’m under providing it with proper care and love.  However, when the same worry and stress is over a new bunny it doesn’t seem “worth it” to them.  I’m “crazy” for spending so much money on a $60 rabbit. Would the same people say the same about my dog? I know they wouldn’t about a baby.    

Sadly, the one person on earth that I know would understand my plight completely has been gone for over 5 years.   My aunt was a regular Dr. Doolittle and had any and every animal on the planet.  She raised me to love them just as much. (fur, feathers, scales and all!) 

I’m sure experienced bun owners remember their first bun and all there was to learn about their care.  I know I have been overwhelmed while getting a handle on all there is know and do.  But to me, the return on this investment is tenfold. An animal is something you shouldn’t just give away just because it is hard.  Would people give me the same “advice” if I were a new mother? I think not.

 

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Muffinluv]

I know how you feel, don’t worry some people who never have ownwed a pet (That they got attached to) just don’t understand, especially with rabbits. Since the western world (And the rest of it too) still sees rabbits as meat animals, they don’t understand how much of a personality they truly have.

[Hazel]

I feel the same way. Hubby and I aren’t planning to have children, ever. I like kids as much as the next person, as long as I don’t have to take them home with me. Our pets are our kids and we don’t love them any less just because they aren’t human. I guess some people just aren’t able to connect with their pets and love them as much as others.

[Dobby]

I don’t know. I care for/worry about/obsess over my guys as much as lots of very dedicated pet owners but I hate when someone refers to me as my rabbits’ mom. I am a human. They are rabbits. I am not their mom. I will never be a mom. This is not something I decided. It was something that was decided for me by what is sometimes (often??) a cruel, heartless, painful world. And when someone refers to me as Dobby’s mom I could scream. There is no comparing having a child to having a rabbit in my book.

Of course, I think this just proves how diverse we all are. We each view pet ownership and everything else in life from our own unique perspectives and experiences.

[Mandyyy]

I am 22 and have no desire to have kids. My animals are my ids. I Was even asked today if I had kids and I said “No, I have dogs”. My bunny, rats, pups, cat, and bearded dragon are my kids. I’m not a fan of children to be honest, so it would be expected that I see my animals like my own. People may think it’s weird but they are obviously not animal people, so I don’t want to be around them. Haha.

I also know of animal people that do have kids and love their pets just as much as they do their kids.

[Kbana]

Dobby, I can see where you are coming from. I imagine that if the decision to have or not have children were made for me (and truthfully I don’t know whether it has or hasn’t been since we haven’t tried) I could see feeling like you do. I can’t imagine anything taking the place of the one thing you want most in this world because it isn’t “that one thing” if that makes sense. For me, at least right now, it is a decision. And perhaps what I struggle with the most is that the people in my life can’t seem to respect it for what it is…My decision and a decision that makes me happy for the time being. Thanks All for sharing your thoughts and letting me vent.

[Monkeybun]

I’m almost 30, and my bunnies are definitely my fur-kids. And yes, I am their bunny mama. And I have no shame in telling people such! I have no desire to have any kids of my own, and my fluffs are enough for now Animals add so much to our lives, its so easy to love them

[tanlover14]

Ah, I completely understand with people and their obnoxious comments.

I had a miscarriage about 6 months before my boyfriend and I got our first rabbit. I was a wreck. It was a completely unplanned baby… but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And then we got our first rabbit and I FINALLY began feeling like I was healing from the loss. Then we got 5 rabbits… LOL. And it’s astounding the number of people who have to butt in with their opinions and accuse me of using the rabbits for my misplaced feelings about my miscarriage. Even if they are right, 1) it’s rude to say it 2) it’s none of their business and 3) I think having rabbits is much more healthy obsession than drinking or taking drugs like some people do when they get depressed and have no idea where to turn. I have no idea why anyone feels the need to say anything – I take EXCELLENT care of each and every one of my rabbits…. It’s not like I’m just getting rabbits and improperly taking care of them. AND it’s not only me… my boyfriend LOVES our rabbits to and each and every one was a decision between both of us to keep. Oddly enough, no one says these horrid things to him… I DO act like my rabbits are my children (I won’t deny that) but it’s because I care for them so much. They are a part of my family. Whether I had a baby or not, I’d still care for them just as much as I do now.

It really drives me insane. No one has any right to comment on your animals and your feelings (unless of course you’re treating them bad).

[hannaroo]

Haha I spoil my pets so much they get refered to as my children by my friends family and co workers. My mum calls them her grandchildren and sneaks them Brussels sprouts whenever I got away!
I will have children one day, hopefully in the next 7-10 years so in my bunnies lifespan but they will be in no way replaced!
Having pets and being responsible for their welfare is rewarding and naturally makes us feel happier and maternal!
Who cares if people scoff at you! I read posts all the time that say there pets are their children

Tan lover – I find it strange someone would say its misplaced feelings? Isn’t it normal to care about your pets? I’m sure most of these people secretly talk to all their pets too
Having pets around help with grief so if anything people should be happy that you love them instead of criticising but half the time people don’t think about the effect of words x

[Kayota]

I really don’t want a child myself and people tell me I’ll change my mind because I’m young. I just want to throw my hands up as I’m so sick of hearing it. I do NOT like kids, why the heck would I ever want to have any?

[Elrohwen]

I know plenty of couples who are childless-by-choice, and I have a lot of conflicted feelings about having my own child someday, so I understand where you are coming from.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling fulfilled and happy with “just” pets. No, they aren’t children, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love them dearly and feel fulfilled by taking care of them. Kids are great and all, but it’s a huge life change to have children and many of us are happy with the lives we already have.

I would just brush their comments off. The more you try to convince them and argue with them, the more they will get defensive. Just say it’s a personal decision that is right for you, and move the conversation along.

[Hazel]

A lot of people think just because you have the parts means you should automatically have the desire to have children. Otherwise there’s something “wrong” with you.

When people want to know why you don’t have kids, just ask them “Why should I?” Don’t hold your breath waiting for a good answer. If you want to have a child, great, if not, that’s nobody’s business but your own.

[Nelli]

Here’s a view from a mom and a bunny mom… I always wanted kids. I never wanted animals. When I was 17 I moved out from my parents house to stay near my school (with parents’ help and blessings) and during that time just before the move my cousins gave me their hamster. My cousins were small kids at the time and their family didn’t know they were allergic, so they asked if I could take the hamster. As a good girl I said of course, and I soon fell in love with that hamster. (But she really was so cute, and when she was old she didn’t let anyone else touch or even put their finger near her, she bit everyone, except me) Then the hamster died one day, and I was in so much pain I didn’t want to feel pain like that ever again from losing a pet.

Trying to make this short… haha, anyway, so I got married at 23, got my first baby at 25 and life was busy. (exceptionally busy, as we had two kids and moved 6 times, once from a country to another, within 5 years…) Then my kids got old enough to want a pet. “No pets” we said. We travel a lot and my husband is allergic to cats, plus he hates the idea of lizards/mice/hamsters/rats etc. as pets. BUT, then I had a problem with my achilles tendon and I had two operations. After the second operation I had to sit in a wheel chair and basically do nothing… not even sleep in my bed as we have two floors in our house. Sooo… I kind of revisited the idea of having a pet (for the kids) and read about bunnies. I got “a bunny stuck in my brain” said hubby, and so we got two bunnies for the kids (fully knowing that I’m the caretaker and the responsible one). And I have to tell you the bunnies probably saved my leg! As I was soooo depressed from the operations, pain and the wheelchair, by the time I was allowed to (had to) move I just hated it, the bunnies gave such purpose; for me to use the stairs, bend down, squat, sit down and get up from the floor, that I just got better (mind and leg). Of course I fell in love with the bunnies the minute I saw them, haha.

So now, having had two miscarriages myself by the way, I say people should be kind. Be kind to other people, to animals, even plants etc. If you force something like having kids to someone who doesn’t want them, who will suffer? The kids. If you force a pet on someone, the pet will suffer. And so on. Plus, I’m definitely sure that having a pet after a miscarriage is healing, not “not dealing with the emotions”. If I’d gotten a pet after my miscarriage, I’m sure I would have healed faster. (Well, you never really get over it, but I hope you know what I mean.)

I love my kids and I love our bunnies. But one thing I agree with Dobby is that animal and human can never be the same thing, but they both fill a void in someone’s life. If we are lucky.

[Stickerbunny]

I have no interest in having children for now. Probably never. The idea of pregnancy just … does not appeal to me. And being tied down to a child for the _rest of my life_ is not something I really want. I like kids, I baby sit for my family and I intend to go into early childhood education when I go back to school. But, I do not want my OWN kid, I like handing them back at the end of the day. My pets are my children and they are enough for me. My bird will live probably somewhere around 20 years, but if I want to go out without him, I can just put him in his cage and go out for a night. The buns can just go back into their room when they are being too bad / getting into trouble and I don’t have time to supervise them properly (their room and the birds cage are both large and neither of them are confined very much, but the option is there for when it is needed). I love my pets and I have put my life on the line for them before (when one of my old dogs was about to be bitten in the neck by a rattlesnake, I grabbed his collar and pulled him back, just barely missing the bite myself even though I knew I was 40ish minutes from treatment). There is not much I wouldn’t do for them.

So, yeah, if people insist you need a kid, just tell them you are happy that it fulfills them but that is not what you want in your life right now.

[Kbana]

Oh I truly appreciate all of your stories and insights.  I feel better knowing I am not the only one out there that feels this way and I also value your viewpoints that might differ with my own.  Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and feelings.  

Nelli,

The death of my hamster is actually what caused me to get another “non-dog” pet.  I wasn’t planning on getting a bunny but saw Al’s irresistible face and it was a done deal! The pain from losing my dog a few years prior and then my hamster this year was just too much. I knew I needed another animal in my life. I just can’t imagine my life without one.

 

Stickerbunny,

I share your sentiments.  I LOVE children but I also LOVE giving them back to their parents at the end of the day.

 

 

I feel fortunate that we all have so much love to give to our babies (rabbit, human or otherwise)

 

Thanks!!!!

[justwildbeat]

Ugh, just because someone chose not to have children doesn’t make them crazy or weird. Not everyone’s idea of happiness fits the mold of the married couple with a suburban home, 2 kids, and a dog.

At this stage in my life I’m not ready for kids. However it doesn’t stop me from spoiling my bun.

[Author]

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