Boyfriend does not understand bunnies and me

[Tipsy Bunny]

I always look at new toys for Tipsy and he gets frustrated because I spend a lot on toys and he said, “A lot of the people I knew that had rabbits just kept them in their cages play with them when they want and gave them treats.”  I tried to tell him thats not how to do it, but he thinks that because all those people did it that way its the right way and because I am the only one that he sees do it this way, I am wrong and I am no expert.  I am not, but I know not to keep her in the cage all day.  I am trying to keep her from getting too bored and reverting to my carpet again and he said, “dont give her the entire apartment, lock her up”… I was so mad when he said that!  

I told him that rabbits need all the exercise they can get throughout the day and that leaving them in a small cage can give them psychological problems.  and he said again that he never saw his old friends give that much space for their rabbits.  Like, eventually, when I have enough room, I would like to upgrade her large breed dog kennel to an xpen, and I told him that and he just said that it would be ridiculous to spend $70 for an xpen when she has a large cage anyways, and I told him she needs more room and he thought I was absolutely crazy.

I just dont know what else to say when I have given him the facts!  We almost get in a fight because of the way I take care of her!  He just doesnt understand and I try so hard to help him.

Any advice to move a stubborn boys opinion?

[Stickerbunny]

If someone doesn’t get love of animals, no amount of explaining will get them to change. It’s one of those places when you need to compromise in a relationship and since he’s being unreasonable and asking for you to neglect your bun, it is the place where he has to just decide to be supportive if he loves you. Explain to him that this is how you are taking care of your pet because you love her and she deserves better than just being locked up all the time in your opinion and you aren’t going to change how you care for her and it upsets you when he suggests that you do things like his friends did. Ask him if he is being upset because he is jealous of the attention you give her, etc. Be reasonable and try not to get mad about it when you discuss it. If nothing changes, you have to decide if his way with animals is something you can put up with potentially forever, if things progress between you two. Personally, I could never be with someone who told me to lock my rabbit up in a little cage and ignore her, so it would be a deal breaker for me if he couldn’t support me in it. But if you can handle him being that way, then you may just have to accept that is the way he is and hope your bunny can break through with its cuteness.

[Freyja]

have you thought about getting him to read a rabbit care book? maybe you could highlight some bits for him to read and show him? maybe if he sees the facts in a book he will get over his misconceptions and realize it is the proper way to care for rabbits. Sometimes people just need to see the facts in writing from a reliable expert source before they will believe them, (not saying that you arnt reliable or an expert of course

[longhairmike]

build him an NIC condo…

[LoveChaCha]

Posted By longhairmike on 02/06/2012 08:21 PM
build him an NIC condo…

 

That.. or make him read the House Rabbit Society.

In my opinion, if my boyfriend did not like my bunny, it would be a deal breaker. But he knows why I got her, and he respects it and her.. and loves her.

[Tipsy Bunny]

I dont think its a jealously thing, it used to be, but he does understand that animals mean the world to me and when one is in my care, I take full responsibility of them and see to that they are happy and healthy. I dont think he realizes that rabbits arent rodents, but are like dogs and cats and thats where he is rather confused about the way I care for her. He does know that later in life, I will be getting another rabbit and he is fine with that, he is just an opinionated person and lets it known. I think it is that because he sees her as a “rodent,” rodents, to him, live in cages and dont nee special toys like dogs and cats do. And when I go out and buy her toys for her in the cat and dog section, he is confused as to why I am spending so much on toys. If it was a dog, I dont think he would question me. He is definitely a dog person, he does not like cats… and like how cats jump on you, he doesnt like it when Tipsy jumps on him when we are on the bed. Oh well.

But I like your thinking Stickerbunny. I will have to give it a shot.
Same with yours Freyja!

[LoveChaCha]

There are always ways to change his thinking.. well, I mean, to help him understand that rabbits don’t live in wire bottom cages, don’t have human slaves, etc. Does he live with you?

[longhairmike]

arizona seems to be a dog-state… its like other animals dont count
on the AZ mountain biking forum, you should see how many threads get derailed into dog-off-leash arguments or why-do-they-keep-leaving-their-blue-bags-of-poo-on-the-side-of-the-trail-at-south-mountain rants.

[Tipsy Bunny]

ChaCha – he sleeps over quite often but we see each other every day.

Mike – haha yes very true. AZ is dog oriented. I think its cause its way too hot during the summers and the mountains provide the trails for the crazy dog people.

[Huckleberry]

Are you two splitting financial responsibilities? (You don’t have to answer that) The point is that if it is your money, and your pet… why does it matter to him how you handle it? It seems silly for him to want to pick a fight over something so trivial. If you wanted to buy a palace for your imaginary friend, that is your choice, not his. If you aren’t going into massive debt for buying toys, he needs to butt out. Do you criticize his financial choices (let’s say he drops $50 on a video game, for example), you can’t really say much about that because it is his money and his choice to make.

This is how my boyfriend and I work things out. It sounds a little weird to most, but as long as we both cover our half of the bills and can contribute to the food, we each spend our money in the way we feel is appropriate. We don’t judge and in not judging, it has made things very easy to discuss our choices before we make them. It was like we had to step apart and define our own habits and both get comfortable with those habits before we could work together. (I dont know if that makes any sense at all, but I hope it does)

Now, in any case, it should make him happy that you are happy. That is the bottom line.

[KytKattin]

Have you tried just telling him that she is your pet and you are happy with the way you take care of her? That if you didn’t get to take care of her they way you wanted it wouldn’t be worth having her? You are spending your own money on her toys and care, right? I hate the “oh, so-and-so kept their *insert pet here* in the bare minimum, so it must be okay” argument. I mean, sometimes people do that with their own parents in nursing homes. That doesn’t mean you want to do it that way. You bought her for your enjoyment and companionship, and no one should tell you how to enjoy your pet, and you enjoy your pet when she is mentally and emotionally stable and happy.

I understand him not wanting her to have unsupervised free run, especially if he shares an appt with you. I wouldn’t allow my boyfriend to have a destructive animal of any species do damage to someplace I was paying rent on, and i wouldn’t expect him to tolerate it from me. We agreed that if the animal does damage, the owner of the animal has to pay to fix or replace it.

[Sam and Lady's Human]

I vote ditch the boy and get a new one There’s loads of em out there.

[Tipsy Bunny]

Thanks for all of your input, this is helping me try to figure out what I need to tell him to try to get the point across to him.
Again, the more I think about it, the more I realize that he is confused with this unconventional pet I have and I am giving it a “dog’s” amount of attention when it is just a small animal and every time he gets confused and lets me know he is, he says it in a snobbish and rude way and it annoys me.

SLHuman – too late haha, we are to be engaged within the next couple years haha

I just have to find a way to help him see that though she isnt the “norm” pet, she is still my pet and I love her. and with all your advice, I may be able to get it across to him (he has only ever had labradors and beagles growing up, btw, never cats or birds or rodents).

[KytKattin]

It actually sounds like you have pretty good communication with him, which is a good start. If you are open to it, I would try teaching your bunny some simple tricks (if you haven’t already). Coming to her name when called, and sitting up on her back legs on command might make her seem more interesting and engaging. Maybe you could then ask him what sort of tricks he would like to see her do!

[Tipsy Bunny]

so I talked to him… seems to be a misunderstanding on both our parts. He was just saying that he doesnt want me to be spending money on so many toys for her when we could be seeing what we can make for her to keep her happy. He said he was sorry about comparing the way I care for Tipsy and how he saw the way his old friends cared for their rabbits. But, we will be looking for ways to make toys together which will be fun! I am glad that we both talked about it without getting in an argument… it was actually quite a short discussion. I just told him that I was upset by his comments and then he explained what he meant and we got everything cleared up.
KtyKattin – she actually does come when she is called, but only when I call her hahaha, its pretty funny, he is still trying to make a relationship with her. But when he needs to use my printer at my apartment, he will let her out and run around while he is printer his pages which is a really nice gesture and I let him know my appreciation and so does Tipsy with nudges.

[LittlePuffyTail]

That’s great that you talked about it. A lot of fights are caused by misuderstandings. Maybe you can try to involve him more in the bunnies and their care.

My husband knows that animals always come first to me. I didn’t have bunnies when we met but I was still very dedicated to my horse and animal rights issues. I wouldn’t tolerate being with a man who thinks my love for animals or my beliefs are wrong.

[Stickerbunny]

Tipsy, you can order toy parts from certain websites (or craft stores often have most of them) and put toys together for very cheap. If he wants to try to make stuff for her, have him go with you to the craft store and you two come up with supplies together and then make the toys for her. You can also get some cardboard boxes for free from grocery stores or places like subway that get large shipments in big boxes by asking them to put some boxes to the side for you. Then you two can make box forts, houses, dig boxes, etc for free – take some old paper (phone books!) and the boxes and go at it. I’m glad he apologized for comparing.

[Beka27]

I’d personally be less concerned about the cost of toys and more concerned about the necessities of having rabbits and the unexpected costs that can arise. By now, he has obviously seen that providing litter, veggies, and hay is very pricey. But, have you spoken with him about your beliefs as far as vet care is concerned? I can’t speak to your situation, I know everyone has different ideas on what lengths they will go to in order to provide vet care. I believe that going the “extra mile” is not always in the best interest of everyone involved. This might be a controversial thought on this type of board, but while I think that no animal should be left to suffer, if forced to make a decision between a surgery that may costs thousands of dollars and humane euthanasia, I would not fault a person for choosing to let their rabbit go in a controlled way. That’s not saying you don’t love your pet, but it just means that you recognize that they ARE a pet, and they will not be around forever either way. If you are planning to marry him in a couple years, chances are your rabbit may not face many vet bills before that occurs. After marriage, does he know what you would expect as far as long-term care for your bunny? Would he support you if you wanted to pursue a surgery that cost $2000 or more, and might only give a 50/50 prognosis? This is an important discussion to have now while you are on the subject of finances. If he’s on-board, you can also make sure to be prepared with some type of emergency fund to off-set future costs, which is definitely a good idea anyways.

[kamdynandsunshinesmom]

My family escpecially my sister just doesn’t understand me and my rabbits. I love my sister and can count on her for anything. She just doesn’t get me and will make mean comments. It does upset me. She does love my rabbits and does buy them christmas and birthday gifts. I have a disabled bunny and I don’t ever leave him alone for a long period of time. My sister just doesn’t understand that she will say things like you can leave him quit being a baby about it! I just anymore ignore her.

[Tipsy Bunny]

Beka – I do admit I spend a lot on toys when I can make them, just finding the time is what is the problem. The vet costs are not an issue. He knows that a pet to me is important and that its a life worth saving wether that means letting them free from pain or nursing them from it. He understands that when we get married, the rabbits are just as important as his dogs.

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