I euthanized my bunny. Guilt and having difficulty coping

[RichardS]

Hi everyone,
Two days ago my wife and I euthanized our Bunny and I’m having a lot of difficulty coping with it. PB began sneezing a few months ago and after several vet visits we found a mass in her lungs via X-Ray. The vet was very sure that it was cancer and since she wasn’t 100% and an older bunny at 8 years old, he was worried that putting her under for any type of surgery would end up killing her. In the hope of it not being cancerous, we started her on a second type of antibiotics. After a few weeks we took her back and he was surprised that her lungs had cleared up a little, but in doing so, the mass showed up more prominent on the X-ray. We kept on with the antibiotics hoping that it was perhaps a bad case of pneumonia and eventually she started getting sicker. She stopped eating her pellets and drinking water. The only thing I could get her to eat was kale, berries, and apple sauce I used to mix her antibiotics in. She lost a lot of weight and would have trouble breathing. It would be faster paced. Then she stopped using her litter box and i progressively noticed blood in her urine when she went on the floor. She stopped running around the house and would only stay in one location hours at a time.

On the morning she passed, I woke up to her next to my bed struggling to either sleep or trying to get comfortable. She got up and hopped away and left two half dollar sized spots of blood on the carpet. I followed her to the living room and she had left another spot where she momentarily stopped. She laid down and I petted her and she looked to be in pain. The way she looked at me, I thought she was going to pass away right there, but when I called her to the kitchen, she hopped over to me and only ate some of her apple sauce when normally a few days ago she was scarfing it down. She had also began grinding her teeth.

My wife and I took her to the hospital and, feeling that she was in pain and dying before our eyes, made the decision to euthanize her.

She was my everything. My wife and I cared for her so much and we petted her while they did it even though it was tearing us up inside. It was just my wife, I, and PB and now this apartment feels so empty. I find myself constantly thinking of the image of her passing away and it hurts. I know in my mind that she was in pain and what we did was right in sparing her that any further, but our minds work in sometimes painful ways and I find myself questioning my decision and feeling guilty for it. She passed away so quickly when they did it that I know it was peaceful. I just am having a hard time dealing with this and since I feel that everyone here is knowledgeable about rabbit and cares for their as much as I did mine, they can offer some help.

[jerseygirl]

I wish I could say something that would help you through this. It seems only time lessens the anguish when we go through a loss like this. Maybe just putting down your thoughts will help in some way.

It absolutely sounds like it was time to do this for her. Im glad it was a peaceful process for her. It’s important to remind yourselves of that.

It is so hard as we are taking full control with the decision to euthanise. The feeling of guilt is normal…and in a way it blocks or prolongs the grieving process. I’ve had to euthanise one of my rabbits and Ive also had 2 pass away right in front of me. With all 3, there have been feelings of guilt. It’s a terrible thing our mind does to us when we are already feeling so much pain. I’m hopeful that some of the other members here will offer advice about what they did to help move through this. 

I’m very sorry you your loss and please extend my condolences to your wife also. Please do share more about what PB was like and photos if you wish. Maybe in doing so it may help move passed these debilitating feelings. Do seek out some counselling also, if you need. These little bundles of fur are part of the family and there are professional counsellors out there that understand the deep sense of loss people experience when losing a pet.

*** Binky Free PB ***

[Sirius&Luna]

It sounds like you did absolutely everything you could for her, and it doesn’t sound like she would have lived much longer had you not euthanised her. She may have had a few more days, but she was a sick bunny and they wouldn’t have been happy or painless. You made the kindest decision for her, even though it was hard for you. Please don’t feel guilty.

Sometimes, we have to make these horrible decisions for the good of our pets. Two of my bunnies have been euthanised,so I know how you’re feeling, but I hope in time you can remember the happy life she spent with you.

I buried Sirius in my parents garden (I know they won’t move house, but I’m still renting), and planted a little tree for him. I also cut a little lock of his fur, but I kind of regret that, since I don’t know what to do with it and obviously can’t just get rid of it. Perhaps thinking about a little memorial for her would help you in the grieving process.

[Bam]

I’m very sorry for your loss. It truly does sound like her time had come, and the kindest thing you could do for her was to let her go. She had the best life with you and your wife for 8 years, and that’s so great.

As for guilt, I think it’s always there when we lose someone that’s in our care. We wish we could’ve done more or done differently, that deep wish becomes a feeling of guilt. I do think it’s a natural reaction if you’re a responsible, caring person. It’s so very painful though, and it takes time until you can look back and see the whole thing clearly.

I had my bridge dog Nala euthanized, and it’s still painful to think about. I now know it was the right thing to do, she had cancer and there was no way of curing her. I lit a tealight for her every day for a year after, and I have her ashes in an urn in a bookshelf. I still miss her, but that’s the price we pay for love I think.

Please tell us more about PB if you like. You can make a little picture-album on Flickr or another external source and link to it in a post. I made an album like that when my bunny Yohio had passed. I found that it helped me a little bit to show other people what a beautiful and unique bunny he was.

Binky free ****PB****

[Chantal]

Really sorry to hear this. I lost my bunny on Friday she died in front of me there was nothing I could do. Your clearly a good rabbit owner and did the best for your bunny. It’s so sad when they pass but I’m sure it will get easier In time x

[tobyluv]

I’m very sorry about the loss of your sweet PB. It sounds like you and the vet did all that you could to help her, and that it was the right time to help her once more by letting her gently pass away, surrounded by your love.

[Ollie]

I’m sorry everyone for your losses… I lost my little companion on sunday. It’s been so hard. I was too attached to him. I feel guilty because maybe if only I did something sooner he would still be here. The house is so empty without him. I cry whenever I go to his room and he’s not there anymore. The vet couldn’t do much and the specialist was far away. We did end up driving almost 2 hours to the specialist because he wasn’t getting any better but it was late. He was declining fast and could barely breath and we made the hard decision of putting him down. We should’ve taken him to the specialist sooner instead of believing the vet would help more. He was not even 3 years old. That broke my heart.

[DanaNM]

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby, but please do not feel guilty, it sounds like you made exactly the right decision.

It is so so hard to know the right time… and so hard feeling helpless… but I do think that as pet owners euthanasia is a gift we can give our pets to give a peaceful end to their suffering.

Its clear that he was very loved and lived a lovely life with you, even though it was short.

(((Binky Free PB)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[RichardS]

I want to thank you all for your replies. Every day has been a struggle, but it slowly gets better. Your words have helped tremendously. Thank you a million times.

Ollie, I just want you to know that you’re not in this alone. As rabbit owners, we stand together. Our rabbits are at peace. As much as it hurts, they are at peace and feel no more pain. Now we just have to cope with our loss. But no matter what, they are hurting no longer.

[Gordo and Janice]

I’m so sorry. As the others have said. It sounds like you were perfect in every way with regard to PB. You did your best and the best for PB. Ours declined very similar to yours. The weight loss, only eating kale and berries, not able to get comfortable, etc., etc.

Everything you did was from a place of love. No wrong decisions there.

I’m sure you know it takes time. Day by day it gets better.

I would encourage you to do as bam suggested. Write something about PB. Tell us about him. I wrote about Icey after she passed and it was somewhat cathartic to make her life be known to others, especially those that relate and care. To present a little of who and how she was while alive.

Anyhow, sharing your difficult time.

(((Binky free PB)))

[MountainBuns]

I am so sorry to hear this. You did the right thing, she no longer has to suffer anymore. She is resting in peace now. You will feel better and hopefully you will fully be able to no longer feel that constant pain and suffering. She is grateful you put her out of her misery.

*****Binky free sweet PB*****

[Manda]

I am so very sorry for your loss RichardS. It is so hard when they are fighting to stay with us. I put down my Cinni just last week at 13 years old- 8 years old is still a great old age for a buns. Sadly when they live off of our love it makes it so hard to make the decision to end their suffering. Cinni had a lot of pain in the end but she did not want to go. I saw it as her pain was getting worse fast and I had two choices- and I firmly believe you would have also. 1 Give our precious buns a nice death they deserve or 2. Let them have a painful one. It was going to be inevitable and probably come quicker than you thought it would so I think you know deep in your heart you did the right thing.  Grief makes us second guess ourselves but really our bunnies really are lucky that we had that option to make that decision. Please know that your bunny is in a wonderful place and not in any pain and not far from you. Remember the good times with PB and one day it will make you smile

Binky free PB

[bunnytowne]

Hi. My condolences.  It is so very hard.  My bunny got renal failure. His kidneys.  August 11 2017 we helped him pass to the rainbow bridge.  He didnt go alone I held him through the whole thing.  

The scary part is its so final.  That darn finality.  All of a sudden they are gone.  I cant get him back.  Yes as you say our bunnies (mine too) was in pain.  Very much so.  I wonder if it was my fault could I have taken him in sooner.  I had no idea he was having problems til he was falling over n had weakness on his right hindquarters.  

No this isnt your fault.  I think its the finality of it all.  You precious bunny isnt there to love and pet and the bunnies habits etc.  I was told to go out and get another pet right away it helps.  I dont know.  I think it does help.  

Its up to you  about when and if you get another pet however you will definitely grieve.  You will have these feelings for a while. And no its not your fault.  You bunny thanks you for helping ease  the suffering.  When Cotton was given anesthesia I told him what was about to happen to him.  The vet prepared the things.  And my Cotton gave me tooth purrs I couldnt believe it.  It was like he knew what was about to happen and he was thankful for us easing his pain.  He was saying Mummy I love you and thank you.  And Cotton hadnt given tooth purrs he was grinding his teeth in pain.  HE hadnt given tooth purrs in a week. 

The way you said you bunny looked at you telling you he was in pain he was asking for help.  And you helped him.  Yes you did.  Dont ever doubt that. He is feeling no pain and you may hear or feel him nearby sometimes.   I felt guilt for several months.  

I have another pet.  Now I feel guilt loving her.   Would Cotton be happy about this.  Probably so.  I must move on.  Yes its so hard.  For a while.  The first 21 days are the hardest.  Then slowly the guilt will ease. 

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