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Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE The topic I always dreaded to write: rest in peace, Breintje…

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    • Ellie from The Netherlands
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        Sorry for my absence, my hands are still troubling me and computer use is painful. I wrote this in several stages, because I owe this to Breintje, my dearly beloved buddy… I’m glad that you didn’t suffer much, but I’m really traumatised by the way that you went, and our last goodbye traumatised me a little again… It’s been a horrible weekend, and I’m trying to write down the experience to make it seem more real. I’m sad, happy, yearning for the past and looking forward to the future all at the same time. You wouldn’t understand it, but you’d just lick my hands until I had nothing left but smiles.

         

         

        Thank you for being my buddy! You were a comfort, always. Humans can’t always be there, even my boyfriend can’t always be there, but you always were. You were so naughty when you came into my life, full of energy and errr… quite full of hormones too 🙄 After we got that sorted out you calmed down and turned into a massive cuddlebug over the years. How I always enjoyed watching you play, how you followed me around, and how curious you always were…

        I still laugh when I think about your antics! Anything needed to be investigated and supervised, and you didn’t give a single fluff about practicality, decorum or dignity. You tried to sit on the dust pan when I swept the floor, and you followed me around the house to check on my every action. I couldn’t do a single thing without your supervision and approval. Sometimes you were a little too curious… I remember a warm summer night, we slept at Bas’ place back then because there was a music festival with loud thumping bass close to my house. It was so warm that I slept without my pyjamas. Halfway through the night I leapt up with a yelp when your whiskers tickled me. You were sniffing my butt! Excuse me, mister, can I retain a little dignity around here?! 😳 Oh how we laughed here on the forum: “getting to knoooow you… getting to know all abooooouuuuut you….”  😆

        When you grew a little older you became such a wonderful caring cuddlebug. When I was in a lot of pain you joined me on the bed, licked the arm which hurt and even sacrificed your own afternoon sleep to watch over me as I dozed. Of course I always made it up to you in the evening, and so we developed a long tradition of sofa snuggles. You sat by me for hours and hours as I worked on my projects, always having a major moult when I had a costume deadline 🙄 Visitors were always so happy to see you, and everybody grew to love you.

        You taught me the meaning of true trust, gentleness and caring for each other. You became a bit of a therapy bunny for the vets at our clinic: your problems were almost always minor and you were so well-behaved. You were one of the few bunnies that was calm enough for them to pet and you even accepted treats for them. You always looked so great, even into your later days. I was so proud of you because you were so friendly and polite.

        Right before you passed away you fulfilled one of my biggest wishes that I still had, and became a lap rabbit! How I enjoyed it! And how big the shock was went it all went wrong on that dreadful Friday… I’m trying to treasure our beautiful last week together, but the shock still has to die down. I’ll find my way, but it’ll take time…

         

        This is an explanation of what happened. Warning: some parts are shocking and graphic, but I don’t know how else to write this, to explain what happened… I’ve put warnings in.

         

        • A senior bunny living the life!

        Breintje lived the life of royalty in the past year: I was mostly on the sofa and the bed because I have pain when using the computer. He didn’t mind it one bit because he got even more cuddles! He spent over 6 hours a day laying next to me: napping, licking me, just snuggling up, and watching me as I knitted.

        Last week he did something that I’ve always dreamed of him doing: he climbed onto my lap and laid there for hours on end…I was extatic! I left all the chores and housework to pile up and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously! He wanted cuddles, and that’s exactly what he got, didn’t matter how long or how much! I did see the dawn on more than one occasion, and let Bas bring me my tea instead of the other way around. Breintje occasionally sneezed a dry sneeze, but he’d been doing that for more than a year. We had that checked out more than once and the vets said he may be sensitive to the dust generated by my knitting activities. He ate well, was a happy bunny, and so incredibly cuddly and sweet 😀

         

        • Some worries creep in

        On Thursday his sneezing suddenly changed: it became wetter. I called the vet, but they were booked full and they asked me to come in on Friday because everything else was normal: from his pooping to his peeing, to his behaviour. By Friday morning his eating had changed: he didn’t eat all of his pellets but he was still scarfing down every snack I offered him. Luckily we had an early appointment. The vet was beaming when he saw Breintje: such a picture of health at his age if 9 years and 2 months! His heart and lungs sounded fine, his fur looked gorgeous, and he was casually sitting on the table: not stressed, licking my hand and accepting treats from the vet. The vet only heard a murmur in his nose and he gave us some antibiotics, metacam and some CC to give him a bit more energy.

        He told me that it was so special that Breintje came to cuddle me, even though he was feeling a bit under the weather, because animals tend to hide. He said that it showed how much trust Breintje had in me and how much comfort he found in me. He was always so happy to see Breintje because they see a lot of rabbits in a… different condition. Breintje was very popular with the clinic’s staff because of this. With a big smile he waved us goodbye, and told me to keep him warm and his tummy full. I comforted Bas over the phone: he was on his way to Belgium for an event and was happy to hear that the vet visit went well.

        After some nose drops and a tummy full of CC Breintje hopped onto the sofa for more cuddles. Even after that vet visit, even after that feeding session where I had been a bit strict. He liked the CC a lot but he didn’t eat his whole portion, so I did end up using the syringe for the last bits. He happily laid on my lap for most of the day, laying between two blankets and doing a lot of purring, licking and napping.

         

        • this is where it gets bad, really awful… Graphic…

        Around 3 in the afternoon he suddenly went wild on my lap. I got scared and gently tried to set him down in his litter box. He went limp, slid forward out of my arms and made a forward roll into his litter box. A bit dazed, he panted and laid down. I called the vet immediately and rushed him to it. I ran through all the red lights in my mobility scooter, with him in my arms, but he was already slipping in and out of consciousness. His little head hung limply over my arm, so I begged him to stay with me, and he awoke several times during our ride. He was panicky in those moments. In the street right before the clinic he had an awakening, but when I laid him down on the table there was something odd in his eyes. The vet rushed him to the ICU to give him oxygen, but he drew 2 breaths and he was gone… Just like that… Everybody was devastated and shocked: how could this have happened?

        I called Bas, but he wasn’t able to come back because he was transporting people and their luggage to Belgium. He parked the car and we talked, while I stroked my hands through Breintje’s still-warm fur. The vet had another emergency so he had to leave, and the vet’s assistant came and she talked us through the options for burial or cremation. We decided on cremation, but I still could not believe it. I had to leave my little buddy there on the table in the clinic, so they could transport him to the crematorium. He was so small…

        Many people called, my dad came over, two friends came over, but I still could not believe that my little buddy was gone. The night from Friday to Saturday was horrible in a very empty house. I’m used to being on my own for weeks sometimes, but without Breintje I was truly alone for the first time in over 7 years… I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed or to clean up anything until Bas arived late in the afternoon on Saturday.

         

        • so many questions and trying to find closure

        We had a really long cry together as we looked at all his things and favourite places, and we decided to clean things up because it was too painful to leave it like that. When we cleaned his litter box we noticed that it was drenched with very clear urine. That must have happened in his last hours, because I’d changed the box recently. We were too shocked to think about it, and we were called by the crematorium to make arrangements, so it was a crazy day. On Sunday the first shock had faded, but the burning questions remained: HOW? And WHY? And why didn’t we see this coming? Even the vets were shocked.
        Then the penny dropped: the vet had measured a weight gain on Friday. He always weighed 1300 g but that Friday he weighed 1400 g, a pretty big increase within 2 weeks. I talked it through with Bas: we didn’t feed him that much, surely? And then the soaked litter box… Probably something in his kidneys?

        Today I had a phone call with the vet, we just had to talk things through. The vets had discussed it too, and went through his files to see if they’d missed anything. Breintje was a popular bunny, and a bit of a therapy bun for them. We talked about the litter box and his weight gain, and puzzled the things together. It was probably a combination of a small respiratory infection combined with hidden kidney problems, leading to organ failure. The vet told me that it was very shocking, but likely not very painful or a long suffering for Breintje. There was nothing that we could have done, there was no reason to suspect that Breintjes condition was so bad or they wouldn’t have let me take him home. Even if they had treated him in the clinic, this quick illness couldn’t have been stopped.

         

        • One last goodbye, with a big shock at first, but a better ending (GRAPHIC)

        Breintje had been taken to a local pet crematorium, and the staff there was very helpful and friendly. They told me that they always try to lay animals out nicely, but that they had to check on his condition first to check if he was fit to show him to us. The rabbits they get usually look horrible, and they cover most of them up to the neck. Breintje though, was beautiful and unique to them as well: he was the first rabbit that they could fully lay out! His fur was in such a good condition and he was so clean, it made the staff really happy to have such a beautiful bun in their care.

        _Graphic_

        We went into the room where he was laid out, and the first thing that caught my eye was his eye. His cornea had dried out a bit, so his eye was wrinkly. It looked like something out of a horror film, and Bas told me that he won’t feel it anymore and told me not to dwell on it. He looked beautiful and peaceful, except for that scary eye… Bas and I petted him a bit, and we went out again to have a talk with the lady. We talked about the eye, and she said that there was nothing that could have prevented that. She would only have made it worse by trying to fix or cover up things. Then we talked about what excellent condition he was in, and that his fur looked so beautiful. Even in death he was unique. Halfway through our conversation she asked me if I wanted to go back. Actually, I did, and went to him again.

        /_Graphic_

        I covered his eye with my hand, and kissed his beautiful face. I played with his paws, his feet, his tail, and went back to his face. To say goodbye for the last time I did our little routine that we had before I went to bed. I’d been doing that for over a year now, because I was dreading that he’d pass away silently in the night. I was so dreading his death for over a year… Straight before stepping into bed, always the last thing, was petting him on his head, giving him a kiss on his forehead, and telling him “Sleep well, your girl loves you”. That was the last thing I did before going back to Bas and the lady, and that felt a lot better than saying goodbye the first time. I was so happy that I did go back!

         

        • Memorials

        He’s going to get a very cute heart-shaped urn, and they’re going to craft a necklace for me with his ashes in it. I picked a clover leaf. Why? Because it was the only thing that was edible in the whole collection! Breintje was always so food-motivated, and if anything fit him then this would be it! They’re also taking a paw print and a lock of hair. It’s nice that such services exist nowadays, pets often give us more comfort than our beloved humans, so they deserve the same dignity.

        I’m going to go through all my favourite photos and make a beautiful album, here on the site as well.

         

        • Living on without you

        I’ll be honest: it’s a mess… You ruled every my day, often deciding when I went to bed and when I took my breaks. Everything is wrong without you, and the house is way too clean. Still I find little things you left around the house: a sneaky chew mark, and your fur is still flying around. I don’t know how you got that turd on the kitchen counter, but it made me laugh out loud while I was crying. Rascal…

        I hope you’ll understand, but we really need new management in the foreseeable future. We’re not doing well without a bunny to own us. We grieve for you deeply and we’ll never forget you. Even through our grief we smile a lot in your memory. We’re not going to try to replace you, but I hope that we’ll meet a cute little fluff again somewhere in the future. Life is rubbish without a bunny.

         

        Thank you for fulfilling one of my biggest wishes! I enjoyed this so so much!


      • Bam
        Moderator
        16878 posts Send Private Message

          Ellie, I’m so deeply sorry to read this.

          We all came to love Breintje through everything you wrote about him. He was truly special. It really is rare for rabbits to seek out their human when they’re unwell, Breintje must’ve had complete trust in you. As a fellow bun owner I find this lovely and comforting.

          He had a long and wonderful life. I’m sorry his death wasnt peaceful but he  probably wasnt fully aware. It must have been a nightmare for you to rush him to the vet in your mobility scooter. I’m sorry Bas wasn’t there so you had to do all this without anyone at your side.

          It does get very empty without your rabbit. I too hope you will meet another bun one day. It wouldnt be a replacement – you can never replace a  pet. You can only add another pet to your family, of which Breintje will forever be part.

          Breintje, darling,, binky free.


        • Wick & Fable
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            Ellie,

            Without fail, your love, support, and true care for Breintje shines through. He received so much love from you, and that definitely impacted those around him too– only a truly loved and happy animal can be so cared for by vets and strangers alike. Reading this and remembering my journey with Breintje through your posts has truly been wonderful. Again, what a loved rabbit who had such a wonderful life, well-supported to the rainbow bridge journey.

            Binky free.

            The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.


          • DanaNM
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              I’m so sorry to hear this Ellie, I know it was something you had been dreading. My heart breaks reading this.  It seems that maybe you both knew something was building. To me is seems like the respiratory infection was probably a symptom of things starting to shut down. I think many of us have experienced rabbits “crash” on us after a seemingly minor symptom showing up, and it is so so traumatic. 🙁

              You and Breintje had a very unique bond, and he was such a special little guy. I’m so sorry the end was traumatic, on top of everything else. I’m sure he wouldn’t be upset at all about new “management”. I definitely found comfort in fostering before I was ready to fully adopt after Bertha passed away.

              Again I’m so so sorry.

              (((Binky free sweet Breintje)))

              . . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  


            • jerseygirl
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                Oh Ellie, I’m sending you huge hugs. Dear Breintje ❤️

                This is such a beautiful & eloquent tribute to a very worthy bunny.  I will write more when I can. I’m so tearful after reading this. Just letting you know now that I’m thinking of you & Bas.


              • LBJ10
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                  Oh Ellie, I’m so sorry to hear about little Breintje. As the others said, he truly was a special bunny and your bond was very special as well. I think he knew his time was running out and he wanted to spend time with you.


                • Azerane
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                    Ellie, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of Breintje, you and Bas must be absolutely devastated.

                    Breintje was such a special bun, and I know a wonderful companion for you in times of need. You gave him such a wonderful life.


                  • Ellie from The Netherlands
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                      Thank you all so much for your kind words, they help a lot! Many people don’t understand the kind of bond that you can have with a rabbit, even some of my friends have trouble understanding it. Thank you for understanding!

                      It really surprised me that my dad rushed over to comfort me on the day that I lost Breintje. Our relationship has always been a bit odd because he missed most of my childhood due to the divorce. He’s never been good at expressing his emotions, and he was quite clumsy and a bit insensitive in some ways. Still he really did his best to comfort me. My grandparents bred rabbits for meat, and he always found it odd to have one as a pet, let alone a house pet. Over the years he did hear many things about Breintje, and I think he did get an idea of how much I love that bunny.

                      I don’t know if we could handle fostering, because I get so attached. We are looking at shelter buns, and there are some cute dwarfs in a nearby shelter that I’d love to meet. It’s the same shelter that I donated my hair to, to raise money for all the rabbits that came in when a petting zoo was abandoned by its owners. There’s one major problem with shelters though: the Dutch version of the RSPCA is extremely outspoken about solo rabbits “one rabbit is not a rabbit!”. I wonder if they’d be willing to consider us at all, because we really would like to bond with one rabbit. Bas has been doing that for almost 20 years, and I have lived with Breintje for a little over 7 years. It’s a controversial topic, but many of the oldest and healthiest bunnies that I knew were indoor solo buns, so I think there’s some room for nuance in that statement.


                    • DanaNM
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                        Yeah I’ve noticed some of the European welfare rabbit groups are very set on bonded pairs! I agree there is certainly nuance about it, and if the owner spends lots of time with the bun, solo buns can be very happy. I think of it kinda like dogs… dogs are super social and like to be with other dogs, but lots of people just have 1 dog!

                        . . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  


                      • Ellie from The Netherlands
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                          We’ve looked at shelters, and got aggressive lectures about that rabbits aren’t happy alone. I told them that we kept rabbits like this for 20 years, and that they were the best cared for rabbits that both the vets and the people at the crematorium have ever seen.

                          Never mind shelters then… There were many buns that had been born behind bars and spent their whole lives there. Apparently they’d rather place no bunny than give one a happy life.


                        • DanaNM
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                            That’s really too bad. 🙁

                            . . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  


                          • Bam
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                              Rescue organisations here (there arent many tbh) are the same, they only adopt out single buns if there already is a single bun in the household.

                              There are many buns here that need new homes though. My Vilde was rehomed to me privately. He’d never been treated badly, but he was alone much of the time because the child had grown up and was busy with her sport and friends.

                               

                               


                            • Ellie from The Netherlands
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                                People at the shelters acted as if we were some kind of animal abusers for preferring solo buns. One even had the nerve to say that Breintje couldn’t have been truly happy 😥 I had a call with the vet, and he said that he never had any doubts about Breintjes happiness.

                                I really miss my buddy 😥

                                 


                              • ParsleyBun
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                                  (((((((Binky free sweet Breintje)))))))

                                  So sorry for your loss. ❤


                                • DanaNM
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                                    That’s really hard. I think they are just not used to seeing owners as dedicated as you!

                                    . . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  


                                  • Bam
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                                      That’s a horrible thing to say to someone who has just lost their beloved rabbit, Ellie. (It’s not a very nice thing to say to any bun owner at any time, tbh).

                                      Breintje was bonded to you and obviously a very happy bun. Shelter people dont know you. I think they assume the worst about practically all people tbh. I know of a few longtime bun-experienced BB members, even moderators, that at one time or another were not accepted as adopters.

                                       


                                    • jerseygirl
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                                        Despite the set-backs, Im glad you and Bas have started process of getting another fur baby to love. There are always buns in need of loving homes –  even if you adopt privately. I keep thinking of that neighbours rabbit you mentioned one time!


                                      • GlennTheLionhead
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                                          Very sorry to hear about your loss Ellie. Breintje sounded like a wonderful soul and such a treasured bun to have around!

                                          What a beautiful tribute you have written for him here.

                                          It sounds like he had the best life and was very happy and lovingly bonded to you!

                                          Good luck with your new floofs!

                                          Binky free Breintje <3

                                          <hr />

                                           


                                        • Bladesmith
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                                            Breintje was one of the Icons of bunnies when I first came to this board.  He just seemed…eternal.  I am so sorry for your loss, Ellie and Bas.

                                            It’s really hard to accept that our beloved bunneh overlords are here for a good time, not a long time.

                                            I know you’ve got your Owen and Molly now, but Breintje’s spirit will live forever on these pages.

                                             

                                            Binky Free, Breintje.  Give my love to Dawn and Clover.


                                          • Ellie from The Netherlands
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                                              Yes, how many times did I thought of sneaking Ollie away while I was pet-sitting for her… Poor bun 🙁 Sadly we got into an argument because I told her that the situation wasn’t safe: neither for me nor for him.

                                              He escaped his tiny hutch as soon as you opened a crack to feed him. Then he bolted through the house like a maniac, and I couldn’t get him back into his hutch safely. At that time my back was already acting up and I couldn’t get down on my knees safely to get him out from under the sofa. He was a large and strong rabbit, and he made really scary movements while I tried to put him back into his hutch. Once I sat with him for 20 minutes to check if he really hadn’t hurt himself.

                                              She ignored all my safety concerns and just started to bargain if I could feed him less often: “Could you just feed him every other day then?”. She was planning to leave on a week-long vacation, and wanted to leave him in that small hutch all week. I kept repeating that this setup wasn’t safe for both Ollie and me, and she stopped talking to me. She moved soon after, and I never knew what became of Ollie. Poor bun 🙁

                                              I do have some good news from this side: there are new buns in our life! Will open a topic in the lounge 🙂

                                               

                                               

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                                          Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE The topic I always dreaded to write: rest in peace, Breintje…