Social advice, please.

[Amys Animals]

 So, I haven’t said much of anything about me on these forums other than about my love for my bunnies. Well, I am a VERY shy person…shyer than I really thought, now.  I met a guy and have seen him twice and continue to talk with him through text.  I am going to see him on Friday for my birthday but I feel so bad because when I am with him I am VERY VERY quiet.  It’s almost if my brain just melts and disappears.  I can talk totally fine and normal through text but when I am with him I just totally shut off.  This is soooo not good.  He’s made it clear to me that I need to start loosening up with him.  I know this.  I can’t just sit there and smile all the time.  I need to talk.  I just don’t know how. I haven’t been in a social situation in so long.  I don’t really know what to say…I mean I ALWAYS think of things to say when I am not with him but when I am with him it all goes away.  I don’t know what to do.  I am scared that I am going to mess everything up by not talking.  

 

Has anyone ever dealt with extreme shyness?  How can I get out of this?  On Friday we might go to the zoo so I don’t want to just be there walking with him I want to talk.  I am going crazy inside because of how I’ve been the couple times we’ve seen each other.  I feel so bad.  

 

I don’t feel nervous but maybe I really am on the inside.  My subconscious must be telling me something.  

 

I have never really been involved with a guy before so this is all new to me.  I am afraid of messing things up.  I need to not be so afraid, I know.  This is a rabbit forum, and I know I shouldn’t be expressing all this here but I have no where to go…No one to turn to really.  I know most of you are women on here so maybe you can help me.  

 

Help?!

[LBJ10]

Don’t feel bad for posting this here. We all want to help, bunny or not. =)

I was very shy when I was in high school. I was bullied a lot and I was very socially awkward. I struggled a lot. Even after I graduated and moved out of my parents’ house. I still struggled. There really isn’t any magic trick that will make you less shy. What ended up helping me was taking a job where I worked with the public. I was forced to interact with people. Believe me, it was extremely difficult at first. After some time though, I became more comfortable talking to people. It is strange now because I am just fine talking to strangers. Making small chit-chat. Yet I still have so much difficulty making friends. If I go somewhere, like a social event, I will stress about it. Am I going to make a good impression with people? Will they like me? I can honestly say I have not had a “real” friend for many years now. I have plenty of friendly acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, etc. My only friend really is my husband, but he doesn’t really count. LOL Enough about me though (just wanted to let yo know I understand). What can we come up with to help you?

Do you know anything about the animals at the zoo? If you’re comfortable talking about them, perhaps you could share some things with this guy. He might think it’s cute and it might make you more comfortable to talk about other things.

[Roberta]

Shared interests is always a good place to start, if you don’t know what his interests are then you have a perfect place to start. Ask him what he’s been doing, what he likes to do etc. Learn a good joke and tell it if you start feeling nervous. Don’t waorry about messing it up, it’s usually funnier when that happens. Just remember in many ways he is probably as nervous as you are.

[LBJ10]

I agree with Roberta. What she said sounds good too. Don’t sound too cliche when trying to get to know him though. LOL Ask him questions and let the conversation flow naturally. Try to sound interested. He will probably feel flattered if you are fascinated by something he does and you ask to learn more about it.

[Eucalyptus]

One thing you can do is keep a paper and write down ALL topics that come to mind when you aren’t with him. Then, refer to it when you’re in person. I know it might be embarrassing, but you can let him know what you’re doing (because not knowing would look very strange!). If he’s an understanding guy, he should understand. I’m sure that your silence already told him that you’re shy, so the fact that he still wants to hang out shows that he’s not overly bothered by it.

If he has pets, that would be a great place to start. Tell him about your bunny, of course! Unless you already have.

Just remember that every positive interaction will, no matter how slowly, make you more confident in yourself.

[MoveDiagonally]

If you want to try Eucalyptus’ idea. You could put the list in your phone instead of on paper. Then it’s just like you’re checking the time/texts/calls/etc…

[Roberta]

o.O Be careful using the phone. I dispatched several beaus who came across as quiet and spent more time looking at their phones then they did at me. In fact one of them was so intent on his calls I went out to the restaurant reception to call him he could take dinner and his phone and jam them.
Right now he believes you are shy, spend the time looking at your phone when he is desperate for your attention and it’s not going to end well.

[Stickerbunny]

I was probably the most awful first date ever for my first boyfriend. We spent the day together, with his mother and mine and I didn’t speak one word the whole time. Thankfully, he was patient. What helps me is to talk about something I am very passionate about, it makes me forget how shy I am. Animals is a good ice breaker for me, or games. If you are confident in the topic it is easier to talk in my experience. Try talking about your favorite animal at the zoo.

[MoveDiagonally]

Roberta – I agree, definitely not a good idea to be glued to to the phone. I was thinking it might be easier to explain than a list. She might not need it at all but it might be comforting to know it’s there if her mind goes blank and she needs a little help.

Amy, I would try not to overthink it too much. Mention that you’re shy in person (if you haven’t already) and maybe he’ll take the lead in the conversation department until you get more comfortable. Maybe take turns reading the animal info plaques outloud and if it gets too quiet you can always ask him about something he’s expressed interest or knoweldge about. Get HIM talking if you’re drawing a blank. 

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a lot of fun.  

[Amys Animals]

It’s funny you guys brought up the phone thing, because when I was on my date with him I was telling him that I was sorry I was so shy and stuff and he said that I should write stuff down in my phone and use it when I need it. haha I just wish I didn’t have to do that. Friday I hope will be better, though. I don’t know if we are going to the zoo after all. We might just do something in the evening.

I appreciate all the advice! =) I still keep going over and over in my head that I need to not be so shy and I am a little scared it will just be the same on Friday. I need to be more confident! grrrrr

[Roberta]

Well that sounds promising..
A. That you were brave enough to say outright that you are shy and B. That he suggested using your phone for notes.

[Amys Animals]

Yeah so we ARE going to the zoo after all. lol I am excited now. I just bought some new music so maybe we can listen to it on the way there and see what he thinks. =P

[LBJ10]

Yay! Perhaps you can impress him with some animal knowledge then. =)

[Beka27]

Are you fine with your friends, is it just this guy? Have you tried a group gathering including him? Maybe the “one on one” is too much?

[NewBunnyOwner123]

When my husband and I first started hanging out he would not talk at all. I was the yapper and I felt like I was talking to myself because he would just smile and stare at me. I always said to myself that he is just a quiet soul. Eventually he came around and was more interactive but to this day he isn’t one with much words. But I have always enjoyed that about him. I enjoyed how comfortable we were just… being with one another lol

How many dates have y’all been on? Hopefully he is patient enough to allow you time to come out of your shell
I’m sure eventually you will be ok and open up a bit more. Do you feel like you need to respond immediately in a conversation? Because if you could hold a conversation through text than you can do it in person! Just relax, calm down, breathe, and enjoy yourself with great company

I also really like the group gathering idea too! And the zoo sounds like so much! Have fun!

[Amys Animals]

I am sad to inform all of you things did not work out with the guy. Thankfully my best friend called me a few days ago and wanted to do something with me so I will be hanging out with her tomorrow. Gosh, I think I would be a total wreck on my birthday if my friend hadn’t of called me. I really can’t wait till tomorrow. I haven’t seen her in a long time and I need to get out.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I really do appreciate it!

 

I could really use the bunnies back about now.  It’s been way too long.  I need to go see them, if I can.  

[LBJ10]

What? He didn’t break it off with you because you are shy, did he? If so, then he sounds like a jerk to me.

[Amys Animals]

No it wasn’t because I was shy. He just wasn’t ready for anything and didn’t want to lead me on anymore than he already had. I am going out with my best friend tonight, tomorrow, and possibly Saturday so I should be okay haha She will keep my head up.

[jerseygirl]

I’m sorry to hear Amy.
Shyness can be difficult to overcome. I do like the suggestion of going out in a group of people. It might take the feeling of pressure off and you can relax more.

I think the suggestions given are useful and good preparation. But there is that “little” thing that happens when your brain freezes up just when you need to recall the things that could help. The more anxious you get, the more it freezes. That ever happen to you?

Have you ever heard of thought field therapy (TFT)? Is something people can learn the techniques and use whenever needed. It’s one of those things people can dismiss as a bit kooky…haha. I haven’t any experience but i do like the theory behimd it. I learnt if it through my sister who says it has helped her quite a bit. And theres those drops Rescue Remedy- again, something that’s not for everyone but some people swear by it. Its not bad to have some as you can use it on your pets also! Just some things that may or may not help but won’t hurt to try.

Happy Birthday by the way!!

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