Should I email Penny’s previous owner to let her know that Penny died?

[KatnipCrzy]

I appreciate you reading this and giving me some advice.  I got Penny about 6 months ago from someone that was looking to rehome her- she did not have enough time for her- and I think she was a good owner- she did get her spayed, and had already rehomed her once but took her back when she found out they stopped feeding her hay and she had lost weight and some fur.  (I got her when she was 100% recovered).

Penny was an impulse purchase from the same pet store where I got Cotton from- and she did do the most responsible thing for Penny (who she had named Dora then).  She spayed her and did the best to find her a great home- so I think that she did love her.

I have debating whether to email her or not to tell her that Penny died- vet suspected cancer due to mass in throat/neck.  I had emailed her before I got Penny to show her Cotton’s set up and to assure her that she would go to a good home- so I do have her email.  I am so torn about whether to email her or not- I don’t want her to feel emotional pain knowing that Penny died, but I don’t want to hide anything either- because I really did do everything I could have and the vets assured me that she could not have been saved from Lymphoma. 

I still hurts to talk about her sudden loss, and Penny was only about 2  years old- and I don’t want her to regret that she gave Penny to me.  But she does work at the local Humane Society and maybe in the future- not anytime soon- I would consider adopting a bunny pair from them as they spay/neuter and adopt in pairs.  So it is not impossible that I would see her again- and she could ask about Penny and that info would be on a pre-adopt form.

I still feel horrible- even though there was nothing I could do.  Should I email her and tell her?  I have not emailed any updates since I got her- and the owner was happy knowing that she was going to a good home with another house bunny. 

If you were Penny’s first owner- would you rather know?  or not know?  Would it seem like I was “hiding” something if she were to find out later?

Julie

[Hedi]

When I volunteered a lot with the sheltered we would have people ask to be contacted when their buns were adopted out. Some even wanted to be checked on periodically after adopting from us. I think either way you should contact Penny’s previous owner and let her know.

We all have our own attachments to our animals and she sent her to you knowing you would love and care for her. And like you said, if you could run into her again you may have to tell her anyway so I think I would rather hear the story over the email (personally) than face to face from a stranger about the bun I gave up-but thats just me.

I dont think it would be hiding anything. Penny was yours once she came to live with you. But just like with children adoptions-the “original/real” parents always wonder what happened to their children. Im sure she wonders and thinks about Penny.

[Deleted User]

Hi Julie,

I would want to know. And if I were in your position I would email the sad news. You are under no obligation to tell her, but it will give you more peace especially if the former owner may find out anyways in the future. It is best if the news come from you since she trusted you to take care of this rabbit.

[Sarita]

I don’t think it would be hiding anything if you didn’t first off. You are under no obligation to tell her.

I think if you feel she was a good owner and wanted what was best for her then you could. The rescue I help at frequently gets emails from adopters telling us that the rabbit they adopted from us has passed on and that they are sad. We appreciate any updates, even the sad ones.

I’ve only had one couple that adopted from me personally tell me that the bunny they adopted from me had passed on and they were heartbroken. They did end up adopting another rabbit from the sanctuary I help at now too because they just love rabbits now.

I don’t think that I would feel though as if anyone was hiding anything from me if they didn’t email me about the rabbits they adopted from me that had passed on though…I know these things happen.

I guess I would be in the same situation you are in…it might give you some closure though and make you feel better if you did.

I say go ahead and compose the email and just save it for now until you decide to send it or not.

[ScooterandAnnette]

Personally, I’d go with not. It’s really a tough call. But I know if I had to give up one of my pets and I found out later that one had died, I’d be feeling an immense amount of guilt and remorse no matter how good a bunny parent the new owner was. I think it’s not just a matter of being sad that the pet was dead, but also feeling that maybe if I hadn’t left her there she’d still be alive, it’s all my fault, I’m a bad person etc.
– Annette

[kralspace]

Just my personal opinion, but I would appreciate knowing. I had to sell one of my horses many years ago and I ran into the new owner every now and then and get an update. Finally one day she called to tell me that Cherokee had died of cancer a few weeks earlier. It hurt like hell to know he was gone, but I knew she loved him very much and he was well cared for during his illness and passing.. A lot of people would have sold him off to save them the trouble and expense.

If she didn’t specifically want regular updates, I think it depends on you, if it helps you cope with the loss, let her know. I think she’ll appreciate knowing you gave ‘full measure’ ro Penny and did everything you could.

(((hugs to you))))
Kathy

[Hedi]

Sarita reminded me that when we adopted Hoopie from our local HRS we signed a contract that when ever he does pass away we have to let them know. Kinda interesting but they want tabs at all times on their buns.

I hate that you have to make this decision and I think you should go with what you would want for yourself. Would you want to know?

[Beka27]

I read your original post but not the following responses. My gut instinct would be to tell her. What if she emails you in 6 months or a year to see how Penny has been? And then you will respond, “Penny passed away.” And she will say, “Oh my gosh, what happened, when?” and You will say, “It happened months ago.”

It wasn’t your fault, it could not have been prevented. Not saying anything gives the impression that it doesn’t matter to you that she passed or that you couldn’t be bothered to share this news with her… and that’s not the case at all.

I would just compose a short email telling her the brief story of what happened. You waited a bit to tell her b/c you’ve been upset and didn’t know the right words to say. I hope this helps.

[jerseygirl]

If the previous owner has not made inquiries about Penny in the 6 months, then I personally would leave it be. If you traded emails back when you were adopting her, then she would also have your contact details. She may not have kept contact as it was easier for her emotionally to cut off once she found Dora/Penny a home and not keep an attachment. If she has kept contact, then go ahead and let her know.

Having said this, if it’s something you need to do as part of the process of dealing with Penny’s death, then do so. I can understand that, I’d want to share it with someone else who knew Penny.
As said though, you are under no obligation especially if there has been no contact since the adoption. If you do run into her through the Humane Society in the future, there’s no reason why you couldn’t pass on the news then.

Of course, this is just my point of view for your situation. Rumball’s (Hoppy to them) former owners have contacted me and I have sent them sms & email, but I do not know if they’ll continue to keep in touch. I let them know I was happy to do this if they wished and they seemed keen. Our future contact will establish how much I keep them updated. If they aren’t enquiring in a couple years time, I don’t think I’d contact them if he passed.

[RabbitPam]

I’m inclined to agree with Jersey on this one. I do have a suggestion. When you decide in the future to go back to see about getting a new bunneh, you might write an email just before you go. You could say hello, that you plan to be coming in, and explain your sadness at the unavoidable loss of Penny. That way she’ll be prepared to see you, have the news in private (not face to face), and more time will have passed so you will be more at peace with your own grief. Then, if she doesn’t take it well for any reason, you can arrange to stop by when she isn’t there, but that would be the worst case scenario. I think you did a wonderful job in getting her medical care and have been through a very trying experience. So give yourself time.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

I think since you are considering telling her, you probably have this decision weighing on your heart in a time when you are trying to grieve anyways-making things harder.

You gave Penny a wonderful home, and her death was not your fault. You should feel no guilt in your grief although we all do when our pet leaves us.

I think you could let her know, so that you don’t have it hanging over your head, and don’t have to worry about when she asks if you do run into her.

I agree you are under no obligation, but I think judging by your post you want to and will feel better if you tell her.

*HUGS*

[PEPPA GEORGIE]

Hi you may have already decided what to do but if it was me i would want to know. Otherwise if i thought about her and then later found out i would feel upset that i had been wondering what fun she was having when all the time she was no longer with us. This has happened to me with rabbits in the past and also humans, and part of the grief of the death was the finding out a long time after and realising that i was totally unaware at the time sort of like i had missed the time of sadness. This is only me though and it is perfectly understandable if you dont. I do think it would show what a caring owner you are to let her know and i think they would appreciate your gesture. Good luck hope either way you are ok xx

[MarkBun]

Be sure to inform her about how much fun and happiness penny had while she was with you – maybe include a story about one of her antics that you remember very well. It is one thing to learn that an ex-pet of yours has died – it’s much more important to know that they had a great life before it.

[KatnipCrzy]

Thanks for the advice everyone.  I think that telling her previous owner was a part of the grieving process (at least in Penny’s case).  I emailed her tonight and let her know how much I loved her, that I did everything I could and that she did have a great life here while I had her.  I also sent some pics of her- in the snow in the bathtub, etc.  I cried the whole time I typed the letter-but I do feel better.

A few people at work have asked me a few times “when are you going to get another bunny?”  And they jokingly tell me that since I named my side business “Three Bunnies Snack Company” (it is a craft fair/local events only type business) that I should get a third bunny.  But I don’t think that will happen anytime soon- Cotton and Schroeder seem to doing better bonding without Penny’s “everything belongs to me” vibe.  And I am content with Cotton and Schroeder- even though they can’t be housed together yet- they can be out of their pens at the same time and that is progress.

Julie

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