**how do you say goodbye?

[hophophop]

hi-
this is just a general question, as my two boys are healthy and doing fine.  as they’re getting on in their years, living happy and rich lives filled with lots of love and good eats, i’m realizing i don’t really know the proper thing(s) to do should one of them suddenly leave this world.  they’re both turning 8 this year, and i hope to have them around for years to come….but i no idea what to do when and if one of them should depart.  i have read snippets about burials and rituals but i really don’t know what the immediate steps are.  do we remove him from his brother immediately?  how do you let the other know that the other is gone?  do bunnies mourn?  is there a way to do all of it in a way that is respectful to the other…and what is the best way to console a grieving bunny?  any info would be greatly appreciated.  it’s something that we don’t think about enough and i’d like to be prepared when and if the time comes. 

 

[BinkyBunny]

This is a great question even though it’s sad to think about.

 If at all possible it’s best to let the bonded mate spend some time with the bunny that has passed.   It is very hard to watch, but it helps the bunny that’s left behind to understand.  I don’t know exactly how animals perceive death but they do seem to understand that their buddy is gone.  This can be beneficial for them to move on. Some bunnies, who have not spent time with the body, will just wait for their buddy to return or spend time looking in the usual places.  Very heartbreaking.  

The body should be left with the bonded mate for a little bit – As far as how long the body should be with the the bonded mate depends.  Some bunnies get it within a few minutes, while others may need a few hours.  My vet said that once they realize it, they usually move away from the body and won’t go near it.   Jack took only about 15 minutes to figure it out. This next description is rather sad so if you  (or anyone)doesn’t want to know how he came to realize it, then just start reading again on the next paragraph down below. —–   A few minutes after  Rucy died and I said my goodbyes (she died in my arms), I placed her near Jack.   Jack, at first thought she was just sleeping.   Jack, being Jack,  at first tried to mount her, but then just as he was about to mount -  before he made any mounting movements, he stopped abruptly,  backed up a bit, and started sniffing her with definite confused interest.  He then tried to lick her eyes, which didn’t close.  He seemed confused at first, and then he froze for a few seconds – it was like he figured something out and just left her.  Her body was left there for an hour and half , but he wouldn’t go near her.  (just as my vet said would happen)

That didn’t mean that he still didn’t go through a grieving process.  And he did still do a couple of looks up to an area where normally she would lie, but he started grieving right away and wouldn’t eat much.  So we spent much more time with him.  I  worked from home, so I brought my work into his area, and just sat near him.  I would then pet him more during meal times, and that made him eat more.  He wouldn’t eat much by himself.   It took a couple of weeks for him to just eat without company.  I also gave him a bunny toy that kept our other bunny Bailey company for years befoe she passed away.   He then hung out with the toy bunny.

Here’s are some good articles about this very subject from the House  Rabbit Society

http://www.rabbit.org/journal/2-1/loss-support.html

http://www.rabbit.org/journal/4-7/bereavedbunny.html

http://www.rabbit.org/journal/4-7/love-goes-on.html

 

[Beka27]

It’s still hard for me to read about Jack and Rucy without tearing up… but what Binkybunny did was so important.

Another question tho (and no I didn’t read the articles yet) but what is recommended if the bunny passes at the vet? Do you bring the bunny home and go thru the same process?

[Barbie]

BinkyBunny, I know you and Jack now have Viv, but still, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’ve never had more than one animal at a time (at least not physically together, since Sea Star was at the barn I boarded her at, and Teddy was and is at my parent’s house, and Little Sugar – my first bun – was in a room completely separate from the dog). So it’s always been just me left behind. I agree wtih Beka and BinkyBunny though, that it’s important to help the other animals understand that their friend is gone and then to help them through the grieving process.

Hop, you asked about burials and rituals also… just do what you feel is right, what you’re comfortable with. I had Little Sugar cremated years ago when she died because I knew I’d eventually leave my parents’ house for college and I didn’t want to bury her in their yard and then move away. I have her ashes, or technically “cremains,” in a little carved wooden box on a shelf set up in sort of a shrine, there’s also a framed picture of her and the candle that I lit for her after she died. I know other people like to make/buy a nice box for the body and decorate the box and/or fill it with treats and things the bunny liked during its time on earth with us and then bury it. Like I said, that’s what felt best for me, but it’s entirely up to you.   If you are interested in cremation, there are pet specific places, but also sometimes the crematoriums for humans will do animals as well.  The one I chose was for humans, but they offered services for pets, and it was all done in a very dignified manner.  Also, it was done seperately, so all the ashes I got back were 100% Little Sugar’s (sometimes a bunch of animals are put in together and then you get a portion of the ashes… so just make sure that they do each animal seperately).  An option that I think is really cool, but SUPER expensive is having the carbon from the ashes turned into a diamond.  (You can also do it with hair/fur). http://www.lifegem.com/ But be careful before buying into that one… it’s possible that the LifeJem company is just buying diamonds and passing them off as having been made from ashes of your loved one. http://www.snopes.com/science/diamonds.asp

I know that this is probably going to open a can of worms, since I know this is a touchy and highly debated subject but I’m going to say it anyway… If your curious about what happens after death… I’d recommend reading Animals and the Afterlife by Kim Sheridan http://www.animalsandtheafterlife.com/ or visiting her site, http://www.compassioncircle.com/ I just finished reading her book, and it was very interesting. I definitely believe that animals have souls and that they go to Heaven – despite everything I was told when I was growing up – so I found the book intriguing and eye-opening and a tear jerker. Anyway, I’ll leave you to form your own opinions about that…

I know it’s a tough subject to think about, loosing one of your beloved friends, but I agree, it can’t hurt to prepare.  Just don’t dwell on it too much.  Enjoy the time you have and make the most of it.

[Sage Cat]

Hop Hop Hop – great question! It never hurts to be a little prepared for these kind of things.

Here is another really good article about when your rabbit loses a friend:
http://www.coloradohrs.com/articles/care_rabbit_friend_dies.asp

Years ago I had 2 cats that were very close. I also had 2 dogs at the time. The cats had a basket that they would “fight” over – who got to lay in it. When one of the cats, Claude, passed away – I showed him to the other cat, Delphine. She just ran from him. Both of my dogs gave Claude good-buy kisses. The main thing I noticed was that it was 6 months before Delphine would get back in that basket!

As time went on, and each pet passed I made sure the others had a chance to say good by. As I learned from Delphine – they do grieve!

I had them all cremated. My vet took care of the “arrangements”. I plan to eventually bury them in a garden together or spread them along the Continental Divide, which passes not far from where I live. My vet also made a paw print of each pet for me – yea, they are an awesome vet!

I even made a Pet Shrine for Claude. I got the kit from here: http://www.mrshrine.com/?p=7 It was fun way to remember him.

[hophophop]

thank you guys for sharing all of your insights and thoughts.  i will print out all the articles and keep them in a safe place for referral later.  much love to all of you.  BinkyB, please keep this site going – it’s so invaluable for everyone.

 

[BinkyBunny]

Thank you.

Beka – yes, if a bunny has passed at the vets office and you are able to get the body right away, then it would be best to have it for an hour or so for the bonded mate to be around.

One thing i forgot to mention that really meaningful was when the vet took a pieces of Bailey’s fur (she passed at the vets) and put a bow around the tuff. I then put that in a keepsake box. I wish I would have done that with Rucy, and I hope I will remember to do that with all of my present and future bunnies. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I love to open up that box and see and feel that little tuff of Bailey’s fur. I don’t do it very often, but it’s painful, yet very comforting.

I still have Bailey and Rucy’s urns because I still haven’t decided what I plan on doing with the ashes.

[Monkeybun]

i’d never have thought to do that, have some fur with a ribbon. I’ll have to do that with my Monkey, which should hopefully not be fore 10 or more years from now.

[katie, max & penny]

at work, when one of our animals die (we get really close to the sick ones) we have a little moment of silence and “christen” his/her name (like reserve it only for him or her). it’s really hard- i can’t imagine what it will be like when one of my pets go!

and no worries, barbie. i agree and i dont think anyone here minds you sharing your beliefs

[KytKattin]

Posted By katiehedger on 08/15/2009 11:58 AM

and no worries, barbie. i agree and i dont think anyone here minds you sharing your beliefs

 

Here-here! That’s another reason I love BB; even if I don’t believe in this or that, it is only offered, never shoved down my throat! It has given me a chance to learn about a lot of things I wouldn’t normally be interested in.

 

Hophophop, this really is a wonderful question. BB, do you think that you could post these links as a sticky in the Support Center? Both what to do if you have a bonded pair and options for what to do with the remains.

[skunklionshow]

BB:  Thank you for your indepth description.  Since my two are bonded very closely, I wondered what the “process” would be.  I don’t believe they ever bonded w/ my cocoa puff, so I didn’t feel that I needed to do much w/ them and him.  I hope I did the right thing….but I guess they didn’t seem to have any post-cocoa issues.  I’ve been very good since they’ve been bonded to always keep them together on vet trips, etc. 

Thank you again for sharing your personal experience.  My ex husband was/is a vet nurse.  He used to make “fur brushes” for clients (fur w/ a ribbon).  We had discussed creating memorial sets for vet practices that would allow the vet to make a foot print mold & fur brush for their clients at that time.  The Children’s hospital that I volunteered at had a similar “kit” for children.  I’m not sure how it was marketed, sold, etc, but I always thought that would be awesome to have at your vet practice……any financial backers?

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