My story of Self-Defense: Something every woman should know

[Scarlet_Rose]

Hey all, I just wanted to share something with you that has changed my life in the course of 1 week.  At my co-workers persistence I took a self-defense class last Tuesday.  I have always been a magnet for jerks and subjected to numerous bozos on the street and one even tried to approach me with a knife.  The course I took is called FAST Defense by Bill Kipp and you actually go through real-life scenarios and you learn techniques on how to handle verbal confrontation and as a last resort, physical defense.  Never did I think I would need to use it, boy was I wrong.

Now, I don’t want this to sound like some cheezy plug because it is not.  But just this last Saturday I needed to use it, I was scared to crap, but I also hate to think what would have happened had I not taken the course and known exactly what to do. Here is a small summary of what happened, please note that this is a letter that I sent to the instructor, Bill Kipp.

I want to thank you for the FAST Defense training, it was invaluable and I now know how not to be a victim.  I have had some incidents in the past with individuals who were less than well meaning and would not leave me alone (Sometimes I feel like a jerk magnet) and I suppose this is not an uncommon story amongst women whom take your course. Well, I have a new chapter to add, but it went much better than it has in the past, thanks to both the dedication of yourself and Chris and everyone who has made FAST Defense training possible.”

 

This past Saturday I needed to employ the verbal defense training that you gave us.  I was walking out of a sporting event.  It was just my mother and I, and we were walking in a sparse crowd to the car.  We were walking our usual pace when I heard a man shout come-on line “Hey, Ladies, how did you like the game?” in a leering manner.  We kept walking however I remained alert, no sure to whom he was speaking (this man was clearly drunk) then he shouted “Hey I’m not leaving you alone until you talk to me!” in an extremely brutal manner.  Two girls behind me gasped and ran, afraid of him.  I turned around and hollered “What do you want?” with my hands up as you had taught us.  He returned with and even more brutal voice that “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT. WHAT I WANT IS TO TALK TO THAT WOMAN NEXT TO YOU!”  He was talking about my mother, I felt the adrenaline in my chest but I stood my ground.  I told him “No, she doesn’t want to and all we want to do is pass thorough and go home.” he then came loping up and I yelled at him to “stay back.”  He did and shirked away from me guarding his face (he was clearly drunk).  My mother then turned around and recognized him as someone vaguely familiar from work.  They exchanged greetings. Even though my mother knew him, I kept my distance as his intentions were not clear.  An introduction was forced and he got in my face (still keeping his distance away from me as I kept my hands up and feet poised) and he then told me I better “watch” myself because I could get hurt, I told him I can take care of myself and he should not speak to people like that and there are better ways, especially when you know the person and he should not employ such a threatening manner.  He apologized for his behavior and backed off to continue a conversation with my mother (I put my hands down slightly but kept my stance) and she explained to him that I took a self-defense course, he mocked at me and I said that is not appropriate behavior and he stopped but continued to keep his distance and eyed me to make sure I didn’t come towards him.  I kept my personal space, he continued a small conversation with my mother and he went on to say how brutal and rude I was, I said “Good, I do not like you and I want you to leave.” He said “Damn you’re brutal.” He took the hint though and the conversation with my mother ended shortly, he then turned to me (I put my hands up) and he had the nerve to ask me to hang out with him and I told him “NO, LEAVE NOW” and I stepped towards him.  He started and then began to stagger away and kept repeating how rude and brutal I am and that my mother should “do something about me” however my mother returned by saying “Why? She is just protecting herself.”  We looked at each other and stated what a jerk he was and continued on our way.

 

In all it seems like this incident went on forever but was probably only 5 minutes total. I want to tell you that this would not have gone like this before my FAST defense training, I would have fallen victim to his advances and apologized for my “rude” behavior, letting him be in control and just taken his verbal abuse.  But that is not what happened, I took a stand for myself and I feel like I am in control now, I do not feel like a victim, I do not act like a victim and I do not have to tolerate being treated poorly and I can stick up for myself. In short, I am de-magnetizing myself as a jerk magnet and never has it felt better.  My life is changing for the better thanks to just a one-day course and yes, I do plan on taking more courses from you.

Now that you have read that, I have to say that normally I would have totally frozen from fear.  I do want to say this has seriously changed my life for the better, not only do I feel more confident, I can look people in the eye and most of all I refuse to be a victim and I know it is O.K. to not be nice.  I know it sounds silly, but it is the honest to god truth.  Throughout life many of us are told to be polite, nice and feminine and to go along with whatever a guy puts us through.  Fear can paralyze you and you fall victim to them.  Whatever your past, I hope that you all take care of yourselves and please do consider taking a self-defense course.  You can read more about it on http://www.fast.defense.com. The classes are taught both nationally and internationally. It was the most intense 3 1/2 hours and it brought back a lot of bad memories which I have now made peace with and if anything ever happens again, I know what to do and I don’t have to take it.

 

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

I’ve always meant to take a class like this, thanks for the link!! I found a place near me, I”m gonna talk to some girlfriends tomorrow and I think we’re gonna do it!!

I’m so glad it worked for you like that-sounds like it really did, I think whatever I would have done in that situation would have made him more aggressive…. I’d better take the class!!

[babybunsmum]

wow scarlet rose… good for you!  you must have felt exhausted after that incident from all the adrenalin.

i took a self defense class at a local kung fu academy & i have to say… i think everyone should take one.  it is especially great for those of us (myself included) who were raised to be ‘polite, nice and feminine’  in all circumstances when this approach is only appropriate when you feel comfortable to do so and not just because you ‘ought to’.  a class like the one you took teaches a different & more appropriate response for situations where you feel threatened, and in a way, allows you to give yourself permission to replace those old default responses.  even if you already know politeness is not always called for, it is very empowering to learn & feel confident delivering a different response(s) when affronted like you were. 

[Beka27]

amazing.  thank you for sharing that letter.  i liked how you kept your guard up even after you realized they “knew” each other.  i would have apologized and said, “sorry, didn’t know you two knew each other” and probably been drawn into a horribly long mess.

[kimberleyanddarren]

wow good job you took the course!

[Lisa_43]

Wow Scarlet way to go girl, we have classes like that one is called verbal judo were they teach you to try and talk your way out of getting hurt if that fails you flatten them. LOL These courses are defiantly good for all women.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Thanks you all. Babybunsmum yes I was exhausted from that. I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, in fact I stayed in bed the entire next day and you are right-on about the politeness factor, we’re all socially programmed in some way, usually to be nice and sweet and not up front and protective, especially when threatened. No woman deserves to be spoken to in that manner and it is acceptable to to raise your voice, be direct and protect yourself. The jerks out there are just too numerous. K & K I am very glad to hear you and some of your gal pals are taking it. About 90% of the time you can avoid getting physical and just the power of your voice is enough along with a few key techniques of raising your hands. However, I am going to say that if I EVER run into this jerk or see him again I am getting the cops and filing harassment charges. I am not going through that again with him. I am also considering asking for an escort to the car next time as I am not sure if that guy is going to steer clear or not. My hope is that I will NEVER EVER see him again and I do not care if he knows my mother or not, he is a class A jerk.

Lisa – That verbal Judo sounds much the same, I am wondering though if they have guys dress up in padding so you do actually perform the full-blown punches on them so you can program yourself to do it.

[Holly]

Scarlet Rose I am glad you and your mom are ok. Wow! You took that class just in time.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Thank you Holly, I really appreciate it. Here I was hoping and hoping that I would NEVER have to use it and bam, 4 days later I did. Just my luck, right? But at least I knew exactly what to do. This time, I didn’t take it from a jerk and I have to say, it felt darn good! I have to admit it takes a little while to get used to the idea that I was “rude” to someone.

[Lisa_43]

Yes Scarlet that’s what they do here. It is a great thing for all women to do.

[Author]

Messages