What do I do now?

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi everyone,

For the past few days I have been trying to focus on schoolwork and keeping my mind off other things, namely Nick and Sandy.

When Nick left for his friend’s 2 weeks ago, he had said that he would keep paying half our rent (our lease goes until July 1), so March-April-May-June, 4 months of rent… and I *THOUGHT* he said he would keep paying his half of the utilities (Power, Phone/Net, TV).

I do the Phone/Net and TV online payment, so I sent Nick the information to do it on there, and said I would take care of the Power bill since it comes to me in letter form, no online options.

I said I would pay the difference (since I knew the TV one was high this month).

I haven’t gotten the power bill yet, but it usually for this time of year is about $160.

The TV/net/phone comes out to just under $200.

Nick just emailed me letting me know that he had paid the TV/net/phone online.

He also wrote: I’m fine with paying half the rent, but we will have to discuss me paying half the utilities too.

 

And now I’m freaking out and want to bawl – because I thought he would keep paying his half, because I can’t possibly afford to pay $300+ in bills when I’m used to half that amount every month.

He chose to be horrible 4 months before our lease was up – shouldn’t he remain responsible for his half of *everything* ?

I want to cry. I don’t know what to do.

[Beka27]

you are really lucky that he’s continuing to pay half the rent.  he could’ve been an even bigger **** and decided not to even do that.  the bad part is you’re not going to be able to have extra money to save up for a new place.  do you have any friends looking for a place that you could share with them?  that is difficult when you are counting on other people for help monetarily.  you know as well as anyone, that’s a big reason some people (women) stay in bad or abusive relationships… they have no money and no way out.  i think you’re going to need to try and figure a way to cut bills down to the very basic.  can you cut out internet and use it from your school or a library?  have very basic phone and basic tv?

[RabbitPam]

Hi, Lion Lop, glad you wrote again. I was hoping to hear from you.

I was afraid something like this might come up. The advantage of email is that you don’t have to speak directly to each other (so can’t get off topic and upset over the phone) and you can think things through carefully while putting them in writing.

While I definitely agree that he needs to honor his obligation, and seems to be doing so so far. Let me suggest that you consider some compromises regarding the utilities. First, make sure he will no longer be using the phone/cable/tv from this point. If it’s only you while staying in the apartment, you could immediately contact the utilities and change your plan. Do you have a cell phone of your own? Can you remove the phone from that arrangement? A simple cable to the TV instead? (You might check with your parents to see if they can help you out with a supplemental check over the next 4 months.)

He’s probably thinking: I’m not there, I don’t use it, I won’t pay for it. (If you ever watched Judge Judy, these types of situations where a guy doesn’t want to pay anymore comes up.) You don’t want to have the heartache of chasing him down for money, so think about what you really need, and what you can get by on. Most plans are not for a set time (except cell phones!) so you can just cancel and sign up for what you use. Maybe get by with dial-up service for your own land line phone with internet access, and he’s won’t be part of that at all. The TV cable usually comes with the apartment, so whatever basic service there he might just continue to pay. In other words, if it’s part of the maintenance of the apartment, he seems willing to pay. If he would be willing to do that for the duration of the lease, or if you need to move and he will incur the cost of breaking the lease to dissolve the obligations he signed up for, then you could look into doing that too. You must be near the end of school, right? Have you thought about living someplace else? It actually may be better for you psychologically to start fresh in your own place where there isn’t the constant reminder of him.

All of these suggestions are a way to get you to know you do have options, and what some of them are.

You can tell him that you are so very upset right now, that you are having trouble completing your important school work. Ask him to be patient, suggest his own compromises, and to help someone who he has cared for a long time. He has an obligation to think through the consequences of his actions as well. He might be open to reasonably dealing with the lurch he’s left you in. Email can keep it from getting acrimoneous, and keep communications short, clear and on the subject.

I really hope this helps and doesn’t sound cold. It’s so very hard to deal with all that’s on your plate. Remember you are cared for here by many, many people around the globe. Bunny lovers make great friends, so keep writing. You’ll get through this. Truly.

((((((Hugs)))))))

[RabbitPam]

Ooo. One more suggestion (bear with me. I’m long winded I know, but I care.)

If the above doesn’t work, didn’t you say that you both saw your counselor at one time?

Maybe the two of you could meet there, with the counselor as an objective adviser, with the goal of coming to an agreement by the end of the hour. The counselor should be able to keep you two on track, and separate the upset feelings from the practical responsibilities. If you could promise to end the session with your obligations to the bills stated, listed, in writing, signed and copied for both of you, it would iron these things out and you both would know exactly what you’re expected to do. I don’t think you could do that alone other than by email, but if it bogs down for you, it might be worth a try.

[JK]

Rabbitpam has some very good advice. Have you considered getting a roommate for a few months to split the cost? If you don’t have another source for $$ I would definitely consider that. Good luck to you. Believe it or not this could be a blessing in disguise! Not sticking you with bills but trying to figure out a different arrangement.

[Deleted User]

L-L, I am sorry to hear this, but not surprised. Legally he may not be responsible , but ethically he is. I agree, email communication is the way to go. Just do not hit send until you have taken the emotional content out of what is a business negotiation. I would point out 1) You are unable to all of a sudden assume 100 percent of any of the bills 2) you will need money to move, and 1/2 the utilities would be going for that 3) since this situation was not of your making, could he not cut you a break and help you out for old time sake for the remaining 4 months.

Rabiitpam, Beka and Knowltons have some great back up options. As always we are here for you.

((((Big Hug))))
Jean

I have replied to this post 2 other times and the post just vanish…so excuse any variations of this riff it they suddenly turn up.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lion_Lop you’ve gotten some great advice to think about and follow through with what is best for you. I just want to say that I am glad you got back in touch here and I do think about you and hope the days get better for you as time goes on.

[babybunsmum]

((((((lion_lop))))))  i’m glad you’re keeping in touch here too

i also recommend cutting back to the basics in tv & internet to save a few bucks and then possibly discussing (via email or with counsellor) a compromise to see if he’ll help out with the reduced utilities.  it’s worth a shot.  i have lots of anxiety over paying bills when money is tight, so i can understand how scary it is to contemplate cutting back to make ends meet. 

have you thought about what you’re doing after the lease is up?  i also recommend finding a roommate… a friend, friend of a friend or some one from your university or work… to split costs with.  i have lots of experience looking for roommates & could be of help with tips & such if you go that route.  roommates can be a pain in the tusch but even considering that, they’re ultimately a great option not only for help with finances but also to not feel isolated.

just remember this… there are still lots of options to choose from & you WILL be okay.  (((hugs)))

[Greg]

Keep it civil.Email is good but be consise, short and to the point.The biggest thing to remember in these situations is to keep it on a good level.The minute it gets nasty, it all goes pear shape.

Good advice above. Cut overheads to minimum.U can get away with dialup internet, cut tv. When u get back on your feet you can start again.

Room mate would be a short term solution to the problem.

Hope it goes well.

[Gravehearted]

*hugs* what a tough spot to be in. To be honest, I think you are very lucky that he didn’t bail entirely on the rent – since many people do in that kind of situation. I am not meaning to side with him – but I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to pay for the utilities too. Why not dump cable entirely, switch to lower speed internet and try to use utilities sparingly?

But, i do think he should absolutely pay for the utilities through the end of this month, and many bill a month or so back.

Also,I agree – if your place is big enough it might really help to find a roomate for the next few months.

sending you lots of good wishes….

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

LL *hugs*

*nods head* what everyone is saying is good…I used to be a big TV watcher and then when I moved out on my own I didn’t want tonnes of bills, so I threw some ‘bunny ears’ on my tv set and watched oprah and the news in ‘blurry-vision’ and watched dvds! Now we have satellite TV but I really don’t watch TV much at all anymore!

Also, for phones, do you have a land line and a cell? I’d suggest just a cellphone if you do.
Turn lights off and turn your heat down. Shop wisely for groceries using coupons and sales, and you could cut some costs there too.

Hows school going for you? Do you have tonnes of midterms and projects right now? University is so crazy with all the work they give you! Hang in there, your almost done the term!

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