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Home Forums THE LOUNGE [warning:potentially upsetting] Coworkers, amiright?

This topic contains 11sd replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  Boing 1 year, 4 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1319136

    OverthinkingBun
    Participant

    So long story short, one of my coworkers who I otherwise really like and is basically a nice person, knows that I love rabbits, rescued a bunny, and fuss over my house rabbit like she is a child.  Today she went out over her way to tell me that she ate a rabbit for dinner last night, even though we were not talking about food, dinner, or even having a conversation.  I got mad at her, and then extremely depressed, because I have depression and basically think people are the worst anyway.  

    What should I say?  I still have to work with her and she’s higher up in the company.  I thought we were friendly, but she told me this because she knows I love rabbits, not comparing notes on food (and she knows I am a strict vegetarian).  Combined with some other stuff at going on at work, I got to a low point that I haven’t really been at since restarting my treatment for depression.  I suppose I’m off for another booze and netflix night with the bun…who is at least a dear.

    (admins, please don’t ban me!  Just delete my post if unacceptable)


    #1872045

    LBJ10
    Moderator

    Your post is perfectly fine.

    I have one coworker who jokes a lot about rabbit stew or eating rabbits. I’m just like “whatever”. I guess it doesn’t bother me all that much though. If your coworker is going out of her way to be mean, then there’s nothing wrong with speaking up. Even if she is higher up than you. If it is distressing to you, then perhaps you should talk to someone about it. You shouldn’t have to be in a situation where you are becoming depressed because of things your coworkers are saying.


    #1872054

    MountainBuns
    Participant

    I definitely agree with LBJ, I thought I was the only one who was teased about their rabbit. My friends mess with me about Marble, but I just shake it off. There’s nothing a witty comeback can’t fix?.

    Anyways, The best thing is to report to someone higher in authority than her. As mentioned by LBJ, there is no reason someone should make you feel depressed while working. Its just not fair.

    I wanted to share a story to let you know that you’re not alone.
    One time, I was with a friend of mine and we had a casual talk. I was feeling down because of something personal. So she asked what was wrong. I wasn’t really paying attention while she guessed. She said “Did your rabbit die?”. I was nodding to somebody else and she thought I nodded to her, and I’m 100% serious that she had a whole victory shout and laughed so hard. I was like “Jeez! So if my rabbit did die that’s what you would’ve done!”.She apologized and I forgave her, but I still think about it.


    #1872074

    Daisy
    Participant

    I don’t think she meant it in a snarky way and was just joking around! I understand that you got a different vibe from it with your underlying issues and maybe you can tell her about your issues so she knows to make more softhearted jokes from now on.

    I do horseback riding and have had bunnies for most of my life and I also get the “when are you baking them?” comments, especially from my dad who is a butcher. My dad and I love eating horse beef and my family eats rabbit every christmas, so I don’t really mind it myself. I usually reply with something like “they’re not fat enough yet!”.


    #1872079

    Bam
    Moderator

    People like to make silly jokes about eating rabbits even here, where we don’t traditionally eat rabbits. I’m not quite sure why it’s supposed to be funny.

    Your depression makes you vulnerable, that’s part of being in a depression. Maybe your coworker is unaware that you are battling with depression. If not, and if they keep it up and you really think their intention is to cause you pain, you could make a complaint. Workplace harassment/bullying is not ok.

    I know it’s easy to say that you should just shrug this off, when in reality it’s very difficult to shrug things off when you’re in a depression. It something that requires lots of training, sometimes even years of training. Having depression can be a bit like living without skin. Everything just hurts. If you’re seeing a counselor I think you should take this up with them.


    #1872080

    CocoaPuff
    Participant

    There is a HUGE difference between raising livestock and raising pets. Anyone who has not done both has a really hard time understanding the other side.
    I really dislike people who joke about cooking/eating house rabbits or any pet rabbit. If I raise a heifer with the intention of it being a pet, I would be extremely distraught if it became a dairy cow or meat cow. If I raise the same heifer with the intention of it being a dairy cow I would think it’s wasteful to have it as a pet and be distraught if it was turned into a burger. Why do people not understand that rabbits are the same way? I didn’t raise my bunny to be meat or fur. I raised her to be my companion.
    However, dispute these views, the jokes definitely don’t get to me as much since I do eat a number of “exotic” meats.
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you at work.


    #1872081

    sarahthegemini
    Participant

    I don’t understand why anyone would talk to a vegetarian about which animal they’ve been eating. It’s disrespectful and repulsive. I don’t give those sorts of people the time of day tbh.


    #1872336

    Bladesmith
    Participant

    People are jerks (This is me severely moderating my language.). Full stop.
    I had one of those people (Men particularly seem to enjoy making these comments, I’m not sure why. It’s not like claiming you ate a rabbit makes you look macho) make a similar comment about Clover as I stood in line at the cash register at the Pet Store. “She sure would make a great meal!” I looked at him, standing there with his little yappy dog, and said, “That’s cute. How about I show you some of the recipes I learned while over seas in the military on the best way to Wok your dog?”

    He decided to do some more shopping and left the line. Don’t mess with my rabbit.


    #1872380

    Azerane
    Moderator

    It baffles my mind as to why people even think it’s acceptable, especially as a topic of conversation in a pet store of all places!


    #1872424

    BinkyBunny
    Keymaster

    Posted By Bladesmith on 6/18/2018 7:34 AM

    People are jerks (This is me severely moderating my language.). Full stop.
    I had one of those people (Men particularly seem to enjoy making these comments, I’m not sure why. It’s not like claiming you ate a rabbit makes you look macho) make a similar comment about Clover as I stood in line at the cash register at the Pet Store. “She sure would make a great meal!” I looked at him, standing there with his little yappy dog, and said, “That’s cute. How about I show you some of the recipes I learned while over seas in the military on the best way to Wok your dog?”

    He decided to do some more shopping and left the line. Don’t mess with my rabbit.

    This has happened to me too!  And it WAS weird, like the guy was trying to get some sort of reaction out of me.  I just looked at him like he was nuts and said….”ohh….Alrighty…then”.   The cashier (male too) thought the guy was being inappropriate too and we both gave each other that look understanding there is a “socially dense person in line”  and so the cashier then tried to change the subject.  But the guy tried to keep at it… I’ve been down this road before with people too and when I try to retort, they either don’t get it or they get a kick out of it — so I just stared at him…with the “What’s wrong with you, dude?” look.  It caused an awkward moment and he sort of just diminished into mumbling.   In that case, I think the person was trying to get some sick thrill out of it — failed. 

     But I have known really nice intelligent people who don’t really get it, but those kind mostly want to tell me some horrific story of their childhood rabbit.  It’s like when I say I have a rabbit, and they say :….Ohhhhhh, I used to have a rabbit…and…”, I know now to stop them, and say, don’t tell me any horrible stories.  They look like surprised, like I’m psychic.  It’s just some weird human phenomenon – maybe in those cases (childhood stories), it’s out of guilt.  It’s strange because it’s not like if someone tells me they got a new dog or cat, I feel compelled to tell them tragic stories of cats or dogs. 

    Anyway —  all so weird.  OverthinkingBun — I am sorry that that happened to you too.  People sometimes just can’t get out of their bubble. 


    #1872510

    LittlePuffyTail
    Moderator

    Love that response, Bladesmith.

    People who know me well know better than to say anything along those lines. Never had it happen with a stranger. Thank goodness. I’m a very compassionate and sweet, shy person unless it’s someone, even jokingly, hurting an animal.

    Never really got the whole bunny pets/rabbit stew thing because I’ve been a horse person all my life, and we never get “Oh that horse would make a great steak”, even though, very sadly, Canada has horse slaughterhouses and some places even sell horse meat in grocery stores and restaurants. Sadly, this is where most racehorses end up. My first horse was an off-the-track racehorse and I was horrified when I discovered she had horses in her pedigree named “PorterHouse” and “Filet Mignon”. How sick is that?


    #1872533

    Boing
    Participant

    Hi Overthinkingbun,

    The next time your coworker says something like this, explicitly state something like: Please don’t talk about this in my presence. This topic makes me extremely uncomfortable. If they do it again, wait ’till you are in an unemotional, rational state, and then go to someone higher up. Be sure to document your initial warning, including dates, times, witnesses and how it made you feel, the day you say it. There will likely be witnesses. Many bullies love an audience.

    An e-mail to yourself is a great way to document things. This way, if management takes it seriously, this coworker will not be able to weasel themselves out of it. Apart from how it made you feel, the e-mail should be very factual and should use last names in lieu of pronouns (I, me, his, her, they, etc.).


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