Lost and looking for support

[lahiza]

My bunny Edward died last night. He was fine on Monday and I took him to the vet just for a checkup. One of his bottom teeth looked like it was inflamed around the gums, but he showed no real signs that it had been bothering him at all. The night before he was so bouncy and was chasing me around so much to the point that it was kind of annoying. The vet gave me an antibiotic and pain meds for his tooth thinking it might help the inflammation. After two days of giving him these meds, his health started to decline and he wouldn’t eat. We tried to syringe feed him every two hours all Friday evening and night, i took him back to the vet first thing Saturday morning. The vet took an xray and said he had gas trapped in his stomach. He gave him fluids and pain meds and said he’ll likely be fine if I continue feeding him. I took his word and continued to syringe feed him and gave him baby gas medicine, but he refused to eat and made no attempt to swallow. He’d given up. It was so painful watching him suffer. There were no vets closer than 30 minutes away and I didnt want to cause him more stress of a car ride and a vets office since he was already in such a weak state. I watched him till he was gone and it was so overwhelmingly heartbreaking to not know how to comfort him or reduce his pain. I love him so much, he was so important to me. I had him for 7 years. I can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t brought him in for a checkup he would still be here bothering my ankles. I feel so destroyed and lost. Everything reminds me of him and how I wont see him around the house anymore. He had free reign of upstairs and I desperately want to see him hop out from under the bed to say hi, or come looking for me when he wants attention.  He helped me through some really distressful times in my life and I feel like I betrayed him and it’s all my fault, even though I took him to the vet initially to ensure he would remain healthy. I havent stopped crying for 2 days, knowing he was sick and watching him pass lastnight. I really needed this outlet because I can’t bottle this up. Watching him in those final moments and seeing his pain is haunting. I don’t know what to do.

[SweetPotato]

Oh no! I am so sorry for your loss!!! Edward sounds like he was an amazing bun 😭❤️ I also just recently lost my 7 year old bunny, and it felt beyond terrible. But you did everything you could for you sweet boy. And now he’s crossed the rainbow bridge where he’s doing everything and anything he wants! He also wants to see you happy. Sending prayers and hugs your way ❤️❤️❤️ Binky free Edward!

[lahiza]

Thank you for your kind words. I didn’t know if posting about this experience would be helpful, but it seems to provide some relief knowing I’m not alone. These little creatures are so special to everyone of us. He provided so much love and comfort to me, I hope he knows I never meant to cause him pain and his passage to the other side was a relief from whatever he was feeling before he passed.

[HipHopBunny]

Oh, I am so sorry!

Take a deep belly breath. Place your hand on your stomach, and feel it go out as you breath in, and in as you breath out.

You did everything anyone could have done for him, so please don’t blame yourself. You gave Edward a long and wonderful life, full of companionship and love – two of the best things there are. 🙂 You are evidently a gentle, and caring person with a nurturing spirit, one who has a bright journey ahead. 🙂

When our dearest friends cross over the rainbow, know that they haven’t left you. They are always there, watching from above, and helping to guide us. 🙂 Edward wants to look down and see the you that he knows – the you that he remembers his best moments with. What’s helped me in the past when I’ve lost some of my fuzzy friends, was to cuddle up with another one of my pets, and just let it out into the comforting warmth of their fur. Or, for other times, just being able to talk to an understanding friend really helped. 🙂 You’re very right when you say that you shouldn’t bottle up your feelings – being able just to express how you feel is the first step in the healing process. If you ever need advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just a friend to talk to, know that we are here. 🙂

Sending you hugs!!

[lahiza]

Thank you. I’m trying to remember all the good things he brought me and i brought him and try not to think about watching him in pain. I just feel so easily triggered by his absence. He was such a comforting, consistent and familiar part of my day. He helped get me through the most absolutely difficult times in my life. Everything seems to be a trigger reminding me of his absence. I’m not sure how to escape the loop of this sadness. I feel physically weak and sick. I have headaches from crying. I don’t want to go out in public, i look like a person who is melting into a puddle on the ground. I’m sorry to dump these heavy emotions here, I just don’t know what to do with them.

[Bam]

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Don’t blame yourself. The infection around his tooth could have been festering for some time, rabbits hide pain until they nolonger can. (Which is why it’s so important to do check ups).

You did everything right. You had to try and treat the inflamed tooth. An inflamed tooth that needs antibiotics  is not a minor thing in a rabbit.

It is so very, very hard to lose a rabbit though. We miss them so much it hurts. It is clear that Edward had a great life with you.

[lahiza]

its so hard. i dont think i could ever do this again.

[Bonny Girl]

Yup. The pain is so hard. I lost my Bonny two weeks ago today. There are no days for me without tears. I miss her terribly and we will not go through this again — she was absolutely irreplaceable. Bonny was a couple of months shy of 12 years old. I know she had a good, long, LOVING life. That doesn’t seem enough for me yet. She passed while under sedation to undergo a molar trim.  All of us are here because the pain feels so overwhelming and so never-ending. I am trying hard to focus only on the happy times and smile for them, but remembering them makes me miss her so dang bad. We all must grieve in our own time and grieve as much as we want. I know that time will ease our pain, but until then, there is heartache. May God grant us all peace of heart soon.

[lahiza]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m happy that you got to experience her love and presence for 12 years. I also try to focus and think only of the happy times and the love he gave me. I never imagined my sweet boy would leave me after 7 years. Never fathomed the possibility of it and it happened so suddenly. I try to not think of those last two days with him, they were torture. Its SO painful to feel so powerless in helping these little loving creatures we love more than anything. I was able to begin looking for all the photos I have of him and begin to organize them into a folder. I thought it would be too difficult but it was a relief from imagining him in pain. I’ve also been reading about near death experiences and how people report feelings of extreme peacefulness. Anything reassuring that supports the idea he’s in a peaceful happy place is helpful. Writing about these feelings and knowing I’m not alone is also helping, so thank you for your reply.  <3

 

[DanaNM]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had to watch two of my buns pass in front of me in pain (separate incidents), and it is so traumatizing. When a bun starts to crash there isn’t much we can do, but it often presents like something treatable that we’ve seen before. Try not to feel guilty, it sounds like you did everything you could for him. I highly doubt the check-up and treatment were the cause of everything, and I can imagine you would feel much much worse had you not brought him in.

The only advice I can give is to say it will get better in time. It helped me to jot down happy memories of my little guys whenever I thought of one, to make sure the only memories I had of them weren’t their final moments in pain.

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

((((Binky free Edward))))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[lahiza]

Thank you for your reply. It is so traumatizing. I couldn’t even imagine doing it twice.

I’m trying to remember the wonderful moments. I probably have thousands of pictures of him I’d like to go through and save to an album or archive, I just don’t  think I am ready to look through them. I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted.

Thanks for sharing that you had a similar experience. I know I’m not alone in it, but it helps to connect with someone who has been there as well.

<3

[DanaNM]

You’re welcome. <3

It took me a long time to be able to look through photos. I think about a year after I finally was ready to make an album for Bunston.

Take care. <3

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

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