im back from a nightmare

[Lintini]

 I went to visit my boyfriend at his military base this past weekend which is completely across the country from me. Thursday to Monday was absolutely perfect, we had an amazing time. Then I fell asleep Monday night and he went into my phone, went into facebook to find this guys number (I didn’t have him in my contacts, I haven’t seen him in almost 5 years) This guy has been offering me to come teach his french horn section at his highschool he teaches at and my bf wasn’t cool with it for whatever reasons. My bf started texting my friend, pretending to be me and acting flirty…asking him out (wth??) and trying to get info out of him to see if he was interested in me i guess….asking him if he liked the picture i sent him (baiting him to see if i sent pictures i guess?) and asking him about intimate times???? Like…what? ….. 

I’ll try to spark note this kinda…I just need to vent a bit and writing this out will help me cope.

The first time he flew out to see me, we were at a bar drinking, and he was telling me a war story about afghanistan. I asked him a question in the middle of his story and he completely freaked out and raged on me and left the bar, leaving me with a 100$ tab and threw my things into the hallway of the hotel and locked me out of the room, turned off his phone, and took his flight home the next day.

Offense number two, was when I went to visit him on new years, he flew me out the same day, the ticket was 800$ …I wasn’t afraid of anything like the previous happening again. I figured he wants to see me that bad he must really care about me and love me a lot. WRONG. He had been in contact with my x boyfriend, and my x was telling him that he was still seeing me. So he started throwing my things around, calling me like a dog, snapping his fingers at me and whistling like a dog….etc. Right in front of his mother too. She was in shock. Luckily my x fessed up and told him he was lying and nothing was going on. My guy was telling me to get out, and that he was canceling my plane ticket home from PA, and that I could figure it out myself.  He also told me that he flipped out on offense number 1 because he was scared of falling in love with me ……….and I actually bought that excuse? I am a complete idiot. 

So now, I think okay well the x situation is over, and he assured me that he would never kick me out unless I was cheating on him.

 

As my aunt has put best…. “He wasn’t able to find anything wrong so he had to go and create it instead.”

 

So I thought because my x wasn’t in the picture anymore, we could move on, repair, and be happy. And boy was I wrong. He was constantly snooping in my phone and email while I was asleep. 

 

He woke me up in a rage at 11pm last night telling me to get out. That I was done. And then the emotional abuse started. He started calling me fat, asking me how much I weighed, laughing that I look so much better in my older pictures, putting his hands out in front of his stomach pretending thats what my stomach looks like. So, it raged me. I couldn’t stop myself, I stooped that low. So I started screaming back, commenting that he doesn’t have a freaking model body and he does have a bit of a belly and that he is 26 and already balding big time. Oh yea I went there, and then he kept on going. So as he is raging more at me, I look down and see a full glass of beer. (all his buddies were over all night partying.) So I pick up this full glass, and I launched it at him. He charged me like he was going to hit me. I taunted him to do it so I could send his sorry pathetic self to jail. But he didn’t; instead he took out his cell phone and started recording our fight, to make sure I couldn’t lie and say he hit me? I am sorry do normal people actually think that far ahead and plan that? Why on EARTH would I do something like that and lie. Yes I flung beer at him, I think he deserved it. So then guess what he does? He cracks open a new can of beer and POURS it all over my cellphone………my only connection back home.,……………

Luckily his friend is a true gentlemen and drove me to a shuttle station at 1am. Unfortunetly I was almost 2 hours away from the airport, and the next shuttle didn’t leave until 3:15am.

So I sat. And I cried. And I looked like am absolute MESS. Mascara all over myself. I think I actaully was frothing from the mouth like a rabbid animal I was so angry.

Who could do that to me? How can you tell me you love me and do that to me? How can you treat ANYONE like that. My parents are SO upset with me that I gave him chance after chance and he doesn’t change.

I was at the airport talking to my aunt, and she said to me, could you imagine if you lived with him, and if he was drinking and upset one night and wanted to hurt you…so he killed your rabbit to hurt you so deeply.  This instantly brought fresh tears to my eyes. 

I think he takes steroids and has a drinking problem, in combination to his special forces training in the military…..he can be emotionless and heartless. I think he has no soul.

 In other news, my brother took really good care of my rabbits and that makes me happy. I hope to find the strength to not talk to him ever again and never let him back into my life. I can’t believe I have sunk so low to let this man do this to me over and over again. 

Thanks for reading and letting me have a place to vent, please have me in your thoughts to help heal from all this emotional abuse i have been suffering the past few months. 

[Michelle&Lolli]

((((HUGS))))) I think it’s never easy to end a relationship no matter what happens. I’m sure he fed you a bunch bs and sob stories to get you back the first 2 times too. It’s what abusers do. I don’t think you are the first girlfriend he’s done this too. Maybe he hasn’t gone to this kind of extreme, but I’m sure he has always treated women badly in some way, shape, or form. We want to see the best in people and give people the benefit of the doubt. I think it’s normal when our feelings are involved. When he contacts you again with some lame ass apology, come back here and read this post. It’ll bring it all back and will give you the anger/strength to tell him to bleep off.

[LoveChaCha]

Lindsey,

I am so sorry this has happened to you
I’m thinking about you and my friend right now.

So happy to hear that your brother took good care of your bunnies. Please update on Velvet’s condition when you can.

[Sarita]

Was your boyfriend in combat in Afghanistan? I have no personal experience with people who have been in combat but just from what I hear, they can get pretty “messed up” emotionally.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

[Otti]

From what I’ve seen of relationships, whenever someone is suspicious of their significant other, snooping, etc. it’s usually has to do with the fact they have been unfaithful themselves. That’s why their mind can envision their significant other cheating that easily and obsessively.

Honestly no matter how much time you’ve spent with him so far, hindisght is 20/20 and it’s hard to be objective when you’re within a situation, so don’t beat yourself up for not realizing he wasn’t worth your time sooner. All that matters is that you know now.

If you are ever again (hopefully not) in a situation in which you’re confused about whether something in a relationship feels like abuse or not, you should think about how you treat the people you really love (your rabbits, your family). If someone isn’t living up to that standard in their treatment of you, then they don’t really love you. You deserve someone who can give you the same level and quality of love that you are capable of giving

It also helps to envision someone you care about being in the same situation. Would you be okay with it if a sister or friend were treated that way by a boyfriend? What would you tell them they should do? Just taking yourself out of the situation sometimes can make it crystal clear.

[Lintini]

Yes Sarita, multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan

Thank you guys *big huge sigh* I’ve been calling a lot of friends and talking through it all. I feel like I am in a tornado right now.

Britt, She’s doing alright, no runny nose!

[Sarita]

I hope that he gets the care he needs. It sounds like he has that post traumatic stress and needs counseling.

Hugs to you Linds. Even though I think he needs help and deserves it, since he has earned it, I’m sad that you had to experience such scary behavior.

[Lintini]

I am embarrassed for myself and my family for having them tell me for months and months that he was no good for me. My dad caught it right away. I am looking forward to being single for the first time in like…oh gosh…7 years; to finally focus on myself and be what I want to be and love myself more.

[Sarita]

That’s a very long time! I say enjoy your time being single – I love my time by myself. It’s time for you to focus on Lindsey!

[lashkay]

You deserve someone who will treat you well ALL of the time. The fact that he did SOME of the time, is completely cancelled out by the fact that he would treat you so badly…I’m only sorry you let it happen more than once. I pray you can put him behind you, heal from this ugliness, and find someone good. Glad yours is a essentially good home with a loving brother who looked after your rabbits, a loving mother who apologized for treating Velvet poorly last week…there is love and support in your family that you can cultivate as you take care of yourself, and rid yourself of people who abuse you.

[MimzMum]

sent you a PM ((((((((hugs)))))))) I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. But am glad to see you back here.

[Isabelle]

I took a families in crisis course in college, and honestly it sounds like quite a potentially abusive situation. Your boyfriend was showing a lot of signs of being a future abuser, not to mention the lack of trust. I’m glad you are able to get out of the situation before it escalated to actual violence.

[LBJ10]

I don’t know you, but I am sorry to hear this happening to someone. I agree with some of the comments made, he is probably in need of some help. It sounds like he has a serious problem and he is just going to continue to do this to other girls if nothing is done about it.

[angie-la]

Oh my goodness, I am so relieved to hear you are getting out of this situation! it will be the best thing you ever do for yourself. I’ll send you a DM but in a nutshell, no person deserves to ever be treated like that!

[SmokeyBunnyRobinson]

I am so glad you got out of that situation. Not only do you not deserve to be treated like that, but I hope you stay away from him. So many people keep going back and that’s when domestic abuse starts. And then they become too afraid to leave. I really hope you stay strong and lean on the people who have always supported you through this tough time. I’ll definitely keep you in your thoughts.

My mom dated a guy who went to the armed forces who was really sweet. She said when he came back 6 months later he was a complete cold-hearted, mean, nasty jerk. It’s a sad trend, I suppose.

Anyway, stay strong! I’m happy you’re out of harm’s way.

[Lintini]

Thank you so much everyone. It hurts really bad but I can’t ignore my friends and family anymore…this isn’t how you treat someone you care for.

[jerseygirl]

Sending you virtual (((Hugs))) Lindsey. I’m relieved you got home safe & have support around you.

I feel like I want to say a lot after reading this but I won’t do that here. Prob will be sending a PM also.

Though I do want to say, please don’t beat yourself up about how you should have listened to people, nor feel any sense of stupidity* for giving second chances. Nor think how you let it happen or think you caused it to happen… etc etc At this time you should be kind to yourself.
In my mind, I think something like this happened because you are a good & open-hearted person. It just seems people like this guy are drawn to people like this.
There is certainly nothing wrong with being the person you are!! It’s a virtue. It’d be a damn shame if that changed at all because of someone elses personal problem.
I also hope he gets some assistance but if there is contact, do not feel obliged to help him. You might suggest he gets some help but take care there are no strings attached if he agrees to. Hopefully someone else in his life can enable this and you can stay free from any involvement.

Wishing you happier days ahead Hon.

* Edited: i misspelt ‘stupidity’ lol !

[LittlePuffyTail]

***Hugs to you*** I had a boyfriend once who was very unpredictable and had a really bad temper. It got to a point that I couldn’t handle anymore. It’s very difficult but you come first and you need to do what is best for you. Sometimes relationships like that get much worse and dangerous. You deserve someone loving and wonderful!

[Beka27]

((((((((((((((HUGS!!!))))))))))))

[Elrohwen]

Huge hugs!! I was so unhappy to read this – you in no way deserve to be treated like that and he obviously has serious problems. Like Sarita suggested it could be from the war (a good friend was in the Gulf War and said nobody comes back from there without being at least a little messed up). I’m glad he lives so far away from you so that you don’t have to see him or interact with him anymore!

Enjoy being single and doing your thing – some day you’ll find a guy who’s a gentleman and you won’t have to be scared of what crazy thing he’ll do to you.

[GrumpyBun]

(((((HUGS)))))

I don’t know what to say, other than I was listening and sending you good thoughts

[cainan]

I can only echo a lot of what others have said. You do NOT deserve this! Delete his number from your phone, don’t take his calls, don’t answer the door if he’s there, block him from FB, etc. etc. You are worth so much more than this treatment! I feel for him if this is some sort of PTSD, but sometimes you have to wonder if it’s just an inate behavior that’s being amplified.

Don’t beat yourself up. Love yourself first (and your bunnies! ) Merry and Banner send bunny hugs over to you and your guys!

[Lintini]

Thank you so much everyone, this was lovely to wake up and read everyones support for me. I really love you guys thank you so much!

[bunnytowne]

Gosh   thats how it starts.   Jealousy like that is a big red flag.    Thats how it started with my 1st husband.   Irrational jealousy   then on to physical  mental and emotional abuse.   Took me 5 years to leave for good.  

Usually in an abusive situation a woman may take the abuser back 5-7 times  b4 she finally leaves for good and gets help to get out if need be.

This is not a normal jealousy.  

Yeah stay away  from that one.  You are ahead of the game if you do after taking him back 2x.   The counselor told me it is usually 7x.  For me it was 5x.    

I am glad he didn’t hit you.  I knw you wanted to put his sorry a$$$$in jail. I wouldn’t want you to be hurt physically they can pack a punch.   If this is due to being in afghanistan I hope he gets the help he needs.

However his friend being a decent fellow does not seem to show this type of behavior it is possible this abusive joker was like that all along and not all due to being in war.     It would definitely  make his mental state worse tho. 

Hey you got a loving family and bunnies.  Enjoy

[Lintini]

My dad just had a “come to jesus talk” with me.

Sigh.

I yelled at him yesterday that I didn’t want to talk to him at all. I feel like I’m just a huge disappointment to him and I can never make him happy even though it’s the exact opposite but I can’t help feel like that when I mess up and let my xbf do something like this to me.

I talked about grandma again…how it hurts me still and all the guilt that she didn’t know who I was anymore…
He talked to me about getting rid of my rabbits to get hardwood floor in my room…….. and I pretty much lost it.
I told him how they are all different, and that I love them all and how DARE he even think that I could part with them for new flooring. Give me a break. And then I opened the treat jar and Indy and Bee came running out from under my bed and my dad said … “wow, they know when it’s treat time?” Indy even did a binky so he got to see what a happy bunny is like. So the convo went on and I told him more about them, and I think he understands them more and why I care for them so much. And how they gave me peace when grandma passed away and how I enjoy them so much….

He’s leaving Monday for the new job site that is 4 hours away. And I started crying. I almost feel like calling his boss and telling him thanks a lot for taking my dad away from me. I of course won’t, but I would like him to know he’s hurting a family by doing so.

Dad told me he misses how I used to call him after I got out of class, asking if he could come home early so we can go on a motorcycle ride. It’s been well over a year since I’ve done that. I don’t know what’s changed. He commented that I no longer eat dinner with them as a family and just hide in my room as soon as I am home. He said he wants me back and now it’s hard because he’s leaving. He said he wants me to take off some weekends and come visit him, I guess the Sequoya national forest is near him so he wants to take me there.

It is SO stupid I have such a loving family and I seriously don’t even like myself. I have no idea why I feel so alone and can’t stand being in my own skin somedays. I feel like my rabbits are the only thing that keep me grounded.

I just want to graduate and be happy. I need to take out my horn and play my heart out.

[LittlePuffyTail]

I think you should spend time with your Dad. That might be really good for you right now. He doesn’t seem to understand you very much. I loved my Dad with all my heart but we were not very close, we were very different people and I regret now that he is gone that he really didn’t know me as well as he deserved.

You are very lucky to have a family who loves you so much because they will always be there for you no matter what.

[Beka27]

Life is challenging. I learned a long time ago that every stage brings new issues and headaches. It’s so tempting to say “when ABC and XYZ happen, I’m going to finally be happy.” We have to try to find those little bits of happiness in our everyday life. Because if we constantly wait for “the future”, we’ll never get there. It sounds cliched, but count your blessings every day. You have your family (who undoubtedly can be a pain in the rear, but STILL they are there), you have your buns, you have your musical talent, you have us!

[Sarita]

Yep, life is challenging. I think you should spend more time with your Dad too. I think you need to allow your family who loves you to help keep you grounded – nothing wrong with getting a little family support :~) Your Dad sounds like an awesome and caring person.

[babybunsmum]

i’m so sorry you went thru that lint… wow. how horrible. please stop beating yourself up for giving your bf a chance. imho it is not a mistake to see the best in people and be forgiving. it never ever gives anyone permission to treat you badly and you should strive to cut that out of your life when and where you can. surrounding yourself with people who are kind and good and treat you with respect is really important. like sarita points out, this guy clearly has issues and likely they are closely related to his service. it doesn’t mean he’s a bad person and you made a mistake not seeing it. it just means he’s acting badly and you don’t need to endure it while he recoups. if he recoups.

your relationship with your parents will shift as you go into different phases of life. eventually you’ll have more responsibilities with your life and your independence from your parents will be even more. it’s not always an easy shift for everybody when you spend less time with them but it just makes the time you do spend with them more cherished.

hugs

[Monkeybun]

Sounds to me that your dad is trying to come up with ways to make it so you can spend more time with him, thus the getting rid of bunnies thing. He probably thought that you spend so much time with them that you forgot about him, and he wants you to hang out with him too Now that he has had that talk with you about them, and understands more, maybe he can come and hang out with you AND them more often

It’s always great when you have the support and love of your parents, your dad is just worried about you and wants what is best, even if he is wrong relax, take a break from boys and spend some quality time with just you, and your family. *hugs*

[Lintini]

Hey thanks everyone

I won over my dad tonight with 2lbs of organic yukon blend from starbucks/work and got him this new 20oz coffee mug we started carrying! (I saw on my mom’s shopping list for my dad’s new apartment for some coffee mugs while he’s 4 hours away at this new stupid job site THANKS TARGET FOR TAKING MY DAD AWAY YOU TURDS) My dad was in the olympics and is 6’4” so he’s like “go big or go home” hahahaha!!! SO this is a REALLY big coffee mug!! Since my car was towed to the shop this morning RIP mustang …sigh first problem my girl has had since we bought her in 2004, Lady Gaga will be in the shop a few days for some part…I dunno I’ve already forgot what my dad said was wrong LOL!!! So…….duuuduunadaaaaa Dad said he’s going to take me to work on his motorcycle!!!! Muhaha! That’s gonna be cool, I also don’t have work till 6pm so I asked to go on a ride before too That will be fun.

Thank you so much for the well wishes, much love from me <3 <3
Indy bun says hello too by the way…Dunno, he just ran up to me and then stared at me, I think that meant to tell you all hello lol!!!

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Oi *HUGS HUGS HUGS*

I think we all end up in a not good relationship at one point. The problem is that girls think that they can and should fix someone and that a failed relationship is their fault. Oi and this is so close to home because my brother and my good friend are totally in the same ship …

If I can offer the following adive if you won’t be offended-because that’s not my intention!

You can only change a man who is in diapers. You teach people how to treat you. And you don’t have to hate someone to break up with them.

And-most importantly-you are worth it.

Having been in wretched unhealthy relationships I know…I also know how easy it is for people to tell you to break up with them, and yet…you feel like you can’t, or that you owe them something or what have you. We are here for you, but we are not in that relationship and your choices are your own.

I’m so proud that you walked away from the emotional strain he was putting on you-unfairly putting on you.

Kudos, stay strong *hugs* keep us posted!!!

[MimzMum]

Dads are very protective of their daughters. I can imagine he may even be feeling a little guilty that he was unable to spare you the grief of the situation with your ex. Parents feel that way about their kids, even if they don’t have the closest relationships. My two children are my whole life and I don’t like to think about them both being out on their own. And I’ve probably done a little too much for them in their lives. Some things we have no say in though. I watched my boy go through a few quick first romances these last two years and in both he got his heart broken. A part of me would’ve done anything to spare him that pain, even if it meant taking him out of college…but that wouldn’t have helped him, really. Sometimes we feel the only place we as parents have any influence in a child’s life is in the home we raised them in, and it’s natural for us to want to protect them no matter where they are, and from everything.
Your dad probably figured between what happened, the fact that he has to go away to work and all that you need to do for the bunnies that maybe you had too much on your plate and wanted to see your load lightened. But now he knows better. I’m glad you were able to share the experience of the bunnies with him to give him a clearer idea of what they mean to you.
A motorcycle ride with a 6’4″ former Olympian (even if he IS your dad) has got to be the coolest thing ever! ^_^ Grab those moments while you can, dear. They will be with you for the rest of your life.
When I was 13, I went on a motorhome trip with my (grand)dad back east over Canada and returning through the states. I STILL tell stories about that trip, it was beyond memorable.
I’ve had a few Mustangs, started with a 73, had a bad rear axle so I had to sell it, got a 72, it was already beaten to death so sold that, then my dad got me a brand new 83 to get to work in and that’s where I met the hubby, who proceeded to drive my new car to death in a bunch of straight shots down the 5 between SF and LA. I miss my Mustangs. Hubby is a Chevy man and always hated working on my Fords… but we currently have a Mercury SUV that he loves, oddly enough.

*waves back at Indy and the other buns*

[(dig)x(me)x(now)]

About the boyfriend – Regretfully I’ve been in this sort of situation before. It’s horrible how we can let things like this happen to us sometimes. Because of the mostly mental abuse I went though, I’ve had horrible anxiety and such over the past 5 years even after being completely out of the situation. So if you ever need someone to talk to, please know I’m here and I “get” it.

I hope you’ve completely removed yourself from the situation regardless of how hard it might be to separate yourself. We’re all aware of how awesome and sweet you are, and you don’t need anyone trying to make you think otherwise! <3

 

You’ll know you’ve made the right decision when his crazy ass lands in jail in the near future.

[Author]

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