Replace my bunny or keep both?

[sea0014]

Hi all,

I desperately need advice. Here is my story: I drove nearly 3 hours away from my home and back (6 hours in one day!) to get a bunny just a few days ago. She seemed perfect. She was the breed I wanted, a beautiful color, was from a family instead of a breeder, female, and a great personality. She loves being held and petted (unlike other rabbits, or so I hear). However, that night, I was suspicious when she humped me. I checked her parts, and sure enough, she was a he. I was absolutely heartbroken, and still am. If I had known the bunny was a male, I never would have bought him. I really wanted a girl, like really really wanted a girl, and still do. I felt like I had finally found the bunny for me, and then that happiness was stripped away from me. 

I decided I wanted to rehome him and search for a female instead. However, lots of people I know who have had rabbits have been super impressed by his behavior. They say that most rabbits are not as well-behaved as him, and most do not even want to be touched. Is this true, in your experiences?

Anyway, I found a very suitable home for him. I think he would be well taken care of there. Also, this person travels a lot and lives nearby, so he said I can watch the bunny for him whenever he is away. Even still, I am starting to rethink my decision of giving him up. If I were to keep him, I would definitely want to get a female rabbit as well. If I were to give him up, I would only have a female bunny, which was my original wish, and I will still get to see him once in a while when I petsit him. I feel like no matter what I do I will feel guilty. 

Keep in mind that I am a first-time pet owner, as well as a college student, so I am not sure I would have the time to care for two rabbits. I also worry that I would favor the female over the male. I also worry that, if I were to give him up, I would end up with a rabbit who is not as friendly and sweet as he is. 

As you can see, I am very confused on what to do. Either way, I want to get a female rabbit too. What do you think I should do? Should I give him up for a female? Or should I keep him and get another bunny in addition?

EDIT: Thanks so much to everyone that has been responding. I appreciate it a lot. To clarify, I did put in a lot of research and setting up budgeting plans to make sure I could care for a bunny in the first place. I am very confident that I can. The breed and color of the rabbit does not matter to me so much, but the sex does, or at least, it has been. I received the bunny from a family who could not care for him anymore. Someone here compared it to having a human child and not knowing the sex but loving it anyway. I see it a different way. I feel like it is more like adopting a child. When you adopt a child from foster care for example, you are going to know what the sex is. If I agree to adopt a girl and I already have her room decorated feminine and such, i would be disappointed if I went to meet the girl but it was actually a boy. Similarly, for my bunny, I had already had feminine names picked out, pink harness, pink toys, a purple cage, etc. There were already male bunnies in my area in need of homes, but no females; so that is why I drove so far to get the bunny I anticipated to be female. I hope you guys can see this from my POV or at least understand where I am coming from. I could always still give my bunny a girly name and such, but it would feel weird knowing that he is a boy. I know the bunny does not know that, or care, but I do.
I also feel like having a sex preference is understandable. It should be just as understandable as a man wanting a son to play ball with, or a cat person preferring cats to dogs, or even a rabbit owner who prefers one breed over the other. It does not mean I hate everything except my preference, but it just means I prefer it, simply.
I am still trying to decide, but I think you guys are swaying me to keep him. He will be a very girly boy though.

EDIT 2: He is six months old, fully size. Not so much a baby anymore, but still young.

[Asriel and Bombur]

 Baby bunnies are often incorrectly sexed until they drop. Females hump just as much as males. Females can have even worse attitudes than males being extremely aggressive and territorial when puberty kicks in. I’m sorry. You want a bunny, you take the bunny you chose, male or female. It’s cruel to just give it up because it didn’t meet your expectations of being a female.

And simply put, if you can’t afford 2 bunnies and don’t have the time and space to devote to two separate bunnies before they’re fixed and go through the proper bonding process, then you shouldn’t get a second one. You never know how sick a bunny is going to become or if you get one of those bunnies that constantly has issues, if you get one of those the vet costs can and will add up.

[LBJ10]

While I agree with what A&B is saying, I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself. I know what it is like to have your heart set on something, to have a fantasy that something will go a certain way and everything will be perfect… and then things are not the way you thought. It sucks, I get it. You wanted a girl. But there are definitely worse things in this world than a case of mistaken identity. As A&B said, this actually isn’t uncommon when it comes to young bunnies. They are misidentified all the time. So he’s a boy, it isn’t the end of the world. Give him a unisex name so you can pretend.

I think after you get to know him and come to realize what a great bunny he is, you will wonder why you wanted a girl in the first place. Keep him, get him neutered, and get to know him as he blossoms into an adult. If you still want a girl, then get him a companion. Just remember that you will have to be prepared to house them separately at first. I think you will find that a bonded pair is just as easy to care for as a single bun. And a bonded pair may even be a good thing because you are a college student. They will have each other and they won’t need you as much. Once you have a pair dynamic going, you may not need to worry about favoring one over the other because they may favor one another over you! And that’s a good thing! Trust me! Seeing my boys together makes me so happy. They love each other so much.

[BinkyBunny]

It is not uncommon for people to be set on a color, a breed, a gender of any animal companion they may look for.   But honestly, you seem to have been blessed with an amazing bunny who just needs love and is willing to easily give and receive it. 

You said “She was the breed I wanted, a beautiful color, was from a family instead of a breeder, female, and a great personality. She loves being held and petted (unlike other rabbits, or so I hear).”    Yes, it is true, most bunnies don’t like to be held. 

“I also worry that, if I were to give him up, I would end up with a rabbit who is not as friendly and sweet as he is”.  Yes, absolutely that could happen. 

I strongly suggest for you to rethink your decision.  Why is the gender so important to such a monumental extent?  What do you think you are missing out on not having a female? (These are not sarcastic questions- I really want to know)

I think you are limiting yourself in a big way — you could be giving up something wonderful. And this bunny already likes you it seems.  Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected.

[BB Administrator]

We understand that this member’s post can be upsetting, Insults and rudeness will not be tolerated. Replies that resort to this will be deleted. You can offer help, guidance and you can disagree with their point of view, but remain civil while doing so.

Helloworld!!

[Sleepy]

I’d simply ask: what’s more important to you? A bunny with the great personality who enjoys physical affection or a girl who may or may not have those things.

I have a male and female bunny. Aside from them expressing their horny periods in different ways (namely, one flung pee at me and the other sat beside me and THEN pissed at me), you wouldn’t be able to pick out their gender from their appearance and/or personalities alone. Even my vet, who spayed and neutered them both, occasionally mixes it up and calls the girl a “he” and the guy a “she”. One bunny is a smug bun, one bunny is a slytherin bun, and none of that is gender related.

[Mimzy]

I completely understand where you’re coming from! I so very much wanted a girl bunny over a boy, even though I know I’m eventually going to want to bond the girl bunny with a male
I will piggy back with A&B though & concur that female rabbits can often have a worse attitude than males! My girl Mimzy was my first bunny. My nearly 90 lb dog was even scared of her. She was a little stinker, was aggressive to any & every other animal who came near her, she was boss, & also didn’t like people that she wasn’t familiar with. I always instructed new people not to pet her right away, let her come to you.

She knew mommy wasn’t scared of her though My boy, Obi-bun on the other hand, was as sweet as they come! Mimzy bossed him around too every now & then but he would never be aggressive back, he was super submissive & loving to her at all times. I was always more attached to Mimzy than I was to Obi, but I adored him just as much.

Now, I have a foster rabbit. He’s a Californian rabbit, which I actually was not too excited for when he was first assigned to me. From google pictures, they weren’t very appealing to me & didn’t seem to have the cute factor I wanted. But…google does a horrible job at displaying these babies! I find him pretty cute now & he’s such a sweet bunny, & just near perfect on litter box habits! I was still seriously considering letting someone else adopt him for the first month or so I was caring for him. & now, I’m seriously considering being the one to adopt him

Moral of the story, you could be very surprised! & yes, caring for 2 bunnies is just as easy as caring for 1. If anything, it’s somewhat easier especially if you’ll be in college, because they can give each other company while you’re away. You won’t even hardly notice a difference in spending either on 2 buns as opposed to 1.

So, I’d say to go ahead & keep him & get him a girlfriend! They won’t mind if you favor 1 over the other

[sarahthegemini]

Why do you want a female so bad? He seems like a very lovely rabbit, rehoming him simply because he is a male is a bit bizarre to me. Is there a reason you’re so against males?

[Sirius&Luna]

I’m also confused about why you’re so set on a female rabbit. In my experience, males are much calmer and friendlier, and much less high maintenance. That said, I’ve had 7 male rabbits and only one female, but the female absolutely is the most difficult by a mile (but I still love her and all her personality quirks… She’s just not the easiest bunny).

it sounds like you have a wonderful rabbit, and I think it’s pretty likely that if you got another, you wouldn’t be so lucky with personality.

If you plan on getting another rabbit to bond him to, make sure you check out the Bonding section so you can see what it entails.

[Asriel and Bombur]

I’m sorry, but I really do disagree with people saying to just get a second girl bunny. You’re in college. Are you financially independent? How much time do you really have in a day? I don’t know about you, but when I was in college I didn’t have time for myself, let alone a bunny. And I certainly wasn’t able to pay for things like spays, neuters, and annual vet physicals, and any pop up emergency costs. Do you have time to devote to two separate bunnies. They can’t have any interactions at all until they are BOTH fixed.No play time, no 5 second introductions. Nothing. They each need at the minimum 3 hours of exercise each out of their cages. That’s 6 hours you have to commit to being there with them. Do you have the time to clean 2-3 litter boxes 2-3 times a week? Do you have the money for a spay and neuter which is around $250-300 if you live in the states. Do you have the time for after spay/neuter care? Do you have the time to bond them yourself, meaning 24-48 hours to cement their bond when it comes time and the ability to do lengthy sessions?

If the answer to the majority of these questions is no please do not get a second bunny.

[Harley&Thumper]

I agree with A&B. College just isn’t a good time to get an animal that needs as much attention as a bunny does. Unless you are taking the bare minimum number of classes and are taking a degree that allows you to work at your dorm all of the time, you won’t have the time needed for a supervised play time. What’s your housing situation like? Will you be rooming with other people in the future? Can you guarantee that they will be okay with rabbits?

[TheDuchess]

I’m honestly a bit shocked by this. I absolutely can’t understand where you’re coming from. And that’s not rude…just how I feel.

There is such a stigma that we humans attach to the word “pet”. We take a living being and degrade its capacity for being socially and emotionally involved, instead placing more emphasis on their subservient role. I suppose if you’ve never owned a rabbit, you wouldn’t understand…but they are highly complex creatures that are capable of interacting and communicating quite well with humans, and they’re smart too. For example, my bun Ophelia is quite the character. She is a female and spayed, but she’s still as sassy as can be. She’s used to being fed at a certain time during the week, and I tend to sleep in a little on the weekends. As more time elapses past her scheduled feeding, she gets upset with me. She will go to the entertainment center and start pulling out DVDs just because she’s upset! And I know that it’s simply a display of frustration, because she is free roam and she doesn’t do this at all during the week when everything is on her schedule. Or when she’s up on the bed with me and I’m petting her, if I stop and she wasn’t ready then she will dig at me and stick her head into my hand to ask me to keep petting.

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t be so nonchalant when you’re dealing with a life. So the sex is wrong, what’s the big deal? Honestly! Can you imagine if a human birthed a child and decided… “well its really not the gender that we wanted, lets just give it away and get another one”. While it is obviously more complicated than that, the principle is the same. This rabbit that you have now seems like an absolute joy and I can’t fathom you letting him go. Also be aware that females are notoriously more “aggressive” than males, and typically less affectionate in my experience. You shouldn’t have so many expectations when it comes to a “pet”. If you’re only satisfied to have it your way, then I don’t think that “pet ownership” is for you.

[Bladesmith]

You got lucky enough to find a bunny that loves to be handled and cuddled. Count your blessings and keep him. A rabbit isn’t a blouse or pair of pants to be easily discarded because it’s not “perfect”. It’s a huge responsibility that shouldn’t be entered into lightly.

Ohana. Nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

[jerseygirl]

Hi sea0014

You haven’t mentioned the age of your rabbit. Is he a “baby”?

Are you worried about the hormonal behaviours of male rabbits? Ie. Humping, spraying. People aren’t always aware, but female rabbits (especially when young and not desexed) also will do both these behaviours.

As this is your first rabbit, I will tell you it can be a pretty sharp learning curve! I got my first one on the spur of the moment and had to scramble to educate myself.

Everyone here has given some insight into bunny ownership and things to consider, so I won’t repeat those. I don’t know of what preparation you did before picking up this bunny.

My only advice regarding your decision is: Don’t rush.

Spend some more time with this bun and see if you’re both a good fit after all. Also, if he is just a young bun and heading into puberty, I recommend reading up on that because it can be a challenging time for rabbit owners.

If you decide to keep him AND still are keen to get a second rabbit, my advice is the same: don’t rush. Let this one help you become “rabbit savvy” and look at adding the second down the track when you’re in the position to care for 2 fluffers.

[Bam]

One thing is definitely less troublesome when you have a boy, and that’s de-sexing. A spay is major surgery, a neuter is much less invasive, healing is a lot quicker and complications are less likely to occur.

I have only had male buns. I didn’t choose them, they had been abandoned and I found them. I could not have asked for lovelier companions.

ETA: Theres an update of the original post.
I can see how you are a bit disappointed, having got a purple cage and pink toys etc. But what you said about a foster-child actually made me think of Anne of Green Gables ? I don’t think a male bun would mind being treated like a girl. I know from experience that male buns love girly stuff like cuddles and soft toys and fleece blankets. My male buns had pink fluffy vet beds and also doll beds.

[TheDuchess]

I can understand preference, that part makes total sense. When I got Ophelia, I opted to purchase her from a breeder because I WANTED (preferred) a baby bunny. I now realize how silly that was of me, and I’ve vowed to myself that from now on, my future buns will be rescues.

What I just can’t understand is why there is such a struggle of deciding whether to keep him or not? Sure, you would have preferred a female. But is there really no flexibility on the matter? It just seems very bizarre.

[jerseygirl]

EDIT 2: He is six months old, fully size. Not so much a baby anymore, but still young.

Oh, 6 months. Well, you should be able to see the testicles but they can draw them back up. I wonder if the previous owners never figured out the sex?

I’m glad you’re starting to reconsider. I re-read your 1st post. I didn’t realise you’d only had him a few days. It’s good he’s been adapting well and allowing you to pet him.

The sex of rabbits so commonly gets mistaken. A lot of the time, owners keep the name even though they discover their bun was opposite sex to what they thought when naming it.
One of my favourites was a former Binky bunny member who had a little Dutch boy named Daisy. . I think she may have had a girl bun named Toby also. She had about 3 rabbits that has sex mistaken, one even by the vet.

[Bunny House]

I personally think rescuing (what you did since the family didn’t want him) is the best gift you can give to any pet, no matter the sex. My male I just lost was the sweetest bun I ever had, he got mistaken for a girl many times. I think we think as humans, they have a knowledge of what is girly and not girly but they don’t and could care less. They want to be loved and given many treats so if you can provide that knowing the costs of bunnies then go for it. They know you rescued them and they give you a different kind of love than a regular bunny would (trust me I have 3 others) he will love you so much and you will love him so much and be so glad you didn’t give him to someone else. And who cares about the girly name or toys you bought, many guys have girly names and many girls have boy names. Just having a bunny makes you love them in a whole different way than a dog or cat.

[LittlePuffyTail]

Pretty much everything I could say has already been covered but I have to echo Jersey in her “don’t rush” advice. Give yourself time, you may fall in love.

As was mentioned several times, girls are often more difficult personality and aggression wise. I’ve had 4 boys and 3 girls and the boys were all very sweet, “puppy dog personalities” while the girls have definitely been more difficult. Took them much longer to bond with me, more aggressive about territory, not as cuddly. All bunnies are different, obviously, but this is just my own experience.

Also, to neuter a bunny is usually quite a bit cheaper than spaying a female.

Bunny House said: “And who cares about the girly name or toys you bought, many guys have girly names and many girls have boy names.”  Yup, I had my little guy, Bindi Loo, for 11 wonderful years and he never complained about his name. Not once. 

[LBJ10]

My two boys have pink and purple things, so I wouldn’t worry about that. They certainly don’t care.

Like I said, I can understand being disappointed. But I think Jersey is right. You just might fall in love if you give him a chance.

And OMG yes, it is so much less stressful/worrisome to have a boy neutered (vs. having a girl spayed).

[Bladesmith]

Trust me, he won’t care about the color of his toys and items. All he’ll care about is how much love you can give him. Keep him. He’s clearly a cuddler, by your description.

Sometimes the best pets/friends are not the ones we would have chosen ourselves, but the ones fate sends us.

[BinkyBunny]

 UPDATE —Sea0014 has decided to keep this bunny.

Please see https://binkybunny.com/FORUM/ta…spx#606901

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