I have tried coming back here to break this heartbreaking news..and I kept running away not ready enough to tell you all an accept it. But once again here I am…
I just want all of you to know my baby Toki has passed away(21st Sep 2015). I was away in lanka just for 5 days…he was doing good and normal until the very midnight of the day I am suppose to be coming back home to my loving babies…soo close…. It pains me to say he left me too soon. I know I am not the perfect human in this world or the perfect cousin/wife/sister/friend either. Short of temper, depressing and boring… But I felt I was the best mother or the caretaker to him…It gives me great pain to be so far away from him when he binky away to his rainbow bridge. He was wrapped around with my once wore t shirt when he was struggling to survive…he loved my smell…he lifts his head searching for me when my recorded voice were played, with his weak state he searched for me…and where was I…so far far away. Everyone keep saying its not my fault…but I belived he was depressed…and I wasnt there to kiss his worries good bye..I wasnt there to sing him La vie en rose…He loves it when I sing him in the morning and night…but where was I? So so far far away. He is my life, my happiness my everything…I had two family yet I felt like an orphan..
Toki made me feel whole again. He is my strength and weakness. He helped me to keep myself grounded. He is the reason for me to be at ease..he is the cure for my anger and so much more…he is my only crowned prince…my son..my baby. He left unforgettable and permanent paw prints over my heart. He is my one and only Toki..No bunny in this world can replace you. Your one of a kind to me. He passed away doing what he loved…listening to his mum singing.
When I was back in the airport to come back..I looked at people passing by praying to god I would do anything in the world to be anyone of them but me…fearing the pain I would get when I go home and hes nowhere to be found..
He wakes up first thing in the morning and jump on to our bed and run around. He will eat my hair if I dont wake up and push his lil head over mine askin me to wake up. When I am awake and slightly move giving him space…he would happily come and lay next to me..he knows hes receiveing pats and kisses. I would pat him half asleep until i get tired..and when I do stop he would sit straight and give me the look “is that it?” Or at times he will stomps his feet but mostly he would lift his head and give me kisses gesturing me to continue. I , at times do it in purpose just to see him behave such a way. Then I continue patting him makin him relax and completely go flat. Once I gave him his enough dosage of patting and kissing, he would stand give me kisses and go crazy all over the bed. Oh that moment where he gives you the happiest binkies. When hes all tired running around and rest for awhile…thats when i sing him La vie en rose…
This reminds me the day of his neutering. After his neutering process was over and when he was still not over anesthetic, I sang that song til he wakes up…it is as if he understands..he woke up and immediately started kissing my hand. As if hes saying “Mum, I am alright”
He would get jealous when I pat other furry members in the family and comes running and stops next to me demanding pats.
When i was too sick to get my self out of the bed, he was my strength…he would come accompany me and entertain me but more importantly keep me busy from all those unwanted thoughts.Hes my rock…
I wake up every morning expecting his greeting or his fur touching my back….this place feel so empty…Sometimes I wake up wishing I am gone too…
I have so many pictures yet to show you all of him…but…he left me too soon…
Thank you Sam,Jackie,Andi,Cathie,Gab and Jen for being there for me when the worst happened…You were all with me and helping me through it.