How to facilitate a kinder tone in our forum?

[BB Administrator]

We have been through this a few times.  We have no snarky rules.  We have posted reminders.  But sometimes, (and it seems to go in cycles), we can still see some threads where the responses are presumptuous, critical and harsh right of the bat.  Some unsuspecting new member may come along and may have a learning curve to go through, but can be turned off right away.  We don’t want that to happen.   We do moderate and delete if it gets out of hand but by that time, the tone was already set for the members involved.  This forum is not just another social media site where everyone is allowed to have a go at each other.   We are protective of this being a safe place. There are enough “free for all’ places on the net, where you need to “thickin your skin”, but our mission is to educate, not berate. 

So I reach out to you all — What do you think we/you can all do to make this a kinder and safe place for members to learn, educate and have fun?  

Helloworld!!

[Deleted User]

I’m guilty of coming across a bit abrasive.

I think that this platform of communicating lends itself to a lot of misinterpretation. I try to keep that in mind when I initially respond to a post. We are all human and we all have our bad days, and sometimes we may not even realize what we’re saying. I know my tendency is to be frustrated at repeating myself, so I’ve been trying not to revisit posts that are particularly agitating to me. Offer your advice and if it’s not taken, just move on. It’s likely that others here will be giving the same advice as well. It helps to reduce your frustration and frustration of a new member. Of course we don’t want to discourage anyone from seeking advice here, and I don’t think that is ever anyone’s intention.

For hot heads like me, I suggest just removing yourself when you become frustrated, or maybe even just take some time to think of a less aggressive way to respond. It’s hard because sometimes I just want to scream at some of the situations that people come here and describe. But, then I think that they really NEED to be here because they just have all the wrong information. Even if you don’t want to be nice to the person, be nice so that they stick around and can improve their understanding- it’s for the sake of the bunnies!

[Luna]

I think you hit the mark when you say the responses are presumptuous and harsh “right off the bat.” I agree sometimes it is snarkiness, but for the other ocassions sometimes it may be bluntness coming off as snarkiness. I can understand how there may be blunt responses because when a bun’s health/safety/well-being is at risk, we all want the recipient of the message to get the message quickly and clearly. However, I think there are ways (I’ll try to post some ideas later) we can better respond bluntly, but in a polite and positive manner – after all, someone is more likely to listen to you if you approach them respectfully, and less likely to listen to you at all if you approach them aggressively or rudely. I hope we can all collaborate on some ideas – there have been a few times I know of where members no long participate on the forums because they have felt offended or have seen others offended, and I feel for them because this site is awesome and I can’t imagine not being able to share you and your bun(s)’ experiences with other bun lovers.

[sarahthegemini]

I think being blunt is often mistaken for snarkiness.

If I feel an animal is being abused, I’m not going to beat around the bush. The way I see it, that person needs to know what they are doing is serious. For example, if somebody never lets their bun out of a cage, that is literal abuse. Sugar coating that fact takes away the seriousness of it.

I mean, calling people names and whatnot is obviously unacceptable but I don’t believe being blunt is an issue. But again, people may mistake that for snarkiness. I know a lot of my posts are blunt. How do I make sure my blunt tone won’t come across as snarky? (Genuinely asking for advice here!)

[Deleted User]

Well, another thing that I have really been personally reflecting on is that there are children who come to post here. I have a niece and a nephew, and I see first hand how much bullying affects their lives. I know that we don’t MEAN to be bullies, but we have to be aware of the fact that we have no idea who is on the other side of that screen. This could be a child who has no friends and is bullied. Maybe their parents gifted a rabbit and they are so excited to talk all about their rabbit, then they come here with wrong information and get jumped on. It makes me sad to think that I could be the one making someone feel that way when the situation may be out of their control.

[Deleted User]

Sarah I have the same problem. I’m just a blunt person and I have never been a sugar-coat, soft voice person. It has caused me a lot of problems in relationships throughout my life, but it’s just a way that I am. So I’ve learned that for me, if I’m getting aggravated at what I’m reading, I try taking time away and thinking of another way to say it, because I know that if I just fire off my response, I’m going to sound like a total ***hole.

[pinknfwuffy]

This is a great topic. I agree, the written word in an online forum doesn’t always come across as the writer intended. We all hear different things when we read a post and our voice (or, at least, the one interpreting the author) may not be the same as what was trying to be expressed. I think it is important to take a step back before replying to not only make sure we understand what was said, but also how our words may come across to others.

I also think we need to remember that we all don’t have the same resources when it comes to caring for our rabbits. As was previously mentioned, some members are children and teens who are here because they need advice on how to make the best plan for their pet in what may be a difficult parental situation or home life. Some members of this forum live in rural areas, far away from veterinarians and pet supply stores, or in countries where pets are not always looked at as members of the family. There can be challenges with locating appropriate rabbit-specific foods and housing because of a lack of access or financial disparity. I hope active members consider these circumstances before leaping to conclusions about why someone is choosing to keep their rabbit a certain way.They may not have a choice and are doing their best with the hand they were dealt.

Education is important, yes, but so is empathy and the ability to step into another person’s shoes.

[LittlePuffyTail]

Great idea making this thread. 

While I know that most of us have very high standards of bunny care, keep in mind that, as mentioned before, some people don’t have the resources or knowledge that we do. And yes, sometimes the situation is hard for us to hear about but we need to approach it sensitively. If we just scare the new member away, they may never remedy the situation and that would be detrimental to the bunny in question. 

I’m very soft-heard with people, but even more so with animals. But if the member is coming here to ask for advice, at least they care that much and we should do our utmost to help them and remain understanding. 

I always try to put myself in other’s shoes and I guess that’s why I’m a very compassionate person. These are good words to live by:

[Wick & Fable]

For me honestly, it’s because my mind is composing a response in my head and my fingers can’t type fast enough, so I abbreviate and general exercise poor work ethic to add in the conversational pieces that would make the reply read in a more pleasant tone.

In the future, it may be helpful to permanently put the links to the bunny info sections on the reply landing page so it can be easily copy and pasted into a response… That’s for my laziness though, haha.

The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.

[Sirius&Luna]

I think that’s a really good point about children BunNoob – often we get frustrated because we feel like the bunny is not being treated as well as it should be. BUT, when I think about the bunnies I had as a child, I’m very ashamed, because their lives were nowhere near as good as the lives my bunnies have now, because I didn’t know about all their needs and neither did my parents.

Perhaps we should aim to talk to people as if we are teaching a child how to look after their new pet – not in a patronising way, but in a kind way.

Also, smileys really help with conveying tone
Is there a way to have the smiley bar pop up on the quick reply option?

Edited to add – with the thread (presumably) in question, I thought at the time that my response was measured and helpful. Having gone back to read it, it does read more harshly than I intended, but I think if I was speaking the words perhaps it would come across differently again. How can we give advice without sounding too much like we’re lecturing? Does anyone have any ideas of good wording? I try to use ‘I do x with my bunnies’ but I see I used a lot of ‘You need to’ in this instance. I also feel like sometimes ‘I do x’ doesn’t really answer a questions and just sounds like you’re talking about yourself!
 

[Deleted User]

S&L I think adding the smileys in the quick reply would be great! I often just use quick reply, because then I can go back and read and see what is being said as I type. For this reason, I don’t always use smileys. It does help to take the edge off of a flat-toned statement that could be interpreted different ways.

[pinknfwuffy]

A big YES to the use of smileys. Even if you just make a text smiley when using quick reply – it can go a long way.

Also, I’ve noticed some members will reply to a new bunny owners “naive” questions by subjecting them to ridicule for how they got into a bad situation or how they made such a big mistake with their rabbit. For example: “Why didn’t you think before you did that?” or “Shouldn’t you have done (insert example here) first, before deciding to get a rabbit?”

Yes, those are valid questions. But they don’t do anything to solve a problem that has already occurred. If a rabbit is sick because they ate something they shouldn’t, and someone reaches out for help, the last thing they need is a member scolding them for what already happened. Let’s all try to look toward solutions for how to make the rabbit feel better and only then, when the emergency is handled, use that opportunity to educate on rabbit proofing and safety.

It seems as though some members speak to the general state of rabbit care, using posts as a soapbox, rather than tackling the specific problem at hand. I think we need to consider that there is a human being on the other end of the screen and we’ve all made mistakes before. Fix them first – lecture later.

[pinknfwuffy]

Edit: Also, to all members : I just used the classic colon-and-parenthesis basic text smile in a quick reply and it appears as an emoji smiley when the post is submitted. So, yes, you can make a smiley in quick reply with : ) (no space in between).

[Deleted User]

I agree Pinknfwuffy, I’m sure they will have felt bad enough about what happened, and will probably learn a lesson on their own without having to be berated by others.

I can be guilty of that too. I am trying to be better. I remember a specific post which the member was talking about their rabbit being on a high carb diet of toast crisps, high sugar dried fruits, and museli. I think I said something along the lines of “No wonder he’s sick, I’m surprised he’s survived that long on such a poor diet”. In retrospect, I started thinking that I shouldn’t have said that…maybe they don’t have access to the same resources that we do. Some people are in a country where good quality food and veterinary care are not a viable option. They have to work with what they have. I live in the U.S. and I think we can all have a tendency to take things for granted, and so we forget that not everyone has the same luxuries that we do. For example, I get high quality hay shipped to me priority mail in 2 business days. Some people have no option but to get their hands on whatever they can. It’s really sad.

[RabbitPam]

When you’ve had bunnies for a while, or been here for a while, it’s easy to forget what being a newbie really means. Often it’s being new to our site, not just to bunny ownership. I agree strongly with directing a new member to the Info drop down menu and section. Rather than being blunt about facts or advice, steer them to these sections that are carefully worded, explaining how to care for a bunny from the start. There is a real lack of information out there, and our resources have taken years to develop. A well meaning relative may have provided the wrong supplies from a chain pet store, so a new member may be in a difficult position.
Strong language like “abuse” conotates more brutal behavior, while positive suggestions leading to a happy, healthy bunny may stop the problem while encouraging doing what is good for the bunny. If you criticize, follow up every time with an available, concrete suggestion. (Ex.: Cooped up all day is hard on a bunny, but a dog’s xpen is a safe way to give bunny more room for exercise in a limited space.) Members make changes and learn gradually. It can take years at times. Let each owner reveal their situation and get help over time as they learn they can trust our members to be good, helpful advisors. Not judgemental bunny police.
Oh, and one thing we need more of: fun and silly posts! A lot of us bonded with laughter. Start those goofy posts in the Lounge!
One more suggestion: re-read your reply once completely. If you are not sure about your tone, pause, go away for 5 minutes, come back, reread, then hit submit. You can edit yourself if you discover you were venting. Or a bad speller.

[BB Administrator]

I am so very impressed with everyone, but not really surprised, by the thoughtful responses, because I know our members here have best intentions and that you all care deeply. Thank you for a great start to figuring this out. These really are great insights, ideas and suggestions. Things I hadn’t thought of before and feel fortunate to gain even more social knowledge and insight. Thank you. Keep it up. This is helpful for all of us.

I will add some of my suggestions too. Some of which are dittoing yours.

Patience is a big deal: I have had the advantage of seeing changes happen in members over time. You can see a lot happen with a community in over a decade). One example is of a member who had her bunnies in her backyard, and getting vet care was a challenging idea for her parents. Could she have given up her bunnies in the beginning? Yes, but who is to say that they would have gone to someone better? At least, when someone comes here, we have a chance to help. She kept coming back for advice and talking to her parents. She continued to receive support: (To me, support doesn’t mean you have to agree, it just means being kind and helpful). It took a year or so, but she was able to convince her parents to not only seek vet care, but create an indoor space, and then it developed into an amazing indoor abode with lots of space to live and run around. As she got older, she even started educating others. This didn’t happen due to one thread, it took a long time of patience and supportive responses.

Tones: You are right -bluntness can sometimes come off as rude. It’s just the nature of the written word. You may hear it differently in your head. We all have our filters. That’s why I even encourage recipients of a blunt comment to ask — “That sounds harsh to me, did you mean it that way?” Then the person who wrote it can clarify — “Sorry, this is what I meant.” I can see how blunt speakers can find it challenging -, because your intentions are not matching how it’s coming out, and then you are just misunderstood and find yourself being argued with. That’s got to be tough. I think the suggestions so far have been very helpful. I really love the ideas.

When a situation has upset you. Sometimes our responses are with anger and hurt, especially when we feel the bunny is not in good conditions (but still legal). I know this can be the most challenging. That it hurts to think about the bunny and we want change right now. That really is an emotionally rough place to be. Then the reaction is about releasing that and lashing out. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt that. (In person and in the forum.) I always try to keep that in check due to my role here, but I am human too. I get frustrated and sad at many of the same situations you do. Also, if I am having a bad day, my tolerance level is much lower and I am quicker to react in a negative way. And while it may make me feel good in the moment to let the other person just have it,(sometimes), it really doesn’t help much. So just like what others above advised, I take a step back and deal with it more productively when I am settled down. Over time, this has become much easier. Due to many years of seeing many different types of people and their experiences, I have gained more empathy and/or at least some understanding and acceptance.

Find something positive first: 99% of the people who we feel give their bunnies less than ideal care (or worse) are not bad people. (You all covered this so very well by suggesting having understanding or empathy for people who are different situations or have a different idea of care. ).
They went on the net and are wanting to connect to us. They are human and will have defenses too, especially if they came with hope and excitement and we just greeted them with all their missteps. If you come across a new member (or any member) that you want to correct, I suggest trying to find something positive first. I do commend them for coming here to seek out care. I try to find the positives so they feel welcomed. Maybe try asking more questions to get a sense of what is available to them and what they are willing or able to change. If they are resistant, then I suggest more baby steps – little changes and when they make those I would commend them for that. It could be a productive step that can lead to further changes.

Resistant to change: If someone is resistant and defensive, but thinks they are doing just fine or keeps harping on the same problem, then I will walk away. I will give my advice respectfully, but then walk away. Sometimes people change, sometimes they don’t — or it can take longer than we want. Sometimes we just have different ideas of care and have to move on. It is not helpful to shame or keep saying the same thing over and over. (Don’t waste energy pounding your head against the wall with someone who is not ready to hear it). I can’t help 100% of the time, but I can choose to refocus and make better use of my time to help others.

NOTE: We don’t walk away from true legal reportable abuse. This is rare, but we do report it to legal authorities.

Anyway, I am learning so much from all the responses.

Helloworld!!

[sarahthegemini]

Speaking personally, 99% of my posts aren’t meant to come across as mean (occasionally some do, but I’m trying to get better at not responding when something really grates/upsets me – work in progress tho!) I just am a blunt person in general. And like BunNoob, it has (and still does) cause issues in my relationships – I have serious health issues and I’m very straight to the point and don’t have a ‘sugar coat’ filter so when my partner asked recently if I think I’ll be okay in a few years, my response was “no, I’ll be dead before I’m 30” As you can imagine, that upset him. I have to really hold my tongue when he comments about us being in our 80’s in rocking chairs  Sorry for the slight tangent but wanted to illustrate that I’m blunt in all aspects. I honestly don’t read my posts and think they’re harsh. It’s only when someone points it out that I realise how my posts can be misinterpreted. Maybe the use of smilies would help to convey tone…

[DanaNM]

I found that I personally start getting short/overly blunt when I feel that I’ve replied to the same question a million times… and I realized it’s best for me to “tap out” and let someone else answer it if I’m starting to feel that way. I know I have let me emotions take over a few times… but I’ve been working on it.

Lol Sarah, I appreciate your bluntness!… but I think sometimes we can come across as a gang to newcomers. Mob-mentality is a real thing, and when we all start chiming in I’m sure it can be overwhelming. …. I’ll admit sometimes I read a post and I think, “ooooooh Sarah is going to be pissed about this one!”…..**grabs popcorn**…..

I think in addition to the “bunny info” section, it might be nice to have some more “pinned posts” that address super common (and often frustrating to read) posts, such as “why are my rabbits fighting?” (as in cases where they did no bonding, neutering, etc.); “why is my rabbit peeing everywhere?” (un-neutered, medical issues, etc.); “why won’t my rabbit eat hay?”, etc. There are certain questions that just get repeated over and over, and I think it’s easy to get burnt out answering these.

These would be the first things people see when they search in a certain section. I think some people simply overlook the bunny info tabs or don’t think they will find the info they need. Maybe it would help to have all the separate categories under bunny info as their own options? Like another bar of options under the top one, that has all the bunny info links easily visible?

I think the forum posts have seemed especially repetitive since the search function has been down, as people are more likely to just make a new post vs. search via google. Maybe this is just my impression though.

I’m stealing these ideas from another group I am apart of, where all the posts got super repetitive (and members for understandable tired of it), and the moderators helped the problem a lot with additional pinned posts.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Deleted User]

Dana I am exactly the same and appreciate the bluntness that Sarah brings(sorry to single you out and draw attention). But I also think Sarah that you have made a good point about mentioning your health issues. Although it might not seem like it is of relevance in these situations I do think it plays a large part. I think it would be useful for members to understand where people’s responses may be coming from in a wider context. It’s clear that you have a lot of passion for your bunnies and when you think about life experiences it’s clear where this passion comes from. When you are dealing with difficulties in life and you have something that brings you so much happiness it can be hard to see someone not share those same views as you do. I’ve thought about this before that sometimes I think there is too much of a defence towards people who are seeking the advice and then the problem is deflected onto those who are giving their opinions and then they start to look like the bad guy.Don’t get me wrong I agree with all the suggestions here but I just think that people shouldn’t be made to feel bad just because they have responded in a way that not everyone thinks is right. New members should be reminded that things they post might provoke a response they weren’t prepared to hear and that some things may bring up a lot of emotions in people. If new members are warned that some things might make people a little bit frustrated it might be easier for them when awaiting a response. I know when I first joined it wasn’t for a good reason and waiting for replies was nerve racking. But I was fully aware that I might not get answers that were all nicey nicey but some people don’t have that foresight. So I think it would be nice to just point out before people post to not be offended by any response they receive and just outline some reasons why this person may be posting in this manner.

I also think it’s useful when responding to posts to try and answer it with a personal experience. For example, posts about bonding often catch my eye, I post on things I feel I can help with based on my own experience, not necessarily what I’ve read somewhere. When I read about “bonded pairs” suddenly fighting that were together from babies etc I try to offer my experience because I have something first hand to compare it to. I think this is helpful because you let the poster know that your not perfect, you aren’t trying to come off as a know it all but you are simply sharing what happened to you and what worked for you. When I got my first two bunnies I was misinformed, I ended up in a difficult situation, I came here for advice of which I took every suggestion on board(I think some members often show stubbornness and reluctance to change which I think is a big contributor to the way other people respond to their posts and can trigger frustration), I worked with this information and it helped me massively, now I feel like I am quite knowledgable and I have seen how following this advice has improved my happiness and the happiness of my bunnies. So I try and use this situation to not only offer advice but to also promote how reliable and helpful other members advice is. I often see that sometimes people who post for advice don’t fully trust what the responses are saying, so I think it’s good to reiterate what is being said, but I agree that this can often look like “mob mentality”

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I feel like I’ve rambled haha

[moonbunny]

I think it’s important to remember that we were all bunny beginners once. Some of us may have bought bunnies because we weren’t familiar with adoption, and lots of people are still completely unaware of what rabbits should be eating or how they should be living.

Once we learn all these things (and more), it can be difficult to sympathise with new and/or uneducated bunny owners. We see bunnies living in a small cage or eating unlimited pellets and think “Gosh, what horrible, cruel people! How can they do this!”, but we forget that once upon a time, that was us too.

I’m going to stay with my aunt for about a month, and she has two rabbits named Coco and Ash who live miserable lives in a small, outdoor hutch. Although that might make me angry, I take a step back and think “My aunt is a good person, and she loves animals. She just doesn’t know what rabbits need because she has been misinformed. If I offer kind, constructive advice, she would probably take it.”

Many people are willing to learn and to correct their mistakes, but they will be turned off if we call them cruel or belittle them. It can be difficult to hold back your emotions, but it’s the only way we’re going to make a difference. 

[Deleted User]

Bahahaha you are a BB celebrity Sarah! I do have to credit you for always saying what is on all of our minds, even if we think it too harsh to say ourselves!

I agree, Dana and Eddy. the fact is that a lot of times a new member will come with a controversial post and then we all chime in and say “ohhh no no no” … they probably do feel ganged up on. Its just that we all give the same information so that the point is REALLY conveyed to the poster. If we all disagree with each other, then it’s likely that none of our advice will be followed because they don’t know who is right and who is wrong. But, if we are all saying “bad idea” and “don’t do that” then I think it makes our information/suggestions seem more credible. So that’s probably one main reason that people feel “ganged up on” or feel this “mob mentality”. None of us mean it that way, it’s kinda just what seems to happen as we all reinforce the correct information. When new members are particularly resistant to everything that we are all agreeing on, that’s when I see the tone of the post take a real change.

[Rain]

I’m one of the children, barely a teen. I personally don’t think that blunt replies or to the point replies are mean or rude at all. Sometimes you kind of have to speak to someone like me in that tone because I wouldn’t understand I was doing something wrong until someone else told me in my face. I appreciate those short, to the point replies.
What if we gave a job to some people who put similar posts about common questions together as a topic, so that it’s not a bunch of repetitive posts about the same thing. That way we could answer the same question for five or more different people. Is there a way we could do that for the forum? It would make life a lot easier than having to click on each and every question and have to type up replies for all of them.
I know I’m guilty of asking tons and tons of questions because I have so much anxiety, especially when it comes to the matter of someone’s life.Just look at the number of posts I’ve made. I’m sure everyone here knows I post a new problem every day. I think I’ve spent a lot of time being around people who I’ve seen all throughout their life until now giving their rabbits horrible treatment. I myself didn’t know until I started researching for a rabbit that that treatment was terrible. That’s why I ask a lot of questions about mine. I don’t want to be doing the wrong thing for him. So I know I ask a lot of common questions and such without checking to look at the bunny info pages first. Ofcourse, now that I know they are there, I try to look at them before asking a question. And that’s probably why I recieve some slightly snarky replies. But I know they aren’t trying to be rude. Sometimes it’s not the replier’s fault at all. It’s mostly because people get exhasuted by repeated themselves over and over again.
I guess another way of trying to keep in annoyance or irritation is remembering your own anxieties when you first got a bunny? Well, I guess most of you spent a while researching first, but everyone goes through that short period of worry for their new pet.
Like Laura said, most of the time, people are good people with good hearts, and they just don’t understand if they are doing something wrong, because most people don’t know about the true care for rabbits. My own father, who I believe has the kindest heart I’ve seen, thought you only feed bunnies carrots. My best friend thought you feed bunnies carrots. But ofcourse, both learned quickly when I told them what you actually feed a rabbit, and why. I’m sure a lot of people as a young toddler thought rabbits ate carrots and didn’t know the truth until they read about it or someone told them.
I don’t know if my idea on a forum job would work or not, but that’s the best I could come up with. This is a great thread. I feel if newcomers or more sensitive people saw this they would completely understand.

[NVKitty]

Hi,

I’m a newbie here and stumbled onto this discussion and have been following along. I was thinking perhaps as a newbie, I could add some insight to this discussion that might help you guys keep new members from disappearing so quickly, “IF” that is genuinely your goal. Some of these posts say otherwise.

It sounds to me like some of the members who’ve belonged to this group for a very long time are simply burnt out!!! Some in this thread, and on this forum, have mentioned getting “irritated” or “frustrated” when a new member shows up and asks questions because the question has already been asked, and answered 100’s of times in the past. Someone suggested more “pinned” posts so that a newcomer can simply click on any given topic to answer their “bothersome” questions. Why bother to sign up on a forum if the newcomer is supposed to just click on links to get the advice they seek? What happened to human interaction? Why are so many of you so angered or agitated by new people coming here and “putting you out” or “burdening” you by asking questions? Isn’t that what this forum is for and about?

On forums typically people post about various issues, share their personal thoughts and experiences with their new or existing bunnies, and seek advice from others by asking questions. I didn’t sign up to click on links or rifle through old posts in search of guidance. I signed up to TALK to likeminded people, and get personal advice for my unique situation. Rabbit care and guidance isn’t necessarily a “one size fits all” thing.

I also couldn’t help but notice how many new members are simply ignored altogether. They post in the “WELCOME” thread, and nobody even takes the time to say hello on some threads. Talk about a turnoff. The newcomer feels rejected and never comes back.

Some who posted on this thread has taken issue with young kids posting here in search of advice. Why? This seems really weird to me. I’d want to help a young person learn everything I could teach them to better take care of their bunny.

I think Laura hit it out of the park when she said we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that we were once ALL BEGINNER bunny owners. No one is born with such knowledge on how to properly care for a rabbit or any other animal for that matter.

My experience here has been “okay”. Many nice people responded to my “Introducing Onyx” thread. Wick was very welcoming and politely offered me advice. JerseyGirl took the time to private message me when she read my post about being unable to post photos and ended up posting a photo of my Onyx for me. No one else bothered to even address the photo issue with me, they just skimmed by with robotic responses.

I think this forum could be a great place for people to come and educate themselves about rabbit care. But it’s severely lacking in human compassion and interaction. Like I started out saying, I sense many here are simply “burnt out.” And it shows. Newbies pick up on that vibe easily, and never come back.

These are my personal views, opinions, and experiences that I’ve had since arriving here with my “bothersome” questions. I hope my candid response on this thread helps you and your forum thrive going forward. Or, you can all just continue to be a group of 10 and talk amongst yourselves.

NVKitty
Kathi

[DanaNM]

Hi Kathi, 

Just to give you a bit of clarification on my perspective, and why I visit this forum to begin with. Not trying to single you out, but many of your comments apply to things in my post. I originally came here seeking information and advice years ago, but was mostly a lurker. Then I came here seeking empathy when I lost my Bunston, as I knew people here would understand my pain. Over the years I have gained personal experience and so I tend to answer more posts, because now I finally feel like I actually know some things (after close to a decade of house-bunny ownership). I do genuinely want to help people, and I know I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes in rabbit care. I think about the way I cared for my rabbits growing up, and am horrified. I wish this forum had existed then… but alas the internet wasn’t even a thing, and I was limited by what my parents would allow me to do for my bunnies (I could not bring them inside, for example). 

I have a finite amount of time to spend answering posts… in fact I already spend far too much time on this forum when I should be working on my thesis….. So, personally, I don’t visit the Welcome section often, because often there are other urgent posts (medical topics, etc.) that need immediate attention, or I’m looking at topics in areas where I think I have personal experience on the matter that might contribute some insight (like bonding, or GI issues). Or honestly some topics (such as behavioral issues) are just more interesting!  I could spend hours and hours each day on here…. which would not be good for the rest of my life. Others probably are in similar situations. We do all want to help people as much as possible, but there are limits to our time, and we are here because we want to be here, and we all want to read things we are interested in. 

This is why I suggested a pinned section. Not because we don’t want to help those people, but because it could help people get answers more quickly! If you could get an instant answer to a question that would help you decide something that could save your bunny’s life or prevent it from being injured further, wouldn’t you want that? Rather than waiting for someone to  lo on and see your post and reply? 

I personally have had many many of my questions answered by reading through old threads and posts for folks with similar problems, this is why I suggested this. There are many members currently active, but many more in the past who no longer are. Reading old posts taps into all that knowledge as well. Of course when something doesn’t quite fit, people should make their own posts, but it is good forum etiquette (across online forums in general) to see if your question has already been answered before making your own post.  

I think the beauty of the forum is to access collective experience for issues that are complicated and don’t quite fit the mold. Often people ask very very basic questions, that pinned posts, or something like an FAQ, could address. Each of us has a finite amount of time and energy to devote to answering questions, and I do believe we are all doing our best. We are all human, you know! Even the moderators!

Also, I see so so much compassion and interaction on this forum, so I disagree with you on that point. Read the rainbow bridge section if you need proof…. 

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Sirius&Luna]

Kathi, I certainly didn’t mean I took issue with young kids posting – just the opposite. I was saying it was great kids post for advice, but I had just never really considered it being children before – I’m an adult and when I was a kid, posting on forums just wasn’t really a thing, so it just didn’t really occur to me. Therefore, I learned that maybe I should think about adapting the way i talk if I might be talking to children. I think that’s something super valuable to take away

Personally I thought your thread got quite a few nice and friendly responses. I don’t see anything robotic there. What could we have said to seem less robotic? (As tone seems to be an issue, I genuinely would like to learn if I’m coming across as disinterested or robotic, it’s definitely not my intention

[sarahthegemini]

DanaNM, Eddyw111 & BunNoob – I’m delighted that you all appreciate my blunt approach but perhaps I should tone it down a bit  I’m kind of giddy to be thought of as a BB celeb LOL 

In regards to the welcome board comments NVkitty, I thought I’d offer my thoughts – I don’t go on to the welcome section. Not because I am not interested in newbies but because, like Dana, I prefer to focus my attention on questions posted elsewhere that are looking for advice. Despite being blunt () I DO like to help when I can, so when I come onto BB, it’s either to answer queries or post queries myself. I often look at people’s profiles though to learn about them/their rabbits. 

[NVKitty]

Hello Dana NM,

I appreicate your direct response to me regarding my own personal input on this subject. Consider my viewpoints to be coming from a “newbie’s perspective” and try not to take it personally. Many of you commented in this thread that “newbie’s” take stuff too personally or take some of your comments out of context or as being “harsh”….perhaps the “oldies” are guilty of this, too?

I won’t apologize for my honesty or sharing my observations. I’m willing to do this for the sake of future “newbie’s.”

When a person arrives on a new forum, lurks around for several days before getting the nerve to post, and then finally does post only to be ignored, it doesn’t really go over well with the newcomer. Why have a big old WELCOME thread if everyone’s time is so limited they can’t say, “GEE, NICE TO MEET YOU, AND WELCOME”. I think that took me less than 5 seconds to hammer out on my keyboard. Seriously?

I don’t think any newcomer expects an “immediate” response to their repetitive questions, either. Also, nowhere have I said that people’s questions were not being addressed in a timely manner. My comments are in direct response to reading what you guys are saying in this thread. Nothing else. Many of you are BURNT OUT! Sick of answering “newbie’s” questions and trust me, it shows in your responses. Whenever I became “burnt out” on a job, relationship, hobby, or anything else….I’d stop doing whatever it was that was burning me out. Hanging around this forum no longer seems like “fun” for many of you. You’re complaining and even “angry” at some of the posts people make here. Perhaps it’s time to move on if you’re unable to enthusiastically help out new or existing rabbit owners and keep your emotions in check. Just a thought.

I thought that many of the “oldies” would take issue with my “bluntness” after posting my input as a newcomer on this subject. I was hoping to be wrong about that, but it appears I was spot on in my presumption. Your first instinct is to deny and band together, I get that. But doing this will not help this forum grow, and you will continue to chase off any newcomers, trust me.

NVKitty
Kathi

[Deleted User]

Kathi,

We mentioned children (I specifically brought this up) because I think that a lot of people who are in a different generation than the kids (myself, for example) did not have unrestricted access to the internet when growing up. I was born in 1995, and EVEN I was not given an iPhone or an ipad or had a computer in my room. I was allowed 1 hour on the computer each day and it was supervised and I was not allowed on social media. Today, technology is a HUGE part of children’s lives. So, I only mentioned the thing about the kids to make sure that we were all aware that there are potentially fragile people on the other end of the screen, so we ought consider that.

I don’t go to the welcome section because, to be completely honest, I come here mostly to answer questions and give advice because I want to be able to be a positive force in a bunnys life. I may post in the chat or pic sections, but mostly I’m here to try and quickly help someone out who is struggling with their bunny. I am not frustrated at answering questions, I think you misunderstood me. I will answer the same thread about the same question 10 times, and I don’t care as long as the message is getting across to the poster. What I get FRUSTRATED at is, for example, someone posting “I bought two rabbits and they’re fighting what do I do?” So I explain the necessity of neutering, prebonding, bonding and try to REALLY stress that the rabbits need to be separated for their own safety. Then the poster replies and says something along the sort of “I can’t separate them, I’ll leave them alone and let them work it out. My friend had litter mates and they’re fine living together”. . . Then I get upset. Because bunnies are in danger and are suffering and there’s nothing that I can do. I just think that being here and reading some of the things people post is heartbreaking, and after a while we start to sort of “lose hope” from all of the people posting about a dangerous situation and then rationalizing it or leaving. We are stuck here emotionally taxed and wishing that something could be done. But that doesn’t stop us from coming back every day and trying to make a difference in another bunnys life.

[NVKitty]

Hello Sirius & Luna,

I never said that my “Introducing Onyx” thread was ignored. I commented about other newcomers being ignored after introducing themselves in an effort to draw attention to it because I thought it was an issue worth talking about. It’s rude, and likely is why many newcomers never post again.

The “robotic” comment is in reference to my mentioning issues with posting photos on more than one occasion. No one took the time to assist me with this issue. JerseyGirl finally days later private messaged me and ended up posting a photo of Onyx for me. Thank you JerseyGirl!!! This is what I mean when saying I sense that many here are “burnt out”.

Look, my intention here in adding my two-cents-worth is nothing more than to help some of you see through the lens of a newbie. What we see, how we perceive things. Criticism is a good thing! Sometimes we lose perspective and become unaware of things happening right in front of our faces. Or maybe we get used to treating people a certain way and lose sight of compassion and decency. That’s all.

NVKitty
Kathi

[Deleted User]

Kathi,

If I understand correctly, only forum administrators (such as JerseyGirl) can help you to input photos. There are like 5 administrators for this whole site. And you see how many posts are made daily. So it’s not we all just totally suck, it’s that only certain people have those privileges.

[NVKitty]

Hello BunNoob,

I’ve read both your responses to my comments and wanted to reply.

First regarding the children/young people posting about bunnies, you were spot on in saying people need to be careful when engaging kids because they can sometimes be fragile. So, the children reference I made does not include your comments.

I was born in 1960, if that even matters.

I never said anyone here “sucks” either, so please let’s not try to escalate things. I tend to deal in facts best.

As far as schooling me about moderators privileges, I’m totally aware of this. My point was, that not one person ever said anything about my photo uploading issues. No one tried to direct me as to what I should do, who I should address about the issue, or anything. Again, this leads me to believe that many here are simply “burnt out” and unwilling to go the extra mile to help someone, or welcome someone.

Ugh….maybe I should have just not said anything. No good deed goes unpunished.

NVKitty
Kathi

[Rain]

Heh heh, I think this stopping sneakiness thread is becoming kind of snarky itself. There’s a kind, gentle and loving way to do everything. Including this problem.
Kathi, we all love to help everyone who comes on here, but like many said,our time is limited. We aren’t on the bunny forum every single second and every single day. Maybe when you posted that thread, it was a busy time for everyone. Maybe nobody said anything because they didn’t know how to direct you. That’s better than someone saying something completely irrevelant and then wasting your time right? I also remember seeing your welcoming Onyx thread. I thought that you got plenty of replies on it? Was that a different one?As for welcoming, I know thatif you go on to some of our current welcoming threads, a lot of people including myself have replied to the newcomers and welcomed them to the forums. Maybe some people that have posted on this thread dont but I know for sure that our forums have a bunch of welcoming people.
I think a lot of people here go to the welcoming section after they go through the major things. Sometimes they can’t finish all of those so they don’t get the chance to. There are so many new problems being posted every day and I know the main focus of most is to help those problems. That’s probably why the welcome section doesn’t get much attention. There are posts here about rabbits getting sick, rabbits on the verge of dying even when taken to a vet, newcomers who needs us to direct them in giving their bunnies a healthy happy life. Don’t you agree that those things come first?

[Boing]

Personally, I think that most people on this site are well meaning and it shows.

To maintain a kind forum, I suggest all of us do the following:

-Consider how varied the audience is when writing. There are people of varying ages and from a variety of cultures; what is okay where someone is, may not be where someone else is. Some people do not speak English as a first language. I have extensively studied two other languages, one of which I use daily at home and at work and am completely fluent in. It is still harder when I feel attacked in that language than in English.

-Consider your goals. Is it to teach and therefore help bunnies? The best teachers are empathetic. They make you feel welcome and instruct you. No one ever learned anything positive from harsh instruction, however excellent the ideas. Think back to your favourite teachers. I guarantee you they were nice.

-Especially when responding to questions that make you upset, angry or otherwise emotional, check your emotions at the door. If you cannot, reply later when you are more calm or let someone else reply. When people reply to posts in the grip of emotion, it shows, and it is not always pretty. In my experience, this is what what causes people to feel attacked.

-Where you must give blunt advice, it is best to preface it with something like “I remember when I thought ___ was okay too…” or something similar. In that way a link to the original poster is established, however shocking the advice that follows may be to them.

-Where you must give best practice based advice, but not necessarily mandatory advice, it is best to preface it with sentences like “A good goal to strive for is…”, “Lots of us would love to have a bunny room, but here is a link to other good ideas in the habitats section…” and so on. “I find”, “IMO”, “A good idea” and other such phrases soften the advice and render the person more receptive. It is ultimately persuasion that will help bunnies, not preaching, even if the latter makes you feel, ever so temporarily, good.

-It is also good to remember that rabbits are not as domestic as pets like cats and dogs. Just because you can have a free roam bunny, does not mean that someone else can… Being a lifelong cat person, I was unprepared for the extreme variations of behaviour. One of my rabbits eats rugs, the other could care less = less predictable and therefore less predictable living circumstances. There is no one-size-fits-all with bunnies, unless it is something basic, like they all need hay.

-Above all, re-read what you write before you post! It is particularly helpful to re-read something aloud. This is good for all written communication, not just this forum.

-If you feel attacked, try not to be emotional about it. I did feel attacked once, many years ago, and I just put it out there, not meanly, but in an inquiring way. It turned out that that was not the intention of the people involved. Malice rarely is; most people are good.

I guess it all comes down to being courteous and polite, and investing the time to do so. It is a lot easier to tap out a blunt reply and be done, secure in the knowledge that you took care of the bunny, than to consider your reply and take care of the person too.

As for the welcome thread, I am sorry. I rarely look at it. I find it takes a very long time to click and open each individual thread. Maybe it would get more attention if it were like the monthly photos thread. Could we just get a monthly welcome thread in the lounge? I spend very little free time on the internet each day, and am more inclined to learn about bunny behaviour and biology.

If this thread does not help and some people insist on snarkiness, I suggest suspensions, as in, you have been snarky, despite x number of warnings, so you cannot post for the next week. I hate to suggest it, but sometimes it is the only thing that helps, especially on an anonymous internet forum.

I hope that this helps and does not come across as snobby. I set out to write a few suggestions, but have created quite the laundry list of ideas…

[Rain]

I think that’s perfect Boing!!! That pretty much covers every possible way to become a nicer and more approachable forum. Those are some very helpful tips. I agree that there should be suspension if some people can’t be a little nicer about things.

[BB Administrator]

Thanks Rain and Boing! – I have been creating this long post and you said things very succinctly.    (I refreshed the the thread and saw your post before I submitted my ginormous post.  

—-

NVKitty – your post is thought provoking; I have gained some great info that I find extremely beneficial which I will get into later in this thread.  Thank you.

I also understand how some of the things you posted are “provoking” in other ways as there seems to be some candid frustration coming out with snarky/sarcasm comments mixed in and this can cloud the great info you are giving.  So please let me know if I am reading your comments in the way you intended – like (“IF” that is genuinely your goal. Some of these posts say otherwise. ….experiences that I’ve had since arriving here with my “bothersome” questions…Thank you for schooling me on– …. Or, you can all just continue to be a group of 10 and talk amongst yourselves”)   . And hey, I get it!  Things here can get frustrating.  Again, I may be misunderstanding, because as we know, bluntness has already been established as a way to easily be misunderstood. 

I’m sorry to see that this thread began to turn into a tumbleweed of misunderstandings.   I can tell some members felt misunderstood.  Keep in mind, that this thread created a vulnerable spot as we discover insights about our and others imperfections. I believe everyone is genuinely trying to help, and I appreciate all of you for taking the chance to post about what you feel you and others/we can improve on. I think being sensitive and empathetic in this matter will go a long way in continuing a productive discussion.  We definitely need “human compassion and interaction.” in all aspects.  This is what we can improve on. So let’s take a deep breath.   It’s okay to have misunderstandings and even moments of “grrrrrrrr.”  Let’s move forward. 

Expectations can be tricky – subjective in many ways.  I ask myself –  How can we meet the expectations of others when expectations differ?  As a forum owner, I think we have some great strengths, but we need to improve – hence this thread!   I can also benefit by finding our limitations, accept that and work within that to make it better until a higher ideal can be met.   

For example: I, 100% agree with NVKitty’s comments about the Welcome Section  So right on about this. It’s sad.  This is my responsibility, not for members to solve, nor to feel bad about. We have grown a lot since we first added that and now cannot meet the expectation to greet everyone. This is where I feel acceptance of our limitations is important.  I don’t want you to feel bad for choosing to spend your time in other sections. This is your free time.  I am glad members are here to share in whatever capacity you have time for.   On another important note:  We are finally getting this dinosaur site updated, including the forum, and this was one section that I have seriously been thinking about getting rid of for the very reason that NVKitty brought up.  It bothers me –  if I went to a forum, took the chance and the time to introduce myself, and received very little response, it wouldn’t feel so good.  Again, I don’t blame anyone for not responding – I understand.  And our admins volunteer their time, have so much moderating to do — (big spam and troll catchers they are!  You have no idea how much nonsense they spare you all from.  There is so much going on behind the scenes that no one ever sees), which leaves very little time for meet and greets.  I find this to be a real limitation – the Welcome Section most likely will be discontinued until we can dedicate someone to that and make it more of a big deal. 

NVKitty –  Photo uploads. This is not a community or individual member issue — definitely my responsibility. I sincerely apologize for that.  This forum is created with some old software that is now outdated. We are a small group and it is very expensive to update.  It has been like navigating a ship with a million holes – even our instructions in the tech forum may not work anymore, so any member giving advice would be winging it.  But the good news is we do have a new ship coming!   We saved and saved and finally made it happen.   100% mobile friendly, much easier to navigate and use.  Most of these issues will be fixed with the new site and forum so it will be much more user friendly.  I know the expectation though is that more people would at least help, but it has been such a confusing persnickety thing, even for veteran members,  that I feel confident that members figured that an admin/mod would come to the rescue, and moved on.  I am sorry we were not there to help in a timely matter.  This will be improved. 

Thanks again everyone — I am keeping close watch on this thread.  It is so helpful.    It’s also not easy to post here either.  I get that.  The more that post (respectfully),  the more we can get out of it.  Let’s keep the posts kind with constructive criticism. 

Helloworld!!

[jerseygirl]

Soooo many good points brought up in this thread. Please don’t anyone think they should not have spoken. It’s important to bring many different perspectives as it may highlight something the majority of regular acitve members may not have considered. So to our newer members, NVKitty, Laura, thank you for contributing. Or from members that have been around a while but don’t post so much, but have taken the time to write in this thread.

Even in this thread there have been some misunderstandings – It’s actually a great demonstration of what can happen with interactions anywhere. BUT there has been clarification on those points and that is encouraged. That way things are clear up (we hope) and can move forward.

[jerseygirl]

Oops. Didn’t realise BB had posted just now.

[BB Administrator]

Posted By jerseygirl on 1/06/2018 11:33 PM

Soooo many good points brought up in this thread. Please don’t anyone think they should not have spoken. It’s important to bring many different perspectives as it may highlight something the majority of regular acitve members may not have considered. So to our newer members, NVKitty, Laura, thank you for contributing. Or from members that have been around a while but don’t post so much, but have taken the time to write in this thread.

Even in this thread there have been some misunderstandings – It’s actually a great demonstration of what can happen with interactions anywhere. BUT there has been clarification on those points and that is encouraged. That way things are clear up (we hope) and can move forward.

Thanks Kate!   So true! 

Helloworld!!

[jerseygirl]

Thanks BB… BUT…… I think you killed my next post.
We HAVE to stop posting at the same time!
Lol.. I just wrote a long reply about something and it’s disappeared into the ether.

ETA: I’m going to take it as a sign from the Universe that… I need to go do the rabbits litter  boxes rather then post on BB at the moment!  I’ll try recap later what the awol post was about. 

[Vienna Blue in France]

Group hug guys. Group hug. kiss.

I used to post a lot more than i do now, although i still read alot and intervene / advise when i can.
My reason, for not posting as much. I got an ipad. Yep, really.
Which is greeeeeat to surf on, not so great to type loads of text. It takes 10times longer…. yes it does. Even when you dictate, it takes a month going back and correcting and doing page layouts !!

Also, some foreign internet connection problems…. *cough cough*

IDEAS

Instead of a “welcome thread”, individual for each newbie, there could be an “introduce yourself” thread, so we know who is new, what bunnies they’ve got etc, but for them not to necessarily expect a individual reply from every member.

And so all the newbies arrive on ONE thread so it is less time consuming going in and out of each newbies thread…. we could say WELCOME to everyone who has joined since our last posts. and this will considerably reduce the simple quanity of individual threads which appear (and disappear) off the “whats new” list.

Or similar to a FB “like” thumbs up, we could have a “wave” sign to acknowledge each newbie’s arrival.

Emojis don’t currently show in “whats new”.
Having emojis appearing in the “whats new” i think is very necessary and will change how posts are read.

This isn’t a job we are forced in to. It’s our free time we are using up being on this lovely BB forum.
I think if people are ‘burnt out’ they just fade away and post less and disappear from the site.
No point in being snarky on purpose.

I do like the old saying which Thumper said, and I quote : “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”.

[Deleted User]

One of the things that I really love about BB is that the admins are so very down-to-earth! They are very kind people who I have always seen act rationally and with everyone’s best interests in mind. So shout out to you guys

Boing – Great post!

Rain – Thanks for your input as well! It lifts my spirits to know that you have had a good experience here. It seems that we are more often reminded of the bad experiences rather than the good ones!

Vienna – I think that a wave button is a great idea for the Welcome thread! Kathi may say that it’s a bit too robotic, but I think that it is a good way to encourage members to acknowledge new members. That way, people like me (who are pretty anti-social) can say hi.

The thing about the Welcome is that a lot of us just come here to answer questions. As was previously mentioned, this is not a job…this is something that most of us do in our free time. Most people don’t have house rabbits. They don’t understand when you have a funny story to tell about the bunny, so you come here and this is your bunny space. (For me, at least). I am not a very sociable person, and I am not a tolerant person – two reasons why I truly am quite a recluse. I do not do Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or any of that. BB is the only social media that I do. Because I am just not a “meet new people” and “post status updates” type of person, I tend to stay away from the Welcome section. That’s just me! I don’t mean to be rude or off-putting, but speaking quite bluntly, I’m not here to make friends and I’m not an out-going person. That’s just who I am and it really shouldn’t reflect on BB as a whole jut because some members are less inclined to reach out beyond just informational posts.

Kathi, I have no problem with WHAT you are saying, and I do appreciate the input. However, speaking for myself, I find that your posts are just overloaded with sarcasm and snide remarks. I don’t appreciate at all how you are being so condescending to members and then mocking that we defend ourselves. You can dress up your posts with emojis and pretend to be objective here, but I see right through that. Good suggestions, as I said, but you are entirely too sensitive (in my opinion). If you are seeking genuine human interaction, might I suggest you take a trip to the nearest coffee shop rather than search for it through a computer screen? Just a thought.

Moving on, I am usually only ever on BB when I have some down time at work. If you notice, I am rarely on after 5pm EST time and I actually don’t visit on the weekends. (I’m on this weekend because I wanted to keep up with this post that I wasn’t bogged down on Monday trying to catch up on a lot of other long posts). Life is busy, and a lot of us don’t have the time to sit here all day long. Also, a lot of us are in different parts of the world! Talk about language barriers, time zone differences, etc. All of these things can lead to inconsistency in response times, but that is no one’s fault.

Another thing, sometimes posts just get crowded out by other posts. Someone may post at a time that members aren’t very active, and then new members continue to post and maybe they crowd out the others as the more recent replies are pushed to the top. And there is the issue of people responding to like REALLY old posts. Then everyone gets confused and a post from 2011 gets pushed to the top of the list. Maybe we should have an automatic lock on posts after a certain amount of time? With a message that says “this topic was locked, if you would like to ask a similar question please create a new thread in (blank) section? Not sure if that’s something we could do, but I think that with the volume of posts made here, that some people just genuinely do get pushed out before they really had a chance to get much exposure on their topic.

[Bam]

I have to say I’m loving this thread. Thank you, everybody who has written in it. It’s so great to see that so many people really take an interest in these forums and the improvement of them! What you guys have been writing is very helpful and has given me lots to think about.

[Muchelle]

Just back from a weekend offline, I’ve skimmed through the posts. Being lazy right now, so I’ll put in my usual two cents, hopefully I won’t write stuff too obvious that has been already said

Maybe because I’m not a native english speaker I tend to over-formalize sometimes when I write, but I think it’s nice to always remember to use courtesy forms when responding/giving advice. I often say “I think it would be best to…” instead of “I think YOU should do…”, because to me it feels more like an on-par conversation rather than risking to be perceived as patronizing or as if I’m behaving like a super-expert-know-it-all. Italian is a language that’s all about nuances, so I tend to apply that to English as well, but I see it works cause I rarely receive a ticked off response from people (in general, not just referring to this forum).

When I read something that p!sses me off, I mentally count to 10 before just diving in and going savage. I always keep in mind that I could be snapping at a child, at an older person that’s not very familiar with “internet speaking”, or at a person that’s also a non-native speaker, so I’m always cautious. I have to say it happened rarely on here, which is a good sign after all.

I also admit to checking how many posts a person has made before deciding my tone. If it’s a new member or someone that has few posts I prefer to be gentle. If it’s someone that has a ton of posts or someone I’ve already talked to, I’m more hasty in replies.

About the welcome thread… Once I was an admin of a big forum as well. We had only one big “welcome” topic where everyone just dived in and spammed It soon became like a big global random chat but it was fun. The biggest problem was to lock/hide/merge all previous single introduction posts to make sure new members wouldn’t make a “mistake” and open a new one.

[FluffyBunny]

I don’t post often on this forum, but a common theme I’ve noticed on pet forums (besides this one) is that folks tend to take a black and white approach when pet care is concerned. For example, on a pet mouse forum I used to frequent, I once got called neglectful and told I was setting a bad example for newbies because I used a litter type that was not recommended. Another time, on the same forum, I was told I’d be banned if I ever posted that I had two female mice together again (although my pair was friendly, they usually suggested having at least a trio to reduce fighting). I like this forum because while folks sometimes disagree, most folks recognize that there’s more than one way to care for rabbits. That’s the important thing – even if someone is keeping rabbits outside, or keeping unfixed bunnies together, etc., it does not mean they’re being neglectful/abusive. Pets are as different as people, and unconventional methods of caring for them do work fine sometimes. 

Another big thing that makes communities feel very unfriendly very quickly – calling people out publicly. I was on one rabbit forum that was extremely anti-trancing. I mentioned in one post that one of my bunnies actually enjoyed falling asleep on her back, and told another member that it was mainly important to watch body language, etc., when trancing a bunny. I had that post used as an example of an abusive owner in a sticky-type post. Even if someone’s dangling their bunnies in front of wolves, they should never be publicly called out like that. (I’ve never seen that on this forum, but it’s an easy thing to fall into if you think you’re informing the community of something.)

[Muchelle]

FluffyBunny, I’ve literally run away from the Italian pet forums (and was scared as heck when I first posted on here lol) cause that’s exactly what I’ve found on there. I was called abusive cause my hamster’s fur looked oily. In a blurred picture!!! And I was almost banned cause I asked people to chill out when they insulted me for saving a baby blackbird from a cat. The blackbird grew up just fine and flew away with a new family btw. I’m such a monster.

[OverthinkingBun]

Lots of interesting thoughts. I’m guilty of overusing smilies on forums so that people don’t misinterpret my meaning

Re:the Welcome section, I agree with what others said about priorities, but this is also how I feel: I’m kind of awkward in real life and I have a strong sense that no one really wants to be greeted by me. Like, they don’t know me, so why would it be a treat for me to post on their thread? So I stick to threads where maybe I can offer something of value to others. I’m kind of shy online, too, and certainly never thought I was snubbing anyone by not replying to those posts…

One thing that’s helped me in my interactions at work is to pause and remember the humanity of the other person. Unless someone on here is genuinely trolling, they probably want a good life for their rabbit at the end of the day, and being harsh doesn’t help anyone.

[Deleted User]

Posted By OverthinkingBun on 1/07/2018 11:07 PM
Lots of interesting thoughts. I’m guilty of overusing smilies on forums so that people don’t misinterpret my meaning

Re:the Welcome section, I agree with what others said about priorities, but this is also how I feel: I’m kind of awkward in real life and I have a strong sense that no one really wants to be greeted by me. Like, they don’t know me, so why would it be a treat for me to post on their thread? So I stick to threads where maybe I can offer something of value to others. I’m kind of shy online, too, and certainly never thought I was snubbing anyone by not replying to those posts…

One thing that’s helped me in my interactions at work is to pause and remember the humanity of the other person. Unless someone on here is genuinely trolling, they probably want a good life for their rabbit at the end of the day, and being harsh doesn’t help anyone.

This is a good point regarding the welcome page. I think it’s easy for people to presume that the internet is a place to be confident and more outspoken than your real life self etc. I’m quite reserved and quiet in real life and I’m not one to approach someone first etc. The same goes for here. That’s what puts me off posting in the welcome thread, I don’t like putting myself out there and standing out. It’s important to recognise that certain people have different personalities which could influence their response. Maybe there could be some sort of thing people could put in their bios that sort of sums them up as a person, maybe say what topics your interested in, what your most passionate about regarding rabbit care and something that can also just inform people of how you come across in general. So where some people have said in their posts that they can be quite blunt, just put this in your bio in a more light hearted way so people can just see that it’s something you have addressed to other users

[Q8bunny]

Lots said, and since I’m one of the blunters, it’s better if I keep some of my thoughts to myself in this instance – just for the sake of diplomacy. But I will say this…

I’ve been on this forum a while. I was a lurker for about a year before I even joined. I just read like crazy and searched topics that I needed to educate myself on and then read some more. I get wanting human interaction, but ultimately, this forum serves as an information ark: a storehouse of bunny knowledge, if you will. But handholding can be nice too.

I almost never read the Welcome section. My life is crazy, not that I’m alone in that, and because I live abroad, I’ve had seriously limited access to the site this past year. So when I am able to get on BB, I’d rather read something of more substance than a verbal wave. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you that I do try to help – but I’ve had to be selective about which threads I tackle. I’ve also tried to avoid posters who ask for advice while clearly not being open to any. It just makes me feel frustrated. Call it burnout if you will, but I’d rather help someone who sincerely needs and wants help. Buns got a bum deal as it is – if I can persuade someone to put their bun first in a less than ideal situation, I will try to do so.

Do I talk to members I know in the monthly chat threads more? Sure. We have a certain degree of history and can banter without taking offense (Vienna just WhatsApped me a very rude picture lol). But that doesn’t mean that I intentionally ignore new members. If you join the fray, I’ll gladly talk to you. I just don’t do sugarcoating and mommying very well. No offense to the kids – I’m sure I must’ve been a kid too at some point.

Ultimately, to me, BB is two things: a source of documented anecdotal information about rabbits; and a collective of fellow bunny nuts. And if I come across as the mean crazy lady who would totally save a rabbit before saving you from a fire, then so be it.

Cheers!

[Hazel]

Posted By Vienna Blue in France on 1/07/2018 8:00 AM

Instead of a “welcome thread”, individual for each newbie, there could be an “introduce yourself” thread, so we know who is new, what bunnies they’ve got etc, but for them not to necessarily expect a individual reply from every member.

And so all the newbies arrive on ONE thread so it is less time consuming going in and out of each newbies thread…. we could say WELCOME to everyone who has joined since our last posts. and this will considerably reduce the simple quanity of individual threads which appear (and disappear) off the “whats new” list. 

I think this is a great idea. I don’t post much in the welcome thread either. As others have said, time is short and unfortunately the welcome thread is usually at the bottom of my priority list. I think this would really help!

When I’m replying about something that the OP might become defensive about, I try to do what Stewie Griffin refers to as the “Compliment Sandwich”. First you say something nice, as in “Thanks for rescuing this poor bunny!”, then talk about where improvements can be made, and end on a good note with something like “We would love to see pictures!”. And lots of these 

[Vienna Blue in France]

…..IT WAS A SIMPLE HOTDOG I TREATED MYSELF TO !!!!!!!!! Lol

[Vienna Blue in France]

Hazel. We posted at same time. My above comment was meant for Q8

As for the compliment sandwich, we call it a Sh1t sandwich!!!! LOL. START nice, explain what is sh1t and finish nice !!! Rofl !!!

[LittlePuffyTail]

Thanks so much everyone for all the input. Finally just read through all the responses and there is a lot of great feedback.

Instead of a “welcome thread”, individual for each newbie, there could be an “introduce yourself” thread, so we know who is new, what bunnies they’ve got etc, but for them not to necessarily expect a individual reply from every member.

I like this idea as well. While I do try to get on BB everyday, at least for a bit, life is busy and I don’t like to show my 3 year old that it’s good to sit at a computer for hours at a time so I do have limited time here. During my FL days, I usually make time to go to the Welcome Forum. While I don’t have time for big, wordy welcome posts I always try to at least say “Welcome to BB” and usually a comment about the bunny if pictured. I always feel bad seeing a new member posting and no or very little replies, even after several days. Those are the ones I comment on first.

[Q8bunny]

It was a GIGANTIC glossy snausage! ROTFL But I agree that it was a treat.

[OverthinkingBun]

One more quick thing: I’m pretty new to the forum and joined to get advice on my first rabbit. I’ve always felt that people here were kind and helpful towards me. But it’s possible that I was expecting a much different type of interaction than some other new members are.

@Eddyw111, I agree, and those are interesting ideas.

[LBJ10]

I am a bit late to this thread, but I wanted to comment on what has been written so far. I am quite impressed with the responses and I am actually quite proud of everyone for contributing to the discussion in a constructive manner. There are differing perspectives, which I think is great. This thread really gives us the opportunity to see what others are experiencing from their point of view. I hope we can all come away from this with a better understanding of one another and we can use this “inside” information when we are responding to questions on BB. With any luck, we can prevent misunderstandings and feelings of hostility (real or perceived) from occurring.

Like several others, there are days when my time on BB is limited. Therefore, my responses are not always very lengthy. I used to pop into the welcome section every once in awhile, but I haven’t lately. So I do like the idea of having a monthly welcome thread… just like the monthly chat and picture threads. I think it would encourage more people to pop in and say “hi”.

Q8 – I never really thought of you as being blunt.

[DanaNM]

Q8- I always think of you as the comic relief (that also happens to give really good advice)!

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Hazel]

That’s funny, I actually thought they said sh1t sandwich on Family Guy too, and kept googling it. Turns out they called it something else.

And who doesn’t enjoy a good hotdog? 

[BB Administrator]

Deleted last two posts engaged in argument. — unlocking thread. This thread is a good way to offer suggestions and give constructive criticism. We all don’t have to agree. It is great to see opposing viewpoints. But let’s not use this for venting if something goes awry in another thread or if you are angry at a member’s response. Then the responses are reactionary, snarky or turn into personal attacks, all of which break the rules -and then of course, are less constructive. If something enrages you in another post, my suggestions is take a deep breath, take a step back and wait a day or two to respond. 

 Saying, I don’t agree is okay, but starting or engaging in insults, a snarky comment, and disgruntled sarcasm will not be tolerated. There are ways to express disagreement without relying on those provocative reactions. 

EDITED TO ADD: If someone responds to you in a way that includes insults and snarky behavior, we recommend “Alerting”,  instead of responding back and engaging in an argument directly with them. It may take us 24 hours, but we will check it out and address it if it is breaking the rules.  Give us a chance to handle it. 

Helloworld!!

[jerseygirl]

Oi, those sandwiches… I hand them out a lot and didn’t even realise it!

I just want to re-emphasise about the Alert feature. It is your friend! While reading posts on the forum, if you feel anger or frustration about something, sent and alert on that post. Then leave that thread.

Use the Alert comment box to vent if you need to. Only FL’s will see it and it will be confidential.

If it’s a thread you created, then it may be best to wait until a forum leader has contacted you. Or only respond to other replies you may have received in the thread.

Another method is to draft a reply to a post but don’t submit it. Save it somewhere and review it the next day. Maybe the act of typing it out will help.

It is OKAY for you to feel incensed about something. I’m not saying your feelings are invalid at all. Chances are I’ll share your point of view! There are countless times when I feel angered/frustrated/gobsmacked too.
What I am encouraging (all members) is: not to spill all your frustration out publically in your response to a post that has triggered a negative reaction in you. Doing so impacts more then just yourself and the person you are addressing. We don’t always remember that when fired up about something.

As for other venting, ie, something in your life is bugging you and you’d like to share, the Lounge is good for that. There is usually a BB-er around willing to lend an ear. : )

[LBJ10]

I wanted to add that although using the alert feature is confidential, it also doesn’t tell us FL’s who sent it. So if you want us to know who is doing the alerting, please sign the message with your username. Again, that is optional! I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware of that.

[jerseygirl]

Oh yes, thank you !!

[Sirius&Luna]

Just to say I’ve popped over to the welcome section deliberately a few times recently, but clearly everyone else has been too, since all the threads have at least 4 comments

[Deleted User]

I’ve been trying to make myself pop in there as well!

[pinknfwuffy]

I also wanted to mention that we can also take advantage of the “Unanswered” and “Not Read” buttons at the top of the page. There, you can easily see posts that don’t have any replies and have a better idea of new members questions or topics that may have been accidentally overlooked. Just be sure to double-check the date of the original post so you arn’t replying to a super old thread.

[LittlePuffyTail]

Thanks for mentioning pinknfwuffy. I always feel bad when I see a post where someone is feeling anxious and it goes unnoticed for a few days.

[Bladesmith]

How?  Brownies. Brownies make everything  better

[Rain]

Lol, yes, brownies are amazing.
I noticed that still, even though the number of instances where this happened has decreased after this discussion, there are people who come on to this forum who don’t know a thing about rabbit care, and they ask us a question and when they say things like “I keep my rabbit outside all the time,” or “Yeah, my bunny eats carrots and lettuce all the time” or something like that, sometimes people will start bombarding them with words like “Those are horrible, terrible living conditions for a rabbit, you’re being cruel ,” or maybe “That’s a terrible diet for a rabbit, I’m surprised it even lived that long,” or something along the lines of that (I’m just using some examples I’ve seen, this isn’t the exact things I’ve seen) and then the person never replies again and never comes back onto the forum after reading those replies. I feel that this issue hasn’t been solved. I saw it happen just a month ago. Maybe we can try to prevent that from happening? I mean, after reading this discussion, it’s really just because a person is trying to be straightforward, but there’s still a better way to be blunt, right? Like for example, instead of saying “Those are horrible living conditions” you could say “Keeping a rabbit outdoors has a lot of risks and isn’t the best home for a rabbit,” or something along those lines. Does that make sense kind of?

[Luna]

Rain, I agree there have been fewer instances of snarkiness/hurt feelings since this thread opened. And I do vaguely recall a new member deciding to leave a bit ago because of the posts he/she received . I think it is important to take note that it might take awhile for change to happen. There has been progress, so at least things are moving in a better direction. Maybe the admins/forum leaders are working on additional things behind the scenes that we don’t know about yet that will further help?

That being said, I agree with you that we need more in terms of “Maybe we can try to prevent that from happening?” While we do have the option of utilizing the “Alert” button when we see a snarky/heated post, at that point the damage has already been done. Brainstorming/finding more ways to help facilitate a kinder tone in our forums will be challenging (there have already been so many great suggestions!), but in the meantime, pats on the back for everyone putting forth kinder efforts . We just have to never stop trying.

[jerseygirl]

Im just here for the Brownies ! 

[jerseygirl]

Just kidding!  ^

I agree, things have improved. Ive been an active member here for near 10yrs and there are times when things go awry then settle again. 

The alert button is still very useful, so if you do see anything you’re not comfortable or worried about, do alert to that post. You can keep it anonymous or sign to let us know who is sending it. It may be that you can see where someones tone comes across too abrupt and the poster isn’t aware. It helps for forum leaders to be aware of those instances. Sometimes it’s a case of a new member “pushing buttons” also and that is their only purpose of signing up. 

That being said, I agree with you that we need more in terms of “Maybe we can try to prevent that from happening?” While we do have the option of utilizing the “Alert” button when we see a snarky/heated post, at that point the damage has already been done. Brainstorming/finding more ways to help facilitate a kinder tone in our forums will be challenging (there have already been so many great suggestions!),

but in the meantime, pats on the back for everyone putting forth kinder efforts . We just have to never stop trying. 

 

Yes, thank you everyone! Well said, Luna.

Also, a shout-out to Vienna for the Welcome thread idea! As many might have seen, there is a Welcome thread started this month.

[Rain]

Brownieeesssssss! Yaaaassssss!
I agree that it takes time for these things to happen and get better. And yes, we should all praise ourselves for the progress we have so far made. In just the past month, this forum has become a much friendlier place. Everyone has definitely shown that they are putting more effort into a kinder tone. Still some hiccups, but much less than before. I think we should start discussions like these every couple months or something, to discuss any problems in the forum. Kind of like a town hall meeting. That way we can work on any issues together like we did on this thread. It really helps!

[LBJ10]

Did someone say brownies!?!?!

[Luna]

Posted By Rain on 2/04/2018 8:02 PM

I think we should start discussions like these every couple months or something, to discuss any problems in the forum. Kind of like a town hall meeting. That way we can work on any issues together like we did on this thread. It really helps!

That’s a great idea Rain!  

Also, I’d imagine it would look something like this…

http://cheezburger.com/3917317/15-hilarious-and-adorable-bunny-memes

[Deleted User]

I use to run the Golden Bunnies forum and I always found this very difficult to achieve. Mostly because you get the conflict between experienced owners and those that do not seem to care on the same level, and inexperienced owners appearing very “silly” in some of their decisions. Its a very difficult balancing act.

[Bam]

Luna, those memes are precious =)

[Deleted User]

I think for a lot of people, it starts to get heated when someone asks for advice, and then blatantly ignores it or says they’re doing their way anyways. Then they come back to the forum looking for advice when the situation hasn’t improved, and everyone just reacts negatively. Ultimately, we all do want what’s best for the bunnies, but I think a lot of us are guilty at getting agitated at someone for either being ignorant/not doing enough research, or just blatant disregard for the advice that they initially seeked.

[Rain]

I’m guilty of this too. Just yesterday I commented something harsh to a YouTube who was keeping a rabbit with babies out in his yard and made a pen around them out of tables. And he kept the father with them. There was literally steam coming out of my ears!!! I was horrified. He probably never listened to anything I tried to tell him because of my rudeness. Sometimes when you just can’t say something nicely you should say anything at all. That’s what I should have done but didn’t.
Luna yessssss that’s exactly what it would be like!!! Haha!
Yes this is the main issue, A&B and Emma. This is the main thing that’s really difficult to solve. I can’t figure out a way for it to work. As Emma herself has seen, it’s hard to make two types of people understand each other. Maybe we could try to stop that impulsive urge to just right away tell someone how wrong they are being. I wish there was like an alarm thing or something whenever you post a rude reply that tells you to go back and edit your post! What if every time someone posts an agitated reply someone sent them a private automated message ( like you click a button and it sends the message) telling them what they said was rude. But that’s for someone who has time and computer skills!
My mind wheels are working. But any options would take up a lot of time. And organization. What are some good ideas to stop this negativity between people who don’t fully understand rabbits and those who are experts and want the best for bunnies? We’ve solved the other problem about Welcoming. It’s just this now. Unless we already did and I was just too lazy to read the second and third pages.

[Bladesmith]

Just to clarify, I’m not responsible for any potential imaginary cyber weight gain from the imaginary cyber consumption of imaginary cyber brownies.

[BB Administrator]

Posted By Bladesmith on 2/11/2018 9:05 AM

Just to clarify, I’m not responsible for any potential imaginary cyber weight gain from the imaginary cyber consumption of imaginary cyber brownies.

LOL!  All your fault I say, and now I can barely fit through this imaginary cyber door because of all the imaginary cyber brownies I’ve consumed.  I may be stuck in this imaginary cyber room forever — but with a bunch of brownies, so I’m good with that. 

—–

I have seen improvement as well. Old habits can be hard to break. Can take time. And sometimes easy to fall back to.  Reminders and nudges may be needed.  We discourage a “scolding” tone, and encourage education with patience. 
Let’s keep on the positive path.  You can all help us not fall back into our old patterns. We don’t see every post, so remember to use the alert buttons so forum leaders and admin can keep on it.   

Helloworld!!

[Bladesmith]

Posted By BB Administrator on 2/16/2018 6:00 PM

Posted By Bladesmith on 2/11/2018 9:05 AM

Just to clarify, I’m not responsible for any potential imaginary cyber weight gain from the imaginary cyber consumption of imaginary cyber brownies.

LOL!  All your fault I say, and now I can barely fit through this imaginary cyber door because of all the imaginary cyber brownies I’ve consumed.  I may be stuck in this imaginary cyber room forever — but with a bunch of brownies, so I’m good with that. 

—–

I have seen improvement as well. Old habits can be hard to break. Can take time. And sometimes easy to fall back to.  Reminders and nudges may be needed.  We discourage a “scolding” tone, and encourage education with patience. 
Let’s keep on the positive path.  You can all help us not fall back into our old patterns. We don’t see every post, so remember to use the alert buttons so forum leaders and admin can keep on it.   

I’ll take the blame.  I’m used to it, I’ve been married!

[jerseygirl]

Posted By Bladesmith on 2/16/2018 9:13 PM

Posted By BB Administrator on 2/16/2018 6:00 PM

Posted By Bladesmith on 2/11/2018 9:05 AM

Just to clarify, I’m not responsible for any potential imaginary cyber weight gain from the imaginary cyber consumption of imaginary cyber brownies.

LOL!  All your fault I say, and now I can barely fit through this imaginary cyber door because of all the imaginary cyber brownies I’ve consumed.  I may be stuck in this imaginary cyber room forever — but with a bunch of brownies, so I’m good with that. 

—–

I have seen improvement as well. Old habits can be hard to break. Can take time. And sometimes easy to fall back to.  Reminders and nudges may be needed.  We discourage a “scolding” tone, and encourage education with patience. 
Let’s keep on the positive path.  You can all help us not fall back into our old patterns. We don’t see every post, so remember to use the alert buttons so forum leaders and admin can keep on it.   

I’ll take the blame.  I’m used to it, I’ve been married!

LOL !!!

[LongEaredLions]

WOW!
Occasionally I will be on BB and a thread will remind me exactly why I came on BB in the first place, and why it holds such a piece of my heart. This is one of those threads. I am the first to say I am horribly guilty of getting ‘burned out,’ but when I see real people banding together to make BB the most kind, fun place it can be, it not only keeps me posting and reading, but it warms my heart. Everyone who has posted has shown such genuine heart and care not only for the bunnies on the other sides of the screens, but the humans too.

Jen says this quite a bit, and I think it is one of the things that has stuck with me the longest. No matter how upset we are at a situation, addressing someone in a way that would upset them to the point where they would feel alienated from BB doesn’t help anything–all we get is one less BB member with less information to care for their bunny. I used to visit another forum, where someone said something along the lines of “Even if you can’t care for your animal to the standard we hold here on the forum, the fact that you came here in an attempt to do better makes you a good pet owner.” None of us are perfect, and we all are just doing the best we can. Before confronting others, we must consider the fact that we also don’t know everything.

Another thing that I find quite wonderful about these types of forums is how much we learn from educating others. I can’t tell you how many times I have begun doing research while responding to someone’s post, and have learned immensely from that. I think that if we change our mindset from “How can I prove to this person that they are caring for their rabbit wrong” to “How can I both help this person AND learn from the situation” we can better deal with frustrating situations.

That being said, I was very good friends with many of the ‘oldies’ who don’t really hang around anymore. I realize I don’t really know any of the newer folk as well I would like to, and that was a part of BB that I really do enjoy. We need to have more FUN! (Or at least I need to get more involved!) Not everything is so serious all the time.

Love you all!

[Rain]

Yes! I agree! More fun. But you know what really is serious? I ran out of cyber brownies. 

I’m also glad that we are such a connected forum and we form bonds and relations with each other. This thread has really proved that. Most other forums are not so friendly and kind to each other as we are. 

[LongEaredLions]

You know what’s even more serious? I got no cyber brownies in the first place!

[Vienna Blue in France]

Bravo LEL! Well said! Hear, hear!!!! Take a bow !!
**clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap**

[LongEaredLions]

@Vienna
Unfortunately brownie points are not nearly as tasty as actual brownies.

[Vienna Blue in France]

Less calories though…..

[jerseygirl]

I’m sure Gooseman will have made some *brownies* by morning, if anyone is interested.

[Rain]

MEEEEEE I WAAANNNTTT

[Luna]

Posted By Rain on 2/19/2018 10:44 AM

MEEEEEE I WAAANNNTTT

LOL, Rain, I think JG meant the “brownies” of the pellet kind if Gooseman is “making” them .

[Rain]

Oh. Oh dear. I did not know who Gooseman was. Goodness, I take back what I said. I’ll stick to the normal kind, thank you Gooseman.

[Rain]

https://binkybunny.com/FORUM/tabid/54/aft/165471/Default.aspx
Here, for all us brownie lovers!!!

[Bladesmith]

Posted By LongEaredLions on 2/18/2018 12:40 AM

You know what’s even more serious? I got no cyber brownies in the first place!

 Burps.

 sowwy.

[LongEaredLions]

Hmph. Bladesmith….I said I wanted more BB friends. That’s not the way to go about it.

[Bladesmith]

Posted By LongEaredLions on 2/20/2018 7:06 PM

Hmph. Bladesmith….I said I wanted more BB friends. That’s not the way to go about it.

Sorry, lol.  Cyber brownies are all I’m allowed these days.  My diabeetus has gotten quite bad, and I just started insulin.  I blame that walrus faced scoundrel Wilford Brimley.  All his fault.  

[Muj Mom N Bun]

A few weeks ago, I was reading a post that I was saddened by, mostly bcz the plight of the bunny was at stake at the level of one of the most vital of basic needs and the owner was here asking for help, all the while doing so, revealing pretty much their lack of experience and maybe even age for that matter, and, yes, maybe their mal placed priorities…but nonetheless, they were here asking for help and some of the responses were blunt. Some were helpful. Some were borderline snarky… but, I’m going to risk saying it since I’m pretty new here, there was at least one that stood out as boardline abusive. I was disheartened! Yet, the owner, through it all, apologized for what they had not known, admitted what they are doing wrong and still stayed respectful. I get it! We are here because we love ❤️ our babies and we are passionate about helping each other and also connecting around these wonderful bunny blessings and that means high level emotions on both sides of the scale, but we do need remind ourselves of the impact of the words we speak. Good words spoken in the wrong way can do more harm than good, and vice versa.

[MountainBuns]

Were you referring to the thread made by someone named Nesano?

[Azerane]

Muj Mon N Bun you are absolutely right. We are here to help others and share our love of rabbits. This passion can come out negatively out of concern for a rabbit’s welfare. However even though some things I read may make my blood boil, it does not help the rabbit in question if the owner is driven away by attacks and insults, instead of offered support and advice. I understand it can be extremely frustrating when someone ignores this advice but we can only do our best to help and not force people to do things. We don’t have to approve of or support the decision they have made (for e.g. not seeing a vet) but there are polite ways to say that we don’t approve. I know it’s not always easy as I myself may sometimes read a post and have to come back to it later before posting so that I can better form a response without feeling like I’m attacking the OP because I don’t agree with what’s happening. 

[MountainBuns]

Yeah I agree Azerene, I think we all have to work on something. I admit I HATE it when I tell someone something and they ignore me, but making the situation negative wont help. I’ll work harder to improve my self control.

[Yilina]

Hi, I’d like to give my 50 cents on this. In all honesty, BB has been the most respectful, kinder and welcoming forum I’ve ever been in (and I’ve been in forums that deal with more sensitive issues, like the death of close family members). Of course, there will always be the new person that needs to get used to the ethics of this site, and posts depicting animal abuse that get on the nerves of even the most experienced of bunny owners. However, I believe that that’s, unfortunately, unavoidable. You leaders are doing an outstanding job and I wish I could hug you all and tell you face to face how welcome I’ve always felt here!! <3.

[Deleted User]

As a user on reddit forum I could say they used /s for sarcasm messages, so then we could use a /k – means kind or kinder, huh?

[Author]

Messages