I had to let my bunny go and I don’t know what to do.

[SBanks16]

I’ve posted on here a few times recently and I’m hoping you guys can help me move past this because I feel so guilty. I made the decision to put my little guy to sleep after 3 years of continuous health issues.

He’s had surgery for abscesses in his jaw, which wasn’t successful because the damage was extensive. He’s been on weekly penicillin injections since then.

Chronic GI stasis and reoccurring bladder issues.

Kidney failure, tested positive for EC and had yearly flare-ups. Most recent blood work showed one of his kidneys was basically dead but the other one had some function.

Seizures (due to EC) which caused temporary loss of function in his back legs. He would recover after a few days.

Most recently, he had a cecum impaction (he recovered last year when it happened) that got worse and worse until he looked like he swallowed a ball. His cecum was so enlarged that it started to displace his organs. Surgery was not an option and I tried different medications to get his gut moving but nothing worked.

I finally made the decision to let him go last week when he was laying in his litter box with tummy pain. I picked him up and his tail and legs were covered in wet, runny poop. By the time I got to the vet 20 minutes later, his breathing was slowing down and he wasn’t moving much. He’s not a cuddly bunny but he wanted to stay on my lap, he ran back to me after the vet did a quick exam. I was able to hold him and hug him while the vet helped him pass peacefully.

I’m having such a hard time even though I knew he was a very sick bunny, he still had moments of happiness. He was finally nibbling on some food before he took a turn for the worst. He’s recovered so many times in the past and I feel like I just gave up on him now. But I also feel guilty that I literally kept him going (cocktail of meds, sub-q fluids and critical care everyday for 2+ months) because I couldn’t let go. I knew there was a high probably that he wouldn’t survive this but it still came as a shock.

I know this is a super long post but it’s just a short summary of the last 3 years of medical issues.

He helped me through some very hard times in my life and I feel horrible that I couldn’t save him when he needed me. How do I heal from this?

[Cassie119300]

I know the decision was very difficult, it was done though out of love and was the final act of that love and bond shared. You did everything you could for him, please don’t ever feel guilty or that you gave up on him, as you did everything you could for him and to help him. He is no longer ill now, I once felt much the same, but what helps me is knowing that that my bun knew it was out of love and that I was trying to help him. It isn’t always easy or straightforward to know if or when it’s time, but I believe the right time is when no more can be done and the quality of life is not good. It sounds like your bun was nearing the end, so you did help him to pass peacefully. The bond and love shared will always remain and he will always be with you, nothing will ever change that. You provided him with such loving care and you did everything to help him, and gave him nothing but love and care and I know he appreciated everything you did for him. I think there will always be some doubt or something that maybe we will find ourselves thinking we could have done differently. The truth is though, we do the best we can with what we are faced with at the time, and we do the best we can.

It gets easier in time, although it doesn’t probably feel this way now. Please feel at peace knowing you did everything you could for him and there is no better love than that. My bunny Milo was eating for me too right upto the end but not drinking very well at all it was very difficult for him, I still regret that when he began to look duller and weaker after seemingly perking up I did not get him to the vet to pass peacefully. I know now though I had no idea what was going to happen at the time and I wanted to give him every chance I could… It was sadly a very complex situation in which it was hard to know if he was going to make it or not, a waiting game and sadly I was led to believe he could recover.

EC is a horrible illness which I hope someday there is a cure for.

I know it will take a while but remember to smile and know that he knew he was so loved and know that he loved you too and that love will never go anywhere but it will forever be in your heart.

[jerseygirl]

I am so very sorry. I regret I dont have advice on how to cope. 🙁  I just wanted to say I empathise so much and acknowledge the depth of your grief.  It can be hard for to explain it to people in “real life”.

We want to do so much for our little fur companions and make it alright for them. It’s really hard to accept when we have to let them go. He was so very lucky to have you, truly.

Binky Free, little one.

[Bam]

I’m sorry you had to let him go. Judging by what you’ve written here now and before, it was his time.

I have been in a somewhat similar situation. What helped me was to know that I did everything I could. I spared no effort nor any expense. Me and my bun were a team. A very small team, but still a great team.

You loved your bun. We cant know of course if our buns love us, but then again, there’s no really good definition of what love really is. Its reasonable to think that its a strong emotional bond that has its deepest, most primitive, roots in survival.

I think you should take comfort and pride in the fact that you never gave up. When you knew it was time, you took him in and did him that last big service.

This will not make you miss him any less. Nothing really will. It gets less hard with time, but we’ll never quite stop missing them. And that, in the words of the late Queen Elizabeth II, is the price we pay for great love.

[SBanks16]

Thank you all for your kind words. Logically, I know I did what was best for him but I will always regret not knowing if he could have had a few more days or weeks, or even miraculously recovered. And I know recovery was not possible, I’ve seen the X-rays, ultrasound and blood work but I can’t help but wonder. I just wish I didn’t have to make that decision even though I know I saved him from suffering a painful death. EC is the worst.

Again, thank you so much. Cassie, I hope you’ve found some peace after losing your Milo.

[Borya02]

I’m sorry that I don’t have anything insightful to say, that will make your situation better. I just wanted to say condolences on your loss, and I’m so sorry. It is clear you loved your bunny so much. I think the good thing is you can know that your bunny clearly had someone who loved him very much and had a good life. And that’s a wonderful thing.

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