Is it normal to feel lonely? (not bunny related)

[LBJ10]

I’ve been feeling really lonely lately. I have a difficult time making friends. Most of my co-workers are either way younger than me or way older than me. During undergraduate, I was older than everyone else and did not have much in common with college kids that were on their own for the first time. So when I started graduate school, I was happy to see that there were more people closer to my age. After an entire year though, I have not been able to connect with anyone. I’m not really sure what is wrong with me. Maybe I come off as weird or something. I have my husband, but that isn’t the same as having a friend. I have my mom, but sometimes it is just too much drama. At the same time, I am afraid to get close to someone. I have abandonment issues I guess you could say. I have been hurt very much in the past by so-called friends.

What brought all of this up all of the sudden? Well a co-worker of mine asked if I wanted to go shopping with her. She wanted to drive to another city where they have a VERY large mall. I said sure, after all we have been talking a lot lately. Things didn’t exactly go the way I had hoped. She spent the entire time on her phone, even when we were driving down the interstate. We made it there and then she complained that everything was too expensive there at that mall (which didn’t matter to me, I was just window shopping anyway). So we looked at a few things and then she wanted to leave. She had gotten a phone call and she wanted to go home to attend to apparently more pressing matters (her boyfriend was mad at her about something, I don’t know). So she brings me back and plops me off. I was stunned. And I was feeling really hurt. Why invite me if you’re going to ignore me the entire time? Seriously, I don’t think she put her phone down for more than 5 or 10 minutes. Am I over-reacting? I feel as though I am taking things too personally, but I can’t help it.

[TaraMichele]

 First off…sounds like the chick is a pretty inconsiderate person…maybe bring it up to her in nicer terms?  Out of curiousity during classes have you looked into any study groups?  Ive learned things like that can lead to friendship…But I understand how you feel Ive gone through periods of time where you feel like you have no friends for support, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there and trust a little..friends are people and all people make mistakes but not all mistakes will ruin a friendship. I hope things work out!

[LBJ10]

It has been a long time since I have had someone that I would have called a friend. I have “buddies” at school, but we aren’t really friends. I have co-workers that I talk to and have occasionally done something with. But they aren’t really friends either. Not only do I fear rejection, but I fear betrayal if I were to actually become friends with someone. Like I said I was burned pretty badly by people in the past. I am actually a very loyal friend and my feelings run very deep. Girls are just awful sometimes and it hurts. No wonder I hung out mostly with guys in high school. Much less drama. Guys don’t seem interested in friendship though now since I am married.

[angelicvampyre]

PM my your phone number and I can call you and we can have random girly talk I am very good at that! Honestly that was really rude of her, and I know how you feel i am the same, I have like 1 close friend and two close male friends and that is really it everyone else is just someone I know.

[Monkeybun]

I know the feeling. I don’t have any close friends here, the only people i really know are through my hubby, or the rabbit advocates. But no one I can just call up for a chat or to go for coffee with at random times.

I think all us bunny people should just take over a city

[LoveChaCha]

And rename it: Only bunny slaves.

[jerseygirl]

Am I over-reacting? I feel as though I am taking things too personally, but I can’t help it.

First off, I want to say No you’re not over reacting. That is pretty poor manners on her part. If you get the feeling she’s this sort of person a lot of the time, I wouldn;t bother spending the energy in fostering any friendship there. If you were enjoying her company up until this point, it might not hurt to mention you were disappointed the was little opportunity for you to get to know her better as a friend.

 

I’m not really sure what is wrong with me.

Please don’t assume something must be wrong with you. I know it’s different on here then to face to face but I’ve enjoyed your interaction since you’ve gotten more involved in the BB forums.
I must admit it is easier to share about things here on the boards then in real life sometimes.

If you can, start to get involve with more things outside of academic circle or work group. Maybe groups of people that share interest in same leisure type activities (pets, books, cycling or hiking, craft, cooking, volunteering,  or short classes in a topic of interest different to your main degree).
You’ve mentioned South America before (Costa Rica?). I gather you are bi-lingual? What about helping out or even getting a paid position with English as second language classes. Some of those groups operate in a social setting as it’s thought people pick up language quicker this way.

 

[luvmyhunybuny]

LBJ~
I can completely relate. I moved to Texas 21 yrs ago (from MA) and have yet to meet a friend I can just call up and meet up with. I do have acquaintances here, but not a loyal-there-for-me friend. I have made a few close friends and then, like you, was burned and hurt. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can say I know what it feels like and I am very sorry.

[Lintini]

It really is hard finding good friends now, some of the gals I talk to the most are friends here off BB…in fact I talk to them more than my friends from high school.

That was pretty rude of your friend, I recently met up with a friend from…*drum roll*….elementary school!!! And we went dress shopping together for my concert that was coming up, it was so fun but I was nervous that we wouldn’t have the same friend chemistry we used to have — so if she did that with me I would have been ticked off….but she stuck with me for all 4 hours trying on every black dress in that mall.

I am sorry you are feeling lonely,all of us can probably relate, and surely I can; another reason I am so glad these forums are here for us bunny lovers. Feel free to message me anytime you want to chat.

[Elrohwen]

Awww. Jersey’s right – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you! I think it’s always hard to find friends as an adult – we just don’t connect with people as easily as when we were younger. And that girl was just rude!

I have a hard time with a lot of girls too. I do have fantastic girl friends, but I’ve also had huge issues with girl friends to the point where I had to stop talking to some of them because they turned into mean girls (their response to me not wanting to put up with their abuse was to block me on FB??? I never even looked at their FB pages or commented on a thing, but most of them blocked me. Girls can be horrible!) I definitely understand that girls have burned you in the past and it can be tough to trust again, but I think you just have to put yourself out there, but try not to take it too personally when it doesn’t work out. Just remember that you wouldn’t want to be their friend either – it’s not like they’re just rejecting you, it’s also about what you want.

Have you tried any couple friends? It allows you to have guy friends, but you don’t have to hang out with them one on one, which I know a lot of couples aren’t into (even if you’re fine with it). But having couple friends is awesome! You get to bring your husband along, which will make you feel more comfortable, and you can do all sorts of activities that might be awkward with just one person you don’t know well (you can go on a double date when you don’t know people too well, while it might be awkward to just invite a girl out to dinner when you’re not super friendly).

[LBJ10]

Thanks everyone for being so nice and understanding. I knew I could post about this on here. Plus I needed to talk about this somewhere other than where people I actually know might read it. I wouldn’t want this person to hear from someone else that I was upset by our little outing together. That’s one of the nice things about forums.

Jerseygirl – Yes, I spent some time studying in Costa Rica. I actually don’t know that much Spanish. I know enough French that I was able to figure out what the Spanish words on signs meant. I was staying somewhere that was run by the University of Georgia though, so I didn’t have to worry about it too much. I did actually apply for a ESL job, but they turned me down because of my availability. I participate in a mentoring program though that works with high school students interested in research. I have worked with all sorts of students there, but you can’t really be friends with them.

Elrohwen – My husband doesn’t have a problem with me being friends with guys. I don’t have a problem either. Usually what happens though is that said guy gets weirded out when they learn I am married. Maybe it is even more difficult to be friends with someone of the opposite sex when you are an adult. Way back in high school, it seemed so easy to have a boy who was a friend but wasn’t your boyfriend. A lot of the time it would be a group for 4 or 5 guys and then me. lol
Anyway, I’m not sure how enthused my husband would be about “double dating”. He’s not anti-social. He just doesn’t like “doing stuff”. I practically have to drag him with me if I want to go see a movie or something.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

She was strait up rude. I call people on that (too much phone/texting) and they usually stop. I’m what you’d call confrontational lol but you can bring it up jokingly too-“I’ll come shopping this time but only if you are going to CPA meetings now…cellphone aholics ” and make a joke?

I’ve done six years of uni and never found a good friend there-you’re there to study and work -and people have different interests. Try putting yourself out there-and being friendly in other situations-work, gym etc. Be there for them, instead of looking for them to be there for you…Your phone will be off the hook in no time

And I’m no girly girl-so I don’t do these things naturally but I have been focusing on it-not to make friends but to be nice…I guess girls are in the habit of noticing such things as new clothes and hair-so this is something I’m trying to do at work, because really I just go ot work to work hard and don’t do those things naturally so I’m tryign to be more friendly just because people at my work are so nice…so notice, and say something nice Not even to solicit friends but to make someones day. You’ll feel better when you connect

[brittbritt]

I’m 33 years old and married with a child. I had friends when I was younger and remember hanging out alot with them. As I’ve gotten older and now married I don’t have one friend I could call right now if I just wanted to talk. My husband is my only “true” friend and my mom can’t just listen to me without offering solutions on what I’m doing wrong.

I miss having close friends sometimes but then I think it’s just easier to continue on like I am now. That may why I have so many animals in our home. They give me the companionship I don’t get from having friends.

[Zombie-Sue]

I am very sorry that things have been going this way for you but I promise it will pass! -hug-

[kralspace]

That girl was flat out rude!! I think cell phones are handy but they have created a whole new culture of self-centered idiots..don’t even get me started. You can’t go anywhere now where there’s not a chorus of very loud one-sided conversations going on, I hate it when I’m standing in the checkout line and somebody behind me is blabbing on the phone right in my ear because they’re oblivious to the fact that they’ve pushed up to within 18 inches of my face. I usually accidentally step on their foot to get them to move back.

My kids are 24 and 34 and I have to take their phones away when they come visit because they text the whole time they’re visiting. I have 3 coworkers I like to go out to lunch with a lot and we had to do an intervention of one lady because she got an iphone and would NOT stop texting the whole time. We kidded her and playfully confiscated it at the restaurant one day so she got the hint…lol

I agree, I don’t think it’s you, you’re a lovely person to interact with here on the boards. It’s just hard to make the type of friends we had when we were younger, so many more distractions every minute of the day. It’s hard to focus on people right in front of you. You sound like you enjoy being around people and activities and meeting people with the same interests is always a good starting point. You’re not alone, believe me 😉

[LBJ10]

My husband tells me all the time that I need to stop talking about our pets like they were my children. I can’t help it though, they really ARE my babies. I just forget sometimes that other people don’t care to hear about how cute my bunnies are or how silly my dog is. I’m glad to know that there are so many people out there that have trouble making friends as well. It is definitely harder to connect with people as you become older. As for this particular person, I don’t see us becoming good friends. It’s not that I don’t like her. I just don’t think we’re a good match outside of work. She obviously has a lot of stuff going on and should probably be focusing on those things. I mean, if her boyfriend was upset that she was out with me for one day then he is going to be upset if she were to start spending more time with me. This is what she was arguing with him about while she was out with me. And he wasn’t the only person calling her during this time. Every time she hung up with one person it was only a few minutes before someone else was calling. Anyway, I’m not really sure how I’m going to handle things when I see her next. I looked at the schedule, thankfully we aren’t scheduled together for awhile (mostly because they don’t schedule for hardly anything).

[(dig)x(me)x(now)]

LBJ – did you confront her about this? Some people are clueless about their rudeness >_<

[LBJ10]

I haven’t seen her yet. They have cut my hours to much at work that I’m hardly ever there. I think I will see her on Sunday though. I was just going to play it cool and see what she says first. I don’t want things to get weird at work.. =/

[bunnytowne]

I know what you mean .    2 of the neighbors turned on me.     1 actually thinks I am competition for her 300 lb. husband rofl.    

and the way I dress   I mean seriously. Muslim with headscarf   rofl  yeah right lady

They no longer say hi and are trying to cause problems with us living here.   I have 1 friend downstairs and I am not sure if I can confide in her any longer.  She did warn me about those 2 downstairs today that it was them that called and tying to make trouble.

Seems like lately I have no friends either.  The ones I got Ruby from are busy and don’t email or call hardly but we do go to the synogogue together and have a wonderful time talking n learning the dances etc.

Hubby is going away for a month for Ramaddan.   So I have to put myself out there and make more friends.  Now that I am not so scared to invite people in cuz I had 2 rabbits.  

YOu gotta be careful here tho.  You go visit someone and some of them sometimes will say you stole such n such or what have you

And your friend on the phone.   That is totally rude I so hate that.  It isnt’ you.   Just sometimes things don’t work out.  Am sorry you had that rude experience.

Making friends is hard for me.  I have abandonment issues too. 

 

 

 

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