Uphill Battle….

[EMRabbits]

I think I’ve might have mentioned before that I struggle with depression. Well, I haven’t been able to get help for it yet (at least until my medical insurance kicks in beginning in May). My life is slowly unraveling day by day.

I don’t have the energy for anything anymore. Not even the simplest chores. Just unloading the dishwasher feels like climbing a mountain. (My parents have what I call denial depression, always have. And them yelling at me about the dishwasher only makes doing it seem more impossible. 

Because of work I’ve had to withdrawal from church activities as much, and no one noticed. So now I don’t even try to go.

I am so unorganized in life. I want to exercise, study, take good care of my rabbits, but everything feels like an uphill battle and I wind up just sitting in front of the tv downing chocolate. 

And then I feel worst because I don’t do what I’m supposed to which heaps on guilt.

I wish I could see some sort if end to the tunnel. 

Sorry for the depressing rant. 

[Beka27]

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. Things can get tough when you’re dealing with depression, especially when it doesn’t seem to have a cause or reason. To outsiders (or your parents) they’re just saying, “Unload the dishwasher! What’s the big deal?!” But when it seems an insurmountable task, it’s not that easy.

I have found that I’m happier with some type of schedule. When things get bad for me, scheduling everything (even minute tasks) helps. If you can say, every morning at 7, I unload the dishwasher. Every morning at 7:30, I put in a load of laundry. Every evening at 6:30, I feed the bunnies and spot vacuum. It’s micromanagement to an extreme, but some people thrive on schedules like this. When my day doesn’t have any structure, that’s when I feel the day slipping away, and with it, my sanity.

I don’t know if this will help at all, but just an option for getting through the day to day stuff.

[sleepy538]

oh i hear you. i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at fifteen. nearly fifteen years later i’m still an occasional wreck, but things have improved greatly with medication. i’ve been on more medications than i can count, eventually finding the right cocktail. insurance stinks. i hope you can get the help you deserve.

until then, i agree with beka. i find during vacations (i work in a school) i slip away because i’m not on schedule. one thing that really helped me was writing. i’d make the font white so i couldn’t see what i was writing. that way i couldn’t self-edit as i went. i ignored spelling mistakes. i just typed and typed. it’s interesting to see what comes out.

best of luck to you.

[LBJ10]

Does your local collage/university have a psychology/counseling department? A lot of them have a low cost clinic that anyone can go to. They are students doing their required hours in order to get their license (or whatever it is). They can’t prescribe anything, but I might help just having someone to talk to. I find that talk therapy helps quite a bit.

[Roberta]

Hi EMR, I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a very long time and I can promise you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn’t go away but you develop skills and tools to deal with what is happening around you so that you can live a normal life. I will post a link at the end to an Australian group who are working to ward helping people with anxiety and depression and raising awareness in others to help them understand the impact of this invisible affliction. http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx? they also have a facebook page where people share information.

[Toady]

EMR I know what you’re going through, I too am stuck in a depressive rut and my motivation is next to nil. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t clean out my cat’s litter trays for about 10 days because I just didn’t feel like it, the rabbits get theirs done every few days cause it’s easier, not as smelly and I don’t have to drag it to the back of the yard to dump it. I can’t even remember the last time I did a load of dishes which is sad on my behalf.

I agree with Beka about working out some sort of schedule for yourself, even if it’s like me and a ‘to-do’ list, I brought myself a blackboard to write them down and can cross them off when I’m done. It’s not much but I say if you can do just one thing a day (even if it’s do half an hour of studying or cleaning out the bunnies home) you’ve done something for the day and you shouldn’t feel too bad about it.

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