lost my 11 yr old Tootoo

[MMmm]

My old account didn’t work so I had to create a new one. I’ve just lost my 11 yr old baby Tootoo on Wednesday night. I felt like she took a piece of my heart with her when she passed. She was generally healthy. Still active up and looked pretty young up until 2 days before she passed.

Tootoo had started to show problems since she turned 8 and half. She started to have molar spurs that required regular trimming. Miraculously she didn’t need any trimming for almost the entire year of 2020 (10 yr old). She also would have bouts of stasis, which probably was related to her molar spur problem. And last year, she didn’t have that many episodes. Everything went downhill just a little bit since this Apr when she was due for her checkup. By the way, since she turned 9, she was on daily med (butorphanol), which helped her a lot because she needed less molar spur trimming. During the checkup in Apr, her vet found her heart was enlarged although not tremendously and her creatine level was slightly up. I didn’t want to put her on more stress by giving more medications and more frequent vet checks thinking the kidney level was just off by a little bit. Ever since this vet trip, her health started to decline. Her bouts of stasis had returned and it was as frequently as every month. I always had cisarpride on hand and every time together with her regular butorphanol, she would bounce back in a few hours. She usually would stop eating in late afternoon, and I always found her eating at night when I checked her camera.

however, this Monday was different. Actaully on Sunday morning she started refusing to eat. I gave her cisarpride and pain med, she was back to normal within one hour. She was all normal up until Monday afternoon. I thought I should have given her at least one more dose of cisarpride. Perhaps her stasis had not yet all cleared up. But still didn’t worry too much. I gave her her meds and went to bed. I checked the camera in the middle of the night and she was besides her bowl instead of hiding. I thought she was fine then. In the morining I found out she was not fine. She didn’t eat at all. This time, her belly felt round and her stomach felt like a golf ball. I knew it was not the same as before. She was rushed to the vet and confirmed with a bloat. She needed to be hospitalized that day and the vet offered me to come in for a few minutes with her just in case it would be the last time. I was shocked and flooded with tears. I always felt she would probably live forever since she just never looked old besides the dental and gut issues.

A day of IV fluid fianlly got the blockage down but her kidney value was very high. Vet said there was a chance she would pass away that night but there was still 50% hope she would recover depending on if her value would go down by next day. She actually groomed and willingly ate a piece of kale that night which gave us hopes. Unfortunately her value went even higher next morning and vet suggested euthanasia. I was devastated and insisted to have her back home even though the vet suggested it would be more fair to her if she can just be put down at the clinic. I know Tootoo. She was a typical bunny with a shy and alert nature. She hated everywhere else other than her comfort home. Loaded up with all kinds of pain meds and subq fluid, I took her home to die. The moment I opened her carrier, she dashed but wobbled to her favorite napping house. It broke my heart to see her like this but I knew I made the right decision to bring her back. She wobbled into two other hideouts later as if she was checking her territory.

We got home at 1pm. during her last few hours, she would have bouts of energy which gave me and vet hopes. She took another piece of kale. I was happy and started to massage her belly to make her pass a few poops. But soon she became very lethargic and passed at 6:45 at her hideout where she used to sleep in everyday.

It hurt so much. I had her when I was in grad school in Canada, I brought her back to the US and moved with her a few times. Caring for her everyday was something I had done for the past 11 years and now all of sudden I no longer need to do it. Mornings and nights are the worst time. I can’t bear to see her empty space and keep forgetting that she is gone. Ive kept the most shredded/ragged out of all her belongings and a box of her fur that i had collected. It’s hard for a non bunny person to understand and I have a family and 2 young kids to care for. I hope I will be back to myself soon though I will never forget Tootoo. Maybe one day I will adopt another bunny.But Tootoo will always be the special one.

[Bonny Girl]

I am so very sorry for your loss of Tootoo.  She looks ADORABLE, as she was! I know the pain you are experiencing all too well, as my baby Bonny was almost 12 when she passed on 6/23.  Yup, the emptiness is cruel.  Like you, the mornings and evenings are most painful, as these times were her waking hours with many hours of petting and love.  You and I are fortunate to have had our babies for so long, but never enough time.  I still grieve for her daily — the tears come unexpectedly.  I understand that Tootoo will always be the special one.  We feel the same way about Bonny.  There will never be another like her.  I try to think only about all the great times, but when I think of them I weep because I want those times again.  These little babies are so precious.  Who could not love a bunny?!  I send you big hugs of comfort.  It is evident you were an awesome mommy to Tootoo.  God bless you for caring for her and loving her as much as you do.

[MMmm]

I am also sorry for your loss of Bonny. May I ask if Bonny is the lop ear bun in your avatar? She looks very cute. Do you have any other rabbits? Tootoo was my first and only one so far. I miss her very much.

[Bonny Girl]

Yes, Bonny is the lop ear bun.  I do not have any more rabbits.  Bonny was so very special.  Thank you for the kind words.  Your bun is also very cute!!  Bonny is the only bunny we had since we brought her home in 2009.  I am sure part of the deep, deep bond we had with her was further reinforced when she became 100% blinded two years before her passing.  Although she was so very smart that she could get around in her blindness, we did guide her at times — when she seemed confused.  Fortunately, we retired before she was blind and one of us was always around to care for her.  My heart would break (and still does thinking of it) when she would make an incorrect turn around a corner.  She had a few intersections to navigate. You know, writing this, I thank her SO much for the trust she always had in us.  She always knew she was protected and loved.  I will always treasure this.  I thank God daily for her, yet I miss her so very much.  No day without tears yet.  When I think I will make a day without the tears, they come unexpectedly.  I know you also feel the same way about your baby.  They take our heart with us, don’t they.  I feel your pain.  You and I can take some joy in knowing that our babies were very loved — and they may not have been so loved with another owner.  We gave them the greatest gift of all — and they returned that love ten-fold.

[MMmm]

We have a connection. They both were our first bun. You are right. Tears might come unexpectedly and I tried not to mess up my makeup. I’ve read somewhere that lop eared bunnies have a lifespan of 7-8 years. Glad to find out that it is not necessary true. I do intend to adopt more rabbits and wish to have them for a long time like I had with Tootoo. I’ve also heard that rabbits do pretty well with blindness so I got worried when you said you had to kind of guide her. It was lucky that one of you could be there for her. But what if she had needed to be on her own? Would it be dangerous?
I am still sad when I think of her but I’m slowly getting used to her absence. I hope you will continue your love in those innocent Angels by maybe adopting more in the future. I think Bonny will appreciate it that you are helping her fellow bunny friends.

[Bonny Girl]

Yes, we have a strong connection to have been in the minority to see our babies live to be 11 years old.  Although Bonny navigated quite well on her own, we couldn’t help but to guide her, as she would pause at various spots as she navigated about.  We were just “too soft” and couldn’t bear to watch her when we saw her make a wrong turn (not often, by the way).  She would have righted herself without us, but you could see on her face the confusion when she made a move in the wrong direction.  That look would break our heart every time.  Now, Bonny was still a happy bunny and would tear her boxes up like crazy and she would infrequently still push/jump on her ball — until about 2.5 weeks before she passed.  She slowed down quite a bit then.  She continued to eat, poop, and LOVED to be pet for literally hours (while we played relaxing music on our iphones), but she wasn’t tearing up her boxes much and she slept much more and she slept deeply.  It is true that you just know (when you really know your bun) when your beloved will not be with you a lot longer.

I believe you were VERY fortunate that your Tootoo never experienced blindness.  What a blessing for you both.  There is definitely more care, worries and dangers with a blind bunny.  I don’t believe Bonny would have lived as long as she did after being blind, if we left her home alone.  In Bonny’s case (all bunnies different), I believe she would have been lonely and her desire to live would likely have been less.

Recognizing that you have two young children, you are still young … and have plenty days ahead of you to enjoy more precious bunnies.  I am 66 and my husband is 72.  After 12 years of literally injuring our knees and back via daily hours of Bonny petting, I don’t know that we can do that again either physically or emotionally.  After caring for her SO much, especially those last two years, the grief of losing her is brutal.  Although we are otherwise very healthy (no other ailments), there is the knowledge in the back of head that we don’t know how many more years God will keep us here.  A new bunny just might outlive one or both of us.  Gosh, that was weird to type.  I will say that another bunny would fill the absolute emptiness we experience daily.  If God has long-term plans for us, perhaps we’ll get a phone call or something regarding a bunny to adopt.

Thank you for your questions and concerns.  I will say a prayer for you tonight that God gives you a new bunny (when you are ready) and that the bunny will live a good, long life.

[DanaNM]

I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁

What a wonderful job you did with her to get her to 11, especially with the problems in her last few years. Often when a bun starts to crash, it presents similarly to a problem we’ve seen before. It sounds like you did a great job managing her pain and symptoms to help her be more comfortable, and I think it was a nice final gift that you were able to say goodbye to her at home where she felt safe. It’s clear she was very loved.

(((Binky free Tootoo)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[MMmm]

Thank you for your kinds words. It’s ironic to say that I’d always been worried about her whenever I was on vacation and dreaded it but now I miss it. I told Tootoo that one day we will meet again and I hope she understood it.

[Cinnamon Bun]

I know what it’s like. It’s so hard, and it hurts so much, and you constantly wonder when the unbearable pain and grief will end. I lost my precious baby boy, Usagi, and I haven’t got over it yet. It’s been over two whole years, and I still can’t think of him or say his name without bursting into tears, or shattering my heart to pieces. I ‘m still trying to get over it, but it’s not easy.

Your baby was so adorable, I’m so, so sorry you had to lose her. I know it hurts to walk past her empty space, and not seeing her beg for treats or cuddles. It’s just so heartbreaking. Tootoo lived for such a long time, and you got to share every precious moment with her, all through those 11 years. That’s what matters most. The ending of her life wasn’t what you could control, and I think you did the right decision choosing her to spend her last moments at home with you, in a warm and friendly environment. I never choose euthanasia, just because I don’t think it’s fair to love your own precious fur baby uncontrollably, and then decide to give up and kill them. It’s not right, and the vets cannot sugarcoat it. Tootoo was your baby, and you chose the right thing for her. She might’ve died in pain, but you took her home and made her last moments as comfortable as you could, and that matters so much. You didn’t betray her. I know you loved her, and she loved you too. You did everything you could to save her, know that. Tootoo is warm and safe, and she is no longer suffering. Take your time to grieve, but don’t be sad forever. Be positive, be strong! ♥

Binky free through shimmery rainbow clouds, Tootoo.

((Sending hugs and lots of love))

[MMmm]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It made me feel better knowing that she is now pain free as it was clear she was in pain before she passed. I told her I will join her one day and hope she would understand.

[Cinnamon Bun]

This is kind of a therapy for me, as I’m still in so much pain over my own bun’s loss and helping others seems to soothe my broken heart. My baby passed away so suddenly, and he only lived for 7 months. He died without me knowing if he was in pain or not, and I will never know if he forgives me for not paying attention to him during the last hours of his life. I keep thinking, “If only I knew he wasn’t going to breathe after that night, I could’ve…”

I came home and found him that night in an eternal sleep under the stars, and I have never cried so much in my whole life. I have to live with his loss haunting me forever, and it’s not easy. Comforting others who have lost their babies, looking after and spoiling Binkie (my current bun), and writing loss poems help me deal with grief. I still find it so hard to look at his old photos, and since I don’t have that many anyway, I treasure all those precious moments in my heart. It’s more than okay to cry. Letting it all out is better than keeping all those emotions in, and deciding to give another homeless bun a home is all up to you and how you feel. Staying strong doesn’t mean force yourself not to cry, but try not to live your whole life with regret and let it bring you down. You did all you could to be the best bun parent you could be, and if you didn’t truly love Tootoo, then she wouldn’t have lived as long as she did! ♥

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