This member has left but this is really for anyone in the future coming across this — And for us to remember in the future:
While I completely empathize with the frustrated responses, shaming someone with “I told you so” type of posts, as the main or only part of the response, is not productive in moving forward. (And in this case the member has left — hopefully will get help somewhere). As we know members can leave even with calm and good advice, but that’s their choice without us pushing them out.
At the same time I think that anyone asking for advice, but deciding not to follow it, then posting heartbreaking consequences due to not following the advice, could also have some understanding why members would express frustration.
Everyone has the right not to follow the advice — we are not always right. Education and techniques evolve too. And a member may have a different or better way…but if the result of not following the advice is something heartbreaking- like a death of your bunny, and then when you post about it, it would be good to recognize how others may feel too. We all care about animals and we care about yours too.
Here’s my advice:
If you find yourself in a situation like this where you didn’t follow advice and now you need advice from the same people regarding a negative outcome, own that and understand how members may feel. There is going to be frustration and anger. Respectful discontent is allowed, and you will have to get through that, but people will help…but more so if you can understand, get through defensiveness, anger or shame or whatever it is that you feel, and let us continue to help.
If you are a member whose advice was ignored and then you read a post like this — it’s normal to be very upset. You can even express it respectfully. But don’t let that be it. Offer help instead of just venting. Take a step back for a moment and try to get through your reaction so you can respond in a way that may help the member a second time.
Even if the member doesn’t take the advice again — someone else reading this post one day most likely will. They will see the negative consequences, see your advice of what to do now and you will have helped someone — even if you never hear about.
.
