My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years is breaking up with me

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

I probably can’t write too much right now…I will start bawling again.

I just, wish I could tell you guys the whole story…maybe I can some time, but right now, I’m gripped with fear and panic. I’m 21, we’ve been together since I was 16. He changed last August and started lying and sneaking and yesterday (on our 4 year 5 month anniversary) he snuck out again and lied to my face and then told me he was done with it. He did this in September too but promised to see if we could save the relationship. We were going to spend some time apart this week. But then yesterday he decided to commit wrong.

I’m shocked and numb but so depressed and sad, crying…

I’ve made myself very dependent on him, and now this not seeing him or being able to touch him is killing me right now.

If I’m not on here a lot, you guys know why… but hopefully you guys can be here for me.

[babybunsmum]

i’m so sorry.  some people can be just evil.  without even knowing any details, it sounds to me like you’re far better off without this guy.  i know & understand completely how hard it is to see this when you’re so upset & scared.  the truth is… change is hard.  everybody gets used to certain people / situations & finds comfort in familiarity.  so when a huge part of your life begins to change it’s really quite terrifying.  just remember this… relationships are 50/50 and you deserve some one who is putting in just as much as you are!  (((hugs)))

[notjulesverne]

I’m sorry. I know it’s scary and hurts a lot. But as much as it hurts, change can be a good thing. I’m sorry he was so rotten to you. You deserve someone who will treat you better in the future!

[Bambilover]

I am so sorry to hear this.

I was with my boyfriend for over 2 years when he decided that he was going to cheat on me and break my heart. Of course he came crawling back to me after that and has promised to never do it again. Well I can’t really trust his word that he won’t but I just try to not allow myself to get too attatched. I’m sure I would be devistated if he cheated on me again but I would never accept him back in my life and it would be lesson learned.

Guys are big jerks and it is really hard to find good ones. Especially ones that will be faithful to you 100%.

[Lisa_43]

I am sorry you are going through so much pain at the moment, unfortunately there are a lot of women that give there all to their man and in return get nothing.

You have to pick your self up and get your self worth back, you can be strong and over come this.

One day when you are with the man of your dreams, you will look back and thank god you didn’t end up with that jerk.

[Gravehearted]

I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship woes 🙁 It’s so hurtful when someone treats you so poorly and breaks your faith in the relationship like that.

You’ve been together for such a long time that it is likely very hard to imagine your life without him in it. However, if he’s hurting you like that – it’s not fair to you and is really disrespectful to you and your relationship. It is incredibly hard to move on, and it sure going to be really hard for you – but it sounds like it’s not a healthy thing for you to stay with him. I broke up with my ex of 5 years at around your age and it really was awful for a while – but over time I realized how many other people were out there, ones who treated me better and appreciated me.

Sending you lots of hugs, ice cream, stuffed bunnies and love!

[Lo]

Lion_Lop – so sorry to hear about your heartache. I remember the terrifying panic and sadness that accompanies betrayal and a break-up. Take care of yourself and know that in the end this will make you a stronger, more independent person.

good luck with everything,

L

[Deleted User]

Lion-Lop, I am adding my condolences and wishes for a quick recovery from your heart ache. I can tell you that in the end prolonging a bad relationship is more painful and costly to your well being than the pain you are experiencing now. Its ok to cry and grieve and get angry. Use this time to care for yourself and treat yourself well.

(((((HUGS)))))

[xnovalentine]

*sigh* unfortunately i am going through the same thing right now. that is why i havn’t been here lately. it hurts to read what youre saying because i wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone. i understand the desperation and the pain meshed together that is swimming through your body. i wish i knew a way to just walk away and not care like he is doing, but i think if i was that way i wouldnt be human. that sounds good right now. the best advice i can give you is just take one minute at a time, and then when you get used to that take each hour, and then each day, and eventually weeks will of gone by. the best thing that works for me when i gone through this before was just thinking about how its going to feel when you’re over it. it was comforting to know that it was going to happen one day, just not today. hang in there, you’ll make it through!

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Awww you guys!!! I’m so sad I’m not there to hug you in person *HUGS* It’s so hard to go through a break up-no matter if it’s for the best or not what you wanted!! I know this is counterproductive to our weight loss goals but what they hey? Go grab some haagan daz and have a girls night in! Or a nice bath. Or whatever you need to get your minds off the current situation!! It’s sooo hard I know, but you’ll get through it stronger and wiser and find better looking, more awesome, sweeter boys that are worth your time! *BIG HUGS* We’re here for you.

[Lisa_43]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lion Lop))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Xnovalentine)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs to you both.

[Holly]

awww I’m sorry!!! This might sound crazy, but break ups are a lot like death.  They take a lot of time to get over a times.  Is there someone you can be with like a friend or relative?  Go do something fun to get your mind off him for a while.

[Thumpers_Mom]

I am sooo very sorry for what you guys are going through…I’ve gone through this twice, once after 6 yrs and 2 kids 8 yrs ago and I have recently gone/am going through the same. It does hurt and it probably will for a long time. We give way to much.

I wish you the best. Enjoy life. Find yourself. Surround yourself with your friends and positive people. Time heals all wounds…hopefully we can all heal sooner rather than later…

((((((((((hugs))))))))) to everyone going through this.

*jackie

[Spacehopper]

You poor poor girly!! I had the same a few years back, I gave up a lot for what i thought made him happy, even compromising my own worth, then he finally admitted to cheating, i felt my very heart rip in half. i had to move back to my parents and it broke my heart, especially when he moved the fat heffa into what was MY home not so much as a week later! I can assure that the grieving process is a toughie, and you may feel you will never see the end of it, but it will get better. I sincerely promise that. 🙂 Whatever you do, don’t NOT cry and try to block it all out as it really wont help. Cry cry and cry some more. I shut myself in a darkened room for a week with plenty of wine and tissues, got it out of my system. And I truly do mean it when i say i came out of that a LOT stronger and a lot harder for the better,and I tell you girly…once you get YOURSELF back on track and get back to being you and doing things fore YOU..NO ONE, NO ONE will ever treat you that way again. If they don’t like it..they can fark orrff!!! (They don’t call me the ice queen for nothing 😉 ) eventually you’ll move on and you’ll thank buggery for what has happened, and just rememeber..it couldn’t have come at a better time, after all you are far to precious and worth so much more than wasting any more time on the ar5ehole!! Get happy soon my lovely. xxx

[Floppy]

I know break-ups can be hard…but just know that with everything that occurs
in life, theres always a lesson to be learned. Youre still young, I am sure you will
find someone out there…but for now, maybe some time for yourself..and getting
to know yourself again will be best for you. Be optimistic

[wendyzski]

I’m so sorry.  But if he’s gonna pull this kind of crap, better that you find out now.   Nothing I can say can make you feel better, but you WILL get through this, you WILL get stronger, and you will know this kind of nonsense when you see it again.

[Beka27]

i’m very sorry to hear about that, but like others have said… it’s better to find out now.

high school sweetheart relationships don’t tend to last much beyond that point because people change so much between the ages of 15 and 25.  the small percentage of people who stay together are the exception, not the rule.  it’s not always realistic to expect the other person to become the same person you do.  look on the bright side… you didn’t get married.  you have no children together.  so many times this happens to people who get married and have babies at 18 or 20 years old and they’re divorced by 22. 

my advice, and feel free not to take it (lol) is to try and rebuild your life by yourself.  you were together for 4 (very formative) years.  it would be a nice thing to let yourself heal and find out who you are alone before becoming involved with someone else.  the worse thing you could do right now is dive into a rebound relationship.  try to have some fun.  hang out with friends.  love your bunnies.  breathe.  relax.  i wish you all the best.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

One thing that’s always helped me through break ups (and I won’t take credit for it!! Read it in a magazine) is this

Make two lists:

List one: What was wrong with him, ie. what he didn’t have that you want and what he did have that you dont’ want in a future mate
Second list: All the ideal characteristics in your future mate! What you want him to have, and what you want him not to have

Consult both lists when you feel like, oh your just going to ring the ex up for a chat, or to ask for one more chance or any of that! By the time you’ve reread both your lists, you’ve reaffirmed to yourself why it didn’t (and won’t) work out and how much better you’re life will be without him and with someone else!! Trust me on this tip…Oh and add ice cream or wine or etc whenever needed LOL

[Hannah]

I agree with Beka– please take some time to figure yourself out! I’m not exactly a relationship expert (I guess I’m what you’d call a late bloomer… the boys in my high school thought of me as one of the guys, so I didn’t start dating until last year when I went to college), but a few months ago my first serious boyfriend, of just a little over a year, and whom I still live with, and I broke up, and I was pretty devastated– but after about a month and a half of hysterical crying he and I had appeared to work everything out, and I thought everything was going alright until about two weeks ago when I started dating another guy… and suddenly *he* realized that I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore and there was more crying and an awful two or three days in which we were sure/weren’t sure/were sure if we were getting back together and I ended up bringing the poor other guy along for the ride– thankfully, in the end we worked it out and decided that even if we do still love each other, at this point we’re not really *good* for each other because neither of us have had time to really work out who we are as individuals. We’re finally on 100% good terms, and I’m happily and, at this present time, more *healthily* together with the aforementioned other guy– but trust me, there are still times I notice when my ex comes in from classes and all I want to do is tackle him down and forget about the past few months entirely. It’s not the same situation, to be sure, simply because my ex and I never really “did eachother wrong,” but at the same time the feelings of wanting to get back together but knowing that that’s not the good, wise or healthy decision for anyone really are the same. I’m figuring out who *I* am on my own, and so is he right now– and while yes, I’m in another relationship, it’s not the same sort of be-all-end-all thing I had with my ex– because to get attached to another guy like that would just make me lose myself again, and you really need to know and be happy with who you are as a single person before you can really be happy in a relationship.

Now, my other suggestion? Squeeze some fluffy animals, talk to a good friend and buy yourself a box of chocolates. n___n I hope you feel better, Lion Lop! It’s no fun being sad.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

That’s exactly it! You can still love someone and not be right for them, and you don’t have to stay with someone until you hate each other. It’s hard but its better to break it off before that point! That’s good perspective!

[RabbitPam]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

If you start to feel overwhelmed, or no one really seems to understand how you feel, don’t be too proud to see a counselor. Alot of therapists are very good at helping someone cope when life seems to be in crisis, and this is definitely a form of grief for you. You aren’t handling it badly – I’m not saying that. But sometimes a devoted listening ear that reflects your self worth back to you and opens you up to your possibilities, and helps you heal at your own speed, is really helpful for getting over the worst times. You may be surprised how much you find out you really like yourself, your own company, and get comfortable in your own bones. Just focus on the present for now. Lots lots and lots of chocolate of course. It’s mother nature’s anti-depressant. (I agree with Spacehopper’s cry, cry, cry advice. Don’t worry about getting mad all of a sudden either.)

And why not play as much as you can with a bunny? Now that you have freedom at home (if you live alone with bunny), and no one else to bother, you can relax with a fur ball and let yourselves tire each other out – you and your little lion lop I mean. This will take time. Don’t rush yourself.

[bunnytowne]

hang in there as hard as this is it will pass. you will bloom and expand loss is hard and scary also financially scary too. my hubby of 17 years all of a sudden decided to get me out of there and I divorced ASAP and I was shocked. even tho I wanted out I was scared to take that step I grew up he didn’t  weird thing was I wanted out and was scared to make the step tho that was weird I kept in mind that God is opening a door to send you something better. with this person in the way God couldn’t give you the gift he wants to give you. That helped me get thru it. And knowing it was the right thing  to split with this guy too.      It is hard scary and may seem lonely at first. you can get more time with your bun and more time to relax and enjoy yourself. watch what you want on tv things like that.   I had a hard time feeding myself and wouldn’t shower I fell into depression I am bipolar. I got the right meds from the Dr. and began feeling much better    this happened when my 2nd husband left he is back now. the depression stuff came with the 2nd hubby not the one of 17 years. I remarried quickly and this one is working out. thank you God for that.

there is hope you will get thru this. you will come out a beautiful flower in full bloom get whatever help you need and take good care of yourself it does get better.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lion_Lop, you’ve gotten some very wise input from our members. I would like for you not to drop off the boards though and maintain some contact. I know that the last thing you want is to be around anyone, but we’re here for you so if you can manage, stick around, we’ll help you get through this. If it gets too hard, try to contact a counselor and check out info on co-dependent relationships or toxic relationships. What can really help is to keep a journal and write things down.

I know you don’t see it now, but things happen for a reason and one day you will see that this was a good thing for you. You get to grow your own wings now and fly. I know you feel like they’ve been clipped and you feel very alone but all of us have been there at least once and we’ve made it. We rely upon friends and family and they can really help so I urge you not to shut anyone out. Cry as much as you need to, but take care of yourself as well and don’t neglect eating or sleeping.

(((HUGS)))

[ScooterandAnnette]

We’re sorry to hear about what happened, and wish you the best in this difficult time.

For what it’s worth, that’s one of the things about pets–they will give you unconditional love. Especially when you feed them raisins.

[KatnipCrzy]

As hard it is right now, and as terrible as it seems- there is something worse and that would feel even more terrible- and that is if you had wasted any more of your life on someone who does not deserve you! 

Even if you are not up to posting about this- please stay around the boards and share your bunny love and knowledge!

Julie

[Lisa_43]

Ditto to Scarlet’s comments.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Thank you guys for your words of support.
I do actually see a counsellor, have for several years (due to anxiety issues, etc etc) I saw him yesterday and was feeling ok, but then when I left I just felt so alone again.

Today I have another appointment, but one that ((he)) is coming to. We need to talk, and I feel we need a mediator to do it, just to guide the conversation instead of us getting so upset we shut off…or me getting so desperate…

I just… am sitting here alone in the apartment right now and feel so sick. I leave for class in another hour…but I just feel so alone right now. I just picture ((him)) getting home and us having lunch together.

I just want to hug him or kiss him…

I wish you guys were closer… I feel so so alone and I’m scared.

[babybunsmum]

i’m so sorry you feel so terrible & lonely.  it’s great that you’re seeing a counselor who can help you through this.  ((((((big hugs))))))

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Ohhh Honey! Lonely is terrible, but your going to be just fine! Remember we are here for you!! I’m glad your seeing a counsellor, I’m sure that will help you exponentially through all this! **Vibes for your heart**

[BinkyBunny]

I am so sorry you are going though this. You are in our minds and hearts so know there are many people here that are hugging you in spirit. This format is a wonderful thing, because we’re not just words on posts, we’re actual people from all over the world sitting down at our computers and connecting to what you are going through, and so hopefully that can offer some little bit of comfort.

I know this must be extremely tough, especially since you’ve been with him during some very important memorable years. Like someone else said, breaking up is very much like a death, and it hurts terribly. The world just doesn’t seem the same when you are in so much pain, but like Spacehopper said, it does get better. It won’t feel like this forever even if it seems like it right now.  I know all you want is for the pain to stop and some people will try and do anything to make it stop, even go back with the person that’s not good for them – just to make the heartache end.

I remember my very first heartbreak, I was young, and terribly devastated. I will always remember what my father said to me – “I know you feel this pain will never end, it’s like a ton of bricks, but I promise you, I absolutely promise you that it will get better” At that time that gave me little comfort, but what he said ended up being true, and it’s what helped me get through the next break up (with someone else) because I knew the pain would eventually get better.

My brother also told me to make sure to force myself out to walk, and increase my exercise routine, because our bodies actually become accustomed to another person, actually sort of chemically addicted. And by increasing your exercise, you can help increase not only your endorphins to help your with your mood, but you can also help your body readjust faster from your partner not being in your life.

At first, for me, heartbreak feels heavy and horrible for awhile, and allow myself to cry each day, and then i get up and force myself to get outside, do things etc. It really does feel like dragging around a ton of bricks! But then over time, I start to feel a bit better, and the pain starts to feel more like waves. I’m fine, then a pain wave hits and I’m a mess, then it goes. At first pain waves hit every hour, then every few hours, then only once a day, until they slowly became farther and farther apart, and I could start seeing the light and wanting to make new memories.

I’m glad that you have a counselor too because being so young, it’s easier to let someone walk all over you. (Though this can happen to all of us at any age) Something like this can be devastating to self-esteem, and I think you would have to get to a point where you feel so good about yourself, that you could actually see what better things lie ahead for you.

I’m keeping you in my thoughts. Be what you want out of life.

[Lisa_43]

My thoughts and big ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) for you.

Like many have said we have all been through this, maybe you could try to find something of interest you like to do and join a group, it will give you an opportunity to get out and mingle with other people, I know you most probably don’t want to be with others but it would help a lot.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi guys,

Thank you for the support.

I’m having pain right now. This is the 4th day of sleeping alone in “our” bed, of waking up in “our” apartment alone, of having no one to talk to or kiss hi in the morning, and all I want is to be held and cuddled and hugged and kissed.

I don’t know how you get over that? To think of never kissing him again? Never cuddling in the bed? It makes my heart shudder and icy fear go through my stomach. I just want to call him and make him come over.

I don’t know if I can do this, you guys.

[babybunsmum]

((((((more big hugs)))))) you absolutely CAN do this… i have no doubt in my mind.  in fact you’re already doing it!  by feeling & expressing your pain here and with your counsellor and by going to classes and going through the motions of looking after yourself, your place & your pets.  each day you do this you’ll find a bit more time slowly creeping in here & there where your thoughts are not on ‘him’ and the pain will lessen.  you CAN do this!

[Beka27]

can you leave the apartment?  i’m not sure who’s name it’s in or what… but can you move temporarily with parents, a family member or a friend who has some extra space?  it’s going to continue to break your heart seeing his stuff there every day.  i would start to think about exploring other options if you know for sure that it is over.  there’s no pont in waiting around for something that’s not going to happen.  i know… it sucks every way you look at it.  (((((((((*hugs*))))))))

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

You CAN do this!! It gets alittle easier each day, and we *Promise you* it will stop hurting! *BIG HUG* It’s terrible with all those “cues” around to make you remember him, I know. But you can do this! Try for now, since it’s still very raw, to not think about “never again this”, just get through one day at a time, keep yourself ultra busy. I am reminded of this song lyric from a break up song “I just comb my hair and wash my face, stare strait ahead and keep my pace, don’t think about nothing and my life will be alright”. I don’t know, that lyrics always helped me through break ups. *HUGS*

[wendyzski]

Maybe start making the “our” things into “my” things?  Get yourself new high-threadcount sheets and pillows, or start using a scented pillow spray?  One thing at a time – “This is MINE now”. 

Invite a friend to be with you and help you box up “his” stuff so you don’t have to look at it unless you WANT to – this is much easier with someone else around.

Rearrange the furniture maybe?  If you are religious or spiritual, perhaps a house-blessing or clearing to re-dedicate your space and clear any negative engergies? 

Take the time as a way to start working out who “you” are when you’re not an “us” – it’s been so long you may have lost track.  It’s no fun while you are doing it, but the results are worth the struggle.

[kralspace]

Wendy has a good point, take a tip from the buns and start ‘chinning’ a few things to say MINE! and for good measure you could mark a few of his things…..eau, maybe not, but he does deserve it treating you that way.

I lost my boyfriend to death a few years ago and I know how very hard the transition from from ‘ours’ back to ‘mine’ is, just take baby steps and if you feel like crying, have a really good bawl! you’ll feel better.

hoping the best for you,

Kathy

[RabbitPam]

Just checking to see how you’re doing now. Wendyzski just said what I was about to – try rearranging the furniture so you don’t have the same view from the bed, and clean sheets (and an overall cleansing, like a smudge ceremony) is nice to for a fresh start feeling. You probably don’t want to right now, if you could have him back instead, but you are right in jumping on line to talk to us when it gets really hard. I was very glad to hear you are already seeing a counselor. Going together might help, but try not to prolong the pain of separation if that is what you ultimately will be doing.

Little personal story: in my college days I had my heart really badly broken by a guy I was in love with, though we didn’t live together. (We were in the same dorm for 2 years.) After being really hurt for a long time, I eventually graduated, moved and met another guy I had a much better relationship with. It was so clear that life was just starting for me, with no possibility of things “never happening again.” They may never happen with HIM, but I guarantee you all of your sharing with a man will happen, in a much better and happier way, again! Guys have a way of sensing a newly broken up girl and lining up to catch you. You may get surprised at who has noticed you that you hadn’t seen before.

Anyway, the P.S. to my story is that, after 30 years, I just heard from the one who broke my heart! It seems we had a mutual friend I had found online, and he passed along my contact info. My ex wrote and I wrote back, but here’s what I wanted to tell you: I was really curious, but totally indifferent regarding my feelings (actually lack of) for him. Just pleased to hear how he was doing, what he’d done so far with his life, etc. His email sounded just like him, but all those personality traits that were so appealing to me as a young woman just sounded like so much work now. I know I would have tired of the effort he required, and I deserve someone interested in being happy with me, and in having a good life. He’s a nice person, just not for me. I have more to look forward to. Does this make sense? So just keep in mind that life is this adventure that has some really surprising things still in store for you, including a surprising new man one of these days.

[Beka27]

that’s a really nice experience rabbtipam.  i can completely relate to that.  i’ve ran into exes from earlier in my life and it’s the same way… there’s just no connection.  you can laugh about old times, but i’m glad they’re old times.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi guys

OK…well, I did a not-so-helpful thing today. I was alone here, and it’s snowing real bad outside and no one could come see me, I tried calling my limited friends and no one was home, and I started to freak out and I messaged him. He called me (apparently he bought a cell phone yesterday…after months of me asking him to… ) and it went horribly – I asked him to come to the apartment, he said no, I begged, cried, pleaded, and he hung up on me.

I finally got in contact with a friend and she talked to me, then her phone died. I called Nick back on the cell phone and tried to remain calm, and we actually had an okay conversation. We are going to try very hard to take a complete break from each other right now. Really, it’s me who needs to do that. But having the phone conversation be okay and actually hearing that part of him that is kind was good for me, because he was nice to me and he hasn’t been nice to me.

But I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I worry about too much for too long. And right now I am hung up on the fact that Nick has to work at 4 30, but we’re having a HORRIBLE ice storm, and I don’t know how he’s going to get back to his friend’s or…? I’m worried about him getting in a crash.

Sigh. Everyone says it’s not for me to worry about. But…of course I do…

I just…in a bad way probably, have gotten hope from the conversation on the phone with him. And I know right now I need to get over him, not have hope, because he’s done awful things, but… I don’t know. If hope lets me sleep, let’s me do my 4 essays due in a week….my midterms… I don’t know…

[bunnytowne]

oh sister. I have the same fear ice storm or no my hubby dying in car accident. my meds have helped lots on that anxiety. now you take it easy on yourself. get your essay done focus on that and your buns. you are not alone. it feels like it and when you call and need people and can reach no one sometimes that happens and it feels horrible. but your friends are  there and here. you will get thru this hey treat yourself to something you been wanting to do. a movie you been wanting to see on your cable channel the call in and pay per view ones. have some popcorn and lie on the floor with your buns yes since you can’t get out in this storm the pay per view may be best right now. or maybe just cry cry cry and cry it all out cry to God cry to your higher power get it all out. can you call your counselor?  you come first not him. you will be ok it hurts so bad right now yes it will. you will get thru it. light some candles. know that something better is coming your way you just dont’ know what it is yet. you will get thru this and grow your wings. gain confidence in yourself surprise yourself. you will sister. keep on keeping on girl.

[bunnytowne]

when my divorce came the split I enjoyed making the new apartment mine. colors I liked the type of decor I liked the furniture I liked. the curtains I liked. the stuff we had together the dresser I eventually in a month threw it out I had needed it for my stuff but when I found a new one out that thing went. I found who I was I didn’t like all those stupid fish and beachy things he was into. It was fun. I moved out had to but it was the best thing that happened to me. I still have 1 piece of furniture of “ours” I dont’ even think of him when I look at it. my new hubby likes it cuz it is strong is why it is still here ahaa. I made my home feminine, mine and I loved it. you too will get to that point. find yourself. this is a great way to do it.

[Lisa_43]

There can be a lot of what ifs in life, worry just makes you sick.

You can worry all your life and nothing ever happens. I have learn t not to worry as being a wife and a mother to police officers lots of things can go wrong, worry when there is really something to worry about.

You adjust your  driving skills to weather conditions, so I am sure he would be ok.

Focus on good things, try meditation.

[RabbitPam]

Lion Lop,

Definitely put in a call to your counselor and let him know about your increased anxiety. He might have some concrete suggestions.

Icy roads are scary, but actually more people drive carefully because of it. If you guys are anything like me, you’ve had lots of practice driving in rotten weather, and it’s just winter as usual. It’s another way of focusing on him. You’re going to do those not-so-helpful things once in a while, but it’s kind of like dieting. You always can do better the next day. You even did better on the next phone call.

IF you get stuck alone like today, try pretending that it’s a good friend in your situation and she just called you. What would you say to her? How would you comfort her? Be a best friend to yourself, and be gentle and forgiving. And you’re really never alone. SNUGGLE BUNNIES!

[BinkyBunny]

OH, my heart goes out to you.  I know this is just so painful, and you just want it to stop.  Right now you are going through a grieving period, and grieving, well it just hurts sooo much - there’s no easy way around it.  You just have to feel it, and cry it out so your heart can then mend.  This is something that is just going to hurt for awhile.  It takes time, but it will get better, and you can do this, you can.  It’s not like you’ll wake up one day and not feel pain anymore.  It’s usually more like a gradual healing – getting lighter, less painful.

For some people, journaling helps- Writing down your feelings, getting out the anger and the hurt.  I know for me that helped me with saying my “goodbye’s” to some everyday routines, and also writing all the things I missed, all the things that made me mad, hurt and/or insecure.  For some reason back in my younger years, I even thought no one would love me like that “doofus” I put up with.  That insecurity kept me fearful and insecure, so if you find any of that happening, then you know you would have to focus on your self-esteem, so you don’t invite someone back into your life that doesn’t respect and appreciate you.   Figuring out why you would want this person, who has disrespected you and your relationship,back in your life can also be key to getting over that person, and preventing someone like that from ever entering into your life again - so hopefully you will call your counselor next time you feel like calling him.  I used to put notes on my phone - reminders of why he was not good for me to prevent me from calling.  

For me the mornings and waking up without that person were the hardest, so I understand what you are saying.   There was once a time I thought like you how could I possibly get through it, my world seemed so devastated.   I can tell you now though, that I did get through that horrible heartbreak, and my life now is ten times better with a caring incredible man.  (though I also know that when you are in the middle of  a break up, just the thought of someone else is no comfort at all!) but what I am trying to say is that if you just hang in there, take it day by day, your world will feel better again even though that seems impossible right now.  One day you may even be able to feel about him - “no thanks, you don’t even deserve me!”, but for now just take it day by day. 

And also – again, this just happened, right?, so it’s still fresh, it’s just gonna hurt, that’s normal…it just hurts, but give it time, and you will see that what we are saying is true, that it will get better.

 

HUGS!

[Deleted User]

Lion-lop, Bunnytowne is so right.  After my divorce, having a new place that was my own…no need to compromise about anything, no need to mind your p’s and q’s, and proof that he was responsible for all the fingerprints on the wood work was the best medicine.

 

And for every good thing you miss about him, kissing, cuddling etc….remember a bad thing….the lying, cheating, the total disregard of your feelings. It is the other side of the coin and the reason you are going through this pain.  I promise you, the day you get angry at him and can’t come up with an excuse to justify his behaviour will be a big break through.

Even though we are all far from you,  we are actually easier to reach 24/7 than your nearest friends.  The upside of different time zones…you are not alone, you got a group that has been there, done that, lived to tell about it and best of all have moved on to bigger and better things.  Proof that it does get better.  (((( HUGS ))))  Jean

 

 

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

I guess the thing is… like… I’ve always been somewhat of an outcast.

When I was 11, my family moved to Nova Scotia and I was put into grade 7 at the rural middle school (and I do mean rural, where 4 or 5 elementary schools plopped their new grade 7s into) so not only was I new at this school, but all the other people were new to each other.

In some strange twist of horror, I discovered that there was a huge difference between Calgary and Nova Scotia. Everyone in Nova Scotia, at aged 11 or 12, had already had “boyfriends”, kissed people, I even heard talk of sex! I was horrified – in Calgary, we still thought boys were gross and had no interest in them!

And, I was smart. Good thing, right? No… I was immediately disliked because I was so new and so…just, different. All the girls wore sleezy clothes, even at age 11, and I was proper and trim.

I wasn’t liked…I was picked on and made miserable. All throughout high school…plus, I was a little overweight…and the constant picking and making fun just drove me away from people, made me feel useless, and made me depressed.

I’ve always been a very timid, shy person. New things scare me, change makes me balk, and I think so lowly of myself I’m embarrassed to go in public (diagnosed with both Social Anxiety Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

Needless to say, I feel different from everyone. I’m very private, stay-at-home type of girl, don’t drink, don’t like loud noise (I have an anxiety response to it), such an untypical college girl, eh?

But when Nick came along before grade 12, and actually said I was beautiful, he cared for me and loved me, I became so dependent on him. No one else had ever, ever shown me interest…and then he did.

So now… I just feel different from people; like, that I’m scared to go out and meet people, I’m scared of change, I just want my normal things. Even my friends say they have never met anyone with as much anxiety as I possess.
That makes me scared I will never find anyone else.

It’s just… with Nick being the only one who’s ever cuddled me, ever kissed me, ever been close to me, he’s “safe” to me and I just want him back… the lies and deceit pass through my brain right now. I just want him back.

I just don’t know what to do.

[Lo]

I am amazing by all the support and wonderful advice that has been shared on this topic!

Lion_Lop, although lucky is probably the opposite of what you are feeling right now, you truley ARE lucky to have such a lovley group of people rallying behind you

[babybunsmum]

your anxiety is definitely playing a part in this right now.  i know a thing or two about anxiety.  i’m not a therapist, i have anxiety issues of my own for which i’ve been getting treatment for since my dad passed away 6 1/2 years ago.  i always had anxiety before that but never realized it really… until after dad died & it went off the charts when i was grieving. 

the biggest thing i’ve learned about that whole topic is this… anxiety clouds your thoughts so it is very difficult to have a realistic perspective.  worries & fears swirl around to distract you from the fact that you are okay (living & breathing) and free to make your own choices.  what i find that helps me personally, is when i realize i have worries & thoughts swirling around is to tell myself it is the anxiety and NOT the situation that is the worst problem.  and i CAN do something about the anxiety.  then i take a forced break from thinking about it at all.  i really have to force myself to do this and work hard at it because its very hard but it does get easier with practice.  its very much like meditating really if you’re just doing it with thoughts alone (handy to know how to do if you’re feeling anxious & you’re out & about), but you can also do this by reading a novel or watching a movie or anything you have to focus your mind on entirely.

it sure takes a lot of energy to worry so much…  you must feel exhausted, poor thing.  ((((((hugs))))))

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

((hugs))

I am exhausted. I’ve been trying to keep eating but I get hungry, and try to eat but I lose my appetite…so I’ve been getting in maybe breakfast and something pitiful for dinner…sleeping is just not working it seems. I wake up countless times in an absolute panic, needing Nick to be there.

Today, the panic response hasn’t stopped. You know – the heart racing, icy fear in your gut/heart, shaking hands? It won’t stop. Like, won’t go away.

I emailed my counselor since they cancelled university classes this morning, told him if there’s any way to get me in, please do. I told him about the panic not going away, and that more than a few people have suggested medication.

I’m majoring in psychology, so I know a lot about meds, and I know antianxiety are some of the worst for dependency and side effects and withdrawal…so I am hesitant but I can’t live like this.

I’m just destroying myself.

[babybunsmum]

i don’t know a lot about panic-type of anti anxiety meds, but i do know about SSRIs and they can help too.  your counsellor & doctor will of course have to decide what is appropriate for you.  after dad died i was having what i thought was a heart attack… crushing chest pain, numb arm, rapid breathing… my doc determined my heart was fine he prescribed an SSRI.  of course this type of med is long term and not ‘as needed’ and does have some side effects in some people.  i was very lucky to not have any after the first few days (was a bit light headed & headachey at first).  i think there are lots of options to help. 

me… i am pretty stubborn & would rather go ‘drug free’ in most cases.  i rarely take over-the-counter meds and truly believe that a good diet & exercise can ward off a lot of what people need those kind of meds for.  and the truth is… i prolly would have never considered anxiety meds had dad not died and had my anxiety reached new heights.  when i started the meds i could not believe how great it felt to not worry so bloody much!  i don’t want to sound like a pharma ad here… but i just think sometimes it is worth it to get help.  help is out there. 

my mission since that experience is to do behavioral therapy to learn how to process situations differently & recognize anxiety in myself.  if i hadn’t taken the meds i honestly think i would have never realized how it felt to have less worry in life in general. 

i’m really glad that you’re in touch with your counsellor.  keep it up… you’re on the right track.  and try hard to find something to distract your thoughts away from him – something that would normally be really pleasurable for you (like your pets) – even if its just for a small bit of time.  i promise that’ll help eventually.

 

[wendyzski]

OK – I agree that you need to see the counselor to get a handle on the anxiety.  You may need some medication at least in the short-term to stop the stress spiral while you get a hold of yourself.  I have depression that manifests as anxiety and I have to monitor myself carefully to catch the symptoms before they start spiraling out of control.  I ended up needing a low dose of an SSRI because my issues are mostly biochemical, but there are a lot of other things you can do.

Have you ever tried any kind of formal relaxation training?  (deep breathing, guided, imagery, etc) A lot of the “anxiety” you are feeling could actually just be physical symptoms like cold hands, sweating, racing heartbeat, etc – that can be caused or triggered by lack of sleep, hyperventilating, etc.  Thinking of what you are feeling as physical symptoms and doing stuff about them cen make you feel more in control. Slow deep breathing will release chemicals into your bloodstream that will slow your heartbeat, unclench your muscles, and head off that awful tense-anxious spiral that makes you feel so out of control.

Do you have access to IM?  I am on all day at work and would be happy to be a touchstone if you’re starting to stress.

[Hannah]

Lion Lop, I know where you’re coming from in your last post! I moved just before middle school, too, and I was also pretty shocked that everyone seemed so “grown up.” I still just wanted to play Pokemon and read murder mysteries. >__< My school wasn't all that bad in terms of sleaze/nudity/strange sexual relations, but it was still jarring to feel like the little kid among all the teenagers. I also never dated in high school– my best friend is a lesbian, and so everyone assumed I was too, and the boys never showed much interest in me. When I got to college I was able to "remake" myself, I guess, and I've found that with the confidence of knowing that I don't have the sort of past baggage everyone from high school knew about, suddenly boys liked me. But then when my ex and I broke up, I really, really thought I could never get intimate with someone again– the thought of someone else touching me or kissing me or sleeping beside made me physically ill. I had to teach myself to take care of myself again– to bother with jewlery and regular bathing and non-sack-like clothes again, and then I had to teach myself to see other boys again. I had to force myself to look– when I had been dating my ex, I never even *saw* other guys. They were just a blur. And I came back over winter break thinking to myself, "Okay, you're just about back on track now, you can do this–" and it worked. It didn't take long for me to hit it off with another guy– but I don't think he would've noticed me if I hadn't gotten my confidence back.

Don’t feel like your never going to find someone else who’ll love you– he’s out there. Maybe even *lots* of hes are out there. But for now you need to concentrate on rebuilding yourself– you’re at your most loveable when you love yourself. And don’t think that just because you’re not a “normal” college girl you’re going to be passed over in favor of others. Maybe some guys’ll do that, but… do you really *want* a guy who wants a stupid party girl? Being a little different can really work in your favor. There are plenty of guys out there who want a sweet quiet girl, and they’re generally much kinder, more open people than the ones who just want a quick hook up or a relationship based around nothing but physical attraction and a fondness for alcohol. I’m not a “normal” college girl, either. A big Friday night for me usually consists of a couple of geeky friends over to my room to watch a movie or play video games. And we all joke and giggle together and eat M&Ms and drink coffee and make bad jokes about the internet. And both my ex and my current boyfriend appreciate(d) me for that– and your going to find a man who appreciates you for *you,* not for some stereotype you might think guys are looking for.

It’s going to take a while. Heartbreak is awful. All you want to do is go running back, and the idea of a life with someone else is completely sickening. Everything makes you cry. You feel like you’ve just lost the only person in the world who could ever love or understand you. And it might take weeks, it might take months, but eventually you realize that stupid little things have stopped making you cry– and that other stupid little things are making you smile again. You need good friends, you’ll need lots of tissues, and you’ll probably need a lot of comfort food/stuffed animals/bunny love, and it’s going to hurt… but eventually it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. And eventually you can think of yourself as a whole person again, rather than as a half of someone else.

It seems like you’ll be sad forever. It seems like your world has ended. But I promise you, the passage of time and the renewal of normal daily routines will eventually allow you to let go and move on. Live for yourself; learn who you are; love your rabbits. They need you– and *you* need you, right now.

I hope you feel better, Lion Lop. We’re always here for you.

[RabbitPam]

I’m so glad you brought up the possibility of anti-anxiety medication. I have been reluctant to suggest it, since I think it needs to be handled very carefully by a knowledgeable doctor, but I have been wanting to suggest it for days now. Your feelings and actions seemed very symptomatic of the anxiety disorders, triggered by really “off the charts” (thanks babybunsmum) circumstances. You’re predisposed to it, so naturally you are having some real attacks.

I have also been very, very reluctant to take medications all my life. I was also not a social butterfly, moving alot as a kid, being different with an artistic style instead of popular or athletic or mainstream. I didn’t look flambouyant, just was not an extrovert and got into the arts in junior high. The kids I found to be friends with were not into drugs or drinking – we were dramatic enough on our own! So it’s very easy to feel like you’re different (actually, ask any kid at school and probably 8 out of 10 will claim they are different as well, for all sorts of reasons) and cling to a person who essentially became one of your family. What you do sound like is mature, healthy, and have your head on straight. You are getting help, coping with your issues, turning to available friends and advisors, and focusing on your goals. You’re just in alot of pain!

Anyone with a healthy fear of medications and addictions will use them correctly and wisely. I strongly urge you to take a low dose of an appropriate anxiety med, maybe one with an anti-depressant mix to it, to get you over the next few months. That’s not a long time, won’t hook you badly, and you will be able to withdraw at any time with care. Babybunsmum says it well when she describes learning how it feels to be out from under the awful cloud. It IS chemical, and I once was told by a physician that it was a matter of your synapses firing off too frequently, or at the wrong time, and that the medication acted as a buffer to slow down these brain impulses. (Psyche students, would those be beta blockers?) Experiencing that calming result may mean getting some sleep, feeling rested, and getting through your essays and obligations. I think it would be worth a try. And by all means, go with natural meditations, breathing, exercise, focused activities (reading a book really works to shut down the brain overload for me) and healthy food. Don’t forget a low dose vitamin to keep your immune system strong in this bad weather.

Bossy, aren’t I. Just thinking of you and trying to say that I care too.

[Spacehopper]

Oh Lion-Loppy poppy poos 🙂 If you were nearer id march you straight round to mine right now for a cuppa and a dive into a tin of Celebration chockies – tho hands of the Snickers!! I’ve been signed off work for the next week with stress, STRESS for god sakes, stuck on tablets to lower my anxiety levels and help chill my arrus out as i have been headed for a blow up for the last month or so. No break ups, but work and illness, and homelife have absoluted drowned me out. Phewee!! And let me tell you I FEEL SO STUPID having my sicknote signed off for “stress” as i know everyone gets stressed at some point!!! But chatting to the doc yesterday was a major relief…I mean i’m usually the one who copes with the world and his mum’s troubles and turmoils, but not this time, Saturday I flipped, rather ashamed to admit that, but the doctor thought it best to have some time to myself for a while. SO YOU’RE IN THE BEST COMPANY HERE GIRLIE!!! lol I too have never been one for pills and potions but sometimes needs must, even if it is the Placebo effect, who cares, if it helps to lift yourself out of the pit for whatever reason it is that you have fallen in it, then I’m all for it. :-)   I refused anti depressants and instead we decided on Propanolol – a Beta Blocker which will chill me out a bit more, stop any head rushes, and tension headaches and lower the anxiety.  MIGHT BE WORTH A GO.  🙂

My probs are by the by tho and the reason for this post is to say to Lion Lop… It may not happen for a few years even, but by then you will have totally moved on and become yourself again… as happened with me, although i’d bumped into ex-tit a few times in the pub over the years since, about a year ago he drunkenly (NO CHANGE THERE THEN!) decided to plonk himself down with a friend & i whilst we were out for a drink, and was harping on about how old i was looking, etc etc (god it had been about 6 years for heaven sakes!!!)..
IMAGINE HOW GOOD I felt as the conversation went something like:

Him: You’re looking old bird. Really, you’re looking old, are you ok, are you still mental, (*it must be noted if i was mental it was him pushing me there with his lying and sneeking) how’s it going?”

Me: Old, bloody cheek, what do you expect i’m 30 years old, and as for mental, well….I’m very good thank you. Got a mortgage, a toyboy, and a very hairy black baby (Brian Bum, tho i didnt tell him that), all is good thanks for asking…etc etc

Him: But oh you are looking old….Oh i do miss you, i am so sorry for what I did, biggest mistake of my life…..do you miss me, i bet you miss me…go on, you have haven’t you…

(drunken arrus)

Me: Yes you’ve said that, and no I don’t..AT ALL.

Him: Oh, you’re looking old.

Me: Yes, and you are STILL a c*nt, but what can one do?!

BACK ATCHA AND ALL WHO SAIL IN YA!!!!!

Thinking of you L-L!!! I KNOW you’ll be fine. I may not know you, but I know you’ll get through it. xxxx

[babybunsmum]

lol spacehopper.   funny story.  i love reading your posts… they’re so descriptive & i swear i can hear your accent!  big hugs out to you too & i hope your week off does you wonders. 

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Lionlop-I tried sending you an email yesterday and I’m not sure it went through as my comp crashed while sending it. If you didn’t get it, can you mention and I’ll resend. *hugs* girl!!

Yeah, bbm, spacehopper cracks me up too!
Spacehopper you are too funny, I can totally hear your accent!!

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

You guys are really, really great…I mean it, I probably don’t sound it but I really do mean it….I don’t think I’d be semi-ok without you guys, you know?

Kokanee- I didn’t get your email…try sending again

I met with my only male friend (who I hadn’t seen in 2 years) today and we talked for about 4 hours…back in 1st year university (I’m in 4th now) he and his girlfriend of 5 years broke up, and now he’s been in a new relationship for 2 1/2 years.

Which, to be honest is kind of frustrating because we mesh SO well and there’s sexual chemistry there….!

But…I’m trying to stay ‘OK’ right now. It was nice to talk to a male, because I haven’t had any guy interaction since Nick left last Saturday. It’s almost been a whole week since he left to stay at a friend’s.

But…in class earlier, I saw him. He saw basically in my left line of sight, and I pushed my hair over my face to try to not see him. But I’ll have to sit somewhere different, because I just can’t see him…it hurts too much.

OK…I gotta go try to do something…anything…I’m going to get upset…

Thanks guys…((hugs))

[xnovalentine]

i’ve been reading what you’ve wrote about your personal experiences in life, and I can relate to you a lot. Your moving to a brand new place sounds exactly how it happed for me, and my boyfriend’s name is Nick too. LoL. I also am majoring in psychology and I was also diagnosed with severe social anxiety disorder when I was younger. I have gone back to counseling after things got progressively worse and now i’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. great right?

i find it ironic that we are similar in these ways and we’re also experiencing the same thing right now. My problem is that i am in HIS house and I havn’t been able to move out because i have no where to go. So i have to see him everyday, and i can relate to the sick feeling. i’ve been having a difficult time functioning this week. I found that my bipolarness was making the problem worse, but luckily i was recently put on medication which helped tremendously. I finally got a grip on a stable feeling this week — a relief! — but my point is that with this I was able to sit down and talk to Nick and let him know how I was feeling. The biggest thing that I did this week was surrender the fight, I gave up, and let go. I was planning on moving out into a hotel tomorrow, so I decided to make the best of the little time I had left with him. I appreciated everything that he was doing and the time we were in each other presence. I explained to him that I didint want to forget what he felt like to hold and what it felt like to be held and that i accept that I’m leaving. This made a big difference and we both cried. After this talk, Nick decided he needed to do the same, and asked me not to leave. So hopefully we will get our relationship back.

I’ve been through heartbreak with Nick so many times. He was my first love and my knight in shining armor and we have been together 7 years, since i was 15 years old. I remember the first time it happend, i could not function. I hit bottom when I fainted in a movie theater, I hadnt slept, eaten or drank anything for about a week and I was so emotionally distraught that I couldnt take it and just collapsed. I can understand the lonely feeling and the emptiness.

Try to keep yourself occupied is the best thing I can tell you right now. CLEANING was the best thing for me, because I had so much of it it to do I never ran out. Spending time with friends, watching movies, just always doing something. Cry it out. Lay out on the floor and belt it out. It helps. It doesn’t fix anything, but you feel somewhat relieved afterwards. These are some of the things that helped me throughout this week and through other breakups with Nick. I’ve only been with Nick so I understand the dependency and need for him, its much like a addiction. With any addiction you have to surrender that you are powerless over the situation, and then take one day at a time. I’m a drug and alcohol counselor, and in my office I have the 12 steps of AA. I would read them and apply them to my breaking up with nick. Though I don’t really believe that you have to follow the steps in order to reach recovery, I found that they did help. I didint do the things that applied to individuals with a drug or alcohol problem, but the simple parts. I found surrendering to my higher power that i was powerless over the relationship (i dont believe in god, but i do believe in a higher being, the creator of matter, who that Is, I don’t know. Your higher power can be whoever you want…God, a tree, whatever.) This gave me relief and just reminding myself everyday that fate is in control and i have to let it take over.

You will make it through, and it does get better, even though i never take my own advice. Continue to see a counselor and get help and guidance through this difficult time. I agree with others, we are all here for you. Keep posting when you need someone, there is always someone around.
We love you.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

xnovalentine – oh my goodness (sends many hugs)…sounds so familiar, and not just your bf being a Nick as well…thank you for sharing so much, it helped me a lot, our histories are so familiar sounding…
I dont know what else to say, since I’ve never been a great person to give advice, but (((hugs))).
If you have MSN or something, I’m usually on a lot …but… yeah… ((hugs)))

[xnovalentine]

i do have msn my address is stacies_lonley@hotmail.com

anyone on here, feel free to message me if you want and lion_lop dont hesitate! i’m online now. if you need to talk, i’m a good llistener.

[Lisa_43]

(((((((((((((((((Lion Lop)))))))))))))))))) Great big hugs from the land down under.

I would come and give that big hug personally but I couldn’t walk to were you are, my trip would be a plain and then a cab. You are in my thoughts and sending vibes your way for courage strength and most of all to love yourself, once you can do that you can radiate love to all. We love you on this site and your input. Be strong.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Thanks Lisa and everyone else…(((hugs)))

Day Two of not talking to him at all or really seeing him (except saw him briefly in class today) is almost over…it sucks and is horrible…but time and space is what we need right now…

[Hannah]

Not seeing him is the way to go right now. You’ll start to lose your feeling of dependancy the longer you *have to* function on your own. It’s hard, but if you go to him for support when you’re feeling really down, it’ll be much harder to learn how to depend on yourself. I wish you much luck, and I hope you can be happy again soon.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

I’m not sure if this is an issue for you, but for me, when I broke up with my first serious beau, we tried to remain friendly…But it just killed me to hear him talk about going out and doing things (plans for the weekend)…So i made myself only phone him on Monday, after the weekend was done and before the next was planned. That way I didn’t have to get upset listening to his plans of going to such and such a party etc.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi guys,
I just wanted to write an update.

Today was Day 3 of not having talked to or seen Nick. It was easier today, because I went to a friend’s for the entire day and kept occupied. I am feeling okay…but I’ve been trying to stay occupied, or at least not think too much. Sad moment – when I was at my friend’s, she and her hubby left at 5 30 to go to another’s friend’s, and I stayed to look after their puppy dogs (2 Aussie Shepherds). I was there, in their house, so quiet, sitting on the couch reading, dogs were cuddled up with me and it just felt so wonderful.

I cried a little when I had to leave to come back here How sad is that?

Anyway…to answer your reply, Kokanee – I don’t think I could even be friends with Nick after all of this. I would have to completely cut him out, as painful and terrifying as that is for me to think – but if I saw him, I would be consumed with pain knowing he could be off kissing someone or cuddling someone else…you know? If it comes to it, it’s going to have to be a 100% break
But I can’t think about that too deeply right now.

[bunnytowne]

oen day at a time one moment at a time you don’t have to see the out of my life completely right now. just for a moment an hour start with small steps of thinking he is out of my life.

[Hannah]

Glad to hear things were a little easier today. Keeping occupied is a really good idea– Easter is coming up, maybe you could see if you could find some work helping a shelter/volunteer group/etc make/pass out flyers about rabbit care and how bunnies are not good Easter presents! You could also try taking up a new hobby or craft– ever tried knitting, sewing, woodwork, painting, etc? Thought you might try your hand at decorating/exercizing/volunteering/playing video games/reviewing movies? You should take this time to figure out something new and exciting to do. It’ll fill up your time and, who knows– maybe you’ll find something your really passionate about. I know I believe, and I’m sure everyone else at Binky Bunny agrees, that you can be happy again! And finding your passions is really going to help with that. Good luck and best feelings to you. You’re being very courageous!

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

thanks guys (((hugs)))

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lion_Lop it sounds like you’re on the right track and you’re doing well!  I am sorry you are feeling a bit sad and lonely, it will just take a while for you to adjust and definately take it easy on yourself one hour at a time, one day at a time.

Cleaning worked wonders for me too, in fact I disassembled my entire closet donated and threw things out, re-painted it and got bins etc. Gosh it seems so long ago I went through that.  It’s been 6 years now. Wow flashbacks. 

Anyways, I kept an online journal and was a member of a support group online to help me cope as well.  I must say that I am very glad that you’ve stayed in touch here and glad we’re here for you during this hard time.

I am glad you are not going to try and be friends with Nick, in the end that is really best in this case.  If you try to, I think it will set you back emotionally. Don’t think about him, think of YOU.  I know what helped me was to cry, write a journal, bond with my bunnies and talk to friends and family.  Sure, I moped too, but eventually a light bulb went off, I got to think of all the things I could do now.  If I wanted to sit, watch TV and eat a bowl of cereal or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and leave it in the sink, by gosh I could.  If I wanted to leave my underpants on the floor, by gosh I could do that too (I didn’t because I think that’s gross but I think you get what I mean LOL) as well as hang my nylons up in the bathroom to dry after washing I could.  Further, one day I just took a hard look at myself in the mirror, I wasn’t tied down anymore and could just work on me, focus my life and get my career going.  I was accountable for myself and didn’t have to seek permission for anything and that’s what really got me motivated. I must say though my case was different, I had a control freak, manipulator, emotional abuser that I broke free from.  He hid very coyly behind a mask and when the mask came off, two years later, needless to say I was surprised.

So in a nutshell that’s just a snapshot of history.  I look back and think you know what, I learned a lot and it really has no meaning to me now.  I live my life facing forward now and look to the future with the sun shining on my face.  You will see things do get better, it just takes time.

Oh I also wanted to add that Yoga really, really helped too.

[Lisa_43]

Good on you Lion Lop, the beginning of a new life sounds frightening but also can be exciting. You are always in my thoughts and keep being strong.

[Deleted User]

L-L, glad you had an easier day today. I can understand you crying when you left your friend’s house. You had a taste of peace and calm in a neutral territory before returning to “the scene of the crime” But those moments will be what carries you. It just proves you have it in you to move forward. Just remember how it felt to be alone, yet calm and at peace

It is way to soon to be wondering if you can be friends with Nick down the road. I have to agree with Scarlett , that would set you back. Even a mutual parting of the ways does not spare you from the pain of seeing a partner move on. I think it is a great insight on your part to know that you need that 100 percent break and are trying to stick to that.

As you can see from our post, quite a number of us have had relationships that were better off done and dusted. And we all lived to tell the tale and believe it or not, some of us can even laugh about it at this point. I know I can ( I do have a warped sense of humour)

Best wishes for a good Day Four!

Jean

[jellyrose]

I’ve come a little late to this but I just wanted to add my support. I feel so bad for you, really I do but… I promise this will be good for you (eventually). When you suffer with anxiety issues it is so important to learn to support yourself. I also suffer with anxiety disorder which really came to a head when I moved from England to the USA. I was unable to function and for about 3 months, I couldn’t go out, couldn’t work, couldn’t eat and every moment I was awake I felt that horrible anxiety. But I made it here to California and it is the best thing I’ve ever done and I’ve been panic free for over a year. Change is hard at the best of times but when you have anxiety issues it can be crippling. I know it’s a clique but…. “the only thing to fear is fear itself.” YOU have to find a way to be strong on your own, no body else can do that for you, you have to learn to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself before you can function well in a relationship. I have learnt that.
I have a great CD with good information and relaxation methods on it, if you want you can e-mail me (jellyrose82@yahoo.co.uk) your address and I’ll mail it to you. In the mean time a couple of the best techniques I have found are:

Breathing…. When you panic/ get anxious you don’t breathe right (do you often find you hold you breath? I do!). You need to get rid of that C02… Breath in for a count of 7 and then out for a count of 11. While you do it imagen that you are breathing in rest and relaxation and breathing out stress and anxiety. I promise it works!

Don’t panic about the panic!… I used to get myself so worked up that something horrible would happen when I felt anxoius. Like I’d lose control or pass out or something. It can be really embarressing! When you feel anxiety, just feel it and let it pass. Imagen it passing. I picture my panic as a train. I’m standing on the platform and the train just rushes past, I feel that woosh of air and then it’s gone! Give it the finger on the way past!!! ; )

Keep seeing your therapist.

I hope some of this is helpful! And just remember that no one (least of all a guy that makes you feel like crap) is worth let your life get wrecked for. Right now it’s hard to see how you will manage with out him but as everyone is saying it will get better. I think it’s so important to be single for some time at least… you learn to like yourself and enjoy time by yourself and that makes you stronger and happier in the long run. You are not alone when you have yourself to depend on!!!!

In the mean time eat icecream, do things you always wanted to do (but maybe couldn’t do before). When I split up with my boyfriend when I was 18 I got my bellybutton pierced coz he never wanted me to. Hurt like hell but was great! Most of all go out make new friends and have some fun!!!!!!

Big fat hugs to you!!!!!

[michellec]

hey girl i gota say it GET OVER HIM HE SOUNDS LIKE A RIGHT BUM ANYWAY! your young an have a good heart u gota get over this fast as its quite scary the way you are going on, really dodgy i mean what the heck is a 4yr 5mth anniiversary and anniversary in an annual thing not monthly. sorry to be harsh but i think you need to toughen up, he aint worth it and ur attentions should be on other things at ur age i how ur kool now and DO NOT GETBACK WITH HIM…………………EVER. his loss and a desparado women is not something anyone wants to see, he didnt love you enough so take some time out and go find someone who does spend time with family and stuff and ur wee bunny get a destinys child album and just chill baby u will b a.o.k xmx BE INDEPENDANT SERIOUSLY GET SOME MALE BASHING TUNES ON AND WELCOME THE NEW U

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Mishel – I do appreciate your words, but in the case of me and Nick, it’s very different and not as simple as you have written…

For the others, thanks guys…I’m going to try and work/finish a rough draft of my essay today…and do some reading for a small quiz I have tomorrow. It’s frustrating because my desktop computer (not my laptop) is in our 2nd bedroom, where Nick’s stuff is…so I will have to be in there most of the day working on this essay. It’s ok…I think I should be okay with that.

And maybe if I finish the essay I can reward myself by going to the barn…or something.

((hugs)) I’m still feeling panicky today; more than I was yesterday…

[Beka27]

when is he going to get his stuff out?

[Deleted User]

I was wondering about his stuff as well. If he is staying with someone else he needs a deadline to remove his stuff. You should have some friends let him in and police his removal of his stuff will you go do something for you self, movie, haircut etc.

But in the meantime…finish your essay and study for your quiz. Your education is your future.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

We are in this lease together until July 1…he has agreed to keep paying rent and his half of the bills, so legally his stuff can stay here. Right now I’m focusing on a day at a time, not looking that far ahead. I’m taking space from him right now, I just need to get this essay done and close the door to the room again…

I’m making myself chocolate chip cookies right now I didn’t have any vanilla or baking soda…I hope that’s ok for them to still turn out ok…

But yeah, one day at a time, I can’t think that far forward right this moment…it’s still very fresh and painful

[Holly]

I’ve been reading the posts. Everything I was thinking about telling you has already been said. Time apart does heal. My last boyfriend before my husband and I had a serious relationship. When it ended, it was very hard. I cried a lot. We were in college at the time, and we both lived on campus. We had the same circle of friends and a lot of the same classes together. It was tough. What ended up happeneing was for six months I’d stay with my friends and the same with him. Even though we had the same friends we would distance our selves from each other. That helped. After six months, we were able to do stuff as friends and that is it. Even today we are still friends. He’s married and so am I. Both of us are very happy with our respective spouses.

We never lived together, so that might of been a little easier. I still packed his stuff away that he gave me. I focused more on my studies and spent time wiht my friends. I didn’t date again until after college and into grad school. I did things I wouldn’t of done if I were in a relationship. I went over sees to live, I went back home and took care of my grandmother. I went back to school and then I got married.

Life goes on, but it takes a while to join it again.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lion_Lop, this whole recovering process is a roller coaster of ups and downs so you will feel panicky one moment and OK others, that is normal, just don’t let the panic take you over, take time, breathe and relax. Reading is a good exercise too because it helps your mind focus on the plot and gives you something else to think about.

I think the cookies will be OK. It doesn’t really matter though, I am glad you are doing something for yourself. Is is possible for you to move the computer to another room? It could make things easier, or you could get some cardboard boxes and put his things in there and stack them neatly in the corner. Although at this point I don’t think it would help you to put his things away, it could set off a breakdown and it is best to leave the things as they are for now.

[Gravehearted]

stopping by with hugs and some virtual ice cream to go with the cookies 🙂

it is so tough during that numb initial period, where nothing just quite feels right. I am very glad to hear your friends are being supportive and keeping you occupied too.

[Lisa_43]

Yes focus on your essay worry about other things another day. It’s one baby step at a time.

You can do it.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

I feel worse today. I think I know why…because both of us are in the class I have at 11 30. I’m just plain scared of seeing him…
It’s a big class (over 300 people) but everyone has their “spots” they always sit in, you know? And what used to be ‘our’ spot was a damn good spot to see everything – but…last time I sat in our spot, he sat a row down to the left and was in my line of sight…

So I know I should sit somewhere different…but I hate the idea of stealing someone else’s spot and being in a not-as-good-place to see the board.

I just don’t want it to be like this every Monday, Wed, Fri…(when I have this class) because being shaky and panicky the entire morning is horrible…

My plan today was to go to class, try to eat, then go to the gym, and then work on my essay, then maybe go see my horses…

I just hate myself today…and I hate life today…and I really want him back today…

[ScooterandAnnette]

No, you don’t really want him back.

You want the safety and comfort and security you felt in the relationship. Because you felt that with him you’re idealizing all kinds of things associated with it and ignoring the negative aspects. You were with him for a long time, surely at some point during that time you must have felt depressed and had doubts. Life with him wasn’t wonderful every day. There were good times with him, and rough times too. Right now there are rough times without him, but there are good ones ahead. Just be strong, and have faith in yourself.
– Annette

[babybunsmum]

hey lion_lop… just dropping by again to check in on you  

i’m so happy to read that you’re getting yourself out to your friends for a change of scenery, and making cookies for yourself.  i also think that you’ll have some serious ups & downs.  just know that the down parts will eventually get less far down.  i can soooo understand your dreading those classes you share with him.  i encourage you to find a completely new spot to sit and change what you can change about it.  it also may help to make a plan for yourself right after the class… something different to do.  maybe like stopping by a shelter to pet some furry friends or the library to pick out a new book to flip through.  something you’ll find interesing thats a bit of a mental break that you can look forward to doing after you finish the class. 

i really like what others have suggested about focusing on your studies and finding a new hobby of some sort.  or maybe even an old hobby that you haven’t done for a while because of being busy with life & school & so on.  a while back this was suggested to me & i honestly couldn’t even think of a single hobby or interest i had.  this really surprised me.  of course i have tonnes of interests & many hobbies yet to try out, but in that time on my life i didn’t pay any attention to any of them because i was soo focused on the crap parts.  it felt really really great to even think about what my passions might be.  passions that were all mine & didn’t depend on anyone else. 

i’ll be sending comforting vibes out to you while you’re in your class.  ((((((hugs))))))

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi guys

I got back from my class about 20 minutes ago. I sat 2nd row to the front and I did not see Nick at all. Which was good – but I find myself missing him extravagantly right now…Today is Day 5 of not having seen or spoken to him…and I just miss him – miss his comfort, miss “us”…
I just don’t know what to really do.

I was going to go to the gym and then work on my essay, and then maybe visit the horses.

I’m really scared about my essay, guys. It’s 2000 words, and I’ve never written a history essay before. I have maybe like, 200 words written and it’s complete BS if you know what I mean. It’s due in 8 days…I just don’t know what to do.

I also have a take home midterm coming up this Thursday – next Thursday; which coincidentally, is in the time frame of having that takehome midterm, and then next Wednesday (27th) I have another midterm.

So…here’s my lineup of stuff:

February 21-28: Take Home Midterm for Anthropology
February 26: Music History Essay due, 2000 words
February 27: Mythology Midterm
February 28: Anthro essay due (she has indicated we may be given an extension; I have a rough draft completed).

I just feel so overwhelmed by this.

This week…here is what I have so far:

Wednesday: meet with someone at 7pm
Essay needs to be finished rough draft by Sunday

It seems like I have a lot of free time…but I don’t really…this essay seems impossible…I don’t know how to do it…

[RabbitPam]

Excellent choice of new seat! Atta girl. You really are coping with things as they come up. May I suggest ending the day #count about how long it’s been since you broke up? That’s not helping. Just think of your week in normal terms (it’s Monday, but a nat’l, holiday; what’s due Tuesday, what’s today’s class, etc. etc.) I’m really sorry you guys were sharing the apartment. Maybe you can move the computer you use into the living room or the nearest cable hook up, toss any stuff of his lying around into that room, and just shut the door. Then it’s one day at a time.

The Paper: break it down into bite sized pieces. Have you ever done an outline for a paper?
You can make one sentence stating what you are going to cover from start to finish. PP #1 is Overview. (PP is short for paragraph).
Section 1: History, 3 PP’s.
Section 2: Current info. 4 PP’s.
Section 3: your insights to what has gone on , 2pp’s .
Section 4: What you think is the likely future 2 pps.
Section 5: Any supporting info. that you haven’t yet included. 2 pps.
Conclusion or summary, basically restating supported overview 2pps.

It’s sort of a basic outline of how to breakdown a simple paper. By the time you insert each paragraph of what you know, you have plenty of words. Also, find another paper or article, copy it to a word doc and do a word count. That will give you an exact idea of how much 2000 words really is. It might be just 2 or 3 pages. By the way, more is not better. Professors want the 2000 words, no more, no less if you can do it.

I hope that helps. DO NOT COPY from the Internet. I know you know this, but my friend is a college professor and they have radar when it comes to students plagerizing other work, articles, or stuff they’ve googled. Research is very different from copying verbatim. Even when under stress, try to always paraphrase. Just use your own words.

Good luck!

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Thanks for the suggestion, Rabbitpam…
Though, in my eyes, we haven’t broken up yet…we’re just taking space right now…(just let me think this…I’m not ready to say we’ve broken up or I’m single, it makes me panic) so…right now we’re just ‘taking space.’

Now, for the paper…I’ve written loads of Psyc papers, I know about referencing and plagarim and whatnot… but like, part of this history paper is describing a composer’s life with regard to his childhood, his friends, his hobbies, etc.
Now, I’ve found a really great website on Tchaikovsky’s life… talks about his friends and his worries and stuff, which would be great for my essay, so I wrote it in my own words, but obviously these are facts of the man’s life – and some of it is going to sound “the same” as the source, you know? Like, Tchaikovsky apparently was worried his head would fall off during performances – so I noted that in a part of my paper, but there’s only so many ways to word something differently, you know?

Like, for talking about someone’s life…… I just don’t know how to write it because it’s his life, it’s going to sound the same every time someone writes about it…

2000 words is going to be about 8 pages. Eek. Saying that makes me want to freak out. I don’t know how I can do this.

[xnovalentine]

just to comment on writing papers and plagiarism.. it isin’t plagiarism if it is common knowledge. so if it something that is a fact, it cannot be plagiarized. All you will really have to do is state the fact and change the supporting structures around the facts so that they are not copied. I find sometimes when i feel like i am copying too much, I rearrange the order that they were presented in on the thing i am reading to help promote the idea that I’m not copying, just stating facts. I dont think that really matters, but it just is something i’ve always done when I write papers for my own sanity. good luck. and don’t feel bad. I had 3 tests this week and 3 10+pg papers to write before the end of the semester. I can relate to overwhelming feelings

[Deleted User]

Hi L-L…good for you! You went to your class, you sat somewhere else. In other words you did what you had to do for yourself. You did not let all this baggage keep you from your studies. That is how you get through your days. I agree, the day count may not be helping and I am relieved to hear that you really don’t believe the “taking space” is temporary. And you don’t hate yourself, you hate feeling the way you do. Big difference.

Regarding essays, I had one professor tell me…it does not matter what you really feel about your essay subject. If the contrary view takes you more words to express than your personal belief…go with the contrary view. LOL, believe it or not it works. Now that may not help if you are writing about a well documented figure but you can always put your spin on it. Tchaikovsky really believed his head would fall off?! That is wild.

[Spacehopper]

LL, I do feel for you, all these people with their kind words and advice and still it wont make anything easier.  I could cry i really could.  Instead I’ll bore you all again with a little story which might make you see that whatever thoughts and feelings you have and things you do..you’re not alone sweetcheeks.

When I split with bollokchops (oooh do excuse the french!) i slept with the only photo i had of us together for weeks, luckily it was in a huge fluffy photo frame else it would have been damn uncomfy..not that i slept anyways….. and a great wacking chunk of rose quartz..said to heal the heart…how crap is THAT!!! lol  But now i post his pic so you can hopefully see that in a while you too will look back and laugh and say THANK BUGGERY!!!!  WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING WITH THAT TIT!!?!  And would you believe it…I haven’t even got that pic on my memory stick.  hehehehehehe!  So much for that one…but i suppose it goes to show how i see the whole situation now, eh! lol

Such a shame  you can’t ALL see it tho as being a punk and usually sporting a bright red mohican he decided to get into the spirit of Red Nose Day and shave his hair into red spots, and he looked a prize pillock i assure you.  Jeeez it sounds like i’m still hung up on him a bit the way i go on, but really i’m not, i just seriously get great joy out the day it dawned on me (a few years later, so LL i’m sure i speak for many when i say, we are here for you for as long as you need) i was much better off for knowing him and subsequently being without him.  :-)  (I’d fancied him from afar since i was about 12, and did all i could to be with him at 22, including fightin off other prospective tartlets….and so Lion Lop i really do understand your feeling sick and it feeling like your heart has been ripped in 2, but i can only say again that you will find things get easier.  Don’t let him ever stop you doing things, or going places… HELL i made sure i still went to the pub and it really pissed HER off, he told me that, and how i revelled in it. i laughed and apparently pushed her over in the ladies loos, i refuse to accept that as no matter how drunk i used to get over it to blot it out, i never would have touched her…eeeeuw!  commented loudly in her presence perhaps, but skin on skin contact..no thank you!!!!  …try to give off to the outside world… .i.e. HIM that you CAN survive without him, and you will because you are you….. better yourself and don’t let him and his selfish actions drag you down.  You Go Girlie!!!  Whooot WHooot!!!!   xxxxxxx

 

[wendyzski]

just checking back in with you now that I’m back in town.  Mmm – cookies.

It’s all baby steps – finding a new place to sit in class, etc.

While you have worked out that his stuff can stay there, you still may want to box it up so that you don;t have to look at it every day.

[Gravehearted]

I am really glad to hear you found a different seat – it was proactive and sounds like a very wise idea.

Well – the paper does sound very overwhelming – but honestly having a huge project to throw yourself into right now might really be a good thing.
Be a bit cautious with websites, since some are extremely well researched with facts, but others are a mess of inaccuracy. I was a writing tutor in college and a good outline can really help make the backbone of your paper and help keep the writer focused.

It really is hard in these kind of times to want to focus on studying for exams and writing papers for sure. I agree with Wendy – that once you’re able to, boxing up his stuff really will help. Having to look at it every day may feel like torture. It might also help to rearrange your furniture, but some new sheets and put away some things that really remind you of him. bot of course, only once you’re ready…

[Holly]

I don’t know who said it, but dropping the day count is a good thing.  This is a whole different subject, but I had to trick my mind after a bad accident, so I could drive again and get back on the road.  A couple of years ago I was in an accident (This was on a Wed.) The nest Wed. Someone rammed into me. The following Wed. my car broke down.  I was getting a little paranoid about Wed. I stopped calling it Wednesday for a bout a month. My new line up was Monday, Tuesday A, Tuesday B, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. My whole point in saying this is sometimes we have to “trick our brains” to move on.  I had my whole work team asking me how Tuesaday A and B were going.

Good for your for sitting in a new seat, going out with friends, and baking cookies.! 

[Hannah]

The paper sounds like a big load of… um, fun. But hey, it’s something to distract yourself with. And I wouldn’t worry so much about whether or not you sound too much like a website as long as you *site* the website— make sure you have a detailed bibliography. If you’re obviously not trying to hide the fact that you used outside sources, you’re unlikely to be called on for similar facts/etc. Also, sitting in a different place is a very good idea. My ex and I were in a class together last semester and while we were and are still friendly, it definitely helped that we had to work in different rooms– it was an art class and we were working in different mediums. I agree with everyone that you need to start saying “Today is Monday” rather than “Today is Day 5” or something along those lines. If there’s anything you think of in terms of him (days since seeing him, etc) start thinking of it in terms that are global (days of the week) or yours only (when my paper is due.) And know that even though right now you feel like you need his comfort and his support– I can’t blame you, you’ve been with him for so long– you’re so much better off without someone who doesn’t love you enough to be faithful. A lot of men are stupid, but a lot aren’t. Anyone who would cheat on you is stupid. You have a chance to find a smart one now. And more importantly, you have a chance to find yourself! Keep doing what you’re doing. We’re all veyr proud of you!

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lion_Lop, I too am very glad you found another place to sit.  Atta girl.    Feeling worse is normal but like you’ve heard, maybe this paper is just what you need throw yourself into.  Since you are having trouble I was going to suggest that you find a tutor or go to the student resource center and find someone to help you out. 

You’ve got some great ideas on outlining a paper, now it’s time to compile everything that you have read about the man and put your own take on everything.  Like maybe Tchaikovsky was mentally ill and what it was, since you are a psych major, put your analysis of his life into the paper. Go from early childhood, then teenager, then college age etc.  Mention how his life morphed from one phase to the next, how each phase affected the next with life events, what made him tick and all that, what events if they had been different, how it would have changed him and that maybe his music would not be all that great, also add what he could have done to help himself.  Listen to his music, at what phases did it sound happy, depressing etc. and how did it go with what was going on in his life. You can totally do this and it will be a breeze for you!!! 

[RabbitPam]

Hi, again. Sorry if the caution about plagiarizing came out harsh; I just was thinking of my teacher-friend’s experience. I know you’re a good student.

Easy solution anyway: Quotes!

It’s never a problem to say something like, “according to so-and-so, ‘Tchaikovsky worried his head would fall off during performances. Only a lion lop bunny placed discreetly in his lap calmed him enough to perform musical miracles.'” Then either name the source there or footnote it. You can even find a refutation of this idea by another knowledgeable source, who stated unequivocally that “it was a mini rex, NOT a lop.”

No biggie. Keep focusing. You’re doing great. And you can quote me on that.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Oh, rabbitpam I didn’t take it harshly, nor was I offended or anything…! I just know how sticky some profs can be about it; especially with my experience in the psyc department, where every single sentence needs to be referenced! Bleh…

Scarlet Rose – that is a wonderful idea…it sounds so neat the way you wrote it but…for me to get it into 2000 words…seems impossible

Anyway, Nick’s mom had left a message at the apartment when I was out. She was saying, “Oh, I’m just checking to see how you’re holding up” and stuff – which…while I appreciate the kindness, it’s so not her place to call me right now… >:-( You know? Like, I’m trying to not talk or see Nick at all, I don’t want to talk to his mom at all either.

There’s no real relevancy to that … I just wanted to vent about it for a minute…

[BinkyBunny]

Big Hugs! You have been doing really well as I know staying strong just is so hard. I know you said you felt like an outcast, and it looks like there are so many people that can relate to feeling this way, as well as so many who also deal with anixiety issues – so hopefully that has brought some form of comfort I know for some people that when they feel like they are an outcast and also have to deal with anxiety, it can make them feel unworthy, unlovable, and so it can make them hang on desperately to that feeling of safety. I wasn’t an outcast so much as I shoved myself into the social party scene to escape from a painful home life. Anxiety issues were something I had to deal with because I had to walk on eggshells at home, I found that type of anxiety to follow me in life. I rarely had attacks, but I was good about working myself up into a spiral of negative thoughts that would prevent me from relaxing and enjoying life. Before I got help to heal old wounds, and knew how to retrain my brain not to get worked up over non-threatening things, I just hung onto the wrong people for too long. I know that our anxiety issues and intensity may be different, but I bet some of the consequences of that anxiety have a similarity: The comfort of feeling safe even in disfunctional relationship was still much less scary than starting over by myself. I don’t feel that way anymore, but it has been a long road of internal self-repair to get where I am today. Doesn’t mean I am done with self-work, as I will continue to grow while I am alive. Hopefully counseling is serving you well.

Just keep up the good work, and taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour, or even minute by minute. So far, it seems you’ve been able to do that.

Regarding your paper: You’ve gotten some excellent advice. Once you find your focus within the subject (like the Scarlet’s great suggestion about “mental illness”) and then you outline it, it will be something you can conquer. You can do it, and I bet it will be great actually. Many artists, writers, musicians have incredible pain and anxiety. You may be able to really connect to this essay somehow.

[RabbitPam]

Just stopped by to check on you, and no new posts.

Hmmm. Is that typing I hear? I bet you’re too busy on the essay to write on the site – a very good sign.

I was going to suggest playing Tchaikovsky in the background for a little right brained insight, but I bet you’re unblocked by now and making progress.

Snuggle a bun for me tonight, please.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hi guys

Well, it’s been an awful day. I woke up at 6am this morning because some nutter rabbit out here (probably Kibou) made a huge BOOM noise while playing or something, and it woke me up. In my blind panic I thought it was Nick coming home…I got up and ran to the front door… but… no…of course it wasn’t him.

But that set me off for the entire day. I dreamt of him before the 6am incident…but I woke up just aching for him. Classes were boring – in my morning and afternoon Anthro classes we watched a movie in each class…then I went to my counselor and I just broke down crying. I just ache for someone to cuddle/hold me so bad. I just miss Nick; miss his voice, miss his kiss, miss talking to him…

Then, I went to my Music History class. I met with the professor and asked for an extension on my essay. I was so exhausted from the day’s events I started crying. He was a bit ataken back but he was very sympathetic and agreed to give me an extension.

So..now next week I have 2 midterms and possibly finishing the Anthro essay…then it’s March Break; and I need to focus on the Music one. But I hope I can get it well done now.

[Lisa_43]

Keep hanging in there, just take one day at a time.

I am glad your professor was sympathetic to your need to get an extension, which will give you a bit more time.

It is very hard and will take time, you just need to try and keep busy.

Thoughts and prayers for your pain to stop.

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

Hey guys,

Today feels worse in terms of wanting Nick’s company. It’s been a week since I’ve talked to him or seen him. In the back of my head, my brain is going “Ok, well, that’s been long enough, he can come home now.” You know? Like…I just am scared these feelings of wanting him are going to get stronger each day and then I will call him…when really right now I need to be away from him, take the space, you know?

I just don’t know how to shake this ‘I just want to talk to him, to cuddle, etc’…

So I think today’s going to be tough.

[Beka27]

i’m sorry things are still bad for you.  i don’t know what others think about this, but have you tried knocking him down in your head?  it may not be the healthiest way to handle this… but you need to do something so you can function in school and go about your day.

so when you say in your mind “i miss Nick”… add because he left me all alone.

“i just want to talk to him”… but i can’t, because he doesn’t care enough to be with me.

if you keep thinking about only the good stuff and what you’re missing, you’re not going to be able to get past this part of the break-up.  and then what happens when he comes to get his stuff?  you’re gonna break down right in front of him.  it’s going to take you a long time to get over this, and i think being callous towards him is going to be your best bet.  you guys are probably not going to be able to stay friends because of the extent of your relationship and since it wasn’t a mutual break-up.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

I was thinking-there is no way I ever would have been able to quit smoking if I’d told myself “I’ll never ever smoke again, not even one little puff”….I lied to myself “It’s just five more minutes” or “I’ll have one later, just not now” or just plain ignored that this was a never again thing and that’s how I got through it.

Try not to think about ‘never’ seeing him etc etc. and just get through each minute/hour and day. One by one. All you have to worry about is now. Not tomorrow or later. Just now, and Lionlop-Right now you are fine, good, happy, intelligent, strong, beautiful and healthy!

[RabbitPam]

I’m sorry it’s been a rough couple of days. Your professor sounds very compassionate, and probably has seen the effects of breakups on students just before finals were due before. HE knows your school work is more important in the long run than your ex.

I agree with the others who just wrote. Never say never! It’s kind of a combination of missing him, and missing cuddling and intimacy with someone. I don’t mean to sound simplistic, but if you need to cuddle, can you just immediately scoop up your bunny? Hold and snuggle your bunny, who unconditionally loves you back. You’re not going to be without a man to talk to, cuddle with, kiss, share times with. He will have a name and be attractive to you.

I have this squishy stuffed bunny I got years ago that just sat around on display. Well, once I lost Spockie, I have been grabbing that stuffed bunny during many lonely cries, and sleeping with it too. It gets me through those bad 5 minutes, then I ease out of it. It’s hard to explain, but it was very bad grief at his loss, physically like a dark cloud for about 2 weeks. Then I seemed to be able to catch my breath again. It just lifted. I have lost boyfriends, my older brother, and other close family members, and grief is always very hard to bear initially. But it does pass into stages and I give you one more bad week at the most before you find some serious relief.

Go for a little walk in fresh air this afternoon. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

[notjulesverne]

I know it’s hard, but you can do it! You are a valuable, wonderful person. I agree about not focusing on all the happy times. See if you can recall some bad times and what he’s done to you whenever you start to miss him. Then you will be able to see that is for the best . My old pastor used to say “Rejection is protection.” and I firmly believe that! I can look back and see so many bad things that could have been, but didn’t happen because “Someone” (I believe in a loving Creator and Heavenly Father…I’m not sure what your beliefs are and I don’t want to shove anything down your throat , but that is what keeps me going is that no matter what happens to me, I know there is someone there to comfort and protect me. That doesn’t mean my life is going to  perfect and there are plenty of things that can and probably will happen, but I know that God will be there to help me through it somehow (by using family and friends, etc)  I know it may sound trite to some, but it is very real for me). In any case, maybe you are being protected from something worse and more hurtful that he would have done to you. As others have said, just take it day by day and it will get better and better and hurt less and less. And remember, we’re here for you

[BinkyBunny]

I’m sorry too that you are having a awful day. Some days are just going to be more painful, and sometimes there is a hump you sort of have to get over before the pain eases off. Just keep doing what you know is best in your heart. How you would advise a friend or if you had a daughter, try and follow the advice you would give a person you loved and felt protective of.

Just cry it out, and keep on keepin’ on. Maybe you can see your counselor more often during these more stressful painful times.

I also agree to refocus your thoughts from those things that you miss and make sure to give yourself a reality check. I also hope that you don’t blame yourself in some way, that somehow you would have deserved the disrespect. Obviously being a psych major, you understand much of that, but putting into practice is much harder.

I know the pain of being with out him right now may not feel worth it, and the feeling of anxiety and depression can be overwhelming. It’s only been a week. That’s such a short-time, and it’s not going to go away so quickly, so hopefully you can hang in there. I know it’s extremely hard especially under the circumstances of sharing classes.

Don’t let pain guide your decision – just follow deep down what you know is best for you. And sometimes that means drudging through the days, some better, some worse than others, until one day it will begin to feel better. And it will, it WILL!

[babybunsmum]

((((((hugs for you))))))

hope your day got better girl.  i agree… might be a worthy exercise to purposely re-direct thoughts about him.  i don’t mean your feelings, because i know its important to acknowledge feelings, but when you start thinking about him / things you miss you can firmly tell yourself  “i’m not going to think about this right now… it’s not helping me… instead i’ll daydream or think about ____”   you can fill in the blank with anything happy or constructive.  studies, meeting a famous celebrity you admire, winning the lottery, world peace…  

i agree with k&k… it doesn’t mean you can never ever think of him & the good times ever again, but just not right now. 

great that you got an extention on your essay!  don’t feel bad about crying infront of your prof… i cryed in home depot after my dad died infront of a complete stranger man.  lol.  the poor guy didn’t know where to look & i immediately found the situation funny (because he was visibly uncomfortable and my brain finds awkward situations hilarious for some reason) and then i started laughing.  the poor guy prolly still has nightmares about me – the crazy lady who didn’t know what screws to buy.  lol.

[Scarlet_Rose]

I just want to say Lion_Lop hang in there (((HUGS))). You can do this. And as for the paper, just start typing just a rough draft and see where it goes. Don’t focus on the 2,000 words that part is going to be your worst enemy. (It sounds like it is because you keep repeating it. In doing that, your focus is on panicking about the number and not focusing on the essay.) Just type, then look and see where you can add more here & there. Before you know it, you’ll be looking to LIMIT yourself to 2,000 words. You’ve got a whole team cheering you on here and we’re in your corner!

[xnovalentine]

i just wanted to stop in and say hey and i hope that youre feeling better! I’m sorry I havnt been online to talk to you much, but I have been so busy this week with school and work i am ready to collapse! If i see you online i’ll give you a shout! One day at a time sweetie! You’ll do it!

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

I can’t write right now, but yesterday things went bad.

I can’t cry because I have class.

But things got bad.

[Holly]

((((((((((((((((Lion Lop))))))))))))))) I have no words, but I wanted to give you a hug.  Hang in there!  It WILL get better!

[Lion_Lop_Lover]

I can’t do this guys.

I’m going right to the counseling centre after this class. I would go right now but she is giving out our takehome midterm.

I can’t do it.

[Spacehopper]

Hope you’ll be smiling again soon Missy. x

[babybunsmum]

((((((hugs))))))

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

You CAN do it hunny!! You’ll be just fine! ***BIG HUG***

[wendyzski]

Oh hon I’m so sorry – I’ve been really sick the past few days so I’ve not been online as much. 

What kind of advice is the counselor giving you?  Maybe writing it down for us will help it make sense?

[Scarlet_Rose]

Yes you CAN do it. I know it is hard, stop with the negative, in with the positive! I know things are hard and they really suck but you can get through this, at least finish all of your mid-terms and get through that part. Talk to your counselor and do not give up on yourself! If you don’t stop saying you can’t do this I’m going to kick your butt!!! : )

[Deleted User]

Lion Lop … Honey sweetheart …. God wish I was there to ease your pain!

Please leave me your number … I can call you whenever .. or email you through your profile if need be.

Always here … Dawn xx

[BinkyBunny]

I hurt for you, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with so much pain right now. When you say you can’t do it, what do you mean exactly? Do you mean going to school anymore for now? Do you mean not asking him to come back into your life? Or do you mean you can’t do life in general? That statement does concern me. Please let us know what you mean by that.

If things get too bad, especially now after the loss of your dog (read from other post), you know… sometimes it’s okay just to take a break, and be with family or friends. Some schools will allow you to make up or file for an incomplete.  If you are feeling so down, so hopeless and the weight of the world is becoming too much, it’s okay to say I need help and allow yourself to take a break.  Stay with friends or family for a while or have a family member or have a friend come stay with you. Are you seeing a counselor more than once a week? Sometimes during the hardest times, it’s good to up the sessions. We are very concerned about you, and even though we don’t know you face to face, we care very much about you and what you are going through. I am sorry, so sorry you have been given a suffocating amount of pain to deal while you are having to fulfill class requirements and obligations. I can see how this could really wear someone down, so please don’t be afraid to take a break from the weight of obligations, and reach out to people, your friends, counselor, family, and don’t be afraid to lean on them too, bring them in and cry on their shoulders, let them surround you with love in person.

EDITED:  I just emailed you – so either via email or via the forum, please respond soon to let us know that you are okay.

[Lisa_43]

Lion_lop do you have a phone number of a 24 hour help line?  We have them in Australia and they can be a great help when you are feeling down.

They are a great listening ear to get all of your hurt out, we love helping you here (we are bunny buddies) and will still be friends.

Helpline is just another avenue for you to investigate.

Big Hugs and lots of love coming your way from Me.

[Annie Fann]

hun i totally understand. my boyfriend and i have been together 5 years and he’s become distant and i have no idea what to do. i always just try to have faith things will work out the way they were meant to be. its times like this that its good to have girlfriends to talk to! and my bunnies! they always understand me! if you need someone to talk to just reach out =)

[BinkyBunny]

Hi Everyone, I just heard back from our gal, and she is okay. She is, of course just struggling with all of this. She is going to counseling again today. Keep sending her those wonderful loving vibes and care.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Lionlop, you can buzz me on msn as well of course (please no one get offended by my hotmail addy ok?)

evryfuknamestakn@hotmail.com

I’m on all day M-F!!

[RabbitPam]

BinkyBunny,

You were very wise to help out, and I appreciate your words and follow up. I think you picked up on some very important signals, and your advice is something, Lion Lop, I hope you take to heart.

Lion Lop, many of us are checking in every day to see how you are, so don’t hesitate to click on my name if you want to email privately. I hope we are bringing you some little comfort here in this cozy hutch on line. Let us know what the counselor says. If you’re not feeling helped for whatever reason, you can switch counselors too. You won’t hurt their feelings, but it is important to get to see a lot of someone that you connect with who can bring you some relief in the next few weeks.

(((((((Today’s hugs)))))))

[Lisa_43]

Kokaneeandkahlua, LOL love the hotmail address.

Keep being strong Lionlop

[Ash]

*SUPER BIG HUGS* I’m hopping you feel better. Stuff like that is never easy and it does hurt but there is someone better and worth the love you have to offer, hang in there.

[Staja]

(((hugs))) I know I’m coming into this late, but I wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts, LL. 

Healing takes time, as does grieving, and even though you hurt so much right now, I promise things will get better.

When I broke up with my fiancee, I cried every night before bed, for a year.  It’s been 3 years, and now he’s just another story for me to tell.  Something that helped me, was to think of it as a learning experience. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”  It also helped me realize that the most important person in my life was me.

Also, I’m proud of you for seeing a counselor.  That’s something I’ve always been afraid to do.  Even when my father passed away a couple of months ago, I couldn’t bring myself to see someone because my stupid pride got in the way.  2 months later, and I finally made it back to work for a full 5 days a week…but I can only sleep 3 hours a night.  Moral of the story?  You’ve already taken the hardest step in helping yourself.

I wish I were there with you.  We could watch chick flicks and eat ice cream, while bashing men.  A Binky Bunny slumber party

If you ever want to chat – my AIM is SecundaJemima and I’m usually around.

(((hugs))) again!

[Gravehearted]

stopping by with lots of hugs, support and stuffed animal bunnies for you…
i am really glad you’re going to counseling, it is just too much to handle and process on your own.

[Author]

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