A bit of a rant…

[Trovalsa]

I don’t know if this kind of posts is allowed, I didn’t see anything about it in the rules, but feel free to delete it if it’s not. I just really need to rant a bit.

Well, long story short, last summer my dad suddenly decided he was tired of 20 years of marriage and left us. He stayed alone for a while, and during that time we (me and sis) went out with him and such. Four weeks later he moved to the house of a woman he had just met that week. I bet you can guess what happened from then on. At first I didn’t go out with them but then my mom did something very stupid and I got really mad at her… And re-started meeting my dad. I know it was a stupid thing to do. I stopped after a while, mostly because he didn’t really seem to care much for me when I was with him.

Then in… November? He came back saying how sorry he was, blah blah blah. We accepted him back. And a week later, without warning, off he went again… He didn’t even say goodbye to us. It goes without saying that neither of us wanted to see him after that. Regardless, he kept sending us text messages to meet him and so, even though he never cared to ask how we were doing. He didn’t even know I had exams this year. 

Anyway. Today I was coming back from a medical exam and was quite happy because the major problem I thought I had is actually very treatable (turns out I have a thyroid disturbance which causes a lot of bad stuff).  We were going to the market to buy some stuff when my dad started texting me. I didn’t pay much attention to it until he called me. I ignored it as I always do (IMHO if he’s been wanting to talk to us so much he should have come here; apparently that woman won’t let him. *major eye roll*). He then texted my mom saying that he was going to order for the car to be seized and she freaked out… We got home and she went to call her lawyer, and then the bell rang and my mom looked out the window and said “It’s your dad, go open the door.” I just raised an eyebrow at her but she insisted so I had to go. (I did curse inwardly. A lot.) So I went. We talked… Or well, he basically repeated everything he’s been saying lately – trying to make me feel sorry, threatening me, etc. I said I had to go to lunch (I was kind of feeling faint – not eating breakfast was a stupid thing to do) and he said “Why don’t you come lunch with me?” And I was like “Yeah, really, like I would.” He also asked if I wanted to go to the beach and that my aunt would go too. Well, he hadn’t talked to my aunt for about… 7 years. And then all of a sudden he’s best friends with her. Money is a wonderful thing, huh? I still don’t understand why he came here really. Still it got me really stressed, in part because I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was lunchtime, and also because I had left in such a rush that I didn’t have the time to take care of Alex. And also I was alone and had no-one to back me up. But seriously, I just felt like kicking him. *sigh* After about 10 minutes during each he told me to call my sister, my mom went to call us for lunch. And then they started yelling at each other. And I was kind of in the middle of all that. I wish I could smash the gates on his face. Seriously. He said he was the one who had abandoned him. Oh, really? Well it’s not me who took all the money from my college savings account. So yeah, so much for going to college.

 

Somehow I managed not to cry during all that but when I got to my bedroom I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. :/ I hadn’t cried in so long, honestly it seemed a bit stupid… Oh well. I got a huge hug from my dog which made me feel a bit better. And Alex was strangely well behaved today.

Supposedly he had gone to grandma’s house before that whining that no-one helped him. Hmm, right, my grandmother helped him so much. And he never even says thanks… And then he said that that woman he’s with spread rose petals on the floor in the way to the bedroom. Seriously? So he is ignoring us and putting that woman and her kids before us because she’s oh so sweet. Honestly… It just seems a bit unreal to me. He also said she came running to him when he got back from work. Is he living in a dream or what? 

Here’s a virtual cupcake for reading through that. (: And sorry for the rather long/boring post.

[Michelle&Lolli]

(((Hugs))) It’s never easy dealing with these kinds of situations. I have a feeling he’s trying to get back at your mom by saying these things about this woman he’s living with. Cause I highly doubt she’s doing all this great stuff for him. lol Hang in there. One day it will get better!

[Stickerbunny]

My father made up all kinds of stories to try to make my mother jealous and was living with a woman (and faking emails from me to her to show how great a dad he was…) within a few weeks (which is probably what yours is doing). Adults act like total children at times when they are unhappy with their lives – that being said… I haven’t talked to my father in 5 years, so eventually if they truly don’t care and they aren’t just being immature in handling the situation, then they give up. Annoying the kids is another way of “getting back” though – my father actually let all my dogs out in the street because to hurt the kids hurts the mother. :s

It does get better though, usually once the separation settles down between the parents. Stress and emotional pain are not handled well by some and it brings some cruel, dumb and unpredictable behavior.

[Lani]

HUGS! I have *so* been there. My dad just one day decided he was tired of marriage too and walked out on me and my mom and brother. Like you, I still saw him for a while until I found out he was living with another woman (who claimed she knew *all* about me). Once I cut ties, I got a lot of threats and mean statements about how “one day you’ll realize how horrible your mom is.” The last time I spoke to him was right before I graduated from college when he asked if he could come to my graduation, after not speaking to me for about 3 years, and when I told him no he threatened to show up anyway.

I know it’s a really difficult situation to deal with but what I can tell you is that it will get better. Every situation is different, mine got better by realizing that just because he’s my father doesn’t mean he is the best influence in my life; I no longer see or speak to him. I don’t know what it will take to make your situation better but if you stick to what you believe and be true to yourself, stand up for yourself, and remember you’re not alone, others have been through it, it WILL get better.

[Lintini]

Phew. I am so so sorry you are dealing with that. **huge hugs to you**
I just made a post this week about my dad, I completely understand.

Things will get better for you I promise, they always get better for me when I think I am at a really low point, things always perk back up.

Hang in there. **nom nom nom eats cupcake** thanks delicious!

[Trovalsa]

Thanks for all the support, guys. (:
Michelle&Lolli, honestly I believe she does all these things. I think she’s trying to get all his money and then she’ll kick him out of the house. Also my grandparents say they saw her with another man one day. I don’t know if that’s true, but to me it sounds possible.
Lani, that’s exactly what’s happening.. The problem is that he won’t stop talking to me. We’d be a whole lot better if he did. At least we’d be in peace.
Lintini, I just read your post… That must be tough to deal with. :/ If my dad ever tries to take my pets away, it won’t be pretty. I left my dog at my grandparent’s home when we went to the beach, my dad went there and didn’t even pet her… And then he says he wants to take her to “his” house. My crazy dog in a small flat, now that would be pretty.
I think he wants our custody, but if he thinks it’s going to be this easy, he’s delusional. We don’t want to go with him and my mom’s lawyer is awesome.
Thanks again for the support. It’s always good to know we’re not alone.

[Monkeybun]

Wow, that sounds like a situation I am glad to not have been in.

*hugs* One thing to remember about custody, is that when the kids are your age, the judge will often ask YOU where you want to be. At least here they do

[Trovalsa]

Yes, I think I have a choice in that. (: But my sister is 11y-o. I don’t know about her. But I doubt the lawyer will let her go with my dad, everything is against him. He doesn’t give us any money so if my mom hadn’t gotten a job we’d probably be in the street by now. :/

[Stickerbunny]

Save any messages or anything that might work against him (texts etc) that he sends bad mouthing your mother, or threatening to remove cars, etc. Those won’t make him look good if he does try to fight for custody. At 11 your sister will be able to testify that she wants to stay with your mother as well, I would think. Not providing for the family or being allowed to see his kids because his girlfriend doesn’t want him at his exes house also won’t sound good.

[Trovalsa]

Yep, I’ve saved everything. Also my grandparents might testify against him too because he tells them a lot of (bad) stuff. They were going to start some thing against him (don’t remember the name) so he starts giving us money but it will only start in November… And it’s supposed to be urgent. *eyeroll*

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