I love you Olive Blu. I will miss you forever

[Ollie’s mom]

I lost my Ollie. 

my first pet that was just 100% mine. I’ve had him my entire adult life. We moved 4 different times. He lived with me in college and graduate school. We evacuated 2 fires together. He almost made it to age 12.

last year he had a stroke we think, leaving him with paralysis on one side of his body. Meloxicam 2x a day. Butt baths and puppy pads. Daily bedding changes, these extended his life a year and 2 months. I would have given him baths and feed him his meds until the end of my life as long as he was happy.. but his time eventually ran out.

he lost his ability to move the lower half of his body entirely in the last 2 weeks, dragging himself by his front legs. Then his front legs began to buckle and bow out. I made his enclosure smaller, full of soft supports, he was still eating and drinking..

and then very quickly it all went. Monday he peed himself and had diarrhea… something that started happening more and more frequently in the last months of his life.. and he got a bath, he laid in the corner unable or unwilling to move.
Tuesday more diarrhea, and I laid with him on the floor, petting him, but he did not seem to notice or care. He wouldn’t hold himself up. I offered him critical care and pumpkin, he didn’t want to eat.

I looked in his eyes and I swear he told me “mom I’m done”. I held him and cried and I gave him permission to go. I told him he didn’t need to hold on for me, I’m strong, maybe not as strong as him, but I would be ok.

I told my husband if he has not improved by the morning we would need to talk about putting him down. I told him Ollie told me he would be leaving this life by the end of the week. I know my baby and he is done. My husband couldn’t accept it “he always rebounds, he’s going to be ok”

Wednesday, I gave him a bath, he had no resistance in his body at all, it was like washing a doll. Dried him off, cleaned his enclosure-moved him to be next to my bed on some soft blankets. I put the heater up so he could be warm. He tried to sit up and was pivoting in circles on his back hip- something I wish I could unsee. He was not ok.

I prayed to the universe that if my husband was right, and he was going to rebound, let him start to recover tonight. In the morning I would make the final decision.

I put water in a small ramekin and held it so he could drink. His stomach made awful noises. He ate some hay and pellets. All night he shifted around uncomfortable. All night I heard him grinding his teeth for the first time in his 11 years of life. I knew he was in pain despite his meds. I didn’t sleep at all. I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours either. I told him I would help him pass and stop this insanity.
Through out the night he made a total of 3 small little hard poops. So tiny that I thought it was a broken up food pellet.
again he spun in circles with no clear purpose. He looked upset. It broke my heart. I held him in place. I took him outside to sit under his apple tree. I fed him half an apple. Something I would never normally do but I knew it was his last meal.
The vet that examined him Thursday told me he was shutting down. She said his digestive track was stopping, he was going into stasis. He now had back leg paralysis, his front legs were giving out.
She agreed that it was time to say goodbye.

I held him in his favorite blanket.

with the sedatives I saw him comfortable for the first time in over a year.
she said his eyes would likely be open the whole time, even after he passed but they were peacefully shut.
My husband and I took turns holding him and giving him kisses.

I told him I was so sorry.
I felt his heart stop. And I looked up at my husband and said “that was it… he’s gone” a few seconds passed and one more final forceful thump of his heart banged against my hand.

my stubborn boy couldn’t resist thumping at me one last time.

I miss him so much. I can’t stop crying. My baby boy is gone.
I feel like I decided too soon, what if he really was going to rebound?

I feel like I decided to late, what if I could have avoided him spinning around in a panic, grinding his teeth.
could I have done something different? Would he still be here?

I miss you Ollie baby. You deserved more from this life. I’m sorry. I promise to take the best care of stone and peach. I promise to keep them healthy.

2/14/2010-12/2/21

here is a photo of us on our first and last day together

[Bam]

This is a beautiful tribute to a very special bun.

I’m so very sorry you lost him. I wish we didn’t have to lose our pets.

It is very difficult to have to say good bye, but we do it out of love, when there’s nothing else left that we can do.

 

Binky free, Ollie

 

 

[Ollie’s mom]

Thank you Bam. I Just babbled out what happened and how i’m feeling about it today. I’ve got no where else to put all these thoughts and feelings. It feels like so many people do not understand or want to hear about it. the amount of people in my life who have casually said He should have been put down years ago because “he was too old” is mind blowing.

So so painful, I wish we had more time with them.

I love the idea of him doing binkys somewhere! something he hasn’t been able to do in over a year <3

[Bonny Girl]

I bawled like a baby reading your tribue to Olive Blu.  So beautiful!  You and Olive Blu had a blessed life together for almost 12 years — making it even that much harder to part.  Congratulations on the super job of care you provided to him over a year ago, sustaining his life and love for more than a year.   What a success story!  You did everything right for your baby.  When he let you know he was ready to sleep deep, you recognized and respected his “time” and you gave him a peaceful earthly end.  Nobody could possibly know the exact second that is “right” to let our loved one go.  The reality is there is no way to ever have a perfect ending because an ending is not what our hearts can accept.  Please remember that Olive Blu “DID” pass peacefully and in your arms.  This is the best possible way to say goodbye to your beloved baby.  I am so sorry for your great loss.  Our love never goes away, we just learn to adapt to the grieving of losing one so greatly cherished.  Sending you hugs and peace of heart.

[Bam]

You are so very welcome to put all your thoughts and feelings here.

Some people just don’t see the point in having pets, they find animals meaningless unless you can eat them. And I have difficulties seeing their point of view, because to me animals and our relationships with them are so very important and meaningful parts of life.

I hope Ollie is binkying together with all our bridge buns now.

 

[DanaNM]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. 🙁 What a beautiful life and bond Ollie had with you. You did an amazing job with him, don’t second guess yourself for one second (even though we all do it).  The decision on when to say goodbye is never easy, but it sounds like you did it at the right time, he told you he was ready and you listened.

(((Binky free Ollie)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[GlennTheLionhead]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

It sounds like Ollie had a really wonderful and full life with you. I bet he was one happy bun!

It is a normal part of grieving to second guess yourself but often the decision made at the time is the right one made with logic and reasoning.

Binky free Ollie <3

[ParsleyBun]

I’m so sorry. In all honesty, you sound like you did the best job possible taking care of him, especially when he was in such bad shape. You didn’t do anything wrong, and no bunny could have ever been happier. ❤

((((Binky free sweet Ollie))))

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