Half Brother

[Lisa_43]

Well the station I work at, you would not believe it but he works there (he is on sick leave now). I am not going to say anything but I bet he will remember my name, I am somewhat nervous, and of course, if he walks in I will most probably stare at him in curiosity.

It is so funny to think there are about 5000 police officers and he is at my station.

Anyhow just wanted to share.

Have a great day.

 

[BinkyBunny]

WOW!!! WOW!!! WOW!!!! How trippy! That really is amazing. The thing is, how do you know for sure he ever really got that earlier email? I have found personal emails sometimes in “bulk” or “spam” folders.

I’d be nervous too. I wonder if you will look very similar, and if other people would notice the similarities too. How long has he been at that station and when does he come back from sick leave? How’d you find out he works there? woweee!!

[Lisa_43]

He got the email because my hubby sent it via the police computer, it wasn’t normal email it is a departmental system. I did see a picture of him up at the station. I heard he might not even come back, so guess it is just waiting and see. I have met my sisters and he does look like them.

Unfortunately my siblings did not have a great life they are all dysfunctional (not their fault) I thank god for my life and my adopted family, I was spoilt.

He has distance himself from his family and guess he just did not want to be bothered, his choice and I am ok with that. I told the boss of the station just encase anything happens and he was in shock.

Will be very interesting if he comes back, I could always say how it is going bro. LOL

I am not sure how long he has been there I just noticed his name on the working roster, I do admit I cannot seem to get him out of my head now, I am sure it is just curiosity.

It’s funny my adopted family I am the youngest sibling with only one older brother, my birth family I am the oldest of five brothers and sisters, sure is  a lot to digest.

 

[Deleted User]

OMG!  I bet you are gob smacked!  My goodness what a surprise!  No wonder you are nervous.

Do your sisters live in Perth …. what about your biological parents … have you ever met them?

Would be nice to catch up with your brother …. has he gone on extended leave

Oh so many questions …. sorry if I am being nosey but I am thrilled for you.

Dawn xx

[BinkyBunny]

So you’re the baby and the oldest – another amazing thing. He may not come back? Is he dealing with a serious illness? Sorry, I too am being nosey!

My sister-in-law, who is also adopted just met her “blood” family, and they also had some struggles to deal with, and she could not feel a connection.  Shows blood doesn’t bond, love does. 

Well, keep us updated!

[Lisa_43]

He was diagnosed with diabetes; I found my father’s family in a country town called Busselton, which I spend most of my childhood holidays at. He was engaged to my mother and she says he cheated on her so she left, he did not know she was pregnant.

A year later had gotten a 17 year old girl pregnant and married her, the day the baby was born he went out to celebrate.(another guy driving) the guy lost control of the car and it went into a ditch, my father fell out into a puddle of water, he was unconscious and drowned.

He was only 22 years old and was a lovely man, and it makes me sad to think he did not even know about me and I never had gotten to meet him.

[Lisa_43]

His family told me he had always loved my birth mother but she took off. I went to the library and printed off all the paper clippings of the accident and the death notices, it was sad. I also saw an old black and white photo of him and I just cried, his picture was identical to what my son looks like, and because my hubby and I are adopted, we did not have anyone that we looked like.

 

My mother was a child migrant sent over from England, they were told that they were going on a holiday and never returned home, she got sent to a orphanage, she said she was very shy and people took advantage of her and she was molested, I can understand her issues.

 I met my sisters and they are very kind, unfortunately they also drink a lot and leave the kids on their own, they always used to cry and ask if they can stay with me.

I did a lot but at the end, I was upset and starting to lose it, I felt bad but Greg said I need to distance myself from them for my health sake.

As I said they have had a bad life, my mother was bad to them they are bad to their children and so It keeps going down the chain.

 

 

[BinkyBunny]

You should write a book or script about all this. So interesting – happy, sad, tragic, amazing.

[Lisa_43]

Certainly is amazing, I led a normal life and hearing all this was crazy.

[Deleted User]

Wow Lisa, that is quite a story. My bf was adopted at 2 months old (he is pushing 60) A few years ago I traced his biological family…what a soap opera, most of the remaining brothers and half brothers were thrilled I had found them, some were not due to a chance of more family secrets coming out. Affairs, more kids for foster and adoption, molestations etc. I told him before I contacted them, you will either be welcomed or come as an unpleasant surprise. You have to be prepared. For the most part it was positive. But now after some time, some of the secrets held by the oldest brothers are coming to light and being an accepted part of this huge family we are in the mix.

Good luck, I hope you have a good outcome. Amazing you end up in the same place. I consider that a good omen.

[babybunsmum]

wow lisa!  you were really blessed to have your family & to have had a stable & normal life.  it’s so amazing & sometimes sad, how different parenting / support systems can totally shape people even into adulthood when we’re responsible for our own lives dispite it all.  wow. 

my friend’s ex was adopted by his step dad at a very young age when his step dad married his mom & he grew up never knowing his birth father.  in his 20’s he found out that his birth father & his half siblings were regular customers at the auto shop that he worked in!  they didn’t know who he was and he kept it that way for a few years because he was uncomfotable on how to approach them.  he must’ve said something eventually because i heard thru the grapevine that they’re now in touch.  i guess its one of those things that takes a while to get used to & comfortable with.

i hope your half brother’s health improves!  it certainly is an incredible thing that you’re in the same station

[Beka27]

family is a funny thing. 

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Wow!! How are you feeling/coping with all of this?

Beka, family IS a funny thing hey?

Here’s my crazy family story…
I just found out a while ago, the my (by marriage) aunt’s dad had a secret second family in austrlia (he travelled for work I guess, her family lived in Hong Kong)…He died and now both families are in contact…So I technically have chinese cousins who live in Australia, they were at our house a couple years ago for a visit. Very neat!

[MimzMum]

I, too, am adopted. My birth mom and dad split when I was 1 and left me with my mom’s father and his second wife. They were the ones I knew as mom and dad all my life. They took wonderful care of me and I also was spoilt. ^^
I didn’t know I was adopted until I was almost 18 and my step mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and dying. I flipped out thinking I would inherit it and my grandfather had to come clean. Oddly enough, I wound up with breast cancer 3 years ago, so I went through the ordeal anyway. ^^ At least I had some experience to work with though.
My step mom had a son who was many years older than I. I often wonder what has happened to him, but he is not the kind of person I would want around my kids, unless he has mellowed with age. He had a tendency to be somewhat manipulative.
My birth mom is more of a child than I am, and I take care of her through my grandfather’s estate. My birth dad is a dear and lives in Hawaii. For most of my childhood, he actually lived across the bay from me and my family and I never knew it until after my step mom died. All that time wasted! But now, we communicate constantly. I think sometimes he would’ve done great as a single parent had it been a thing that ‘was done in those days.’

We make the most of the cards we are dealt. It is odd how the world is smaller than we think. And yet the chasms between those who would be ‘family’ can often be too great to cross.

[Holly]

Too true Mimzymum.

I’m in a crazy situation now. I married my husband five years ago. When we married, he had a 15 girl and a 13 year old girl. Now they are 20 and 18. I thought it was wild at the beginning. My husband is 15 years older than me. I am 33 right now. We were informed at Christmas that the oldest is going to have a baby in August. It’s kind of craz, but that is life.

[Lisa_43]

Well it happened today, he came in to see the boss and I saw him, of course, he did not even know who I was.

How freaky, it felt funny knowing who he is and he would not have a clue who I am, not unless he sees my last name on the new work roster.

I will let you all know if he realizes who I am and what happens.

It is amazing what comes out of the family closet.

Mimz Mum I hope all is well with you now, serious illnesses can be hard to deal with, physically and emotionally.

 

 

[babybunsmum]

that would feel really funny lisa!  this must add quite a twist to settling into your new job.  hope its going well so far

[Lisa_43]

Update.

 

My half brother has been on sick leave and started back to work today. I thought it was so funny I was sitting there at my computer and he introduced himself, he had no idea who I was.  lol

[Deleted User]

OMG!  That would be so freaky!

What did you say …. do you think eventually you will say something.

I don’t think I could not say something.

Dawn xx

[Lisa_43]

No I won’t say anything unless he does, he didn’t want to meet me years ago when my husband emailed him,so I am not going to push it now.

It sure was weird tho.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Wow that would be super weird…does it feel like your keeping a secret? Maybe in time you’ll be able to tell him, or maybe he’ll figure it out!

[Beka27]

i have a hard time with things like this.  not quite this situation, i think you’re pretty unique in this one Lisa… but i have a hard time if i know something that i should say but i don’t, b/c i’m always thinking that when they find out they’ll think i was weird for not having said anything.  in my experiences it’s better to risk the awkwardness now and come forward right way, than wait two months (wondering each day if you’ll be “found out”) and then they find out and they’re like, “uh.  why didn’t you say anything before this?”

[babybunsmum]

wow that would be weird!  how long has it been since your hubby emailed him?  i wonder if he is not making a connection between that & you / your name now.  i can see why you’re not saying anything since he did not respond before – it’s being respectful of his decision not to make a connection with you as siblings.  if he keeps things only curteous & professional with you at work, you really have no way of knowing if he realizes the connection for sure (unless you ask).  maybe there will be a natural opportunity to bring it up if you ever develope more of a working relationship with him?  for example if you speak with him & begin to have any conversations that stray off of work topics… then it would present opportunity to say something like “this is awkward… i want to respect your wishes however i feel as if i’m being secretive… do you know our personal connection?” 

[kimberleyanddarren]

hmm.. i dont understand this post which means i must be missing some info somewhere…. so *goes asearchin*

[Lisa_43]

He was emailed about 9 years ago, he did not want to know us, I do not think he would remember it was a long time ago, I have heard no one at work likes him.

My hubby has put in a transfer to that station as well, I am wondering once he gets there both our names together may get him thinking.

I have not said anything because it’s a bit tricky; I think he may get a nasty. If he does find out I will just say that I did not say anything because he did not want to know about me.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Yeh, I think that’s the best approach…So….what’s he like?

[Deleted User]

Oooh I wonder why no-one likes him at work …. Mmmm sounds to me like he is a bit of a PR?CK  Lisa.

Oops, hope I have not upset you, but hey if he did not have the decency to even respond to Greg’s email in the first place, with even just a sorry I don’t really want to keep in touch well fair enough … Mmmm his loss is all I can say.

Dawn xx

 

 

[Scarlet_Rose]

Wow this is all very intruguing. Lisa, I hope he can be at the very least professional about it, if he decides to acknowledge it, but then maybe he just likes living in the dark too. That is very big of you to let him have it that way if he wishes. If he’s always been going through a lot emotionally etc. it is very hard to be around those types of people and might be why no one likes him. He could cover up his insecurity with abrasiveness. Anyway, that’s just getting to nosy on my part. Live and let live as they say.

[BinkyBunny]

This..is just…wow…I can’t stop saying that. What a story!

[Lisa_43]

I have decided to tell him who I am, every time he comes near me my stomach starts to churn and my hands start to shake.

I think if I say something maybe at least I won’t be nervous anymore, I don’t really care if he does not want a relationship with me as long as we can work together.

I was going to say something today but I chickened out.

I don’t know why people don’t like him, there seems to be a few that don’t so there must be a reason. I don’t mind Dawn I don’t really know him.

[Beka27]

i’m glad you’re going to tell him.  he is not worth the amount of anxiety you’re having right now.  it was 9 years ago that you contacted him… he may actually care now, or facing you day after day will pique his interest in you.  do you work weekend?  if not, tell him on a friday so you won’t have to face him for a couple days and he can digest this…

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

For sure!! I second that it’s best to tell him, at least to reduce your anxiety…And that’s my feeling too…That he might feel differently since it’s been years and maybe even since he’s seen you! Who knows? And you don’t get to pick your family (DARN! LOL) so if he’s not interested or not great…oh well! ***HUGS*** Tell us how it goes!

[Deleted User]

Lisa, we can relate. My bf ‘s 1/2 sister lives not far from my cousin in a small town. My cousin even knows the family. She was one of the sisters that had gone into foster and is fairly estranged from the family she does know. She was contacted by a third party through her husband who explained to us she was very frightened and could not make up her mind to meet us. So we left the ball in her court and she never contacted us. Everytime we go there, we have to make an effort not to stare or linger. She does not know that her neighbor is a relative of ours. But given her background of abuse in foster, we made the decision to leave it that way.

I agree, it may be better just to say hello, you had no idea he worked there until you got there and if he does not want contact, fine…you just did not want it to come out some other way. Good luck!

[Lisa_43]

I have chickened out, I don’t think I will say anything, what will be will be.

He’s not very approachable, so I am not going to risk getting my head chewed off. He is the type that would go to the boss and demand that I don’t work there anymore or he is leaving, not worth it. My life is good now I don’t need any stress. I seem to have calmed down and not so squeamish in the tummy.

[babybunsmum]

lisa, you just do whatever is the most comfortable for you.  there’s no harm in taking your time to figure out what is best or in changing your mind at any time!  it’s such a complex situation that there’s just no right answer.  how’s the job going for you otherwise?  are you settling in?

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lisa, from the sound of it, I think it is best to let sleeping dogs lie in this situation because you really don’t “know” him and how he would react. You’ve landed your first job in a while and I know you want to stay there too. For all you know he already knows and chooses not to say anything because that is how he wants it.

[Lisa_43]

Thanks, I think he would be transfered before I go, my boss is really impressed with me, he has given me two DPS recommendations for my file, It means Developing people for success.

I have picked up the job really quickly, I have been helping police officers understand the process and procedures for property they have seized in home raids etc. My boss has told my husband that I am like a sponge and love learning.

When I got there the property room was a mess, some property has been there since 2005, I got into the room cleaned it all out and labeled everything correctly, I then sent some of the property to auction and others to be destroyed, now we are all up to date and all is correct.

I also can get phone calls from people in distress, I put the job onto the computer and the police cars pick it up on their computer screens and attend the jobs, I received a call from a guy that had been stabbed, I put my hand in the air and cops run over to me, I first get the address and they transmit it strait away on their two way radios to the officers in a car, I then put the job on Cad Lite which is the computer system that sends the information to police headquarters, doing this means it’s the quickest way to get to an emergency.

Sorry for rambling on but I really do love my job, they have renewed the contract so thats good.

[BinkyBunny]

Wow, what stress. I’d be way to much of a wuss to deal handle a phone call from a guy who had just been stabbed. I don’t know how the 911 operators deal with it here. Anyway, someone with nerves of steel has to do it, so THANK YOU for taking on such an admirable profession. It sounds like you are also being appreciated and that makes all the difference in the world. That is wonderful that you love your job. That, I imagine, also outweighs the stress! Congratulations on a job well done, and figuring out the best way to handle this whole half-brother thing so far.

[Holly]

Wow! I too am not sure I could do that job. I’m glad you like it and are doing well at it. It sounds like your handling an awkward sitaution well.

[Scarlet_Rose]

Lisa it sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job, kudos to you! Keep up the great work and I just know you’ll get a promotion in no time and way to organize that place! It sounds like they really needed a woman’s touch!

[Deleted User]

Congratulations on doing such a great job. If your instincts tell you leave it be, go with that. Handling those phone calls require good intuition and from your bosses praise, you got it going on!

[Author]

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