honeybunny passed away and I’m devastated

[HoneybunAndElliott]

 

im sure no one will read the length of this message sorry, but just need somewhere to write.

After 9 and a half years of loving him my precious honeybunny unexpectedly passed away yesterday. have no idea what happened.

He’s been ill before with his tummy and years ago and became very ill when we moved house in 2017. He lost a load of weight and became so weak but we got the right treatment and nursed him back to health. I felt so guilty as to this day i am convinced the stress of moving and being in a crappy temporary cage for a couple of weeks did that to him. I never had cages apart from this in the whole nearly 10 years so he wasnt used to being confined to one area – but the house was unsafe for them to free roam and they couldn’t be together at that point either so it was really difficult. the first vet I saw wasn’t very nice but we found a wonderful vet who gave him b12 and steroid injections and I gave him 24/7 care when he was ill, cleaning him up and syringe feeding. He was never quite as strong and became a little wobblier on his feet after that but he could still binky and explore and do almost everything he could do before. The only real difference was he used to love to get as high up as possible – if there was a surface or a table he would somehow get up there. He stopped doing that I presume perhaps his bones hurt him. a couple of months ago both buns started sneezing loads, we’d never seen them do this before. The vet said it was probably some sort of respiratory infection and they had treatment and we cleaned their room completely out. They were fine at the time and didn’t become poorly at all bar the sneezing and honey had his nose unblocked as it was a bit clogged inside.

Last night at 1am I checked the bunny cam (him and Elliott our other bun live in a room of their own downstairs but got the camera so that when out I can check on them as I get worried) and he was sat in his litter tray for quite a while but sometimes he does that and sleeps or munches hay. I’m not sure if anyone will understand but I have terrible OCD and every night I get thoughts that I should go down and check on them again and again. I have covid and have had to stay in my bedroom since last week so when my usual thought to check on him came I couldn’t go down as my mother uses that room and I don’t want her or the buns to get ill. Convinced myself that my thought to check on him is just the OCD talking (find it very hard to say no to OCD compulsions, always feel the need to check and recheck things many times) and he’s fine and looked fine on the camera. In the morning my mom went down to feed him and found him at the other end of the room stretched out and passed away. I have no idea how long he had been like that. if you by any chance have OCD and intrusive thoughts you will understand how on top of my grief this is really upsetting me that I didn’t just go down.

Throughout the years if he has ever been poorly I have been so so intune with him, know straight away if he’s not right. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that I hadn’t been downstairs. i know it wasnt a choice but haven’t seen him in nearly a week because of being confined to this room whilst ill. When he passed away my mom called me, I stayed distanced from her and just held him in his blanket for about 5 hours, couldn’t put him down. Haven’t stopped crying and have tears streaming down as writing this.

My chest and heart hurt. He has got me through some of the most awful, traumatic times in my life and whenever I would feel completely broken I’d go down to him and have a cuddle and feel so comforted. Years ago he loved being wrapped up in a blanket and cuddled with his back gently patted like a baby, he’d grind his little teeth and nod off so content, but only with me.

I miss him so much it hurts, Ive had animals before and we have another gorgeous bunny who I love very much but with honeybun I felt the strongest connection. dont even know how to explain it. just so devastated and can’t stop thinking if we had just gone down during the night everything could be okay. I know its silly as he looked fine beforehand and was eating and drinking so we weren’t to know but I still can’t get over this guilt. I dont think it was stasis or anything because I know his behavior if he gets tummy issues and when I looked on the camera he wasn’t displaying any of that, and where he was sat there were loads of normal poops.

What if he was in pain. I was always there for him when he was ill even through the night, so for him to become ill and me not be there… was he laying there panicking wishing for help. I feel guilty that I didn’t spend enough time with him and kept meaning to make a dig box and some more fun enrichment things for him and now its too late. He hadn’t been in the garden for ages because somebody down the road had a serious rat problem and we all had to put stuff down in our gardens and I was terrified of him finding some. He loved the grass and wouldn’t be too bothered about the rest of the garden content to just sit there and munch whilst elliot did zoomies.

Wouldn’t have wanted him to be poorly but having no warning is terrible. thought he’d be here another year or 2. I feel sorry for Elliott, its been a journey with them as the lady we got them off told us they were both girls and when we realised they weren’t they started fighting and we had to separate them for a long time – not through lack of trying to rebond. We couldn’t afford or cope with 4 bunnies so we didn’t get 2 more girls for them to bond with. We kept them in the same room and then years down the line they started laying next to eachother through the bars separating their large pen areas. we tried to put them back together and they have been inseparable ever since. They spoon and groom eachother, sometimes mirroring eachothers actions to a tee. They’re so different in personality. honeybunny would always put his head down to be groomed and sit grinding his teeth so cosy. if I put my finger on his front paw whilst holding him he would grip my finger tip, I’ve never had that before. Elliott is very pristine and poised whereas honeybunny was a little more clumsy in the most endearing way. I often thought he was like the bunny version of me, or I the human version of him. He absolutely loved bananas, strawberries, brocolli and parsley and apples. and when he was ill he couldnt get enough metacam – he nearly ate the syeinge he loved it so much! Whilst Elliott will delicately take food from you honeybunny will just go for it fingertips and all. he was so light and sweet though even when he was excited for food he was still so lovely. he’d come up and nudge me all the time. and if i held him he’d groom my dressing gown with such love and enthusiasm, wanting head rubs.

Seeing him like that has absolutely destroyed me. has anyone felt this unbearable gut wrenching pain before when your bunny goes? it is exactly like losing a human person in your life. just can’t believe he’s gone and I didn’t even get to see him all week because of covid, I’m so distraught i never usually go a day without giving him head rubs. just feel so sad and so guilty wishing I’d spent more time with him. I always go in to him every day usually and if sitting downstairs open the door to their room (its quite big but i like to give them time to explore the lounge as it gives them more room to run) and so does my mom and I know thats more than a lot of bunnies have but still feel it wasn’t enough. I didn’t even get to say goodbye whilst he was still here.

When holding him air bubbles came up from his tummy and for a split second I thought he was breathing again I just sobbed and sobbed when he wasn’t. he was always so warm and cuddly and I tried my best to warm him up with cuddles. his tummy stayed warm and it was as if he was cuddling into me in a way.

My heart is absolutely broken I miss him so much I just want to cuddle him now 😥 i’ll never get over his loss I remember the day I got him my beautiful nan came with me to hold his Box in the car and now neither of them are here anymore. I love them both so unconditionally.

Elliott was poorly with a stomach issue at the beginning of January but he has bounced back. Since yesterday morning when it all happened he is eating and drinking and has been binkying and things. I think he will have had time with honeybun early in the morning before we came down but I don’t know if he truly realises what’s happened. Last night he was running round his room looking in every box and this little teepee thing we have for them as if he was looking for him. I dont think I could get another bunny I’m too broken. Elliott is 2 months younger than honey and I’d hate to rebond him and then one of them end up alone again due to their age but i feel so sorry for him. I cant even think right now. I just want honeybunny back :'(  <\3

sorry for the long post I just needed to get it all out somewhere

[DanaNM]

Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry for your loss. What a hard time you’ve been through. 🙁

Please please do not feel guilt over this (I know easier said than done). I lost a bun at 9 too, and I felt like it was all my fault as well, but 9 is actually a nice old age for a bunny, and it sounds like his age was starting to catch up to him, with the set of issues you described.

As much as it is awful that he passed with no warning, it is also a bit of a blessing because it sounds like he went peacefully in his sleep, with his bonded mate by his side. I’ve had bunnies pass very dramatically while I held them, and it was incredibly traumatic. I had nightmares for months after.

I want to say more but have to run to a meeting, and wanted to reply to this right away to say you are not alone and you did not do anything wrong.

HUGS to you and Elliot.

(((Binky free Honeybunny)))

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[HoneybunAndElliott]

oh and if anyone wonders the story behind their names, honeybunny was honeybunny (honey for short) when we thought he was a girl and I tried and tried to change it but nothing else suited him! so it stayed ever since <3

and Elliott is a chocolate otter mini lop so my mom named ‘her’ Ella originally as in Nutella, then when we realised ‘she’ too was a ‘he’ Elliott just stuck!!

I’m aware my post is seriously long I just needed to get it all out this morning x

[HoneybunAndElliott]

Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my lengthy post, it really means a lot to me today to hear that.

It’s just so hard I’m not sure I will ever get over the fact I hadn’t seen him at all in the days prior. but you are right he was getting older and I’d have hated for him to become seriously ill again or anything. He did tremendously well after the first time he was ill as the first vet said he wouldnt make it but I wasn’t having that so found a more passionate vet and together we all saved him and he had another 4-5 years.

I’m so sorry you have had those traumatic experiences, it sounds so awful to go through that for your buns and for you 🙁 they really are the most wonderful pets. Thank you again for your lovely message it has helped me a lot xx

[ParsleyBun]

I’m very sorry. I don’t think it was anything you did, he was just an elderly bun.

(((((((Binky free sweet Honeybun)))))))))

[DanaNM]

It really is so sad that you couldn’t be with him in those last days. My Bertha (the white and brown one in my avatar) passed away on Christmas Eve 2019 while she was with a pet sitter. The pet sitter was an extremely trusted close friend (who is also a lead at the rabbit rescue), but she had been slowing down in the weeks before we left (she was unknown age, but was probably at least 11) and it still kills me that I wasn’t with her. But I know she was with her bonded mate, and she also passed peacefully (she ate her breakfast and then just laid down for a nap as normal). My friend who was caring for her thinks she may have been hanging on for me, as she’s seen animals do that before.

Anyway, I’m sorry again for your loss. I hope you can give Elliot some snuggles and comfort each other.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[HoneybunAndElliott]

thank you so much for your kind message xxx

[HoneybunAndElliott]

I’m so sorry you have been through this too, I’m glad your friend was there and her bonded bun to look after her and also that she passed peacefully. she looks a beautiful bun!

I think she may have been holding on for you too, animals form such bonds with us I truly believe she may have done that.

thank you so much, when I’ve stopped crying every minute I’m going to try and make him some new enrichment toys and games to see if it helps him as I know he thrived off of bunny interaction and being close to honeybunny made him so happy so i want to keep him active. we have left him a toy bunny that looks so similar to honeybunny and he keeps grooming it every so often so I think that is giving him some comfort <3 xx

[DanaNM]

One other thing that really helped me after Bertha died was I fostered some bunnies for the rescue in my town. I wasn’t ready to adopt again quite yet, but having the fosters around really helped both me and Bun Jovi (who she was bonded too). I didn’t end up adopting them, but the info I was able to give the shelter about their behavior helped them get adopted soon after.

Not sure if that would be an option for you but if you find that you and Elliot are really lonely, it can help, with the benefit of helping out some shelter bunnies. 🙂

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[HoneybunAndElliott]

that’s a wonderful idea, there is a rabbit rescue not far from here so when I’m ready I might look into it. I cant believe how many end up in rescues its so sad.

Elliott has now had to go to the vets as he stopped eating and we think he has tummy pains as he was laying very strangely and breathing fast. we’ve had to leave him there for the day so they can put him on a drip as nothing was working at home and I dont want him to be in pain. what a week :'(

thank you for all your advice and support it’s really helped xx

[Cinnamon Bun]

I’m so sorry. You must be so hurting right now – my heart goes out to you! I’m also going through this right now, and it’s heartbreaking.

((( ♡ Binky free Honeybun ♡ )))

[HoneybunAndElliott]

thank you for your message, my other bun passed away yesterday too, 2 days after honeybunny 🙁 we think it was a virus as they were perfectly fit and healthy and it was so unexpected and a massive shock

it truly is devastating I’m so sorry you are going through this too 🙁 I hope you’re doing okay, here if you need to talk to somebody xxx

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