Non-mutual grooming and fighting

[HarperBun]

Hi everyone, I’m new to this forum but could really use some advice with my buns. I started bonding them about 5 days ago. I have my 6 month old neutered holland lop (my original rabbit) and I adopted a 3 year old spayed mini rex. They showed some really good signs early on, disinterested, flopping near each other, etc. but the female did do a little chasing and some light nips which I understood to be okay. She has been trying to establish herself as the dominant rabbit over him. They had been doing really well for a few days–and yesterday my male started to groom her a bit. I decided to try a larger bonding area with some tunnels and hidey holes for them to explore together. Things were going to well that I must have jinxed it. I began cleaning out their cages and had left the room for a minute to clean a water dish and came back to fur all over the room. They had solved their scuffle themselves; she was hanging out in a hidey hole and it seemed like he was still trying to spend time with her (politely) as if nothing had occurred. I separated them and cleaned up all the hair. Later in the evening, I found that she had bitten his ear a little and there was a small cut so I tended to that, but other than that they seemed fine and fine with each other. I put them together this morning in a smaller area and stayed with them and watched their behavior. It seems like she wants to be groomed by him, and he will do it, but when he stops she gives him a small nip. Which I am okay with. But she will not return the favor for him which I can tell he really wants. After a few nips, and him trying to stand his ground, she got angry and went after him. I’m really not sure what to do about this behavior and how to approach bonding from here. I only recently got her, but she seems quite comfortable and around me and the other bun, she flops and stretches out while she is being groomed and from that position will go into attack mode. The weird thing is that he will not fight her back but will keep trying to get love from her while she is trying to hurt him. Not sure where to go from here but any advice is appreciated. 

[Sofia]

Haven’t a clue about bonding but hoping I can bump this sorry

[Asriel and Bombur]

How long have you had her? Although she appears comfortable, it’s extremely important to let her settle in for up to 1 month, and then start prebonding them for another month. A bun that hasn’t truly settled in might reveal a very different personality later on. Prebonding is a very necessary step to get them used to each others’ scents and test for aggression.

Because they are fighting and showing aggression, I would stop and go back to prebonding for the next month, then you can start short sessions in neutral territory.

[DanaNM]

You are quite early in the bonding process. Even though things were going well, it’s super important not to leave them unattended at this stage in the game. As you learned, things can change really quickly.

Bonding requires the bunnies to build trust between each other, and to decide who will be dominant. Only they can determine that, so your goal is to provide a safe space for them to do that. It is super important that you do not let them fight again, above all else.

As A&B suggested, a bit more pre-bonding and settling-in time might help.

Since un-met grooming requests are leading to scuffles, I would focus on preventing the fights from happening. When they ask to be groomed (by putting their heads down), pet them both to swap scents. They will both think they are being groomed and will have warm fuzzy feelings about the other bunny. This helps build a calm association and will soothe any hurt feelings over the fight.

Do check both bunnies really thoroughly for injuries. If you find any other more serious ones, I think it would be good to give them a couple weeks off to let them settle down.

It can be hard to not know how to procede (“Why can’t they just be friends!”), but it usually just takes time and a lot of patience. Since they fought seriously in one area, I would also not use that area again, as they can build a negative association to a specific place.

In addition to the petting technique, stressing can also really help. You can take them on a car ride together (have someone else drive, pop the buns in a bin, you sit in the backseat with them and prevent nipping). Bunnies crave comfort when they are afraid, so stressing can be a really useful tool to get past certain issues.

Overall though, 5 days in is really nothing, so more time is the best plan of attack. And do not let them fight again!

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[DanaNM]

Also just to add one more point based off something you said, asking for grooms is a dominance display. So he is grooming her a bit, but then asking for grooms in return, which means that he isn’t fully submitting. She doesn’t trust him yet, which is why she is going after him.

They are communicating, even though it doesn’t seem like it to us, and eventually he will get the message!

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

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