So hard to say goodbye

[OverthinkingBun]

My poor bunny Polly Oliver died last week, and I’m still having a hard time processing it.  I’m feeling so much guilt.  She was only three and a half years old, and she had just had a yearly physical plus a full bloodwork panel (just a baseline that we hoped to have for when she was an old bunny) that made her seem perfectly healthy.  I raised her from a baby and she was really attached to me and to her bonded partner, DJ Cute.

I noticed she was in pain and pressing her tummy against the floor, so I rushed both rabbits to the vet ER, since I couldn’t get an appointment at her normal vet.  I regret this so much, but I just handed her over right away when I got there, because I was sure I would get her back.  I couldn’t go inside because of covid.  She had GI stasis, but we had nursed her through this before, and the vet said we caught it in time.  They gave me a choice to pick her up or let her stay overnight, and I let her stay because they promised an exotics vet worked the overnight shift and could watch her 24/7.  I made the same hard choice the next day, when they told me she was looking better, but not out of the woods.  The clinic was far from my house, and I worried that if she took a turn for the worse after I got her home that we wouldn’t be able to get care in time.

But the vet made the decision to anesthetize her briefly overnight, during part of her treatment, and even though she had been improving, she died from the anesthesia.  I’ve been so broken up and I keep thinking that there’s something I can do differently and that I can somehow get her back.  I feel so guilty that she probably thought I abandoned her at that place, and I wish I spent more time saying goodbye.

I also feel so bad for DJ Cute, who is really more interested in other rabbits than people.  My wife and I are trying to shower him with attention but he’s pushing us and the cat away.  He is still eating well, but Polly used to initiate a lot of the playing and so he just seems depressed.  I don’t know when the right time to find a new friend for him will be – he is so young that not adopting another friend for him is out of the question, but I do not feel ready yet.  How do we all move on?

[HipHopBunny]

Oh, I am so sorry! 😥

Please don’t feel guilty, anyone would crack under that pressure! You did so much more than any of us here could have done, and I’m sure Polly agrees. 🙂

Dealing with grief is hard, to accept the unacceptable. They were; and still are, our companions, something we will always treasure, I’m sure they view us in the same light. Polly wouldn’t want to look down and see you grieving over her loss, she wants to cross over the bridge and look down to find you happy and whole. Always remember that they are here for us 24/7. Guiding and looking after us through our journey that we set out here to accomplish. She is still with you, deep down I’m sure you can feel that. 🙂

Something that has helped me in the past, is looking at old photos and videos of them. Smiling at their mischief, and laughing at their antics. Find some ray of sunshine that brings you joy, that is the best way to honor her. 🙂

As for DJ Cute; take your time. Only you will know when you are ready for another bun. 🙂 And I’m sure DJ Cute will be ready when you are.

“He is more interested in rabbits, rather than people”

They can surprise us sometimes! 😉 Right now you both are going through the same trial of emotions, so that empathy link is there. Maybe you could try playing some soft piano, and meditate alongside him. I’m sure he loves you and your wife, he just doesn’t know how to show it. In his own time, he will find out how, and I’m sure you will form an impenetrable bond. Although, I think you have a pretty strong one already. 🙂

Furry faces can always bring out a smile, but only when you are ready. Maybe fostering would help right now before committing to a bun? Go with your heart, and whichever way it leads you is the way to go.

Wishing you happiness!

[DanaNM]

I’m so sorry for your loss, that is so heartbreaking. 🙁

It is normal to second guess and feel guilt, but please try not to. I would have done the same thing in your situation. If you hadn’t taken her to the vet and she had passed you would have felt even worse. It’s also hard to know whether some underlying issue may have interacted with the anesthesia.

Was DJ Cute able to see her body? Rabbit grieve in their own ways, some seek out more human attention, others prefer to keep to themselves a bit. It’s good that he is eating and pooping. He would probably appreciate you spending time with him, but maybe more passively. Read a book or watch a movie on the floor in his room, talk softly to him, maybe an extra treat here and there. In time you might find he grows closer to you. Some windowed buns also like cuddling a “stuffy”.

Fostering is a great idea if you are concerned about him but not ready to commit yet. But also don’t feel obligated to rush out and get another bun until you are ready.

Again I’m so sorry for your loss. <3

(((Binky free Polly)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[OverthinkingBun]

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  The funny thing about Polly was that she always was a bit delicate health-wise, but she was always bouncing off the walls energetic and playful.  I think she packed in a lot of happiness while she lived.  I’m trying to keep thinking of the good times.

DJ Cute was with her in the hospital (as a healthy companion), and was able to spend some time with her body.  I also gave him a plush rabbit that he’s been grooming a bit.  Luckily, we work from home now because of the pandemic, so he’s getting a lot of same-room passive companionship during the workday.  Today I meditated on the floor with him, and he came over and put his front feet in my lap for a second!  Then he started binkying all over the room.  It feels like a big deal from him because he has a very shy personality (my friends have only seen his butt sticking out while the face hides, lol).  The shelter where we got him offers foster-to-adopt now, so we might look into that when we are feeling ready.

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