How do i move on?

[Midnightbunny]

My beautiful rabbit Midnight suddenly died this morning. I woke up to go to work and went to feed Midnight. He wasn’t moving and wasn’t jumping up to greet me. He usually is so enthusiastic. When i went to go see what was wrong, his body was limp and his heartbeat was barely there. I tried picking him up and his heartbeat went out right in my hands. I just got back from cremating him. I couldn’t even look at his lifeless body. It was too painful. I didn’t want his ashes because it was too painful at the moment to even see him like that, but now im starting to regret it. Maybe i shouldve collected his ashes. It wouldve been too painful to even hold his ashes, but does Midnight think I dont love him anymore if i dont keep his ashes? He was my first ever pet and I loved him so much. I first got him back in 2013, he was going to turn 6 years old in May. Why did he have to suddenly die out of nowhere. He was jumping around just yesterday. Was he sick and i never noticed? Did i do something wrong? How do I grieve? How do i even move on? Its so painful and I cant stop crying. Was it my fault that he died? I was getting busy with college and maybe its because I didnt have enough time for him? What do i do with all of his stuff now? How do i know midnight knows i loved him? He was so beautiful and always so energetic. It was so scary to see him so weak and lifeless. How do i live with myself now? How do i even move on?

[DarthVadar]

Midnight sounds like he was a very happy bunny. It doesn’t take much to make a bunny love you; if they have good care and are loved, they will love you back.
Do not blame yourself. Blaming yourself will take up time you could be thinking about how much you loved Midnight with crying. Maybe, when you are ready, get another bunny. It won’t be the same, but having a new bun to love and care for will distract from the sadness of thinking about the one that passed.

[Doodler]

I am so sorry for your loss of Midnight. A lot of the questions you have are normal when going through such a heartbreaking time.

People grieve differently. For me the only thing that helps is time. Things will get better and you will find your own way to move on.

No, Midnight will not think you loved him any less because you didn’t bring his ashes home. Unfortunately a necropsy is the only way to have real answers on if there is something you could have missed but even those don’t always give us answers.

[Midnightbunny]

I don’t think I will ever be able to get another pet ever again. Its too painful to think that someday they will die as well and i will have to go through this again. Thank you for the kind words, i cant seem to stop blaming myself. I still am in shock that hes gone, i feel like hes still here.

[Midnightbunny]

Thank you for the support and kind words. I still dont know how im going to go on knowing Midnights passed on. I cant accept the reality, but hopefully as you said time will help me move on. I do want to know answers as to why midnight passed but i dont want a necropsy to be performed on him and for them to be examining and destroying his body. Thank you for telling me that Midnight will not love me less for not bringing his ashes home. I was unsure and regretting my decision, but i couldnt bear to keep his ashes, it would only be a constant reminder and confirmation that hes no longer with us. I like to believe that hes not passed on and hes simply living his best life somewhere else on a lovely bunny haven.

[Phil]

Oh what a shock that must have been, bunnies hide illness really well, I’m so sorry to hear your bad news, you must be wondering what could have happened so suddenly, must be awful for you at moment, it took me 5 months to collect my Jaspers ashes, what could have happened I would have been devastated at this too. Poor midnight x

[GeorgeBooBoo]

I personally think you never move on. That sounds terrible but after losing a pet so close to you, you’ll never truly heal. After losing our 15 year old cat(who was older than me!) in October,it hit me that you never move on. Grieve though, for as long as you need. It doesn’t matter if people think you’re crazy, you knew Midnight loved you unconditionally. Don’t feel as if you let something go unnoticed. Rabbits are prey animals and will hide illness. 

Much love, George,Cinnabun,and hooman<3

[Doodler]

I know oh so well how it feels that way.

I lost my dog in 2013 after having her for 16.5 years. My life pretty much revolved around that little girl. I lived on my own so going home to an empty home without her was more than I thought I would ever be able to handle. I cried more than I thought was possible and all I wanted was to have her back. It does get better.

When she first passed away I also thought I would never get another pet again. The pain was just too much. It took me 4 years before I was finally able to get another pet. I couldn’t bring myself to get another pug because I knew I would always compare them and just couldn’t fathom any dog living up to her. I now have two fantastic bunnies. Just last year I lost a bunny that was under a year old and there were times where I thought that this is exactly why I didn’t want to get another pet. If I never had gotten them I never would have had that pain again. If I continued thinking that, I would be missing out on what pets bring me.

In case you never heard it I thought I would leave you with something Gretchen Jackson, the owner of the great Barbaro, said when he passed away :”At a moment like this, grief is the price we pay for love”. I find it so true.

[September]

I am so sorry for your loss of Midnight. You obviously loved him very much.I lost my Timothy similarly nearly 18 months ago. He’d gone when I got home from work. I was really a wreck for months afterwards, so much so that when people said it would get easier I just couldn’t see how it ever could. I couldn’t see any end to the grief and guilt. George got it spot on. Yes, it gets easier, you adapt, but the feeling of loss never truly goes away. You carry it with you, but in a different form to what it was at the beginning. OK on the outside, but just as raw underneath. Even now, after all this time, I still talk to Timothy, I still cry more than I should and have some serious melt down days when I think about the memories of him. For the pure and simple reason that I miss him…. and the life I had when he was here.

But, to all that have lost a pet, I guess we would rather go through the pain and hurt when they’ve gone, than never to have known them at all.

I hope time will be your friend.

Sleep tight, Midnight
Xxxx

Lynda

[Midnightbunny]

Thank you to everyone that has replied. I really needed to hear all the words of support. I’m still a huge mess and in denial that he’s actually gone. I still can’t believe he actually passed away. I keep feeling regret as if there was more i could have done for Midnight. I wish i could go back in time and do more for him. I went back to the vet yesterday to see him one last time. They didn’t send him to the pet cemetery to be cremated yet and I wanted to see him and say goodbye one final time. I still had hope that maybe he was still alive but he wasnt. It hurt to see him like that but i think it gave me the closure i needed. I kept regretting not getting the ashes back so i have requested to receive the ashes back, hopefully that will give me comfort. Thank you Doodles for that extremely beautiful quote, it truly is the price to pay for love and September you are so true, i would rather be in this pain than never to have known my sweet baby Midnight at all. Thank you everyone, this has really helped a lot. As many of you have said I dont think i will ever fully heal and move on but hopefully it gets better.

I also still have his cage set up and untouched in my bedroom and it hurts to look at it everytime i enter my bedroom because i still look at it expecting to see Midnight greeting me but its empty now and hes no longer there. My dad has suggested taking it down but i dont know if im ready for that yet. What do i even do with all of his stuff? I want to keep it all but it hurts to see it empty.

[Doodler]

Please don’t think you won’t heal and move on. You will always remember Midnight and your history together will always be a part of you. He will always have a piece of your heart. When I say you will learn to move on, I mean that you will figure out how to continue on with your life even though right now it hurts thinking about a life without him. I am confident he wouldn’t want you to spend every day for the rest of your life grieving for him.

It’s not unusual to want to go back in time and do things differently. Almost all of us take for granted the time we have with our loved ones, animal loved ones included.

As far as what to do with his things, honestly that is such a personal choice. If you aren’t ready to get rid of things I would clean them and put them in storage if you have a space. For my dog, I had to get rid of everything that was hers. They were just painful reminders. My vet gave me a clay paw print that was taken after she passed and I still to this day cannot look at it. It has lived in a box in the corner of my closet now for over 5 years along with her pictures and any pug decorations I had collected. For some these things bring comfort but for me they do the opposite. I will say though that I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions. You don’t want to regret getting rid of something and then wishing you had it back.

[Midnightbunny]

Thank you Doodles, you have no idea how much your words have comforted me. I didnt get rid of Midnights stuff, I didnt even want to touch his set up in my room for now. This first weekend without Midnight was so rough and hard on me. I could hardly get out of bed most of the time. I know that its silly to still be grieving over him this much but I can’t help it. And whenever I try to distract myself to think about something else, I catch myself feeling so guilty for trying to move on. I still feel so weird and depressed that he’s actually gone forever.

[Doodler]

I am glad I was able to provide some words that gave you comfort. I totally understand what the pain is like. It’s not silly at all to still be grieving like you are. Do not feel guilty for trying to distract yourself one bit! For me I needed to keep distracted. The worst place for me to be was alone with my thoughts and grief. Just keep in mind it will get better!

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