Mourning our precious little girl – Icey

[Gordo and Janice]

The inevitable has happened.  Our precious little girl, Icey, passed away Friday the 29th a little before 2:30 p.m. CST in Mansfield, TX.  She was 8 years old (more like 7 years and 9 months).

 I am going to try to make a very long story fit into a couple of minutes so please bear with me.  I am writing this for some degree of closure and more importantly so that all of those who read this, as bunny lovers, can know Icey and a little of our lives together (I got the idea from reading September’s post about her little Timbob Roo, and thought it was a great way to help with the overwhelming grief.  And besides, in September’s words, Icey deserves it).

 Icey quit eating her hay and pellets, over a short amount of time, in late November.  We tried everything we could, vets visits included, force feeding critical care, and lots of helpful suggestions from some on you on this forum, but to no avail.  She would only eat her greens and treats.  So she began losing weight and getting weaker and weaker.  

 Wednesday, December the 27th, she ate good all day (only greens of course).  Thursday the 28th she wouldn’t hardly eat anything.  When she did it was in slow motion.  We tried to give her water through a small syringe which worked earlier in the week, but Thursday she would barely take any and it seemed like she would gag sometimes.  She would only eat strawberries and carrots now but very slowly and again would occasionally gag.

 Friday morning I went to check on her about 11:00 a.m.  She crawled into my arms when I got on my knees and elbows and I held her for a long while.  Then Janice came and took over.  Janice sat on the floor with her back against the wall.  I put Icey down next to Janice.  She weakly crawled and nestled up between Janice’s left forearm and left leg and lay her head on the small corner of a pillow that was protruding from behind Janice’s back.  She had lain with Janice for a couple of hours, when Janice told me she was trembling from head to tail.  When I came over to feel the trembling, it had already stopped, but I immediately noticed and could feel she was no longer breathing so the trembling must have been her little brain shutting down.  And that’s when our world fell apart.

 So now let me tell you about our precious little girl:  We sort of inherited Icey from the neighbor kids across the street (the kids named her Icey).  She was an albino angora rabbit.  We first met her and her “brother” Krunch when they were tiny, tiny.  One of the first things Icey did when we set them on the bed was to run over to Janice and bury her little head and body into Janice’s hands and chatter her teeth while Janice petted her (She melted Janice’s heart right then and there).  They would bring her over in a small cage for us to play with and visit.  Janice wasn’t happy with how she was being kept so we asked if we could just take her off their hands.  And then the fun began!!!  We got a crash course, learning the hard way, about bunny proofing.  She seemed to always be one step ahead in the destruction department.  It was like playing a game of chess that lasted a few years and she kept changing the rules, but we learned eventually (mostly).  She was free to run around the entire house after we watched her litter box train herself…we didn’t know such was possible and were quite impressed.

 I remember early on as a youngster she would run to the end of the hallway then turn around and launch herself like she was shot out of a cannon and perform some record setting long jumps with binkies thrown in for showoff points.  And the Indy 500 loops around the living room, so low to the ground, hearing her claws dig into the carpet, as she continuously accelerated through the turns faster and faster (incredible speed).  And of course I definitely remember when I would be on the floor with her and she would run around me nudging and nosing until she found a way into my shirt and immediately proceeded to poop and pee in there marking her territory as if to say, “This is my cubby hole! Mine! You can’t be in here with me! It’s too crowded!”  Took a few times for me to figure out that game wasn’t going to go any other way so no more shirt tunneling.

 She had very unique relationships with the both of us.  I believe that in our rabbit colony, Janice was the alpha female, then Icey came second, and I was last, the lowly servant (which was fine with me).  Janice would just grab her, carry her like a football, flip her over to check for cleanliness, clean her up if necessary, and simply push Icey out of the way when cleaning the food and litter box area while Icey was grunting, snorting, and charging to actively defend her private living quarters.  But…they would have mutual grooming sessions.  When Janice would pet her, Icey would lick Janice back, especially in the morning.  Me, rarely.  Sometimes, but rarely.  Another thing Janice and Icey had was ladies night.  I would play racquetball for a few hours every Wednesday or Thursday night and come home to find Icey and Janice cuddled up on the couch together, giving and getting affection, or sometimes just laying against each other.  I always thought it cute and wanted to join but the second I would sit down, Icey would get up and jump off the couch.  It was as if that was something Icey wanted with just Janice and herself.  Which again I didn’t mind, I thought it was so special and very cute.  Such a clearly defined personality.

 Me on the other hand?  I carried her like you would pick up a small pile of leaves or a hot potato.  Didn’t instill much confidence in her.  So we didn’t do that.  But I was her personal massage therapist and illegally excessive treat dealer.  I work from home so she would always hunt me down, search me out, and give me the obligatory double bump on my ankle with her nose to let me know it was time to get down on the floor and give her nose, head, ear, and body rubs.  And if I didn’t respond in a timely manner she would then stand up on my leg as if to say, “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

 In the mornings and evenings when we were busy moving about the house taking care of business she would strategically stretch out on the floor in the hallway right in the middle of traffic so we had to step over her and she couldn’t help but be noticed.  And of course it always worked with me.  As I got down on the floor next to her and she stretched out her legs, flattened out her body and chin on the floor, and closed her eyes. I could here Janice in the background somewhere, “Oh my God, that bunny is so spoiled.”

 She went to bed when we did.  Janice would say, “Come on Bubby, bed time.”, and we would turn off the television, go to the bedroom, turn off the lights, and get in bed.  Within a couple of minutes you would hear her little bunny feet on the wood floor coming across the house and into the room.  We always laughed.  She always slept under one side of the bed or right next to that side.  When Janice got up in the middle of the night to eat her milk and chocolate snack, little Icey would scamper out after her into the kitchen for her little almond or walnut snack as well.  Then Janice would return to bed and moments later Icey would follow.

 Janice called her “Bubby”, “Poopy Butt”, and “Poopy Monster” for obvious reasons.  I called her “Booger Bear”, “Sweetie”, and “Precious”.

 She was such an integral part of our lives.  First thing in the morning, last thing at night.  When leaving the house, the last words were, “See you in a bit, Booger Bear.  Love you.”  When arriving, first thing out of our mouths right as we opened the door were, “Hey Sweetie.” or “We’re home, Bubby.”

 Her favorite places were the front door/foyer area, back door, under and around the kitchen table and chairs, and under the bed.  Icey was always interested in visitors and loved being in the room when we were in lengthy conversation.  She loved working on cardboard boxes.  Over the years she developed extensive tunnels and shortcuts through the many cardboard boxes that we put in her food and litter area of the dining room.

 These are just some of the highlights.  There is so much more.  I’ve already written more than most will probably read.  I wish you could have known her like we did.  Words don’t really do her justice, but I tried.

 Thank you Wick, jerseygirl, sarahthegemini, Luna, Dee, Sirius&Luna, BunNoob, DanaNM, and LittlePuffyTail for responding to our questions, our posts.  Even though nothing helped it is comforting to know there are people who share your feelings and are listening and willing to help however they can.  That they actually relate to how precious you perceive your little baby.  I was desperate and lost.  It’s terrible to see someone you love wither away.  Again to open the forum and find that someone is listening and they actually replied was an immense comfort in and of itself.

 Friday was hell on earth.  Saturday was only slightly better.  Sunday more so.  Monday and today a little more.  Writing this helps to a degree.  I know we were fortunate to have her slip away with her cuddled next to Janice’s leg and Janice’s forearm wrapped around her but that doesn’t lessen the pain of her being gone.  Not even the slightest.  There is such a tremendous void in our home, a deafeningly quiet emptiness.  Waves of mourning coming and going.  I see the place where she was when life left her little body.  I walk by it 20 or 30 times a day.  Janice replays the trembling, not realizing what was happening at the time.  I keep thinking about the last time I held her when she crawled into my arms and lay against me with her tiny arm straddling mine.  I know it will be hard.  I’ve read many other’s stories here.  She was more a part of my life than my own family in that our interaction was constant during the day, day in, and day out.  Sun up to sun down.  That had disappeared in an instant.  Giving away her little body to the vet was the hardest, hardest, hardest thing for me.  I did not want to let go.  It was the moment of finality, of the reality of entirely gone.  We miss her indescribably.

 If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time and allowing us to share a little of her existence with you.

 

We love you Precious.  

[Luna]

I’m sorry to hear, and you guys did everything you could. There were so many ideas/suggestions and you were very receptive to trying everything you could to help her. It sounds like she passed peacefully, and of course she was surrounded by those who loved her most. Each of our own buns are special in their own way, but I love when I read things about others’ buns that I also see in Luna. When I get up in the middle of the night for a snack, Luna knows I better have something in hand for her when I return to bed! For being so little, they make up such a big part of our lives.

Binky free Icey

[Muchelle]

Even if written in a moment of pain, these words you’ve given us are a beautiful ode to all the love and happiness that these years with Icey were filled with.
Thank you for finding the will to gift them to us and know we’ll be there for you guys if you’ll want to share more.
Be strong <3

[Sirius&Luna]

I’m so sorry for your loss – it’s very clear how much you loved her, and how much you did everything possible to save her (for a second time – you already saved her once when you adopted her).

She was a very lucky bunny to be so loved and so well looked after

Perhaps you could make a little memorial to help you grieve? I planted a small tree where I buried Sirius <3

[Vienna Blue in France]

Made it to the end. So moving.
((( Binky free Icey )))

[Gordo and Janice]

Thank you Luna, Muchelle (how is that pronounced?), Sirius&Luna, and Vienna Blue. We appreciate your comments.

[Gordo and Janice]

Well, Sirius&Luna, as far as a memorial, Janice wanted a private cremation. They will return her ashes to us in a nice little cedar box with her name Icey B. on the nameplate. She wants a couple of pictures of her and we are stealing BunNoob’s poem, “There’s fur in my coffee and hay on my clothes, a treat in my hand and a bunny on my toes.” There is a stand alone end table that has plenty of room for all of this.

Some might think we are weird. At least those who have never loved a bunny, but I am good with it.

[tobyluv]

I’m very sorry about the loss of your sweet Icey. Thank you for sharing her story with us. I read all that you wrote. Icey had a wonderful life with you, surrounded by love.

[Gordo and Janice]

Thank you tobyluv.

[Sirius&Luna]

That sounds lovely – I don’t think it’s weird at all. You should do whatever brings you comfort!

[Gordo and Janice]

Rough day. Tomorrow is one week. Can’t get the significance of tomorrow out of my mind today. I still instinctively look to where she should be, would be, on any other given day when I walk into rooms. I know it takes time but….

[Sirius&Luna]

It does take time, and there’s significant dates all year – it gets to a point where you can remember something happy though instead of just feeling heartbroken. Sadly there’s nothing people can really do to help you.

I hope you can get through tomorrow, and that you can start to remember the long and happy life that she did have.

[Gordo and Janice]

Thank you Sirius&Luna. I just remembered also, tomorrow is when we pick up her ashes. I will be a basket case for sure.

BTW, my sister lives in Swanage with her husband and child. I never realized how consistently cold it is over there in the UK. You guys are tough!

[Bam]

Thank you for sharing Icey’s story. It’s a beutiful story, so full of love. What a wonderful life she had with you! I’m so sorry she is gone.

Binky Free, sweet ****Icey****

[DanaNM]

Thank you for sharing, and so so sorry for your loss. Our sweet Moose crossed the bridge on New Years Day, so I’m crying right there with you. We buried him today, and it feels so much more final now….

Approaching 2 year anniversary of losing Bunston, and I can tell you it will get better… but it hurts. Hang in there.

(((HUGS)))
((Binky Free Icey))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[September]

I admit I sobbed at your story of Icey. She was beautiful and I feel every part of your pain. It brought all the memories back of Timothy. Four and a half months now, and I can’t put into words how I feel. The dominant emotions now are still disbelief and yearning. Disbelief because I still see him everywhere, disbelief that his beautiful physical self is laid in our garden, disbelief that I won’t ever see him again. And a yearning to go back to the time he was with us, a yearning to go back to ‘me’ and how I felt when he was around, a yearning to have him here to care for and look after.

I hope you are coping OK, but we all know how hard this is. We think our bunnies will be with us forever and never get old or sick so we aren’t prepared for them leaving us, or what follows. I wasn’t for sure.

Oh, bunnies, why do you break our hearts so much……..

Xx

[Gordo and Janice]

Thank you September.

Yes, you nailed it on the head.  An insatiable yearning.  I was pretty good yesterday.  Today is Sunday.  We sleep in on Sunday so she would always be up before us sitting in the hallway wondering what our problem is.  Why we are not up and interacting with her already.  Sometimes I snore so in order not to bother Janice I end up on the couch.  If it happens to be a Sunday morning that I am on the couch, then there is no sitting in the hallway wondering.  It’s jumping up on the couch, stumbling around and over my legs, up my side to my face, whiskers tickling me as she sniffs my breath (I guess checking to see if I have an excuse for not tending to my duties…breathing = no excuse)

So I woke up on the couch this morning, staring into the empty hallway, and that intense yearning came over me.  Got up and looked over into the cleaned out dining room that was her “living quarters”, her bedroom if you will.  Tough morning for sure.

Thanks for sharing Timothy’s story.  If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have shared Icey’s.  It was a wonderful idea and has been very instrumental in my coping with the loss.

(((Hugs))) to you.

[BingosDad]

Thanks for sharing Icey’s story! It was very touching. The two of you really went the extra mile with her. I’m glad she got to be with you as she passed. I hadn’t seen the poem by BunNoob you quote “There’s fur in my coffee and hay on my clothes, a treat in my hand and a bunny on my toes” yet; which is just perfect! I could never quite believe how much hair my rabbit could shed, and it was so light I’d see it floating in the air past me on its way to who knows where?

Have you set up your memorial area? Just curious where you put it. I don’t have Bingo’s ashes yet, as they had a hold up on the engraving.

I hope the grief has lessened for you.

[Gordo and Janice]

Well to clarify the short poem isn’t actually by BunNoob. I seem to remember she said she saw it somewhere and thought how appropriate (which I most definitely agree in our case) and uses it at that place at the bottom of all her responses. You know the place where people can put sayings, clever phrases, or jokes and it’s always stamped at the bottom of any of their comments. I don’t know what you call it or what you call that space but I think you know what I mean.

As far as her memorial, it’s nothing extravagant. We have her ashes in a nice little cedar box with her nameplate on it (Icey B.) It sits on an end table that stands alone against the big bay windows to the backyard. The only things on the table are the small Tiffany lamp and her beneath it. We haven’t finished yet because we have been waiting for a friend of Janice’s to get back to us with BunNoob’s quote/poem engraved on the picture of her between my feet. And we will also put one or two of our other favorite photos of her there as well. I turn on the Tiffany lamp every night before bed because it provides a nice soft colorful light (a nightlight of sorts) if one needs to walk through the living area during the night. And every morning at dawn I turn it off. So twice a day every day I stand over her box and I run my hand along it’s smoothness and think of her (and sometimes I even acknowledge her out loud…I know a little cuckoo, but to each his own, right?).

We plan to take a picture when it’s done and post so those that are curious can see.

It has been a little over two months and I do miss her so. There is still a few times a day where I get the misty eyes with a drop or two down the cheek. But the inconsolable crying and prolonged crying in general has ceased. You know at first every thought and every reminder of her would bring about the pain of her being gone and the yearning for her and our interaction with her. But now not every thought does that. Now most bring about the smile with some head shaking of how no one could have told me I would own a rabbit as a pet and that would be one of the most beautiful relationships of my life. That may sound over the top but it’s true. And the crazy thing is I don’t know why that is. I can’t put my finger on it. It just was.

There are some things that sneak up on me though. Just the other day I was vacuuming and I had to get down to adjust the rug in front of the refrigerator and I saw her little mark. She could be destructive for sure but most things were just a couple of investigatory teeth scrapes to check out the new item. And there they were, like she was engraving her name in bunny script, either marking it as inventory that has been checked out or belonging to her now. And it caught me by surprise and I broke down a little because she was ours and we were hers and the house was ours and the house was hers and she is still a part of it all both tangible and intangible.

So like you said it’s a slow process. But it gets better. In fact, at first, we weren’t sure we could ever get another bunny and go through the pain again, but Janice is beginning to think we will. And when we do we will be sharing with all here. This forum has been a God send in helping us and definitely helping me deal with this loss. So grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know Icey a little bit albeit through words. And thank you for your comments.

P.S. Cute name, “Bingo”, for such a precious little girl (even if it was intended for a little boy). Unique for her which makes her even more unique.

[September]

Hello Gordo and Janice. I was wondering how you were doing. It’s been nearly 7 months since we lost Timothy and I agree that time has been our saviour in all this. I have good days, which are now the new ‘normal’, but I can’t deny the ache for him is still tucked away somewhere and occasionally rears its head. The waves of grief pretty much say it all. Its a different sort of ‘grief’ so I like to think those days are when he comes to pay me a visit! I cry because I know he’s there, but can’t see or touch him.

I know what you mean about the reminders they leave us, which we still find. Timothy chewed a hole (big hole!) on the bottom step of the stair carpet. We’d even got a stair gate, but he managed it somehow. My husband got round to replacing that piece recently. I got in, saw he’d done it and freaked out because I thought he’d thrown the chewed piece away. He hadn’t. So now it’s in Timothy’s toy box with the rest of his reminders. A piece of carpet with a chewed hole……whatever next….?

There is definitely something special about bunnies I think. I once read were angels can take the form of rabbits on earth and I so believe that. I don’t think I could ever connect with a dog or cat the way I did with my Timothy. I just melt at any sight of them….so Easter coming up isn’t helping much. It’s just another reminder that they were with us last bunny time.

Like you, I just know there is room in my heart for another bunny, so I won’t say never. I will just know when the time is right.

Xxx

[Phil]

Hi this so touching, I lost my bunny jasper in jan he was nearly 8.every day I still think he’s in one of his favorite places under bed or in his room, its so hard in mornings and at night I miss him so much more every day. He made my life so happy. Last time I saw him was at vets. We looked in each others eyes. He new he’d never see me again. My heart is so broken. I loved him so much, your little bunny was so sweet and I know just how you feel I’m crying now. Xx

[Gordo and Janice]

Thank you for checking up, Phil and September. Didn’t want your checking up to go ignored. And I suppose I should call you Lynda, instead of September, since I am aware. I’m just used to addressing someone by the name under their Avatar.

Hang tough Phil. You are apparently having a rough go of it and as such are always in my thoughts.

Lynda you always say things that are exactly applicable to me. Yes, the new ‘normal’…and the not necessarily getting over the grief but it’s different as it gradually morphs into something not quite as intense and ever present.

Yes, most people I believe are probably equal opportunity lovers of most animals, especially the most popular, dogs and cats, along with other pets. But there was something about Icey. So I have yet to determine if it was her, or if it was just because she was a rabbit. Obvious answer is probably both, with her personality mixed into all of her rabbitness. Therefore I am with you and must agree my bond is also probably stronger with the rabbits. (And I suppose that speaks volumes of me and the deeper issues of my personality?!? Good? Bad? Ugly?…Who knows?)

And finally yes, Easter. Our little Icey was a baby Easter bunny, bred and sold for that purpose to the kids across the street. Her and the one we call her brother, Krunch. That is how we came to know them and eventually adopt (save) her. They were split up between the two houses of cousins. Icey across the street from us and Krunch two doors down from them. Her brother suffered the fate that countless bunnies continue to after the novelty of the “new baby Easter bunny” has worn off. Dead within months. And while the other cousins never told us the details, just the fact we were told he was being kept outside in a bird cage (after the fact), in the Texas summer heat, with plenty of predators about, would have me speculate that the ultimate cause of death was neglectful ownership. Icey was actually being kept in a bird cage as well, small one at that, but at least they kept her inside. So now that Icey has passed on and Easter rolls around it has even more additional significance to us.

Thanks again for checking up guys. Hope this finds you both in continually better circumstances.

And yes, if and when the time is right (as you say Lynda), BINKYBUNNY and all of its members will know when we have that special addition to our family.

[Phil]

That’s so awful bird cage I often wonder about stupid people who buy poor helpless bunnies. They have no idea how to care for them, thank god you resqued Icey in time x

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