It’s been a year ago today

[Rio and Buns]

My Desmond James died a year ago today and I’m still so broken up about it. This time of year has been particularly hard for me, as everybody around me is celebrating the holidays while I’m mourning over the loss of my baby. His death was traumatizing to me and I still can’t look at pictures of him without crying. I have my two other bunnies with me, and I love them, but they’re just not the same. Nobunny can ever be as special as Desmond was to me, and I’m afraid this hole in my heart will never be filled as a result.

I just needed to get this off of my chest since there’s nobody in my life who understands what it is to love a bunny.

Six years with him just wasn’t enough.

 

[Charlotte]

I know exactly what you are feeling and thinking.

No friends/families can understand how deep my sorrow is, and that grief is chewing me every day I have to say for the past two and half months. I don’t let anybody touch Oreo’s blanket or toys since he left, and my families just think it is a bit over for a rabbit. Everytime when I got people telling me that what I did is a bit too much for a rabbit, it is just a rabbit, that’s what they said, I can always hear a voice screaming in my heart, no it is never enough for my little Oreo. He deserves the best in the world and I owe him a lot.

Then I found this place, people here understand exactly what are we talking about and they have the same feeling as what we have. It does help to relive the pain to some extent by talking to the lovely people here.

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[Rio and Buns]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Oreo, Charlotte. I understand your need to keep his blanket and toys around untouched. I still have the towel that Desmond was wrapped in when he passed, and it’s been in the same spot next to my pillow since. I also have a blanket that has his fur all over it stored in a bag so that the fur will always be there. I really hope we are both able to soon find peace in the passing of our babies… though for me, it’s feeling like that’ll never be possible. Like I will never stop being angry at the world for taking him away, and angry at myself for not doing enough. But I still hope.

[DanaNM]

So sorry for your losses, both of you. I lost my Moose a year ago tomorrow.

And my dear Bunston 3 years ago in February.

Just this year I felt ready to make a photo book memorializing Bunston (he also found his way into my first tattoo…. a reminder of how life is precious and fleeting, and that none of us know what the future holds…. all we can do is keep looking forward and cherishing the present).

You might find it cathartic to eventually make a photo book, or some other memorial, for your babies. I also found it helpful to make notes on all my favorite memories and traits of them. Of course they will not be forgotten, but it was nice to focus on remembering the good, rather than their agonizing final moments, which were so traumatizing and haunted me… still haunt me at times. Try not to be angry at yourself or to feel guilty (easier said than done).

Nothing will replace your babies, but some day you might find a brand new spot in your heart that a bunny in need just happens to crawl into. That hole in your heart may teach you strength in hard moments, and will remind you to cherish those around you and help others when you can.

(((HUGS)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Rio and Buns]

I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet buns as well, DanaNM. It makes me so sad knowing that there are always others who are dealing with this pain and grief, because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone… yet it’s forced on everyone. I do plan on getting a tattoo of Des, hopefully this month if I can get some extra cash and find the right tattoo artist. I’d love to see yours if you’re willing to share.

Making a photo book with those notes sounds like a great idea too, and something I’d love to do once I’m able to hold myself together while looking at pictures of him. I did finally move his urn into my room today, since I couldn’t bear to look at it before. Knowing that he is no longer here with me, living and breathing, but is rather a pile of ashes on my dresser, is extremely messed up to me. But I couldn’t bury him either, because I’ll be moving and wouldn’t have been able to visit him at all… I guess death just isn’t my forte.

Sorry for the dark turn. I really appreciate your suggestions and kind words, and I do like to believe that all of our babies are binkying around, eating lots of yummy hay, and waiting for us to return to them again some day.

[Charlotte]

Don’t hate this world as our bunnies are supposed to make us become a better person and bring us all the beautiful things in life.

And don’t worry that you won’t be able to visit him, they live in our heart forever.

I also plan to get a tattoo later so he can be with me all the time, hope I would be able to share the pic with you guys one day.

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