October Hare-oscopes

[(dig)x(me)x(now)]

October’s bunny horiscopes from Hopscotch (too cute)!

 

october hare-oscopes!

Well, it’s the first of the month, and that means it’s time for a second installation of Hare-oscopes! And of course, back with more astrological predictions for your buns, is our own Madame Petalago. She’s been consulting her star charts and has plenty of advice for rabbits to make it the hoppiest month possible.

Aries (March 21-April 19) These are days of psychological disquiet for you, Ram. Try not to fret too much over insignificant details, like the fact that the kale your human gives you is none too fresh. Reserve your energies for mid-month, when Venus will be in your second hutch. A romance with a dirigible will leave you feeling bewildered on the 16th. Shrug it off with some vigorous binkies.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Being bullish only gets you so far this month. Humor your human with some gentle lap-time, and you’ll be rewarded by the Craisin God later on. On the 9th, a gardening setback upsets your plans for dinner. Release your frustrations on the bottom back corner of the chaise. Fake napping on the 21st, and the neighbor’s rough-handling five year-old will be told to leave you alone.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) With Mars in retrograde, the twins are especially ambivalent towards big decisions. But in the end, it doesn’t matter on what side of the phone book you begin shredding. Nocturnal activities of your humans disturb your slumber late-month. Rattling your cage bars loudly will put a stop to it. Avoid the dog on the 7th (it’s his bath day).

Cancer (June 22-July 22) A poorly executed binky lands you in the infirmary at the beginning of the month. But your mate will shower you with affection, and your human with apple slices. Repeat the "mishap" for even greater coddling. Your lucky days are the 4th, 13th, and 29th.

Leo (July 23-August 22) Thunderstorms bring out cuddly feelings in your human, who will suddenly realize you need a nail trim. Take this as an opportunity for a much needed trance-nap. The sense of refreshment will last all month, giving you increased virility and stamina. But be careful not to overplay your toys, since pine cones will be scarce for several weeks.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) Good fortune befalls you when the Sun passes through your third hutch. But be sure to share the especially-fresh hay with cage mates. You need to cash in on their good will on the 11th, when your exuberant binkies knock over the water dish. Financial decisions are best left to others this month, and beware of a cranky cat on the 23th.

Libra (September 23-October 22) Weird behaviors and strange noises disturb you greatly at the end of the month. Humans call it "Halloween" and it’s no cause for concern. Instead, round up your mates and have a good laugh at the two-foots’ bizarre fur. The 19th is both a lucky and unlucky day for you. When you’re accidentally kicked, you’ll be temporarily scared, but pampered for hours afterward.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21) With Pluto reaching its apogee, these are great days for you to enjoy the arts. Animal Planet’s re-airing of the Crocodile Hunter’s Final Quest will leave you teary-eyed and snuffly, and your human will briefly be alarmed. Reassure her with some healthy half-binkies and nose bumps. The best day to do the task you’ve been dreading (helping to untangle your cage mate’s dingleberries) is the 25th.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) That pretty wild rabbit you’ve been seeing in the backyard will cause you great distress, but not for the reasons you think, Romeo. She’s eating your carrots, and her smiles are of cruel satisfaction. Take emotional refuge in a new cardboard box that arrives mid-month. But avoid the squishy yucky-tasting bubble-thingies or risk painful stasis. The 2nd is your lucky day.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) Ever since your human picked up his new copy of Halo 3, he’s been neglecting litterbox duty. Make clear your distaste for filthy conditions by snuggling under his covers and leaving some surpises. Capricorn is notoriously stubborn, and never more so than on the 20th. But hiding behind the TV will only delay bedtime so long.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) Some very large and delicious orange spheres find new homes on your porch this month. Nibble only on inconspicuous areas or face serious cage time. When the Sun reaches its zenith on the 4th, you’ll crave the juice of the cran. Basically, food urges rule the water sign this month, and you’re going to have to suck it up with dry hay.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) A trip to the vet makes the fish bunny feel particulary angsty this month. The answer is always cuddling, cuddling, cuddling. Philosophical meanderings leave you feeling poetic; you’ll express yourself by strategically chewing certain sections of a text from an e.e. cummings book. Make it up to your angered human by peeing inside your litterbox for once. Don’t gamble on the 13th!

[(dig)x(me)x(now)]

The September ones were even funnier

[Scarlet_Rose]

Oh my those are sooo cute and funny! Thank you for sharing!

[Author]

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