Bonding going backwards… I’m at a loss

[jmdb]

Hi, it’s been a while since I posted but I began trying to bond my bunnies for the second time one month ago.

Monkey – 1.5 years, female, netherland dwarf (spayed early 2020)

Tokki – 1 year, male, mini lop / lionhead / angora cross (neutered april 2020)

 

So… I’ve been doing daytime bonding for 5+ hours per day and this time around went much smoother than before. We had grooming and flopping together from the first date. For the first 3.5 weeks, there were no negative behaviours, so we gradually increased the pen size. Monkey was always asking for grooms, and Tokki would oblige around 70% of the time. The other 30% he would either be busy eating hay and ignore her, or – more likely – flop on her face and she would then flop with him.

We got to 1.8 m x 1.8 m with no bad behaviours, and they were eating greens together, sharing a litter box and generally seemed in love. They would even thump at us when it was time to be separated for the night, and seemed sad. They’d flop next to each other in their pens as soon as they went home for the night.

 

Then, 3-4 days ago, Tokki was having a binky party. Monkey joined in after a while, and it seemed playful. But, at some point, it seemed to be heading towards a fight. We separated them and they went back to being loved up.

Since then, Monkey has seemed increasingly on edge every day, but we’ve been able to continue with 5+ hour sessions. I’ve had to separate some slow circling maybe 3-4 times. But nothing major. I also reduced the pen size every day since it started happening.

But Monkey seemed to be getting more and more on edge. I also noticed that they were spending less time together. Yesterday, during nearly 6 hours, they barely interacted. So I reduced the pen size yet again.

Today they were side by side for the first hour or so, and loafed together at one point. Then, Monkey mounted Tokki. Even though she’s shown more dominant behaviour until now, she’d never mounted him before – either in this one-month bonding process or the last time we tried. Tokki didn’t take it well and the biggest fight ever broke out. It was almost impossible for me to separate them, and I’m really shaken up by the whole thing.

This is the first time I’ve carried out bonding sessions on my home since my partner went away for work a few days ago (good timing, huh?). I’m terrified to continue in case I struggle to break up a fight again. The bunnies both seem really shaken up, too, and there’s fur everywhere. Luckily no injuries, but I really was worried I wouldn’t be able to break it up.

I’m sad, shaken up, terrified and at a loss for what to do next. It feels like I’m having a Benjamin Button experience with this attempt because it started off so well and just seems to be getting worse and worse…

[DanaNM]

Oh man, that is so frustrating! But take a deep breath! Fights are often inevitable, despite how hard we try to prevent them. And it does not indicate they are unbondable, most bondings are full of some ups and downs.

Was this all in a neutral space?

Sometimes when you’ve been bonding a long time in one area, things can get “less neutral”. I also have always had much better luck in large spaces, especially when the sessions start getting long. Chasing a bit can be an important part of the process, and the space allows them to get away from each other (such as when there is an unwanted mounting attempt).

Monkey could just be very slow to actually settle down, hence the mounting attempt now. It’s probably a blessing in disguise that this happened during a bonding session and not once you deemed them “bonded”.

I think it’s OK to take a little break and let everyone (including you) calm down.

Then I think I would brainstorm a new area you could work with them in. Often a new location can really help when you hit a road block.

Last thought, sometimes when one bunny is starting to have a health problem it can cause changes in behavior in bonding. I would keep a close eye on both buns and make sure they are doing well before resuming.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[jmdb]

Thank you so much for the reassurance. I’m still feeling pretty defeated – especially because I know I won’t be able to start bonding attempt #3 until at least June – but bunnies seem like they’re feeling better now.

Monkey seemed pretty hesitant when she went in for the mount. Like she wasn’t quite sure she was going to go through with it, and I was surprised to see it too. Tokki stopped grooming her altogether a few days ago, though, so I guess she was getting serious about asserting her dominance! And it seems Tokki wasn’t happy about it.

You’re definitely right about it happening now, and that is indeed a blessing.

The only health issue I can think of is that Tokki has been eating a lot of his fur recently, and has had constipation 3 times over the last 2 months as a result. I’m not sure if that would affect things.

My big dilemma for now is figuring out the living situation for the next 6-ish months. For them to both be free roaming, there won’t be any neutral space left. But I don’t want to keep them restricted until then, either. As much as I hate to say it, I’m considering trying to figure out a more permanent separate living situation for them and giving up on bonding for the foreseeable future.

[Wick & Fable]

In case there’s reluctance to give up due to any feelings of guilt or something, fear not — it happens and two single rabbits can still have wonderful lives. My Wick and Fable live separated permanently (as of now) after failed bonding. There was a time they could share the free roam space, but it didn’t hold and ultimately Wick just doesn’t want a relationship with Fable. There is something very liberating and nice about giving up the bond and being able to make more established set ups as opposed to a bunch of temporary nonsense.

 

The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.

[DanaNM]

I totally agree that there shouldn’t any guilt involved with throwing in the towel. Buns get a lot of benefits from having another bun as a neighbor, even if they aren’t bonded, and Wick is right about having established set-ups vs the sea of pens and fencing that you end up with during bonding!

When I was having a super hard time with Bun Jovi and Bertha (who crossed the rainbow bridge in 2019), I had basically spent almost 4 months working with them. I told myself I was going to give it one more shot (a marathon at my friend’s house). If they weren’t showing clear signs of progress by 24 hrs in, I was going to call it and keep them as neighbors. Just having that plan took a lot of stress off of me, because it took away all the what-ifs.

In my case they ended up doing great at my friend’s house and lived 2 very happy years together before Bertha passed away of old age.

I also have had a failed trio attempt and a failed quad more recently. Sometimes the combos just aren’t worth the drama!

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[jmdb]

That’s really reassuring to hear. Thank you. I feel like it’s almost taboo to not do everything possible to bond, but I just feel like this isn’t the right time and it’s not what’s best for them right now. Monkey adores Tokki, but he’s kind of indifferent to her. He’s super social with us and her, but he just likes doing his own thing all the time. And after the traumatic experience we had yesterday, I think it’s best to give it some time.

[attemptedquad]

Personally, I love to go for car rides when things regress in bonding. I also like to lay both buns between my legs and kind of squeeze them together while I pet them. If one tries to leave, just keep your hand on top of them. Table bonding, or laying both bunnies on a table while petting them has similar results. Banana on the forehead to facilitate grooming is a great trick as well. I’d say give it some time, especially if you’re still traumatized, though. The buns can feel your stress and you do need to take care of your own mental health first. Bonding can be a very stressful thing for humans to go through.

Bonding is extremely complicated in a lot of ways- you’re attempting to get them to figure out dominance, gain trust, build positive experiences, eliminate territorialness, etc all at once, so sometimes you just need to work slow and try some new tricks. It can be hard after a big fight because they hold a grudge and do not trust the other anymore, but luckily they are easy to forgive once they have started building positive experiences together.

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