I don’t know what to do anymore/need to vent

[Michelle&Lolli]

I had an EMG done last week.  Of course it didn’t show any problems.  So my surgeon can’t explain why I’m having the symptoms I’m having and doesn’t know what else to do except recommend accupunture.  They have done 3 MRI’s of my whole spine and nothing shows.  I don’t have muscle weakness and my range of motion is good.  But I get the damn numbness/tingling in my feet when I stand and I get a horrible uncomfortable feeling down my left leg when I sit for long periods in chairs. 

My mom thinks this is all in my head.  That it’s part of my depression and my body is storing trauma.  She’s sort of into engery healing.  But her thinking this makes me feel like a crazy person. I’ve had these symptoms since I’ve had my neck problems in 2008.  Everything started about the same time – the herniation in my neck and these problems in my legs. 

Metlife denied my long term disability claim through my employer so I have to appeal that.  I’m having to move in with my dad this week.  He’s telling me that I need to go back to work if Metlife denies me.  I’ve tried going to church and that flared everything up.  Driving around a lot flares everything up. So I can only do like one thing at a time.  For example, I can’t shopping at several stores cause it just gets to be too much. 

So I am a depressed mess right now.  I just don’t know what else to do.  Maybe my mom’s right and I just made all this up and I’m just crazy. 

[Helenor]

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Have you talked to your doctor about other tests you might be able to try? I feel like the only way to get a good diagnosis is to keep pushing for more. I had a mysterious disease when I was 14 and I am lucky my father is a doctor. When nothing showed up on MRIs and other scans even though I had weakness in my left and right sides, he kept pushing for more MRIs and more tests. Finally I was diagnosed with moyamoya disease (a pretty rare disease).

You should definitely ask your doctor about more tests, I think. As for it being “all in your head” or you being crazy, don’t listen. My mom tried to tell me my depression was in my head too, until she saw me.

Just in case, have you looked at other things that could cause the same symptoms? Maybe it’s something else. Doctors thought I had multiple sclerosis for a while before I was correctly diagnosed. I hope you feel better and talk to your doctor about this!

[Huckleberry]

You are probably not crazy… then againl, you’re a bunny lover, that drives us all a little over the edge 😉 I’m kidding.
First, do not give up on disability!!!! My mom was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and tried to get disability. She was denied, she appealed, she was denied… once more, she appealed a third time and won! Not only did she win that but she was also able to apply for Social Security with less of a headache because she had already been approved through an insurance company. Keep fighting that fight!!!!!!
If you feel pain, then you are in pain! Don’t ignore it because someone who is not feeling your pain says you don’t feel it. Ignoring it, leaving it untreated, and convincing yourself that you are making it up is just unhealthy on many levels.
I don’t really know which tests look for what… but could it be that you have a slipped disk in your spine? a pinched nerve? The pain you describe sounds like nerve pain. When my mom (she is a huge ball of health cases) had back surgery she had felt tingling and numbness in her left leg for a long time. The doctors missed the damage on the scans. Finally, a doctor decided to do exploratory surgery and found that a disk had ruptured in her spine, several pieces of it had shot into her spine. The dr was able to remove most of the pieces and repair the damage but she still has trouble with her leg sometimes.
Just lay down on the floor (if it doesn’t hurt too much) and try to stretch a little and relax with Lolli. Hopefully, she will sense your pain and give you some kisses and nose bumps!!

[Monkeybun]

definitely do alot of stretches. physical therapy works wonders sometimes, even if you don’t have muscle weakness.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

{{{Hugs}}} NOT in your head. In fact if it is in your head -thats still medical and can be treated!!!

The one thing that is red flagging for me with your symptoms is early symptoms of MS -have you had tests for that? It’s scary but I know several people who have it and it started with vague symptoms like tingling and weakness….another thing -maybe DVT (Deep vein thrombosis-a partial blockege in an artery in your leg)-perhaps getting your blood flow checked-I think it’s floroscopy something to check for that…Just suggestions for a second opinion. I’m not a doctor but it seems with the state of over worked doctors you have to dianose yourself and ask for tests to rule out what you think you might have…

[Monkeybun]

Agreed. Seems like a lot of doctors rely on MRIs for everything these days. I had 2 done on my knee and doc said nothing was wrong.. yet physical therapist said i definitely had patellar tendonitis (2 years of tendonitis so far. fun.) and some bone brusing judging by hte tenderness I’ve had in my knee for so long. It still hasn’t healed up yet.

A second opinion would be a good idea I think. But do stretching too, gotta keep things working if you can

[brittbritt]

I vote for a second opinion too. Some doctors are in a rush to tell you what’s not wrong with you instead of finding what is wrong. Remember, you are the patient and the doctor works for you. If you don’t like the way the doctor is handling your medical problems then find one who will listen and take it more seriously.

[peppypoo]

Keeping things moving is definitely good, as long as you don’t feel that the exercise is making your symptoms worse.

Don’t give up! There are a lot of things we still don’t know these days about pain and sensations, so just because doctors haven’t been able to find a cause for it yet doesn’t at all mean that there isn’t a reason for your symptoms. Sometimes you’ve just got to find a good doctor that will work with you and find out what’s going on. Sadly, these days a lot of the exams that a doctor orders are dictated by insurance companies themselves…hence the over-reliance on MRIs, which don’t always show everything. Keep on trying…hopefully you can come to an understanding with your parents regarding the situation.

If you don’t mind me asking, what was the original problem? Did an accident occur?

[Michelle&Lolli]

Thank you everyone! I am just having a moment. And I have wondered off and on if this was just all in my head. I even asked doctors about it and they said no, that something is going on. I have wondered about MS as well. But I am the type of person who will read the symptoms of something and think maybe that’s what I have. I don’t think I’m a hypocondriac. It’s not like I think up things to have wrong with me. It’s just frustrating cause when I look up different neurological problems/diseases, I have *some* of the symptoms but not all – like for MS.

Peppy – This really all started back in 2008. I had slept on my neck wrong, popped my neck, and herniated a disk. That caused severe neck pain as well as pain, tingling, numbness down my left arm. That same year, I began to have the leg symptoms. My neurosurgeon who did the spinal fusion on my neck said that my leg problems were not caused by my neck. I have been in physical therapy so many times but I also am lazy and don’t stick with the exercises. I know I need to exercise and stregthen my core muscles but I let to many excuses get in the way. Also, I don’t feel comfortable going for walks where I live. When I move out to my dad’s I am going to force myself to go for walks and bike rides as he lives out in the country.

It’s just like the doctors do the MRI’s and then the EMG and then quit. Then I quit too cause I get too depressed to deal with anything or bother going to appointments. Sigh.

[Monkeybun]

Thats one thing my PT guy hammered into my head: Do the exercises, or he’d give me harder ones during sessions So I did my exercises lol. I feel so much better when I do, its worth the 20 minutes twice a day to do them. I can even lay on the floor with the buns for part of them, so it isn’t so bad

So.. do them or.. no bunny pics for you for a month!

[LoveChaCha]

I agree with everyone else.

Second opinions are often a good thing to do, for whatever purpose it may be.

A nice walk outside is good to get the muscles moving annd fresh air. I wish it were at least partially sunny here

I used to force myself to exercise, now I do it because it is good for me. I hope that even just a little can do a lot for you!

Sending wishes you’ll find a good doctor

[Sarita]

What are your chances of being able to go back to work? You seem pretty young and I’m sure it’s depressing living with your father and having no money. Sure you can fight disability but wouldn’t you feel more productive if you could at least work even if it was part-time or light duty.

Or could you go back to school? Sitting at home all day or even shopping when you don’t have the money to spend doesn’t sound like fun. Is there volunteer work you could do? Maybe some of your problems are related to depression and being productive and doing something were you can make a difference or make money could help you financially and emotionally.

[Michelle&Lolli]

Sarita – I can’t sit for very long without getting uncomfortable. To the point where I have to stand. Then I can’t stand for very long cause my feet go numb. It’s just all dumb. But my goal is once I move out to my dad’s maybe the stress I’m under right now will allievate and I will be better able to kick my own butt into exercising and getting involved in something.

[AbbyGirl]

You should never think it’s all in your head. I’ve had many doctors make me feel that way since I was very young. No one could ever figure out why I was always swollen and had so much joint pain. I even had to be taken out of school because of it. We have a lot of autoimmune problems in my family and my mom has fibromyalgia. I think a second opinion is an excellent idea at this point.

Could the pain you get down your leg be from your sciatic nerve? I know when mine acts up it’s horrible to get into a comfortable position sitting or laying. Have you ever tried seeing a chiropractor? That is something that has helped me tremendously.

I hope you’re feeling better soon! =)

[Michelle&Lolli]

So just got a call from my employer, if I don’t come back to work or get approved for Long term disability, I’ll be fired. FML

[jerseygirl]

Michelle, I’m sorry to hear the difficulties keep arising.  Sending some virtual hugs and bun hugs too!

I think if you’ve been living with some chronic pain and limited mobility for a while, it can start to warp what you think is the norm. Especially with depression, you may second guess yourself. Both conditions have their challenges and can effect one another as you are no doubt aware of. Didn’t you mentioned before you have a congenital skeletal condition also? 

One thing I want to ask is please don’t try problem solve this (medical and employement) on your own. With the latest from your employer, could you now talk with your uncle who’s a lawyer and find out what your rights and options are? Also, your doctor should be able to give you some guidance regarding work or perhaps another doctor.

I’m not aware of what your role was at work but is it something that could be modified so you can work from your fathers place?

I ditto looking into some other forms of therapy like chiropractics or osteopathy. Just be aware they can all work differently so do your research first if you choose to go that route. Perhaps some recommendations by others that have suffered similar disabilities?

 

[Monkeybun]

Oh, one other thing… stop sleeping on the floor with Lolli. I know, she’s cute, but sleeping on the floor won’t help your back/neck/hips any. You need the support a good matress gives you.

[Michelle&Lolli]

I am going to be referred to a neurologist to see if he/she can see something my doctor can’t. So we’ll see. Still not in a good place, depressionwise. Oh well.

[Elrohwen]

Big hugs! I’m so sorry to hear you’re not doing well – being disabled after being fine for so long must be completely horrible.

Are you getting treatment for the depression? If it’s interfering with going to appointments and doing the exercises, it might be worth solving that problem with a therapist first.

I’m also curious about what you did at your job – there’s no way you could do it from home? When you’re at home, what position are you normally in if you can’t sit or stand for long periods? Laying in bed or on the floor while reading or using a laptop can be very bad for your neck and could be making things worse (I’m in PT for my neck right now and they’ve made me promise not to do that anymore).

I don’t really have any amazing advice, but we’re here for you and I hope things go ok while living with your dad.

[Michelle&Lolli]

I was a phone interviewer. I took loan applications over the phone. I work at a credit union, so there’s no way of me being able to work from home. My surgeon did suggest that the best possible thing might be for me to find a job that would allow me to work from home.

I basically recline on my couch. With a lot of squirming and repositioning. Eventually I lay down for a bit. This is also because I usually end up taking a nap every day. lol

I need to get back into counseling. I know this. I just can’t seem to make the call.

[AbbyGirl]

My husband works for Thrivent Financial and they are often hiring part time work from home people. It’s doing phone work, asking questions to clients to finish up applications for mutual funds, annuities and things like that. He said there aren’t any open right now but I’d be happy to keep an eye on it for you and let you know if something opens up.

[Michelle&Lolli]

Thank you Amy.

I am now wondering if this is a life opportunity. It occurred to me today that maybe Life/God/Universe/what have you is giving me the opportunity to go back to school. I would finish my English degree. I only have 24 credit left plus the foreign language requirement. I could work as a student lab monitor like I did before. But…….I wouldn’t have health insurance. And I’d have to live with my dad a lot longer. And still have no money really. I’ll have to think and pray on it. Then talk to my parents.

The hope with completing my degree is that I could make more money and be better able to support myself. Right now, I’m barely making $22k a year. I know a lot of other people are in the same boat though. And with the way the economy is, there’s no guarantee that I’d be able to find a better paying job after I get my degree. But then, by having the degree, I’d be more likely to get a better paying job. Gah.

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