Note: I apologize in advance if this type of question is not allowed or unwelcome on these forums
It has been almost 2 months since my rabbit Freedom, has passed away. But for a majority of her life, I feel like I used to neglect her.
For context, my parents asked me if I wanted rabbits when I was young(10 years old or younger) and I said yes. At the time, me and my parents didn’t know how much care and attention they needed. Initially we had 4 very young bunnies because the people giving it to us wanted us to take care of them temporarily; they were an accidental litter. After a few months of having them, Freedom got pregnant (we didn’t know which rabbit made her pregnant). We didn’t know how to take care of the babies and they all passed. A few months later, Freedom got pregnant again because we didn’t know that Wild was a male (we were not told by the people who gave them to us). We separated her and Wild into two hutches that where placed right next to each other. This time we went to the pet store and asked for advice, and they advised to purchase a 300 dollar heating pad which my parents couldn’t afford at the time so the employee suggested to purchase fake grass turf and set it under where Freedom was keeping her babies. I feel horrible for this (and the previous litter), but this litter of rabbits all didn’t make it.
Since I was young, I didn’t know how to take care of rabbits. I’ll clean their cage when it got dirty, then moved their hutches once in a while to give them new grass to graze on; but this wasn’t enough, I didn’t really spend any time with them. Wild died at around 1 years old. One morning when I left for school, an off-leash dog (owner no where to be seen) came to greet me when I was about to leave. Wild’s hutch had a DIY door (because it broke before) and the dog broke it and killed Wild (when I have already left for school). I feel so guilty that Wild had to die in such a horrible way and he had such a short life.
For Christmas that year that Wild died, I asked my parents for a bigger hutch for Freedom and they agreed. The new hutch was still too small, it was 1.65m by 0.9m. I’m so disgusted at myself because for years I’ll just feed and refill her water bowl and clean out her hutch if it got dirty and not spend time with her; as I didn’t know rabbits needed attention. Like I’d sit down next to her and pet her for like half and hour but that was it, this isn’t enough attention. At this time, I didn’t let her out into the yard because my fence had a lot holes in it, and when Freedom would escape, she would run into the road and I couldn’t catch her.
Fast forward to mid 2018, I started learning more about rabbit care. I learned that it would be better if she stayed indoors or if she must stay outdoors she needed a bigger hutch. Throughout the years I would ask my parents if I could keep her indoors and they always said no, even if I brought up good points it ended up as an argument and the answer is always no. So after the first time my parents said no to her being indoors, I started to ask if I could get a bigger hutch for her and my parents said it was big enough. At this point I was considering rehoming Freedom, but since she was unvaxed and not spayed I figured it was highly unlikely (at the time, there wasn’t any organizations that was taking in rabbits). I really regret giving up because she could’ve gone to a better home. My family did suggest taking her to the local park and let her free, but I refused as I did know that she would’ve died very quickly. I also remember looking for a playpen but I didn’t buy one because I couldn’t afford it (I didn’t have an allowance or any income at the time because I was around 12-13).
From 2019-late 2020, I started making little changes to improve her life. I made toys for her and put layers of dirt above the wire mesh flooring, but this wasn’t enough. Despite me visiting her more when I was not busy, I still didn’t spend enough time with her. Whenever Freedom got sick I did take and pay for her vet and she was well groomed during her life, but I feel like I didn’t do enough. In late 2020, the fence around my yard got fixed and it was safe for her to be let out of her hutch under supervision. I would try to do this as often as possible, but school was starting to give me more and more work. This made it harder and harder for me to let her out. I couldn’t let her out without supervision because there are a lot of cats around the neighborhood and one side of the yard leads to the road. In early 2021, I had a new neighbor move in and helped me to expand Freedoms hutch. The hutch was now 3.5m x 0.9m. Since the cage was a lot bigger now, I asked my parents if I could get another rabbit so that Freedom wouldn’t be lonely, but they said no. Later that year, I had a job and I was able to buy Freedom a lot of toys and blankets for her cage. This also meant that I could go get her spayed because I finally had enough money (I’ve asked many times before to get her spayed but they said no). And from my previous post, a few months after her rough spay recovery, in 2021 Freedom passed.
I know I meant the best for Freedom and Wild but I feel really guilty. Wild had a very short life and when Freedom’s life was improving she passed away. I feel extreme guilt as I failed to enrich my rabbit’s lives. I’m unsure if this is all my fault as I didn’t have any guidance when I was young or if I’m just deflecting reasonability. Like I know I tried my best and tried to reason with my parents but I still feel really guilty. I really wish I could just go back to the past and said no when my parents asked me if I wanted rabbits. Freedom and Wild are very special to me and yet I didn’t provide what they needed.
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