I’m very sorry for your loss. 🙁 I understand your concerns, it is scary anytime an animal goes under anesthesia, especially the first time, and even more so if you’ve lost an animal during a procedure before.
Since you already know the benefits of spaying (in terms of reproductive cancers especially), I think the best I can offer is to tell you that I volunteer with a rescue, and our vets spay and neuter 100s of rabbits a year. In my memory, I only know of 2 cases where a rabbit died during castration (over a several year period), and both were not with the rescue’s preferred vet. The volunteers were all very upset about it, because our regular vet has an exceedingly high success rate. We love all of our bunnies, so losing even one occasionally is not acceptable.
There are also times when the vet and anesthesiologist do everything perfectly, but the rabbit just reacts poorly to the sedatives. Doing blood work can sometimes help detect whether there might be a problem, so I would recommend having blood work for your bun beforehand.
I think it would help you to talk to your vet about her success rate with spays, how many she does per year, etc. She should be willing to have that conversation with you, especially give your history with her. If she isn’t, then I would find a new vet that you are comfortable with and is willing to communicate that information with you.
I can also share with you that I’ve seen more than a few members on this forum who had to do emergency spays later in the rabbit’s life when cancer is detected. Sometimes those bunnies do very when well the cancer is removed before it has a chance to spread. For example, we had a 6 year old unspayed bunny come in to the rescue with cancer throughout her uterus and ovaries. She recovered well from the spay surgery and seems to be doing great now (she’s been adopted and bonded, so a wonderful outcome all around). Time will tell if the cancer comes back, but at least we bought her some time. Other times the outcome isn’t as good, and all of the concerns about anesthesia are even scarier when a rabbit is older, and you might feel more guilty about waiting in the future when the decision is harder to make.
It is also not always helpful to read accounts online because the many many people who’s bunnies had uneventful spays don’t tend to post about their experiences online, so there is a negative bias to online spay/neuter stories. Most often the accounts you read are the ones where things went wrong, because people post to get support and look for answers.
Overall, I think it will help you a lot to have a frank conversation with your vet, and even get some second opinions to make sure you are 100% happy with the vet you have.
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The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.