Timothy Rabbit

[September]

Firstly, sorry about the long post. I hope you understand. My beautiful grey lop, Timothy hopped over the Rainbow Bridge on 24th August. He was only 3 years 8 months old. I am truly heartbroken. I was no way ready for this. A few days ago I was talking to a friend about Timmy. Her husband (dog owner himself) overheard and said “is this about the rabbit?”. Shrugged his shoulders and turned away. I realised then that apart from me, my husband, family and few close friends, nobody “knew” Timothy. There was no common ground with other bunny owners, walking in the park, or at the grooming parlour, comparing bunny stories. To this person, Timothy was nothing, insignificant, just a rabbit, and it hurt me bad because he wasn’t and he deserved more from people. I knew then that I needed to tell lots of people about Tim. That he was born, that he lived, that he existed, that he had personality, character, and what a special and beautiful little creature he was. I found this forum and knew there would be understanding people here. It will so help me that I can tell you about my little Timbob Roo, Jelly Belly, Sir Poop A Lot, Human Bean, Courious George, Silly Wabbit…..

We adopted Timothy at 6 months old. My son and his girlfriend were his mummy and daddy but change in work commitments meant they couldn’t give him the time he needed. He was mottled grey and white with the softest long fur, beautiful markings, sort of harlequin effect with one ear darker than the other and a white stripe along his face and nose. He was never kept in a cage. We made him a lovely home in the garage, with a connecting door to the kitchen and he had run of house and garden. He would follow me everywhere. His favourite resting spot was at the kitchen doorway or the marble hearth. Heaven forbid if there was anything in his way of being able to stretch out. Greeting cards, candles, ornaments..all gone out the way with either his teeth or nose! He didn’t like to be picked up or cuddled, but he loved being petted – on his terms. If he didn’t want to be stroked, he lift his head up to push my hand away then hop off to lie in a different spot with his bottom facing me! He was a licker though. He was master of binkys, flops and ‘periscope’. Seems like he could stand up on his back feet forever. We fixed a stair gate and he would wait for me coming down, up on his legs, just waiting. Noise never bothered him. He thrived on things going on around him. He never got out of the way of the vacuum, drill, hammer, jet wash, lawn mower. Paint pots, tool boxes, ladders…Everything belonged to Timothy. He was always there, whatever we were doing, causing mischief. “Checking up again Tim?” my husband would say. He responded to my husbands whistles and with a shake of the treat bag, he’d be up and across the room like a rocket. He scratch at the patio door to be let out, scratch to be let in. We’d play ‘chase’. Sometimes I’d hide. Sometimes he’d come look for me, other times he’d flop down as if to say “I’m done. You’re not playing the game”.

I could watch him forever, eating, sleeping, washing, resting. I remember him lying there, not so long ago. He was looking at me for a long time. Really looking at me. And I looked back into his eyes and said “What you seeing, Timbo?”. I thought at the time, is this a bunny showing love? Does he love me as much as I love him? I guess he did. I hope he did. Despite the best diet, he was prone to episode of statis. We think it was one too many this time. Perhaps one day I can write about that day but at the moment it hurts too bad, especially with the guilt I am feeling. I have cried everyday, sobbed really. I miss him so much and I still can’t believe I will never see him again, touch his fur, hear his lovely little piggy grunts when he was happy running around my feet or playing our game of chase. Not in this world anyway. He was a little bun that’s left a rabbit shaped hole the size of a dinosaur.

So that is my Timothy. Put on this earth to bring joy to two people for a short time. Thank you Timbob Roo. And thank you all for taking the time to get to know him a little bit too. He so deserved it… Lynda.

[Luna]

Posted By September on 9/25/2017 12:01 PM

Firstly, sorry about the long post. I hope you understand. My beautiful grey lop, Timothy hopped over the Rainbow Bridge on 24th August. He was only 3 years 8 months old. I am truly heartbroken. I was no way ready for this. A few days ago I was talking to a friend about Timmy. Her husband (dog owner himself) overheard and said “is this about the rabbit?”. Shrugged his shoulders and turned away. I realised then that apart from me, my husband, family and few close friends, nobody “knew” Timothy. There was no common ground with other bunny owners, walking in the park, or at the grooming parlour, comparing bunny stories. To this person, Timothy was nothing, insignificant, just a rabbit, and it hurt me bad because he wasn’t and he deserved more from people. I knew then that I needed to tell lots of people about Tim. That he was born, that he lived, that he existed, that he had personality, character, and what a special and beautiful little creature he was. I found this forum and knew there would be understanding people here. It will so help me that I can tell you about my little Timbob Roo, Jelly Belly, Sir Poop A Lot, Human Bean, Courious George, Silly Wabbit…..

We adopted Timothy at 6 months old. My son and his girlfriend were his mummy and daddy but change in work commitments meant they couldn’t give him the time he needed. He was mottled grey and white with the softest long fur, beautiful markings, sort of harlequin effect with one ear darker than the other and a white stripe along his face and nose. He was never kept in a cage. We made him a lovely home in the garage, with a connecting door to the kitchen and he had run of house and garden. He would follow me everywhere. His favourite resting spot was at the kitchen doorway or the marble hearth. Heaven forbid if there was anything in his way of being able to stretch out. Greeting cards, candles, ornaments..all gone out the way with either his teeth or nose! He didn’t like to be picked up or cuddled, but he loved being petted – on his terms. If he didn’t want to be stroked, he lift his head up to push my hand away then hop off to lie in a different spot with his bottom facing me! He was a licker though. He was master of binkys, flops and ‘periscope’. Seems like he could stand up on his back feet forever. We fixed a stair gate and he would wait for me coming down, up on his legs, just waiting. Noise never bothered him. He thrived on things going on around him. He never got out of the way of the vacuum, drill, hammer, jet wash, lawn mower. Paint pots, tool boxes, ladders…Everything belonged to Timothy. He was always there, whatever we were doing, causing mischief. “Checking up again Tim?” my husband would say. He responded to my husbands whistles and with a shake of the treat bag, he’d be up and across the room like a rocket. He scratch at the patio door to be let out, scratch to be let in. We’d play ‘chase’. Sometimes I’d hide. Sometimes he’d come look for me, other times he’d flop down as if to say “I’m done. You’re not playing the game”.

I could watch him forever, eating, sleeping, washing, resting. I remember him lying there, not so long ago. He was looking at me for a long time. Really looking at me. And I looked back into his eyes and said “What you seeing, Timbo?”. I thought at the time, is this a bunny showing love? Does he love me as much as I love him? I guess he did. I hope he did. Despite the best diet, he was prone to episode of statis. We think it was one too many this time. Perhaps one day I can write about that day but at the moment it hurts too bad, especially with the guilt I am feeling. I have cried everyday, sobbed really. I miss him so much and I still can’t believe I will never see him again, touch his fur, hear his lovely little piggy grunts when he was happy running around my feet or playing our game of chase. Not in this world anyway. He was a little bun that’s left a rabbit shaped hole the size of a dinosaur.

So that is my Timothy. Put on this earth to bring joy to two people for a short time. Thank you Timbob Roo. And thank you all for taking the time to get to know him a little bit too. He so deserved it… Lynda.

All those cute little nicknames . Timothy sounds like he was an adorably awesome bun; reminds me of Luna. She periscopes forever and I usually have to find a way to carefully vacuum around her because she won’t move! You gave him such a happy life that I know he loved you and he knew that you loved him . 

Binky free Timothy

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

We definitely understand your grief and the sheer frustration about people shrugging off your grief with “it’s just a rabbit”. A rabbit can be just as good a companion as a dog, a true family member. Sorry that people react to it this way

I’m sorry to hear about him passing, binky free little Timothy…
Rabbits are very fragile creatures and even with all the best love and care they can pass away suddenly. It sounds like he was showered with love and care, and had a great life with you. Rabbits indeed have a lot of character and many cute little personal quirks, they’re little personalities of their own. This is why we love them so: the wonderful bond that you can have with them is just amazing. I hope that sharing these stories with fellow rabbit-lovers here will help you with your grief. Wishing you all the best in these difficult times!

[September]

Thank you Ellie and Luna. You are so right that these bunnies grab your heart. When we first adopted Timothy I thought oh my, what have we done? But I would not have changed anything for the world. Hubby seems to have reached the acceptance stage but I’m not doing too good at moment so I think sharing on this forum will help a lot. I will try to post some photos of Timothy.

[Bam]

Please do post pix of Timothy. It sounds like he was a wonderful rabbit who had a wondeful life with you. I’m so very sorry you lost him. Things can go bad so fast with rabbits.

It’s very hard to lose a rabbit and people not understanding makes it worse. We do understand here. There’s nothing “only” about a rabbit. They have great personalities. I sometimes almost feel sorry for people who can’t understand that.

[September]

 This is my favourite photo of Timothy in his favourite sleeping position……. Crying now…. I miss him so much…….

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

Awww, what a beautiful little fluff! I can imagine you miss him very much. He looks so happy and relaxed there, rabbits only stretch out like that when they’re as safe and as comfy as can be.

[Bam]

What an adorable little darling!

[September]

Thank you. I remember he was in deep slumber here, twitching and dreaming of dandelions and carrot tops……..

And thank you for this forum, I wish I had found it earlier when I had Timothy – I could have shared some wonderful tales, the little rascal!  I have read most of the stories on Rainbow Bridge and have not stopped crying. All are individual and personal, but we all have the same thing in common.  We love our bunnies so much and we all have broken hearts.  Strangely, this forum has brought me a little bit of comfort. I am not alone.

I read something once, the words were similar to:

***Grief is just overwhelming love…..that has nowhere to go*** 

xxxxx

[Dee]

I’m so sorry- he was a beautiful bunny. I love the pic of him sleeping all stretched out, he was obviously so comfy and felt safe and loved. GI Stasis is so terrible- some bunnies just seem to be prone to it no matter how perfectly we care for them. It seems that many of us feel guilt or think maybe we could have saved our bunnies if we had done differently. I did that myself, trying to completely let that go now- and the kind people here have helped me to stop focusing so intensely on that. Just from your post, I can tell that you did whatever you possibly could to keep Timothy healthy and happy. Please remember what a wonderful life he had with you- and although we are extra heartbroken when our rabbits die young, they have no concept of time- all that matters to them is the moment.
{{{{Binky Free, Timothy}}}}

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

You’re definitely not alone: we’re all crazy in love with our little fluffs. They deserve no less! Fortunately I’ve never lost a rabbit before because Breintje is my first, but the thought of losing him is terrifying. He was attacked by an agressive cat last week, luckily he was unharmed. I couldn’t do anything that evening because I kept shaking and crying. He ended up comforting me, trying to cheer me up by licking my hands and snuggling up to me. He does the same when I have had a painful treatment for my illness. Breintje is always there for me when I’m in pain, and I do the same for him. He also has frequent episodes of stomach pain and I spend whole nights massaging his belly and keeping him warm. Other typical group behaviours: Breintje has the tendency to wait with the main part of his dinner until we’re starting on ours, and when me and my BF are sitting somewhere close he has to sit near to us as well. I feel honoured that I’m fully accepted into his warren. Rabbits are such gentle and caring animals, able to form such deep bonds, they’re amazing!

It’s wonderful to read how many of these behaviours Timothy showed as well You and your husband must be amazing rabbit parents to develop such a good bond and to create such a safe and calm environment for him. Rabbits are easily startled, so frequent flopping and lazing about is the biggest compliment you can get. Maybe someday when your grief has passed you’ll be able to give your love to another rabbit. Heaven knows that there are many out there who are dreaming of a family like yours

[September]

It’s 6 weeks today since Timothy went to the Rainbow Bridge and I found him when I got home from work. I got home from work today and it was harder than usual to walk in the house. Just to make it worse I’d received an envelope of vouchers in the post from the pet shop we used. I need to tell them, don’t I. Not a good day today. I feel I’ve gone back 20 steps. I just needed to share. X

[September]

Today is not going to be a good day. I just know it. Friday is my day off from work and all of it spent with Timothy. I woke up to hear little scratchy noises like Timothy made in his little house in the garage, when he was waiting for us to get up and give him attention. I know it was just the birds on the roof, but it stabbed my heart……I’m I ever going to stop missing him so bad? X

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

The loss of a loved one is always a huge impact on your life, whether it’s a human being or a beloved pet. They’re so interwoven with your regular patterns that their loss can feel like the whole fabric has been ripped. You often feel that there’s a hole in your life. Just as you said: those small sounds and other things remind you of him frequently.

Dealing with loss and grief means having to re-arrange your daily life and thoughts, and this healing process can take a long time. Don’t ever be ashamed of the thoughts and feelings which you’ll have along the way. They’re all part of the healing process. Sharing them with like-minded people helps, and there are many other ways to deal with the loss.

It’s rather personal for everyone, but it helps many people to have some sort of memorial as a tribute to their loved one. It can be anything from a nice photo, to a favourite toy, to a painting. Some people even use their creative skills to make a painting, an embroidery, a figurine, etc. Anything that they see as a tribute will help to turn the grief into sweet memories over time. Maybe such a memorial will help you too?

[September]

Thanks Ellie. I think today was just “one of those days”. I know there will be many more. Fridays are my day off work so normally I clean through the house and Timothy was always behind me, nipping to play…so I never got a lot done!

I have bought some new art supplies and I’m going to take up drawing and painting again.

My new normal is sitting in the garden with my morning coffee before I go to work, having a chat with Tim, listening to the birds, looking for bunny shaped clouds (and I’ve seen quite a few!) and having a quiet weep. It’s peaceful and sets me up for the day and it makes me feel better. I needed that this morning xXx

[JessHeartsMarla]

I feel your hurt, September. I lost my bunny two days ago. This is excruciating pain I’ve never experienced and I want it to stop. I can’t believe how much this hurts.

I am so sorry about your Timothy.
Sending you lots of Love.

[JessHeartsMarla]

I feel your hurt, September. I lost my bunny two days ago. This is excruciating pain I’ve never experienced and I want it to stop. I can’t believe how much this hurts.

I am so sorry about your Timothy.
Sending you lots of Love.

[September]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.

Jess, I am so sorry to hear about your bunny. I truly know what you are going through at the moment. It’s been just over 2 months since Timothy left us, and all I can say that it does get a little easier with time. The raw painful grief does gradually subside, even though you never think it will. But, what you are left with will never go away.

I still cry everyday, but I do it away from everyone. I sit with my thoughts about him and I cry. Not the racking sobs like before, but still tears all the same. And sometimes it creeps up on you when you least expect it. Having a melt down next to the kale or carrot tops in the supermarket is not a good thing really.

When I leave the house I still say “Bye Tim, see you later. Won’t be long, be good. Love you”. They were the last words I spoke to him when he was alive. When I get home, I open the door and still say, “Hiya Timbob, I’m back”.

Sometimes, I just cannot comprehend that he has gone, and it is a physical reaction. You hear about hearts sinking, and that’s what I feel literally happens. I miss him so much, the little rascal.

Love to you all
xxxx

[September]

After two months, I thought I was starting to turn a corner. But not so. For some reason everything is coming back in floods, and I am reliving the day I found Timothy, over and over. I am crying as much as I ever did, only I am trying to do it when no one is around because everyone thinks I’m doing OK now. I have had many signs, I know that’s what they are. I say they are Timothy telling me he is OK, but the sense of comfort is only fleeting. I cannot make peace with myself.

I don’t know how or why he died, and it’s the not knowing that eats at me. The thought that he could have been in pain, the fact I wasn’t there and he was alone, his last moments. I loved that bunny so much, I protected him for nearly 4 years and I wasn’t there when he needed me the most. I don’t think I will ever get over this.

I just needed to share, because I just can’t talk about it with anyone.

Lynda

[Vienna Blue in France]

Ah Lynda, so sorry about your pain. It will get better, I promise… it will take a while of course. And a while more.
You couldnt have done anything. It sounds as he had just the best life with you and your husband, WHAT a lucky bun.
We all know how it feels to lose a loved one. Its grief. Its normal. You WILL get through it.

If you have any more piccies of Timbob, he looks a very photographic bunbun.
((( Timothy )))

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

Sorry to hear that the grief is so overwhelming Lynda, are there people around you who you can reach out to? You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for emotions, and sharing thoughts and grief can help. How is your husband dealing with the situation?

[September]

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I feel a bit better today. I suppose it is still early days. Guilt and grief are very messy and have a habit of coming back to bite you just when you think you are doing OK. Its just that Timothy was always at my side and followed me everywhere, but I wasn’t there with him and I don’t know what happened. So my imagination runs away with me of how it was for him. I’m missing him, but having to deal with these thoughts as well are a double whammy. I have thought that I ‘envy’ people (no, that is not the correct word, I would never envy anyone loosing their furbaby, but I think you know what I mean) who have made the decision to help their bunnies to the Bridge. But at least they were there at the end and knew.

Hubby is supportive of my meltdowns. He misses Tim too, but he’s dealt with it differently but I don’t think he really understands. And the feline, canine fraternity at work certainly don’t.

I am sure time will help, and I have no doubt that I’ll have many more moments like this.

Thank you for a place where I can ‘let it out’ a bit! I will try to post more photos of Timothy.

xxx

[September]

I’ve never written about Timothy’s last day, because the thought of it has been so painful. Although the grief will get easier, the guilt will never truly go away. I know that. I thought perhaps if I did write about it, it might help a little. Firstly, please don’t judge me. I loved that bunny more than anything. I would have never let anything harm him, I just didn’t do the right thing on the day.

The first time Timothy had tummy problems was when he was about 9 months old. We got home from work, he’d not eaten or pooped and was hiding away. It was so scary. We got him straight to the vet who gave him the meds and we also gave him the baby gas drops. I stayed up with him all night and we syringe fed him. After a few days he’d fully recovered. We put it down to hubby giving him too much fruit. Despite the best diet, he was prone to episodes of gas and we could always treat him successfully before it turned into full blown GI statis or worse. I guess we became so complacent that we could do it because it always worked, sometimes he’d recover the same day.

The evening before, Timothy was absolutely fine. His normal, happy self. Eating, pooping, causing mischief. One of my last memories was of him sitting in the lounge, grooming himself. Then he heard the treat bag, and whoosh…. The next morning my hubby got up for work and Timothy didn’t come rushing out from the garage to him like he normally did. He wasn’t hiding away but he was quiet. He’d eaten some of his veggies from the night before, but not all. I did the usual treatment, gave him critical care food and water, baby gas medicine. I massaged his tummy. It felt normal, not hard at all and it was making the usual gurgling noises. I went out into the garden and he followed me. I took him upstairs with me and he lay on the bed while I got ready for work and then he followed me downstairs and lay in the lounge. I syringe fed him more food and water before I left. I had been up treating him for nearly 4 hours.

Later in the morning I had a dentist appointment so I called home. He was lying in the kitchen, still quiet. It looked like he’d done a few small poops in his tray. I gave him more critical care, water and gas drops. His tummy still felt fine. I called home again after the dentist, treated him again and decided I would take him to the vets after work. As I left, I said the usual “Bye Timbob. See you later. Won’t be long. Be good. Love you”.

I was gone for a few hours. I couldn’t wait to get home to him. I picked some dandelions from the front lawn. Opened the front door, shouted I was home. Then I opened the kitchen door. Never, ever in all my days will that leave me. He was lying on his side in his favourite sleeping position, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. He’d done a little wee at the side of him. His body was stiff, but not cold. His tummy was swollen. After that it was just a blur. I wrapped him in a sheet but I don’t know where I got it from. I held him and I cried and cried and told him I loved him and that he was a silly rabbit for doing this and leaving me. My husband came home and my sons came round. The vet said we could take Timothy to them until we decided what to do. I couldn’t let him go, but I had to. I kissed him and said “Bye Timbob. See you later. Won’t be long. Be good. Love you”

Why was I so so sure that what I did for him was going to be okay? Why the damn dentist and not the vet? Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t this happen the following day when I would have been home from work? Why did I take it for granted that it was just a bit of gas and nothing more serious? Why, why, if only. I relived that day over and over until I was making myself ill. I humanised him, I put myself in his place and what he must have thought and gone through. “Why has mum left me?” “She knows I’m sick”. The guilt was, and still is to a certain extent, overwhelming. I think if I had had taken him to the vet and had to make the decision for him, I could have probably come to terms with it a lot easier than this. But I will never forgive myself that I never gave him that chance. I would never hurt anything, but to me I hurt that little rabbit who l loved with all my heart.

Thank you for reading. I know you will probably say I did all I could, but I really don’t think I did and that will be with me for always.

Xxxx

[Vienna Blue in France]

Thank you for sharing.
I think we always think that we never did “enough” if the outcome was a bad one., Even if we did do absolutely everything.
Unfortunately, as you know, rabbits are very fragile and you couldn’t have known that he would have gone downhill in the time that you were out.
There was no way of knowing and although it may seem harsh, making yourself sick over it won’t bring him back.

So please, look after yourself. He was very loved in his lifetime and that’s all we can ask. Any of us.

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

Very wise words Vienna.
Thanks for sharing Lynda, you may be the crazy bunny lady, but we’re all crazy bunny lad(ie)s here. So there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re the happy few who see our buns as a real member of the family and in return we get to experience all their love, their quirks and lots and lots of personality.

About the recurring thoughts: “I humanised him, I put myself in his place and what he must have thought and gone through. “Why has mum left me?” “She knows I’m sick”. ”
It’s good to see that you know you’ve been humanising him. This can make your guilt worse, but actually if you view it from a rabbit’s point of view it’s going to be different. It’s a rabbit’s natural instinct to hide away from the group when they’re feeling ill. Most rabbits will shy away if they’re approached when they’re feeling ill. He may have been thinking more along the lines of: “Leave me alone, can’t you see I feel bad?”. Rabbits are often completely uncooperative when you’re trying to treat them while ill. Nobody said rabbits were always great at self-preservation… Of course they may thank you afterwards, but not while they’re still feeling sick.

[Bam]

Thank you for your story. It’s all too like when my Yohio passed. He wasn’t gone when I came home though, but he died in my lap while we were waiting for a ride to the vet. I know I will never forgive myself for it. It’s just something to live with. I don’t have the slightest problem seeing that you were in no way to blame for Timothy’s death, but I think I can understand how you feel because I feel the same about my poor little Yoey bun.

Binky free, Timothy.

[September]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I suppose it’s still very early days for me. My hubby lets me get it out my system occasionally and he’s always the voice of reason! But it’s hard not to think about how things might have been, if only.

Now I’ve told the saddest story, I will come back with some happy stories of Timothy, and there are many.

Thanks again

Xxx

[September]

We all need to believe that our beloved buns are at the Bridge, causing mischief. I’ve had hardly any dreams about Timothy but I’d like to tell you about one I had recently. When I woke up I vaguely remembered I’d had a dream about him and then it all came to me.

I was in a meadow, nothing else around but grass and flowers. But there was a stream and a little bridge over it. I don’t remember Timothy being with me. Then at the side of me was a man. I don’t know who this person was, but he was holding Timothy. I remember thinking in my dream, this is odd because Timothy never likes being held. I said how are we going to get over the stream because Timothy will run into the water. The man said “I will carry him over the bridge”….

His angel, taking care of him…perhaps? I’ll go with that.

Lynda
X

[Sr. Melangell]

Maybe its is his angel, I still have nice dreams about pets I’ve lost and people, sometimes I see them all together, it makes me feel so happy.
Can you remember what the man looked like?

[September]

Thank you, Charlie’s Angel. No, I couldn’t remember what the person looked like no matter how hard I tried. You know how things are in dreams. It was just sort of a figure, but I know it was a man. It was such a strange dream to have really. A field, a bridge and Timothy. I wish I could have more nice dreams about him.

? ❤️ xx

[Sr. Melangell]

You will I’m sure, you’ll have lovely dreams again.

[JudyWaffle]

I sympathize with you, I trully do. I woke up today to that find my bunny, Waffle had passed. I can’t stop crying. I hope both of our bunnies are binkying away in bunny heaven…

[September]

Thank you JudyWaffle. I am so sorry to hear about Waffle. It’s been 4 months and although time has helped the raw guilt and grief, I still struggle with the fact Timothy isn’t here anymore and that I’m never going to see him again. I’m sort of ‘stuck’ there, if you understand what I mean. No worse, but no better. And there hasn’t been one day without tears. I miss him so much, and this first Christmas without him around is very hard.

Xxxx

[September]

Christmas was a busy time but Timothy was always in my thoughts. The first Christmas and New Year without him has been and gone. Today we talked about work we need to do in the garden in the spring and I can’t bear to think about a spring or summer without him here. He was definitely a house bun, but would love being out in the garden if we were there. So much so that he would need a gentle reminder to go inside to eat his hay!

How I miss him….will it ever get any better?

Xxx

[Vienna Blue in France]

It will get better, in time, but imho, a visit to a rabbit rescue could help you and make you feel better sooner….

[September]

Oh, Vienna Blue…..that’s so naughty! ?We went to our local animal rescue at Christmas to make a donation and there was a beautiful white lop asleep and snugly with another bun….I had to be dragged away…..

I know it would partly help mend my broken heart, but I just think about the inevitability of having to go through this again. We have a long trip planned in June, perhaps after that, who knows?

Xxx

[Desiree]

I loved reading about Timothy. He sounds like such a special bunny. You gave him the best life. How lucky was he to have you as a mommy? I can relate to your story and your pain. I lost my baby Wilmer just over a year ago, on my birthday actually. The guilt to this day eats me alive at times. Some nights I’m kept awake crying because I miss him so much. Wilmer was my everything and still is. I’m only saying what was right for me. A week or so after he passed I adopted another bunny. Even though I had 4 other bunnies who I love my heart felt so incredibly empty. I found Tobe online and drove a couple hours to go meet him. It was not instant love but he looked a lot like Wilmer and had the saddest story. I wanted to give him the best life I could. I knew Tobe was not a replacement but looking at him brought me so much comfort. I have grown to love Tobe the way I love Wilmer. They are similar in ways but completely different too. I don’t know if I ever could have healed to where I am today without Tobe. I’m not saying you need to adopt another bunny just what helped me. I think about losing all of my babies however what makes me keep going is knowing that I’m bettering their lives and possibly even saving it. I would still adopt Wilmer a million times over knowing the outcome and pain. Because the love and time you do have is more than worth it. I talked to a grief counselor after Wilmer passed, they told me that we grieve so hard because we loved so much. You loved and continue to love your Timothy and that is so beautiful. There is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. But knowing that others relate to this pain and that you are not alone oddly helped me a bit. Please take care and if you ever want to talk about your bunny or how you’re feeling please message me.

[September]

Thank you Desiree. This forum has been a god send really. I just wish I my first post wasn’t in the Rainbow Bridge section. I read about Wilmer. I am so sorry. He was young, like Timothy, and I think that is one of the hardest things to deal with. They should have had many more years. Timothy was such a happy bunny (well, most of the time….he did have his sulks occasionally). I have a video of him just after he came to us. He’s running backwards and forwards on the sofa, and then doing flops, like he’s saying “Yay, look at me…are you ready for this?…I’m never going in a cage….I’m going to run free around your house and cause so much mischief you won’t believe!!”

I think I’m still at the disbelief stage and I don’t seem to be able to move on from that. But I’m OK with it. I’ve sorted accepted this is as good as it gets.

Timothy came to us sort of by accident, and at first, it was like “Oh goodness, what have we done?” but never in a million years thought I would fall in love so much with such a little creature. I won’t ever rule out getting another bunny, but this loss has scared me. Like I say, we are taking a trip in the summer, so perhaps I can start to think about it then. What my hubby would make of that, I don’t know! He lost his parents a few years ago, but I have never seen him cry like he did over Timothy.

I will message you sometime if that is OK. It’s so comforting to know we aren’t on this journey alone.

Take care
Lynda
xx

[September]

Today would have been one of Timothy’s favourite days. We are decorating the bedrooms. He would have been there with us, sooper-vising, getting paint spots on his floppy ears, playing hide and seek under the bed, generally being Timothy, getting up to mischief and slowing us down. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Gosh, how much do I miss him? Immeasurable.

Xx

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

Haha, that sounds like him alright: big personality, big opinions on everything.
I completely understand that you miss him a lot. He was such a character.

About the loss you mentioned in the previous post: I’ve talked about this with Bas a lot, he still gets very emotional when we talk about the last days of his previous bun Waffie, and his dad about the last days of their Rottie called Rik. Animals touch us on a much deeper level than most humans, because they’re so pure and love unconditionally. He always says to me: the losses of Rik and Waffie are still with me, but they are completely outweighed by all the happy memories.

When you’re back home again, talk about getting another rabbit or rabbits. I think you’ve become one of those people who’ve seen how amazing they truly are, and miss that every day.

[September]

Who would have thought putting a coat of paint on a wall could cause so many tears! There was a time before Timothy but I don’t remember much about it. It’s like he’d always been with us, even though it was just a tiny dot in our life.

We love our bunnies and probably take it for granted that they will always be here. I know I did. When I talked of bunny years it was just a number. There was no rational thinking about the day he wouldn’t be with us anymore.

I know you are right, Ellie. A new bunny would help, I know it would. But it scares me. I don’t think I could go through this again and I would have to. And would I be comparing new bun to Timothy? Would it hurt more, seeing another bunny in the house when Timothy isn’t? And I still carry so much guilt – probably the majority of my grief is guilt.

I think if we ever have another bunny, he will probably find us, like Timothy did.

Xxxx

[Gordo and Janice]

You word things pretty accurately, thoroughly, September. Many powerful sentences in your last post. It is hard to separate and comprehend the time before Icey. She was so ever present when she came into our life, she was as much a part of our life as breathing. It was so much better in so many subtle ways and you don’t realize it. She sneaked into our hearts so silently like the quiet way they just appear behind you when you are going about your business.

We too fell into the assumption that she would be around quite a while. Before she got sick we weren’t even aware of this forum. We were told they could live 10 to 12 years or beyond. And our little Icey was so tough and stubborn in her lovable way we thought she’d be with us at least close to the 12. Now of course after being on this forum, there seem to be an incredible number of premature deaths for these little creatures. But still in our ignorance we assumed giggles, laughs, and loves for years.

With regards to another bunny…you are spot on once again. I don’t know if I could handle the pain again…I am terrified of it. If I give it more than 2 seconds of thought then it comes rushing in all over again as if it just happened a second ago. So much heartache.

And the new little bunny wouldn’t be Icey, never could be. And it isn’t fair to compare it to Icey. But would I be?

And all the things we do now, just regular things. All of them are missing that one thing as you said. The Supervisor! Ever present.

Ugh, emotion, emotion, emotion……

[September]

Thank you Gordo. It’s been a tough weekend. It’s like I was back at day one with the grief, I cried so much. I was busy with stuff but he was on my mind every single minute. This may sound silly, but I felt his absence so strongly and it was like he was here but I couldn’t see him. But I could see him. I can’t explain it. That’s how bad I felt. They say grief comes in waves, nothing about a tsunami though. I suppose all our sadness gradually bubbles up inside us until it has to burst out at some point, somewhere, somehow. I’ll probably feel better tomorrow, until something else triggers me off.

Yep, you are so right about the ‘regular’ things. That’s what they are now. Boringly regular. Everything we did before revolved around our little ones and we also miss that so much.

I know a new bunny would take me back to that wonderful place I was in when Timothy was here (mmm…forgot about the chewed telephone wires x 3)! He came to us sort of by accident. So perhaps that may happen again. If it does, I will know it’s meant to be, and that Timothy would be happy for us to give our love to another bunny. I would only have another bun if I knew for sure it was meant to be. Perhaps it maybe the same for you and Janice.

Lynda
Xx

[September]

I do believe bunnies have healing powers. I’ve got a virus at the moment and feel pretty awful. I absolutely know for sure I wouldn’t feel half as bad if Timothy was here. He wouldn’t let me.

Xx

[Luna]

They definitely have “I’ll make you feel better” powers. Anytime I’m stressed I just look at Luna’s furry face and smile. When/if you are ready, another bun will warm your heart, though I know not in the same way Timothy did.

[September]

I’ve not really thought too deeply about this before, probably because my family losses have been expected through old age but now I find myself thinking about it a lot. Will we see our Bridge bunnies again? The answer is simple, we either will or we won’t. Two options, that’s all there is. It’s not multiple choice. Two. It is what it is… a very small number.

When Timothy passed, I had so many signs. My husband called them ‘coincidences’. But I knew different, because it wasn’t just what I found or saw, it was that deep ‘knowing’ feeling. I could step over a feather to pick up another, because I just knew that was the special one. I could see a shape in the sky that no one else could see. A rainbow in the distance that was barely visible. This is coming from the most rational person ever.

I came here to Binky Bunny to tell a lot of people I have never met about Timothy, because he deserved it, and I did just that. And because of Timothy, many others got to know little beautiful Icey, and there is a reason why that was meant to be. For that, I am so proud of my little bunny. I have no doubt that Timothy and Icey are now the best of friends. So I have to believe in one of those numbers, and I think I know which it is. If we open our hearts, anything is possible.

This is a story I wrote to help me when I lost Timothy. I would like to share it here, because here it is sort of my memory keeper.

For Timothy. My precious bunny.

An angel looked at you and thought…he’s too beautiful. He belongs with me in heaven. I need to take him when his mummy is not there because otherwise she will fight and fight to keep him and she won’t let him go. And that is so true, I would have done that. I would have fought that angel like a mamma tiger to keep you with me and I am no fighter.

But what to give back to your mummy in return? Because when you go, her heart will break into a million pieces and it isn’t fair because she cared for you and loved you so much. You knew, Timmy, you absolutely knew I loved you because I told you every single day and more. At the Rainbow Bridge you told your angel, “My Mimmymoo is saying sorry and she’s sobbing and angry because she doesn’t understand why I left her. I think she is asking for a time machine. But she knows she can’t have that, so instead, please leave her the white feathers, it doesn’t matter where…she will find them. And my two Angel Wings. Send her the rainbows, lift her head to show her the bunny shaped clouds and the brightest twinkling star. Blow softly on her face to dry her tears, so that no one knows she is crying again and say that she’s just a silly lady who lost a silly rabbit. Let her dream the Bridge dream at least once, let her dream of me sometimes, see the butterflies, the wild rabbit, the special little robin that sings to her, the funny rabbit shape on the rug and in the picture on wall, and, of course, the ‘bunny tree’, then she will know for sure that I’m here, I’m safe, I’m warm, and that it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t hurt me. The angels just needed me that day. I have my banana hay, my dandelions, my carrot tops, my kale, my parsley and my treats. I will still play my chase game, cause a bit of a hullabaloo sometimes, cause a lot of mischief most of the time, and binky forever. And I have my angel here to take care of me. I will be happy. ”

I needed those precious signs and they came, straight away after you left me, one after the other. They really did. Thank you for sending them to me, Timothy, but they only filled a tiny, tiny hole in my broken heart and they kept falling out. The comfort I needed lasted a little while but then the hole got bigger. So I guess, right now, it’s so big, it’s unfixable, no matter what you give to me. One day we will mend it together.

Timbob, my eyes open and I see you, my eyes close and I see you. I don’t need photographs. My ears hear you pitter pattering across the floor or running up the stairs or throwing things around for fun with your teeth because you were stroppy and because we laughed. I hear you scratching at the door. Your funny little bunny grunts are as loud as loud can be. I hear your daddy talking to you early in the morning. Then my ears also hear the deafening silence. I feel the nipping at my ankles, your licks on my arm, your soft fur, your whiskers, your floppy, loppy odd coloured ears (your scarf, grandma called it), your size ten feet that you would thump when I got upset to tell me to stop. Your bobbity tail, your white nose. You were always my shadow, following me everywhere, but now I turn around and you are not there. My eyes are constantly full of tears, my ears are listening for every tiny sound you made, my hands that fed you and petted you and brushed you and cleaned up after you have nothing like that to do now, my mind plays tricks most of the time and makes me believe you are still here. I come home and sometimes peep into the kitchen window to see if you are waiting for me like you used to be. I step over you in the kitchen doorway. Our house is empty. The rooms are strange. Our garden is sad. I am lost. Time stands still. Every day, hour, minute without you here is the same now. Fun went with you to the Bridge. Our favourite chase game around the dining table was once the last and I didn’t know it then. I call you, I hide, I wait, but you don’t come to find me anymore. The happy smiles and the laughter you gave to me have gone forever. But I hide that well and do that big pretend thing that I’m so good at that “I’m fine”. Only me and you know that I’m not. It’s our secret.

Those naughty dandelions will grow and grow in the garden but I will never pick them again for you. Your herb box is now full of flowers and pretty lights and butterflies and sometimes I still can’t help but think you lie asleep under there. Many kind people tell me you don’t. I have to believe them. Remember Mr & Mrs Pigeon and the scary black and white kitty with the bell? They still come to sit on the fence to look for you. I tell them you have gone away for a while and for them to come back tomorrow.

But, all this is nothing compared to my heart. It is smashed, crushed, crumpled, broken, shattered. It can never be put back together whole even if I tried because you still have a part of it. So I won’t try to mend it just now. There will be another time and another place for that. It will stay broken for As. Long. As. It. Takes.

Timothy. Timbob Roo. Jelly Belly. Our Little Man. You were mine. From the day you came into existence you were mine. You will always be mine and one day I will come and find you because there is a reason why I never got to say goodbye. Because it was never going to be goodbye. Go into the garden and wait for me like you used to. I will come and take that piece of my heart back so keep it safe. I will take you back and only then will I stop missing you. Please go tell that to your angel. Mamma Tiger will be back.

Love you, be good, see you soon, won’t be long.

*********************************************************************************************************

“It wouldn’t take me long, to tell you where to find it. To tell you where we’ll meet. This little girl inside me is retreating to her favourite place. Go into the garden, under the ivy, under the leaves, away from the party. Go right to the rose. Go right to the white rose. For me.                                      Kate Bush: Under the Ivy.

[Manda]

I am so sorry to hear about Timothy.I know exactly how you feel- I lost my Cinni on Monday. I don’t think it is an easier whether they are 13 or 3. Cinni was 13. My heart is broken, she was the best bunchkin and I miss her terribly. Putting her down was the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do and I have had many many buns but Cinni- I guess becuase she has gone through so much with me- was the hardest yet. She outlasted 3 mates, when we lost Thumper I worried for her and found her Jaxx. Jaxx was a sweet boy but he didnt bond with me the way Cinni and I did and he lasted until the old age of 9 or 10(he was rescue) and it was hard to say goodbye to him. Then there was Sophia. I did everything wrong with her. Got her as a kit from some barnyard breeder who was clearly not socializing them properly and she HATED me. I think she had a bit of a screw loose also because she ended up passing away at the age of 1 and a half. She had a stroke and died within a week. I had tried everything to save her. So right after her passing I went to town and found Mr Buns at the Humane Society. He was a rescued Meat rabbit. Cinni was not impressed with him at first but after MUCH work on bonding and some time they became the best of friends and fell in love. Mr Buns LOVED Cinni, I think right from the start- he was only 3 at the time of course Cinni being 10 at the time was not into it- she did come around and love him. I’m pretty sure he was her favourite bun of all 4 mates she had. He was the only one she would groom back. My heart is so sad. I am going to a rabbitry this weekend and I think I am just going to look though as for the first time- I don’t feel comfortable with just replacing her. I’m not even sure how Mr Buns is going to take to a new housemate so soon.

[September]

Thank you Manda. I am so sorry for your loss of Chinni and your other buns. 13 is a tremendous age, and I can understand how heartbreaking this is for you. When anyone asked me how long rabbits live for, I would say “oh, 10 years or so”. But to me it was just a number, not once did I ever imagine life without Timothy. He would be with us forever and that was that. My husband said, “you must have realised we would have had to go through this one day”. Well, no I didn’t. I am the most rational person ever, but as far as I was concerned, Timothy would never get old or sick. He would always be here.

I suppose if we all overthink the inevitable then no one in the world would have a pet. Their years with us are so short. To have to go through the pain of loosing them is unbearable, and it’s something I never expected, but we do it because of our human need to care and love. I know another bunny would mend my heart a little. But right now, how I feel about Timothy, I would be focusing on the day I would loose them and I need to be in a different frame of mind I think.

There is a wonderful quote by C.S. Lewis…….”The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal”.

Thinking of you and Mr Buns

Lynda
x

[Gordo and Janice]

That is a wonderful thought. Icey and Timothy being best of buds. Thanks for that.

Yes, because of your relationship with Timothy and what you wrote, it helped us immensely to deal with the loss by sharing. And that her life didn’t come and go in sort of vain. That we could share her, and our life with her, with others. And even though most everyone here knows how special and individual each bunny’s personality is, the sharing hopefully allowed them to know her in a more intimate way. Like the way we could feel about little Timothy.

I so love the picture you have posted of him, flopped on the ground like that, so happy, so comfortable, so content, so safe, so cute and precious. Icey flopped a lot but only along something else, the side of her cage or against the wall. Her back always had to be against something. I’m sure others flop in the middle of the floor like that too but he is a little soft pile of absolute adorable. Love it.

[September]

Hello Gordo & Janice. Yes, he loved to lie like that, all over the place. He would ‘drop & flop’ on the hearth, fall off and lie on his back with his little footsies up in the air. Then after a second or so he’d realise “something not quite right here”. !!

Funny little fuzzball. He made us laugh so much. Miss him terribly and will never stop. Never. Ever.

Hope Icey is keeping him in check. I picture them snuggled together making the biggest ball of fluffiness……

Kindest regards
Lynda

[Luna]

Posted By September on 2/05/2018 8:07 AM

He would ‘drop & flop’ on the hearth, fall off and lie on his back with his little footsies up in the air. Then after a second or so he’d realise “something not quite right here”. !!

Aww, little footsies up in the air. That’s a true gift to have seen your bun do. It’s just another example of how special your relationship was with him . I’ve never seen Luna lie on her back, just her side. 

[Bladesmith]

This is one of the things I’ve dreaded since I got Clover. I know in my heart that someday she’ll pass away, and logically I know it’s inevitable, but emotionally……I’m not prepared. I never will be. I love her like I have never loved another animal in my life. I know I will cry, and mourn, and be inconsolable.

But I also know that I will, as long as I am physically able, have another rabbit. Because they are such wonderful companions, and there are so many of them out there who need people like us to give them a better life than they have today.

But it will always hurt to lose our beloved family members. I think we honor them best by giving another rabbit a loving home in their memory.

[September]

Bladesmith, I often lurked on this site when I still had Timothy. I wish I had posted some stories of him during the happy times. And sometimes wish I had read the stories on this Rainbow Bridge forum, but I just couldn’t. Probably if I had, I would have not taken it for granted that Timothy wouldn’t be with us forever. But that’s what I did. When people asked how long rabbits live for, I would say, oh 10 years or so. But it didn’t mean anything to me, it was just a number. Because in my mind Timothy would never not be here. It just was unthinkable. He would have been 4 now, middle aged I suppose. Perhaps I might have been more prepared if he had been older when he passed. Like you with Clover, I have never loved any animal so much. He came to us just before my youngest son moved out, so he was my rock during the ’empty nest’ time. I won’t ever say I won’t have another bunny…I want to go back to the happy times and how Timothy made me feel and I need someone to care for! …but I am sort of scared to have to go through this pain again.

We have a trip planned for a couple of weeks in June, perhaps when we get back we will seriously think about it..

Xx

[Dasher]

Sorry for your loss of Timothy. He sounded like a very happy rabbit and you gave him a wonderful home. It’s sad to see our precious creatures go so soon and so young. Cookie Dough passed away a few months ago when he was only 4 years old. I had read some of the Rainbow Bridge posts before but I still did not think anything would happen to my bunny since he was always so healthy and I was doing all the right things for him. When he was at the vet I was so sure he would make it but I guess he just had to go. Another bunny might help you but I understand not wanting to go through the pain again. I still have Dasher who is 3 and I’m terrified of having to go through the pain again as it is just so unbearable. I can’t help but think sometimes that it is my own fault for feeling like this because I wanted a pet and I knew this would happen someday. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth having a pet but I think it is. They bring us such join in the short time they are with us. I’m sure we’ll see our little bunnies again someday and right now they are as happy as can be and never have to suffer again.

[Bladesmith]

Best wishes, September.

[September]

To all our beautiful, beautiful Easter bunnies at the Bridge.

Guess how much we love you….

We love you as high as we can reach

We love you all the way down to our toes

We love you as high as we can hop
We love you across the river and over the hills

We love you to the moon……..and back…..

Missing you millions and millions

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[September]

It’s been nearly 8 months since we lost our Timothy and I still can’t put into words how I feel. Yes, the grief and guilt have eased, like everyone said it would, but what’s left is ‘yearning’. That’s the only word I can think of to describe it. Yearning for Timothy and yearning for how I felt when he was here. A yearning to go back to those days 8 months ago. My philosophy of life has always been to change what you can change…..and be of accepting of what you can’t. It helps with any loss, but, for some reason, with loosing Timothy, that thought process has completely gone out of the window.

I suppose we ‘adapt’ to our bunnies not being here, but not enough to make our life complete again. There will forever be that big empty space where our little bunny should be. When Timothy came into our lives, I never dreamed he would have such an impact on me, and how much loosing him would rock me to my core.

I have thought long and hard about getting another bunny. The main two reasons not to would be that I would perhaps want him to be Timothy, and that I couldn’t go through this heartbreak again. But then I look at those reasons from a different perspective. Timothy was unique. There will never, ever be another Timothy. I will accept that. I know I could love a new bunny for who he is and he will be special to me in his own way like Timothy was. Then there’s having to deal with loss again. I thought, I am human, we are designed to take what life throws at us. It makes us stronger. So I can face that and deal with it, no matter how hard it is. No matter that it will break me again, I will cope with it, and I have a lifetime to do that. That is a small price to pay for giving a little bunny a wonderful home where he has love and can live out his short life happy and cared for.

I just know there is something missing from our lives now. So, maybe after our vacation in June we will think about it again.

Xxx

[Phil]

This is just the way I feel about my jasper, been 3 months since he died, my life is so very empty and sad now. Its so hard to cope without my bundle of joy. Xx

[September]

Hello Phil. I am sorry about your Jasper. Life just isn’t the same is it? What is it about these bunnies that grab our hearts? And why do they leave us so suddenly? The angels want them badly, that’s all I can say.

Sending best wishes to you.

[Luna]

If you want to wait on getting another bun, maybe you could volunteer at a rabbit rescue instead? It would be another way to have buns in your life again .

[September]

Beautiful weather here in England and it’s so hard for me that we are out in the garden and Timothy isn’t, getting himself into all manner of mischief. Tears are not far away. Missing you my little Timbo Roo. Xxxx

[Flakie]

It is lovely weather here too September in Scotland.

It is hard when you are outside in the garden and Timothy isn’t. I’m outside too with no Flakie or Poppy and can see their graves every time I am outside and it’s so sad.

Just think of all the mischief he would have been up to today in the garden getting into trouble and hopefully it will make you smile and think of the good precious times that you had together.

I loved the kind words you wrote helping Phil with little Jasper passing it’s all so so sad.

I still have good and bad days and beat myself up about Flakes last hours and it really distresses me immensely to the point that I’m sobbing my heart out. He shouldn’t have gone in such an awful way wish I had done things different.

I have my new buns to love and cherish now sitting here watching them play in the garden brings me hope some happiness.

Thinking of you x

[Phil]

Yes know just how you feel, I’m out looking for things for Clover, but my hearts just not in it, why did my Jasper have to go I miss him so so much, wish I’d never taken him to my vet, over and over I think this. Was looking at some videos of him its so like hes still here life’s so unfair xx

[September]

In 13 days time it will be 1 year since the angels came and took my Timmy. I am not in a good place right now. I think back to this time last year. He was happy and healthy. We didn’t know then that we would have just a couple of weeks left with him.

I go about my day, I keep busy. I chat, I laugh, I smile. But deep down my heart has never mended and it never will. I loved that little bunny with a love that only we know is possible.

Bless you my little Timbo. I love you to the moon and back.

Xx

[Phil]

This is very sad, I still miss jasper even now I have my little clover, he has helped me so much, dear little bunny, I still feel I let jasper down. But you can’t turn back time, wish we could xx

[September]

To all at Binky Bunny and especially those who sadly had to come here to the Rainbow Bridge, I wish you a happy and peaceful day. Another Christmas without my Timbob and although I can get through the days easier (some, not all), today is one day when my heart breaks a little bit more. He was a big part of our family, we will all be together today, and he’s not here.

Our buns are have a party somewhere else today, but they will still be at our side and in our hearts.

Xxxx

[Charlotte]

Merry Christmas to you too.

Our bunnies are well taken care of at rainbow bridge and we will meet them again one day.

I miss you Oreo. Love you to the moon and back. 

[Author]

Messages