So yeah…

[JamieM]

This is not about bunnies…  at all.  But I need some advice.  From not-friends since they all think I’m bonkers for this. 

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months.  He’s very nice, not bad looking, even brought me two different types of ice cream (weight watchers even, per my diet) after I’d had a bad day.  He has a nice job, great sense of humor and is very intelligent.  We have lots of similar tastes but there’s one problem that some people may think is minor but it’s really bothering me.  He has terrible breath.  I mean…  bad.  And I feel very superficial for even being thrown off by this…  I mean I like him… starting to like him a lot actually but I can’t even get close to him.  2 months and we haven’t even kissed…  closest to anything was a quick hug that I had to duck out of. 

I know.  I’m evil.  But I don’t know what to do.

[babybunsmum]

tell him. 

i know i know… i cringe when i think of telling some one that too.  but you gotta. 

think of it as telling your friend that she has a long string of toilet paper stuck to her shoe after she has just come out of a washroom in a public place… or she has food in her teeth.  if done in a quick/discrete but caring way can be really appreciated.  could be that no one has ever said anything to him before & that he just needs to start flossing more carefully.  if he reacts with severe embarrassment just blow right by it and ask him what he’s doing next friday or something like that.

[Alicia Conklin]

I agree, gotta tell him.  There’s a lot of ways to fix it and he’s just probably not aware of it.  There’s a lot of crappy guys in this world (girls too so men don’t think I’m just hating on men LOL) so if you’ve found a good one don’t let the bad breath stand in the way.  There’s gotta be a way to fix that. 

If not though…then I couldn’t be with that person.  Attraction is key in relationships and if the breath is that bad that you can’t get close to him..if it’s not gonna go away I don’t see how it could work

[ScooterandAnnette]

I agree that telling him is the way to go. Look at it this way – if you don’t tell him then you’re not likely to be dating him much longer because of the breath. If you do tell him and he reacts badly then you’re in the same spot you’d end up in if you hadn’t. If he reacts well then… who knows where it could lead!

There are any number of things that could cause bad breath. Brushing of course is important but flossing is too! It’s a kind of gross thing but have you ever smelled the stuff that comes off on the floss? YUCK! I think a lot of bad breath can be attributed to that. And that same stuff is on the tongue, so giving it a brush now and then too is good. Aside from that there are a few medical conditions where bad breath is a symptom.

Here’s the Mayo clinic page on some causes of bad breath:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bad-breath/DS00025/DSECTION=causes

But yes, definitely tell him. It might be something he’s unaware of. And if he’s already doing all he can in terms of dental hygeine then it might be a symptom of something more serious!   And that’s a good lead-in for talking to him about it, because obviously you care about him and you want to make sure that he’s in the best health possible.

– Annette

[JamieM]

Thanks for your advice. I do appreciate it. I’m not sure I’m comfortable to say it yet but at least I’m thinking of what to do about it. I don’t want to let a good guy pass because of something like this!

[jerseygirl]

I would tell him also. Maybe when you feel the level of trust is stronger. It is something that can be remedied. The opportunity may arise to say if he’s starting to question your avoidance of kissing. Be careful, as he could make his own conclusions as to why that is. Maybe start by saying about how your enjoying his company etc and want to continue to see him but there’s something that is bothering you. Tell him you are not saying this to embarrass him of make him feel bad but because you value honesty and want to get passed the issue. Also, invite him to tell you anything he is bothered by that he’s been afraid to tell you. Then have a good laugh if at all possible!

Little 101 on bad breath: Yes it can be lack of flossing, but also potential tooth abcess or mouth breathing due to nose issues. Also, most of the bacteria causing the bad breath is actually on the tongue.

Easy for me to impart advice but if it were me having to tackle this – I’d be at a loss too. If you can discuss this and work it thru with him, then thats actually a really promising thing. Let the guy know how great that is!

So! Be positive, respectful and honest.  You say he is intelligent, so after some initial embarrassment/indignation, lets hope he can see where you are coming from.         Goodluck!

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

That’s what I was going to say too S&A-sometimes diseases can cause bad breath…poor guy-hopefully it’s just brushing or something! I agree, tell him kindly *HUGS*

[JamieM]

This is the same guy who is now on his way to bring me brownies at work cause I said something about them.

Yeah he’s a nice one.

[Cassi&Charlie]

Your not superficial or evil or anything like that. Most people need kissing to build a higher level of intamacy so until you can get past thins, you’re relationship is pretty much doomed so telling him may or may not result in the end of the relationship but if someone told you ‘you have bad breath and thats why I’m not kissing you’ would you be mad at them or just really embarissed?
Have you tried carrying breath mints around with you and offering him one when you grab one?
Make sure you focus on all his good points first by the way, build him up to it.

[Beka27]

ew. that is tricky. it’s unfortunate b/c at this stage in your relationship, it’s not like you can say, “wanna go out to dinner? oh yeah, and i made you an appt to visit the dentist…” i think the only thing you can do is TELL HIM, or become a breath mint fiend and pop them constantly and offer some to him as well. that won’t solve the underlying cause tho…

i’m guessing he’s in his 20s (based on your age) and this is when oral health can really take a turn for the worse. people who never even had a cavity thru their teens might end up slacking on hygiene and develop beginning stages of gingivitis in their 20s. this can progress to bone loss. as a dental assistant, i’ve seen people in their early thirties with full dentures due to periodontal disease. even if you did not end up dating him, you could be doing him a favor by forcing him to reevaluate his oral health before it’s too late.

there’s no delicate way to do it, but i hope he’ll appreciate the honesty. if you guys never do move on to the next stage of your relationship, this might also help him in future relationships.

i will also say that when you kiss, the bacteria causing gingivitis is “swapped” betw/ your mouths.  bacteria that is causing his dental issues can be passed to you and you can become more susceptible.  this is not as common assuming that you have excellent hygiene, but you need to watch out for yourself as well.

[BunMumTiff]

Its horrible I was in a reltionship for a couple months and could never kiss him cause his breath was HORRIBLE! We ended up breaking up because of certain issues the most one being bad breath……………………..I never said anything and honestly I kick myself for not saying anything now but it can make or break a relationship, and builds trust and such from the start

[KatnipCrzy]

I am not so sure the breath mint offering will fix the problem…if you notice bad breath every time you are with him, it might not be some random thing that a mint will fix.  And if you think you might be too embarassed to mention his breath in a serious way after spending a couple of week spretending you yourself are obsessed with mints…..then it is important to make sure you do not create another obstacle for yourself.  Because even though guys are pretty clueless, he sounds like a sweetie and will probably even start buying YOU breath mints after thinking you are obsessed with them…so it will be obvious when/if you have to tell him that it is HIM that has a breath issue.  So I think he would likely be MORE embarassed if he thinks he was too dumb to get your subtle hints.  (I know I would cringe thinking back on all the times I said “no, I’m good” while declining a breath mint).

[Beka27]

^^^very good point.

so Davita…?

[MarkBun]

Just tell him. He may be a little embarassed or hurt about it at first, but that is quickly forgotten about. Also he might want to see a doctor about it as some halitosis is a sign of an underlying problem. It turns out that one of my back teeth was rotting for about a year before I found out (sucks when you’re in between jobs and don’t have dental coverage). Luckily, it was a wisdom tooth so no harm, no foul.

[bunnytowne]

Yeah tell the poor guy.  Allergies can cause bad breathe too.  As well as periodontal disease.

[JamieM]

Thanks for everyone’s responses. I haven’t talked to him about it cause I haven’t seen him since Friday. (It’s been a very overwhelming couple of weeks) I am going to talk to him about it, I’m just thinking it’s something better brought up face to face than over the phone. I’m pretty nervous about it but at the same time if he gets really upset with me then it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I appreciate EVERY ONE OF YOU!!

[TARM]

So…any news on this?

My most recent ex boyfriend had a horrible breath problem. He was aware of it but sometimes he didn’t keep on top of it very well. What made it worse was that he was ALWAYS in my face…not just when he wanted smooches but also when he was trying to be “dramatic”.

So, yeah, EX boyfriend. Though not because of the breath issue.

I never said anything to him about it. He kept STRONG gum in his car and usually popped a piece in his mouth when he came to visit. But…on a couple of occasions…my daughters took care of the “notification’.

One time when we were out at dinner he leaned over to whisper something to my 10 year old and she went “Whoa! Your breath STINKS!” and she started waving her hand under her nose like she was fanning the stench away. Another time he was helping my oldest with her homework and she looked him in the eye and asked if he had any gum. He said “yeah, why, you want some?” and she said “No…because you need some…like right now.”

So maybe you can borrow someone’s kiddo for an evening? Kids will say anything and don’t worry so much about hurting someone’s feelings.

[Beka27]

hahaha! that is so true T&RMom!

kids will say just whatever they think… that cracks me up!

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

ROTFL that is too cute-“no because you need some!!” heheh

[Author]

Messages