Forgive me, my friend

[giu.spi]

Hello everyone. I just lost my best friend ever and and I don’t really know how I feel.

First of all, I want to thank you so much for giving me the chance to express my feelings and share my experience with people that can genuinely understand me. My family and friends are very kind and supportive, but I still feel like no one here is really understanding how I feel and what my bunny meant and still means to me.

Cohen was a beautiful 9 years old aries rabbit, I bought him when I was just 15 and we literally grew up together. He had a very special personality, he wasn’t so friendly with people he didn’t know and that’s why all the members of the family shared a very special bond with him. We all were very close to him and he showed us his love in his own very special way. He loved me in a way I couldn’t think it was possible for a rabbit, it was amazing and I was so blessed to have him in my life. I learned so much, he taught me so much.

He has always been healthy, until three months ago, when the vet found out he was in the very first stage of a pretty aggressive bone tumor. We had one chance, we could try to save him despite the age, he was still healthy so that’s what we did. The vet tried to remove the tumor amputating a paw, he recovered surprisingly fast from the surgery and happily lived two more months with us, until the last week. He started losing control of his back paws out of nowhere, also started having balance problems and lost a considerable amount of weight in a very short time. I brought him to three different vets, the one who operated him couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The last vet we went to, found out that the tumor had damaged his kidneys and liver, there was nothing we could do at this point.

Cohen was the strongest pet I have ever had, he was such a stubborn little creature and he never let the tumor win until the very end. He couldn’t move, but he would still eat and interact with us, so we decided to keep him with us under medications to help him with the pain and eventually end his life at the end of this week, on Saturday. We wanted some more time with him, but at the same time we didn’t want him to get worse, we tried to do the best thing. It’s never easy in these situations. He was still himself, and as a very important part of the family we decided not to give up on him yet. Also my mother and sister are very religious and were quite skeptical about ending his life, but I was clear about it and only wanted to do his best interests. It was just a matter of time, days.

I think maybe this was my biggest mistake, waiting too much. I don’t have any sort of regret about the way I took care of him, or the amount of time I spent with him, or the vet care we provided him. I know I was a good mother to him and I am so grateful, despite everything, because we spent 9 beautiful years together and I know how blessed I was to have him. I just think that maybe I was not strong enough to let him go earlier. Maybe I was naive, or maybe just weak and selfish. I don’t know, I just feel so bad for the way he left us.

He died a few hours ago in my arms, after 24 hours of visible pain. He got worse really fast, I spent the whole day with him providing him medications, but it wasn’t enough. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to bring him to a vet, although there wasn’t much any vet could have done to him, maybe just spare him some pain and end his life earlier. I don’t think he passed away peacefully, I think he was in a lot of pain despite the medications and I feel so guilty and responsible for what happened. I am not sure I will ever recover from this.

Anyways, despite everything, he was so deeply loved until the very end, until his very last breath, and at least he is resting in peace right now. I hope he will forgive me, someday. I hope I will forgive myself as well, someday.

 

Thank you, again.

[HipHopBunny]

Oh, I am so sorry! My heart breaks for you! He was very clearly loved, and don’t blame yourself for him having a bad tumor, horrible things happen, it’s not your fault. He most certainly doesn’t blame you for his death! You gave him extra time, and love.  He is probably in heaven watching over you right now, and thinking of how lucky he was to have you in his life. You sound like a fantastic rabbit mama, fighting for him to the end! I lost a dear rabbit friend last summer. Very near and dear to my heart. It’s always hard to get over the loss of our bunny friends, but know they want you to be happy. They wouldn’t want to watch you suffer from their loss, they want to see you smile. I eventually got more rabbits after my dear bunny died, and they make me smile every day.

Again, I am so very sorry!!  Sending you peaceful thoughts and hugs.

 

[Wick & Fable]

It’s possible to hold both pain and pure joy in being loved. Many times, in our most difficult moments, feeling loved is the most blissful experience. It is so very clear that you cared and loved him so much, and that resonated to him, I’m sure. To have you with him as he journeyed through some unpleasant experiences must have meant the world to him and he is now binkying free.

The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.

[giu.spi]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support, it means a lot, now more than ever. I am sure he is watching over us and hope he is okay, wherever he is. I am sorry for your loss, but at the same time I am so happy that you could find happiness again with other bunnies, it’s beautiful. I hope I can do the same someday! Many hugs to you and your furry friends as well

[DanaNM]

I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁

I’ve lost two of my beloved bunnies in visible pain in front of my eyes, and it is so so traumatic. When it is their time they really do tend to just crash, and it happens so fast, you really shouldn’t beat yourself up. It is clear you did everything you could for him, and I think all of us who care so much for our bunnies will find something to feel guilty about, no matter what choices we end up making. He sounds like such a little fighter and it’s very obvious he was very loved.

(((Binky free beautiful Cohen)))

 

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[prince dorian the bun]

So very sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet kitty in a similar way and it totally broke me up so I can very much imagine your pain. Tumors suck so much. Cohen sounds like an amazing bun, is that him in your profile photo? If so, what a cutie! Take time to grieve and don’t feel you need to be okay, but don’t blame yourself. I am sure he never blamed you for any of it, so nothing for him to forgive. And when you are ready a new friend might help, how I ended up with Dorian who is so different (I mean being a bun for one!). They don’t replace the ones we lose (nothing can), but they help us in many other ways.

[theo_ct]

I know very well the feeling – the way my bunny left was also very traumatising and felt very wrong. Nothing can prepare us for when they leave, so its only natural to feel the way you do. It sounds like you had an amazing bond and I really hope you can rest in the knowledge of mutual love between you in the harder moments. Take the time you need to rest and grieve, and gradually things will get easier. Sending you lots of support and strength.

[giu.spi]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support, it means a lot to me. I wish I could reply to each one of you individually but I am not quite sure how to do it so I will just post this, hoping you will read it. Dealing with such a loss somehow feels a bit easier when we find people who really understand, even if we’re strangers to each other. It’s already been two weeks since it all happened, actually it feels like ages to me, I am still processing everything. I am giving myself some time, I feel like I still haven’t realized it 100%, sometimes I still feel like he’s somewhere in the house hiding but then I come back to reality. I feel empty most of the time. I guess time will help heal the wounds, I’m positive and hopeful it will get easier someday. To the kind person who asked: yes, Cohen was that sweet little creature on my profile pic! Actually going through all his pics and videos help me a lot, we shared so many happy moments, it cheers me up to relieve our good old days. Thank you all, again. Sending lots of love to all of you and your bunnies!

[HipHopBunny]

I know the feeling, of thinking you are coming home to find them there, just as you always did, and not finding them there. I am again so sorry for you! 😥 You are a truly wise an insightful soul, those words you spoke were beautiful, I hope you can find happiness again with other bun’s, as I said before, he would want to look down and see you happy, we all do need time to grieve and get over things, but don’t spend too much time grieving. Smile 🙂 laugh 🙂 Be happy 🙂

Sending love to you back!

[Author]

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