My brave, little Willow.

[PrincessWillywoo]

I’d always visit the forums on here whenever my little girl was feeling off, or I had questions I wanted to see were shared amongst other bunny humans, etc. and it’s been a long while since I had to go looking for these things. It’s been years since she’s had any issues, and these issues really only related to some stasis concerns. She was so happy and healthy, and I am so lucky she only needed annual vet checkups for her yearly vaccinations. I had such a good run with her, and it all suddenly came to an end. My little darling Willow passed away two days ago, and I have never felt so empty before.

Three days before she passed, she was acting a little odd and I suspected stasis. I took her to her rabbit savvy vets and they monitored her during the day, concluding that all her vitals were good, she was eating and pooping, and she could go back home with some gut mobility drugs. The next morning I took her back again as although she cheered up at night, she was still showing signs of stasis. She was now however looking to loose control of her back legs. The vets took her back in concerned and said they want to keep her in hospital to monitor her further. Many blood tests, x-rays and a CT scan later, they were unsure what was causing her decline. Long story short, her vet suspected she had an infection somewhere and it was spreading to her brain, through her bloodstream, and her spinal column. It was so sudden. No symptoms or early signs. She only showed illness 3 days before she couldn’t fight anymore.

Her vet said their final step to diagnosing her was a spinal tap, but the risk was incredibly high. I knew I would have to say goodbye to my soul mate this week, surgery or not, I knew that whatever made her ill was going to separate us. I got to visit her just before I had to make a decision to proceed with surgery, and she had so much fight in her. She lost mobility of all her limbs now, and struggled to hold her head up. She still acknowledged my presence though, and rested her little head on my arm – something that this little ‘give me space on my terms’ monkey would have never have done otherwise. I cooed to her and I felt movement in her little throat cooing back to me. She didn’t look any different from when I saw her last, not like when my other ageing pets looked like mad scientists. I told her I wanted to keep fighting for her, but if she felt she couldn’t do it anymore, that was ok and I accept that and I won’t be angry with her. I chose to go ahead with the surgery knowing that she would pass there, or pass in a few days with me (her vet said that although she was declining, there was small hope and she didn’t feel like it was her time to go just yet). Unfortunately, she passed under the anaesthetic and I agreed to let her pass on.

I was thankfully able to spend time with her body afterwards, and I didn’t feel the peace I had did in the past with other pets that I helped pass on. She was my only rabbit, we were each other’s mates. She had me, and I had her. It felt, and still feels so foreign. Like I can accept it, but also can’t. It all happened so quickly. Her vet said the most likely cause of her decline was meningitis, but what from, we will never know.

I feel so responsible for all of it. I got no answers, only questions. I feel like it’s hard to accept her loss because I don’t know why it happened so suddenly. One night she was her cheeky self, the next she was showing early signs I thought were stasis. I feel like I’ve caused this to her and feel so guilty. I will never know what happened. I knew one day she would leave me, but at 8 almost 9 years old, I was hoping she had a few more years in her. It happened so quickly. It feels like something as stollen her from me. I also feel guilt for my decision, for her to be alone when she drew her last breaths. I wanted to be there with her when it happened, to make her feel safe and secure, and I feel like I’ve let her down. I wanted to try and give her a chance, and maybe for her to show me she’s got the fight in her. I would have helped her passed that evening or the next morning if I didn’t choose to proceed with surgery, and I feel like I’ve made a mistake not being there for her. Everything just feels so wrong, and I miss her so much…

[DanaNM]

I’m very sorry for your loss. 🙁

I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t feel guilty, you were doing everything you could for her and it sounds like something very serious was wrong. We all hope our bunnies will live to 15, but 8-9 is still a nice old age for a bunny. And it’s clear she had a wonderful life with you. <3

I know how you feel though, I lost my Bunston at 9 and I was shocked and traumatized, as he seemed so healthy. Rabbits are just so good at hiding symptoms, that even very serious problems don’t show symptoms until very advanced (and they often present like other more common issues) and things progress rapidly when it’s a rabbit’s time to pass. So please try not to second guess yourself, I think you made the right choices (and did more for her than many would be able to, it sounds like you had a very good vet).

It helped me to jot down positive memories of Bunston whenever one came to mind, and then eventually (about a year after he passed) I made a photo book of him. Coincidentally, I later got a tattoo of a willow tree with bunny sitting under it in his memory. Feel free to share any memories or photos you like here if you would like.

(((Binky-free Willow)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Bam]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. It is extra horrible to lose a pet so abruptly. Its always hard when a pet passes, but the chock of sudden decline and death in a per is traumatising, as Dana says. I lost my bun Bam after just 2 days of illness.

You didn’t let her down when you chose to try and save her. If you hadn’t given her that chance, you might have blamed yourself for not trying hard enough. Our brains are very cruel to us when we experience loss, there is almost no end to what we are capable of accusing ourselves of when we have lost a loved one. You do seem to have a very good vet. The fact that they were willing to try the surgery means they thought she had a chance. Otherwise I think they would have strongly recommended euthanasia. Good vets see to the animal’s best interest and won’t perform procedures they believe are futile.

Binky free, little Willow ❤

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