How can I get the one I love to love my bunnies?

[rayjacksonart]

My bf and I have been together for 51/2 years and lived together the whole time. I really wanted to adopt an animal – I thought a dog but Im not home enough and the boyfriend said NO NO – then I did a lot of research on rabbits and what it takes to care for them, etc. and decided to adopt a pair (male and female, both "fixed&quot. I built them a cage and brought them home and all was well. My boyfriend was (and is) not very happy. He IS an animal lover but he doesnt like that he cant really pick them up and play with them like you could a dog (go figure). I know you may be asking why I got them if he didnt want me to, but he has gotten things I didn’t want as well, and I knew it would make me happy and that I would be helping the bunnies.

Anyway, I tried to explain rabbits to him…their nature – and he actually got into it for a while – even sneaking a peek at my house rabbit book! My boy rabbit is the nicer, more approachable one that you can pet – where as the female does not like to be touched! She even nips sometimes and gets jealous when I pet Jack. Well, we moved and while we were moving my boyfriend noticed some of the damage the bunnies had done (a few chewed cords, some nips in clothes, and hair all over). He got really upset and told me they are gone.

We ended up keeping them but I hear it everday. He thinks they "smell" and that they are annoying. I clean their cage and their scent glands, etc. but they are animals! There will be some smell there! I vaccum the carpets to try to control the hair.

I feel like his negative enregy towards the rabbits is affecting me now! I feel like I don’t let them out as much becuase he will complain – but then he says I "dont spend time with them".  Or when I have to go to the vet for check ups and spend money. I feel like I can’t win.

NOW, he wants to get a dog. My friend brought his dog over and i accidentally left the door open to the room the bunnies are in – but they were in their cage but when they saw that dog – I have never seen them freak out SO bad! So there is no way we can do both – I can’t put them through that stress.

I guess my question is, now that he wants a dog – do I compromise and try to find a GOOD home for my bunnies so that we can both enjoy a pet?? I know how hard it is to adopt rabbits to people who really understand them and want them forever. I can’t give them to anyone who would leave them outside or treat them unfairly.

I feel guilty too cause I am at work all day – when I get home I usually let them out of their cage and give them free range of the hall and bathroom to jump and play. I feed them greens, hay, and pellets. I also make sure they have toys. I feel like I am a good owner but could be much better. I also feel like if I could get the girl rabbit to warm up to us maybe my boyfriend would like them more  – but I think its just her personality.

Sorry to vent so much but it has all been on my mind and I need some advise from people who understand rabbits. Everyone laughs at me when I say I have rabbits?!?!? I don’t get it.

Thanks in advance!

Rachel

[Scarlet_Rose]

Rachel, I do not admire the position you have found yourself in. In fact it is quite a predicament and quite odd as to why your boyfrined has chosen to be confrontational rather than understanding or accepting of them. I suppose it is because rabbits are not a "manly" animal and a pet infers that you can pet them whenever and pick them up and unfortunately not all rabbits are like that.
Bringing a dog into the environment would not be a good idea as they can cause harm to a rabbit like certain breeds for hunting and smaller dogs. I think perhaps it is time to have a sit down and talk about the animals in the house rather than the confrontation that seems to be happening. Like why your rabbits have to go and a dog gets to come in, why does he not like them? A dog is not going to solve anything and it will present new problems like chewing, floor and carpet damage, odor, vet bills, maintenance, training, cost for upkeep like food and so on. In the end a dog really is not superior to a rabbit and they both require intense and loving care in a calm environment where its humans can get along harmoniously. Rabbits do react to the environment around them and am surpirsed they have not acted out with the hostility in your home environment. Perhaps there are underlying causes to the stress in your environment and maybe you two should talk it out and work through things as it may not be the rabbits that are causing all of this.
As for getting your rabbits to warm up to you, spend time on the floor with them, offer them treats when they get curious, get your boyfriend to offer some tasty butt-twitching treat like a banana so he can see how comical they are. Maybe even a whisker nudge will warm him up to them as well. I would say that finding a new home for animals that you love and anjoy and are being asked to give up is unreasonable flat-out. That is just my 2 cents and I truly hope that the both of you can have an open line of communication so you can work out some of the kinks that are present in your relationship.

[rayjacksonart]

Thank you for your advice. I feel as though I am venting and only saying the negatives. It is funny cause I just talked to my bf and mentioned a skin problem one is having (posted in diet and care) and hes like – well just take him to the vet and go from there – like he actually seemed supportive. I think maybe I will try what you mentioned – getting him and I on the floor with them and offering treats. I know in our old apt. Jack would hop up on his (my bf)  back or stomach and I would see him giggle. So, i know deep down he likes them – but he is such a "man" about it. Like – he refuses to admit that he likes them or that it was good that I got them cause he likes to be right. Does that make sense?

I DO want to keep them and I keep telling him all of the tiny problems we have with the rabbits would just be multiplied with a Dog. He grew up with dogs though and likes to wrestle and throw balls, etc.

Basically, I am just going to stick to my guns and try to not let his negative comments effect how I feel about the bunnies. I feel like I started to let them seep in and then I felt like a bad bunny owner. We have a great relationship over-all and don’t even fight that much. He just likes to constantly complain about the rabbits for some reason – even our other friends have noticed it. He hasn’t seemed happy lately and maybe hes taking it out on me?? Not sure. Any more advice is appreciated!

Rachel

[Scarlet_Rose]

Hi Rachel, not a problem, we all need to vent sometimes and I can certainly understand that. Often when a loved one is feeling stressed or even depressed about something our emotions will often trigger an outburst or cause some particular thing to be a means of venting. Guys, being the sweethearts they are do not like to talk about their emotions either. I really hope that everything settles down and he carries a smile on his face, especially when the bunnies warm up to him. : ) Spending time with them on the floor works great and some even like interactive play with humans, say if you gently place a towel over them and they can burrow their way out. Just simple things to get them interested and try not to let the negative stick to you like a magnet, let it slide off like water off a ducks back. Please keep updating about how the bonding with humans is going. I wish you well and hope you to see you here on our lovely site for a long time.

[Deleted User]

Well, let me start off with smell. I keep both of my rabbits clean and there cages really clean, but one of my boys just has a smell to him. I coat my hands on cornstarch baby powder and then rub it all over him, then brush it out. He smells like a clean baby. This has worked for the smell like you won’t even believe.

Coney was our first rabbit and even though I wanted to snuggle and play he was just not having it. Now that we have moved him indoors and he gets to play outside his apartment all day, he has become so wonderful. We played for about 2 hours today. He will let me pick him up with out freaking out, and he is starting to come when called. Rabbits can be just as playful as dogs and cats, if not more. How many cats do you know that can jump in the air and spin at the same time…

[Gravehearted]

I think the key might be for your beau to start to feel the benefits of living with bunnies outweigh the things he’s complaining about. Most of us who live with bunnies have frustrations with how destructive they can be. However – my sister’s cat managed to pee over an entire shoe rack of all her favorite shoes and broke a bunch of her curios. Her dog has destroyed shoes, blankets and broke an irreplaceable vase at her friend’s house. But, she loves them enough to put up with it – much like we do with our bunnies. As far as rabbits chewing cords, clothes and such – I feel like if I leave something in the bunny zone and it gets chomped then it’s my own darn fault!

Basically – I’d encourage him to donate some more time and energy into bonding with your buns. Hand feeding veggies is a great way to bond with bunnies. Laying on the floor also really helps too.

[Sarita]

This sounds very discouraging and honestly it happens more than you think with families and loved ones. It’s understandable that he feels the way he does since he was there first and you did get the rabbits despite him and that’s probably where the real problem lies and it’s not really with the rabbits.

I do think you have been given alot of good advice. I also don’t think that you should find the rabbits a new home, you took on the responsibility of them and it wouldn’t be right to find a new home for them, it’s not their fault.

The only thing you can do is work on the issue with your boyfriend and come to a compromise that will be beneficial for you and him and the rabbits. I’m not a relationship expert so I cannot give you any advice as how to do that though.

I hope that you can work it out so that you, your boyfriend, and your rabbits are all happy – you do sound committed to do this so I think you will work it out.

[MooBunnay]

In regards to the “manly” portion – my boyfriend actually had rabbits BEFORE I did. He really enjoys working with difficult rabbits – especially ones that bite or nip or are “scary” to me and training them, which I guess is how it is “manly” to him! I know plenty of guys that prefer rabbits to dogs for several reasons including 1) rabbits are more quiet than dogs (just wait until a dog starts barking all night) 2) rabbits are cleaner than dogs (OK, perhaps I’m prejudiced, but still, rabbits clean themselves constantly, if he thinks a rabbit smells, just wait until the dog goes and plays in the rain! I know because my family has dogs, and I do love them do, but they can get quite stinky) 3) Rabbits do not require walking each evening, poop scooping the yard, or bring the oudoors inside (like fleas, or mud)! If you’re boyfriend is a tidy person – I would say that he should definitely stick with rabbits because my boyfriend is OCD clean and would NEVER let me have a dog because of all the destruction and dirtiness they would make in his environment

Also, concerning the rehoming, while I have never had the unfortunate position of my boyfriend wanting me to give my rabbits up, I have worked with rescues and seen where the rabbits end up. Rabbits that lose homes they have had for that long often are very confused, and I’ve even seen one that perks up every time someone that looks like his old owner comes into the rescue. I know it is a difficult situation, but adopting a rabbit is just as big a commitment as any other animal, and maybe you could explain to your boyfriend that the responsible thing to do is to continue to give your rabbits a caring home, because if you re-home them you never know where they may end up or what may happen to them. Even if you give them to a “good” home – you never know if that home may give them up in a year. I personally could never handle giving up one of my rabbits knowing that I would be turning them over to an uncertain future.

One thing my boyfriend REALLY loves to do is teach my bunnies tricks. You can start with little tricks like holding a treat above their head and having them periscope up to it while saying “up” and eventually get them to stand up when you say “up.” Also, after awhile, you can pull the treat an inch or two forward and start teaching them to walk on their back feet. You can also teach them jumping (check Rabbit Jumping on youTube or google it) and other tricks, this might help your boyfriend form a bond with them. Or even teaching them commands like “cage.”

[poopy]

I totally understand. My bf hates rabbits or any pet that I take on because he is allergic….and we don’t even live together. Compassion for animals or a certain type of animals (since he likes dogs but not buns) unfortunately is very hard to force on someone. Be realistic, I wouldn’t expect him to change, so make the best of the situation.

My bf and I have had countless arguments about it, and it currently remains on the unresolved list.

[skunklionshow]

Its funny b/c I work w/ behavior problem kids and the boys especially love the bunnies.  I’m sorry about your challanges.  Have you discussed these feelings openly & honestly w/ the B/F?  My hubby was never an animal person and when I wanted to bring Leo home, I told him that I really wanted LEO b/c I felt like no one could love him the way he deserves.  It ended up being good for both of us as well as Jessi. 

Last night I was kinda kivetching that my husband stole the remote to watch the news.  I didn’t realize it but I was complaining the whole time the news was on.  He finally told me he wanted to see a specific story and that my complaining was just irritating.  To be honest I really didn’t know I was complaining that bad!  What I’m saying is that sometimes when we are so comfortable w/ people, we do things that are really annoying.  A little honesty and expression about how this makes us feel tends to resolve a lot of these issues.  Best wishes!

[rayjacksonart]

Thank you for all of the help and advice everyone! I do not want to adopt them out and I am not planning to. It seemed like when I was "more into" the rabbits – my bf was too. Then it got all negative when we moved and he saw the damage they did to the apartment (very  minor). So, I am going to try all of the things you guys suggested. Maybe I shouldnt have gotten them without his full consent – but i DID tell him I was getting them ahead of time and he finally sort of "gave in" but said he wasnt happy about it. But, for example, he went and spent 7,000 on a boat (without my consent) and I didnt complain.  I think too that we are just in that stage where we’ve been together a long time, but we are not married, and we are still both somwhat selfish ( i can admit it) . But I LOVE my bunnies and I want the best for them. So all I can do is work harder everyday and hope he will warm up to them.

[MooBunnay]

That is a great attitude to have I was trying to think of some other things you could do with your boyfriend, and I noticed that Brian (my BF) really loves bunnies that show affection towards him. Do you ever have the chance to hang out with your boyfriend and your bunnies at the same time? By letting your boyfriend give them treats, and sit with them, they can start warming up to him and that might make him feel more comfortable around him. Also, I bring my bunnies on the sofa from time to time to watch TV. To prevent any possibility of damage, you could hold them in a towel in your lap, its nice to just have some time to spend hanging out with them like that too. Also, you can let them run around while you watch TV or hang out, and that will give you the opportunity to train them to behave around the house as well as let your boyfriend see them jump around and binky!

[maghy7]

I feel your pain, I own two dogs and a rabbit, my oldest dog the one I got when he was just 2 months old is my baby and the one he doesn’t like, I have no idea why, he always tells him to go away, to stay still, etc etc and it really hurts me, I on the other  hand love animals, they are my greatest joy and will do anything in my power to have them with me, this has caused us a lot of problems and tears (me) I will never leave my animals because he doesn’t feel the same way or if he tells me I have to get rid of them, he knew before hand he was going to live with animals as long as he was married to me, it just brakes my heart when he rejects him and pets the other two, it’s not fair at all, I have learned to accept it, if he is that way then I focus on giving my dog extra love and attention, and when he says something to him like GO! MOVE! I tell him right away to stop, I feel like things have gotten better as time goes by, I realize now that if I want to have it all, animals and husband I have to accept he doesn’t feel the same way towards them as I do and if he wants to stay with me it’s because he is going to compromise on not saying things like that, I rather have him ignore them then to tell them stuff, on my part I don’t care if I have to be the one who cleans after them, takes care of them and gives them all the love, as far as he respects them and me I have no problem.
As you can see I understand, talk to him, let him know how you feel and how happy it makes you to have your rabbits, let him see how you can both have what each other wants as long as there is respect and compromise.Good luck! =)

[poopy]

Posted By MooBunnay on 09/27/2007 5:21 PM
That is a great attitude to have I was trying to think of some other things you could do with your boyfriend, and I noticed that Brian (my BF) really loves bunnies that show affection towards him. Do you ever have the chance to hang out with your boyfriend and your bunnies at the same time? By letting your boyfriend give them treats, and sit with them, they can start warming up to him and that might make him feel more comfortable around him. Also, I bring my bunnies on the sofa from time to time to watch TV. To prevent any possibility of damage, you could hold them in a towel in your lap, its nice to just have some time to spend hanging out with them like that too. Also, you can let them run around while you watch TV or hang out, and that will give you the opportunity to train them to behave around the house as well as let your boyfriend see them jump around and binky!

Uhh this sounds very sweet, but realistically, when many MALES do not like animals, I could not see this happening…. kicking or harassment sounds more realistic. Just like when even if some men like dogs, some still don’t have a problem punching them around a bit. Be careful!

[osprey]

I have never understood why people consider loving animals to be a "girl" thing.  I’ve loved animals since I was a boy, and always thought that I’d grow up to be a vet.  I was always trying to catch something to bring it home and then watch it eat and grow.  My wife is the one who is not an animal person.  She grew up in the middle of Manhattan, never had animals, and we did not consider getting bunnies until we had kids and they showed an interest in them.

[BinkyBunny]

Osprey, it’s funny that you mention that because, two of my best friends, girls, are not animal lovers. I mean they respect animal welfare, but loving animals is definitely not a "girl" thing with them, and the guys I have in my life love animals. I never really had the idea in my head that loving animals is a girl thing…maybe because respect for animals was instilled in me by my father.  Also, volunteeriing in rabbit and animal welfare for so many years, both sexes can do their part in neglect and being mean.

rayjacksonart – I agree with Moobunnay that there may be ways to help your boyfriend warm up to them. So unless your boyfriend has some anger issues and takes it out on animals, I think it would be worth a try. We have a little jar of pellets and healthy treats in the living room and when the bunnies come to visit, Steve shakes that jar, and he is their new best friend. At first they were a bit timid of jumping up on the couch with us (for some reason I guess they see that as our domain only, and don’t come up on the couch much…or didn’t…now they do) Well, now after knowing that the couch was their ticket to treats, they jump up on the couch with us and if we are on the edge of the couch, they will jump right on us. They hang out more with my husband on the couch now, even if there isn’t a treat.

Good Luck, let us know how it goes.

[MooBunnay]

I think that sometimes even the bond between men and animals can be even stronger than females and animals. For example – Henri the bunny we had that was a real tough bun and didn’t like anyone – now grooms Brian and will lay down on the floor next to him, and if Brian is anywhere near the cage – Henri will watch him until he comes over and lets him out to run around! Henri thinks I’m OK – but all he really does is nip at me when I am not forthcoming enough with the pets, hahaha. It sounds like your BF is a nice guy, who at the least shares your appreciation of animals, so I think there is definitely hope! Also – I feel bad for kind of “slamming” dogs before – I really like dogs a lot I was just saying that some of the problems your BF has with the bunnies may be even worse with a dog! Someday I hope to have a yard with many many dogs (but they will not be allowed to meet my bunnies!)

[skunklionshow]

My hubby doesn’t like my youngest cat Wolfgang.  He was born in my apartment to the stray "male" cat that followed me home one day.  Well, I’m going to be kind of a psychologist now…I think he doesn’t like him b/c he is very similar to him.  I know that sounds a little funny but, Wolfy is very needy and loving.  He always wants to be with a person.  He doesn’t care how that may be annoying or irritating (like my husband).  Wolfy is also messy and poops super stinkies!  Well I guess enough said.  I hate to say it but the things we don’t like in others are often the things that others complain about ourselves.

[Hedi]

I would ask your BF to give the buns more time. And put off getting a dog indefinitely for now for the sake of your buns. Tell your BF that rabbits can literally be scared "to death" by predator animals and if you got a dog it could end up bad.

Four years ago we got our first bun. Im severely allergic to all other furry animals but not to buns so he allowed me to bring one home. My husband has never had even the tiniest interest in buns. It is now 4yrs later, and four buns later and my husband loves my buns as much as me. He has a very special bond with our oldest bun and our newest addition, a male named Hooper. He gets in the floor and plays with them, gives them bedtime treats and even misses them when we are gone on vacation!

You felt you were helping by getting those buns. No one should fault you for that. Any animal is a huge lifetime commitment and you need to help your BF understand that you are committed to those buns and a dog can not be in the house. But now that you have those buns you have to keep them-you need to figure out a way to work around this issue with your BF.

Personally, I couldnt be with someone that couldnt/wouldnt love my buns. My husband had no idea he was a bunny person deep down inside! lol

[x liddo bunny x]

another woman that doesnt like animals, my aunt!!!! =( right now my brother and i are fighting because my dad had given my baby brother something he can use to argue with me. so right now my father and baby brother want the bunnies out of the house. and what is sad is that my bf adores bunnies (favorite animal and he has tones of stuffed bunnies around his room and hes not a pansy and the only thing keeping him from getting another one is he lives with parents to help out with rent) and becuase he had to intervene in my father’s, mine and my baby brother’s arguement before my brother did anything to me and we cause an huge embarrassment to the family.so he can no longer come over to see them. so we are taking them to his grandmother’s once a weekend so she and he can play with them. =)

i believe everything can be worked out with sometype of compromise. my father began to like them becuase he was able to feed them fruits as he ate and watched tv. when he would watch tv they would come and lay with him. but becuase of my brother making things harder on me i have not had the time to let them out in the living room. too boot, brother scares them all the time…. another reason i want him out of the room.

[Gravehearted]

The same thing as Hedi happened with my husband. He always loved animals, but never knew much about bunnies. Now he absolutely adores our bunnies!

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