Separation Anxiety

[Isabelle]

I’m having separation anxiety.  It’s not good. Except for one month when I worked 40 hours a week, I’ve been home with her every day and night since I adopted her last July. I’ve never spent a night away from her, and several nights I lugged her habitat upstairs to sleep in my room. Right now she is in the same room with me from the moment I get up until I go to bed at night, so like 14-16 hours a day, every day, seven days a week, for nearly seven months now. We’ve bonded wonderfully. Now I can’t imagine being away from her  I’m having issues leaving her downstairs when I go upstairs to sleep. When she sleeps in my room I can’t sleep, just thinking about what she’s doing. Every noise she makes I have to sit up and see what cute thing she’s doing next or what treat she’s munching on, until it’s three or four a.m. and I realize I’m insane having her in my room at night. The past few weeks on three occassions she hopped in my lap and snuggled for a half hour while I pet her! Every five or ten minutes I’m looking at her, talking to her, reaching down to pet her, or laying on the floor with her. If I ever go shopping with mom for a few hours all I do is think and talk about her. I’m still on a job hunt, but I realize now . . . what am I going to do when I do get a job?  I could cry just thinking about leaving her overnight with my dad if mom and I go visit grandma, or getting a job and leaving her all day. Is this normal, do you all have this too, or am I really in outerspace?? She’s my first pet besides some fish when I was little, is that contributing? Any tips for separation help? When the dreadful day arrives . . .

[LizzieKnittyBun]

I had the same thing when we first got Remy. Can you maybe get a job that’s close to home so you can visit her during your lunch hour?

[jerseygirl]

I can understand how you feel. I had Jersey from a young age and grew attached fast! I found it difficult to be away and didn’t go away overnight for months. Even now I opt to stay home more often then not. I also seek their company more than they seek mine. Ha!

I do think it is not really healthy to be almost dependant like this. Life needs to have a bit more balance. You could start now by taking an hour or so away doing something that will really engage your mind so your not mentally going back home to Dutchess. Just start small, treat it like an exercise and it should get easier. And Dutchess will not suffer for it believe me. She’ll be ok. It won’t effect your relationship with her either. You can still spend quality time over quantity.

[Isabelle]

I’ve been looking for a job close to home, within 7 miles or so, so that I could come home one or two days a week during lunch.

jerseygirl, that’s a good idea to try things like that. I do actually have a part-time job at my church, in 1 1/2 hour to 4 1/2 hour shifts one to three times a week, so I am perfectly capable of leaving her, it’s just I dread it so much, and when I work at my church my parents are home with her, since the work is Sundays or evenings. I feel worse when I leave her all by herself. So I think I’ll start doing little errands like going to the post office, library, the store to wander around when my parents are at work, to start prepping myself for the ‘big leave’.

[jerseygirl]

You are worried about her when she’s home alone?

[peppypoo]

I second jerseygirl’s question; why do you think you are so anxious? Are you worried about her? I remember not too long ago there were instructions on how to set up a password-protected webcam…maybe something like that would help, both so you can keep an eye on her and make sure she’s okay and also for yourself so you can at least see her when you’re not there. It could be a step for you in dealing with this issue. We all love our buns here, but we can’t let them limit our lives (err too much)

[Isabelle]

I think that’s probably it, I’m worried about leaving her by herself. My mom can be pretty paranoid about stuff like that, and is always saying “what if this happens, what if that happens, that will happen”, and she even already said someone should go around to the neighbors and tell them if there’s a fire in the house to get our bunny out x.x That’s rubbing off on me, I guess, and I’m thinking what will happen if a fire does start, could she break out of her habitat or not, would I ever see her again, etc.

A webcam is a great idea but it isn’t really possible, for one I doubt I’d get a job on computers, and my cell phone doesn’t have net access. I have decided to go and visit a pet lodge/boarding place this weekend with my mom, so if we need to all go overnight somewhere for a funeral (grandparent’s aren’t getting younger) we have a plan, and a place we like to take her. I think that will probably help me, to talk to the people who work there and look around before I would need to drop her off. Baby steps, huh?

[Elrohwen]

I’m sorry if I’m totally off base here, but have you thought about talking to a doctor or therapist about your issues with anxiety? At this point it sounds like your anxiety about her is affecting your life negatively and I think that getting professional help could be wonderful for you. Some of the things you mentioned about being fearful of her being alone and all of the things that could happen sound like more than just normal worries.

Sorry again if this sounds off the wall – I’m the child of two psychologists so I can’t help it 😀

I also think you’re taking great steps! The first step in fixing something is recognizing it and I think you’re doing great at being proactive.

[MimzMum]

I have to say, I have had issues with anxiety all my life, but I think mine has always been chemically driven and now that I am past the menopause, it is easier for me. Otherwise, yes, I would have to think about medication to deal with it. It’s just so much easier to live life without all that worry.
That being said, I worry pretty heavily about what would happen to my pets in an emergency, since we live in a remote area in Alaska. We only have one neighbor we could rely on, and she’s all the way down a snowy block. We have three cats, three bunnies and a Yorkshire Terrier that I doubt I or my daughter could handle by ourselves if a fire were to start. I’ve been kicking myself for months that I have no real plan in place in this instance, and really need to get one together.

Sometimes that is all it will take, knowing you’ve got something/someone in place to assist in a crisis.

You did mention working at a church. I know I rely on my faith a great deal and most days, when it seems like things are getting out of hand for me mentally, I just have to put everything in God’s hands. But of course, this is not how everyone rolls.

Most things we let get to us are unlikely to happen anyway, but it is good to let someone else know this is what is worrying you so that you can ask for help and make arrangements for assistance. Then it doesn’t feel as much like everything is just blown about by the wind in your life.

How sweet that your bun is so personable with you! I wish any of my three would just come snuggle with me willingly for more than a few minutes. ^_^ You are very fortunate!

[Isabelle]

I don’t think this is bad enough to warrant a therapist or medication, I’m perfectly fine leaving her at home when I go to work for a few hours, I’m just sad about having to leave her eventually. I’m not having panic attacks, its not keeping me up at night, or anything like that. I told my mom about it and she equated it with a mom going back to work after having a baby, just the worry that they might need you and you’re not there. She also pointed out that part it might not be related to Dutchess at all, that after eight months of being home reading, relaxing outside, and playing computer games (and posting on BinkyBunny!), that my ‘not wanting to leave’ could also be just that, not wanting to give up my freedom for a ‘real job’ =p After she introduced that I couldn’t deny it x.x So I think I’ve nailed this down to me wanting to be a stay at home bunny mom, and my mom said good luck, try to find a lawyer to marry, lol.

I’ve joined two new groups at church, a crocheting group and a short-term group to discuss plans to generate revenue via a day care, so that will get me out of the house more. I’m thinking about maybe trying for a part-time job if I can’t find anything full-time, that way part-time will allow me some days to still spend with Dutchess and ease us both into my being gone and less freedom for her, and also allow me to continue to babysit occassionally. Instead of treating it as as “I’m leaving for so many hours”, I’ve decided to be more like “I’ll be back in a few hours”. I do better when things are faster paced and I’m busy. I’m sure we’ll be fine. ^__^ I didn’t want to worry anybody (no pun intended), it’s not true full blown medical anxiety.

If anybody has any more simple suggestions it would be good. I don’t know if a snuggle bunny plushie would be comforting to her at all? It’s taken me a month to get her to understand that the blankie she got for Christmas is indeed hers. I’ve also rigged her habitat (finally, it’s taken me a while to figure it out) so that whoever gets home first in the afternoon/evening can let her out and she can hop in and out of her habitat as she wants, so if I don’t get home for another few hours after the first person gets home, Dutchess can still be out. Knowing that makes me feel a lot better.

[Michelle&Lolli]

I was always worried about leaving Eddie alone. And I was soooo scared and nervous when I went on vacation for the first time. My friend came and stayed at my apartment for that week and I kept texting her, asking if he was ok. She told me to quit texting her. LOL I think we might be the same in that we really love our bunnies and want the absolute best for them and know how much our bunnies are bonded to us.

What helped me was getting Lollipop. I still worried when I left them, but it wasn’t quite as bad because I knew they had each other for company. Now that Eddie is gone, I worry about leaving Lolli. I am still on medical leave from work and have no clue when I’m going back, but I know I will be getting her bunny buddy soon after going back to work. Just because I really don’t want her to be alone. (I do want another bunny, but I can’t justify getting one right now.)

And rationally I totally understand that she is perfectly fine. Same way when Eddie was alive. It’s just that we tend to humanize them. I’m not saying you definitely need another rabbit. That’s a personal decision. But a plushie for her to cuddle with (if she will) may help YOU with leaving her.

[jerseygirl]

I get it. Leaving the comfort zone and all that. I’m way too familiar! lol For me, it’s a case of I need (want) to be home with the rabbits more than they need me at home.

Does Dutchess have a hidey home? Mine spend a good part of the day in their cardboard box. Even when I am at home in the day, that’s where they’ll be. I think it feels burrow-like to them.  That’s where rabbits in the wild would spend most the day.

Your comment about fire scenario had me thinking. Isn’t there a sticker or something that lets emegency service know if you have pets in the house? What would be good is a register that you can list your pets details on so emergency services could access a database if the residents were absent or unable to pass on the info. They has to be a system like this already in use somewhere surely?

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