Gripe. Gripe gripe gripe.

[Bladesmith]

Ok confession time.  I’m not handling Clovers death well.  At ALL.  I’m well aware of the stages of grieving, but this doesn’t feel like that.

Well, not completely.  I’m angrier than I have been in ages.  Clover made me not only a better, gentler person, she made me WANT to be a better, gentler person.  And she did.  And I did.  But lately, not so much.  Even my daughter has remarked on it.

And holy carp, I’m lonely.  I never really realized how much of my day was involved with relating to Clover.  Now it’s long hours of empty time, and trying to fill them, knowing full well I can’t.

My morning and evening schedules, which were full of Clover, are now just…hours.  There’s nothing there.  No tugging at my sock to get into cuddle mode.

I need a new cuddle bunny buddy, and right now, I can’t.   And I know, I know, I can’t replace her, and every bun is different, but….I REALLY need a big cuddler.  (Sounds so very macho when I say it out loud, lol)

 Gotta wait until the move next year.  Going to be hard enough moving with the animals we have left right now without adding a big bun to the mix.  That bench seat in the moving van is going to be crowded already.

I know, I know, I’m grousing and whinging, but I can’t keep it in any longer.  Figured you guys would understand.   Dammit Clover, why did it have to be you?  Next to my daughter, you were the best thing I ever had in my life.  Ever.

Poop.

[Aleece]

I am so sorry for your loss! Things will get better with time, just do your best to keep pushing on

[Bam]

Oh Bladesmith, I feel you. Losing Bam was incredibly tough. I’m so sorry you can’t have a new bun right now. Nothing can ever replace the buns we’ve lost, but there’s something incredibly comforting in just taking care of a little rabbit and trying to build a new friendship. There’s something soothing in just looking at a rabbit. I can’t explain it.

As for being macho, it reminds me of what I read in a MOOC about cats and dogs (vet school of Edinburgh) that I’ve just signed up for, I quote: “Being the owner of a dog or a cat may even boost your attractiveness. In a UK poll, 82% of women agreed that their much more attracted to men who like animals. And 90% of single women said that a man who owned a cat was considered to be much nicer than other guys.”

I’m pretty sure about 98% of women would say the same thing about a man who owns a rabbit. (And the 2 remaining percent are probably not nice themselves.)

[Asriel and Bombur]

I feel for you Bladesmith. Sending you lots of hugs from (even though its not macho ). I know how hard losing Clover was for you, and that Dawn isn’t the most snuggly of bunnies, but I think maybe with time and without a bonded partner the two of you will be able to forge a better bond now. Maybe that’s wishful thinking? Either when I know you’ll find a Clover approved bunny in the future and it’s going to be magic between the two of you.

PS… you should know by now it’s not a secret we know that you’re actually an old softy

[Bam]

I too think (and hope) Dawn and you could develop a closer relationship now when you’re both “alone”. Some bunnies need a long time before they really warm up to their human, but they are very social creatures so I don’t think she will be able to resist you in the long run. My Bam was absolutely not cuddly when I first got him. It took about a year before he allowed me to pet his head and a year and a half before he accepted rcuddles – and at first it was only my mum he demanded cuddles from. But once he realized how nice cuddling is, he became a very cuddly bun.

[Bladesmith]

I am trying, very hard with Dawn. She seems to be reaching out a little bit more since she lost her big sister, but just a little. I will of course, keep trying, because she deserves it, but she seems to prefer her autonomy. She’ll climb into my lap for treats, but once she has them, she’s off and gone.

For anyone who has gone through the loss before, how do you get past expecting/hoping the new rabbit is like the one you lost? Do you just wait a long time for the hurt to scar over, or jump back in and open yourself up to a new personality?

I never expected this to be so hard, nor hurt so much.

[LittlePuffyTail]

I’m so very sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Mostly, because I know all too well how hard it is. I’m still very much missing and mourning my boys, Sterling whom I lost very suddenly in February and Bindi, who left in April. I love my bunny,Elara, but that doesn’t make their loss any easier. Some days I just think of one or the other or both and just burst out crying. They were both super friendly and Bindi would literally cuddle for hours. I miss that so much. I can’t even pick up Elara.

So, while I don’t have any advice, I know exactly what you are going through. And you are free to talk about it here, among friends.

[Taloan7]

When my bun unexpectedly died I turned around and got a new bunny pretty much immediately, because…. I can’t help myself. It’s nice to still have a bunny to watch and enjoy, but the new guy is definitely not the same. Much more of a rambunctious troublemaker, though in some ways a lot friendlier. It’s not the same though, and while I’m enjoying seeing his personality blossom I can’t help but regularly miss Bunnius and her quiet, calm presence. She spent all her time sleeping under our coffee table and trying to sneak in with the cats to hang out with them. Getting Moonpaw has made things easier in some ways, but in others the differences in his personality make me miss her more. He’s much more of an adventurous, bratty little boy, but who is very charming in his friendliness. She was reserved, calm, and sweet. Both wonderful bunnies, but one didn’t really replace the other.

[Q8bunny]

There’s not much I can say, my friend, that you don’t already know or that hasn’t already been said. Clover was, like all buns, a singular wonder. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you (and your heart) will get there. *hug*

[Azerane]

Posted By Bladesmith on 9/25/2018 5:01 PM

For anyone who has gone through the loss before, how do you get past expecting/hoping the new rabbit is like the one you lost? Do you just wait a long time for the hurt to scar over, or jump back in and open yourself up to a new personality?

I never expected this to be so hard, nor hurt so much.

I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time after the loss of Clover, no one can blame you for that.

Regarding expectations of a new rabbit, I waited 6 months, but only because I had too. I think I would have healed faster had I gotten another rabbit about 2 months after losing Bandit. I purposely was looking for a personality that was not at all like Bandit, I didn’t want a similar bun that I would constantly be comparing. When I met Apollo, he was just that bun. I still broke down into tears the first time I accidentally called him Bandit, but he’s not much like Bandit at all, which is good for me, but maybe that’s not good for you.

[Gordo and Janice]

No advice here. Like Q8 said, I can’t add anything someone else hasn’t already said or you already know. Just chiming in to say I understand and I relate. You take me back to when the loss of Icey was fresh. I can be somewhat OCD and easily slipped into being so with her. I spent what most people would consider an unreasonable amount of time with her. I was literally at her beck and call for years. Our routines were clockwork. The last month of her slipping away was hard but when she was truly and suddenly gone…WHAM! Ton of bricks. So much mutual affection and interaction time, even all the time over the years she was just lying nearby and I knew she was there and she knew I was there, it was still time spent together, a sort of mutually fulfilling telepathic interaction. After she left, all of THAT time was gone and replaced by a silence and emptiness that can’t truly be described with words, only felt, as I’m sure you are feeling now.

You said it, “I never really realized how much of my day was involved with relating to Clover.” That’s what I would say over and over except Icey’s name was on the end of that sentence. It’s been 9 months for me now. I think any way whether it be getting a new bunny now, or waiting until you get moved and settled, or never getting another one ever will still find you healed appropriately in time. Just different speeds and/or different routes. (Of course the latter of those three is out of the question!)

I can’t remember the whole course of my getting better and dealing with the loss because you live life second by second and it changes little by little over hundreds of thousands of seconds. A lot of my therapy (if you will) has been and still is living vicariously through BB and Instagram. Icey has had an impact on me that I couldn’t have imagined was even possible. I’m still amazed when I contemplate the whole thing. I truly think she will always reign supreme in my heart because of her unique personality combined with the lack of expectation and ignorance I had involving everything “bunny”. She was able to sneak in and blindside me and have my heart totally surrendered to her before I knew what had happened. But that is okay, I think. She deserves the honor because she did the work. Now I am aware of the remarkableness of bunnies. I’ll see it coming. But I will be a better and the best bunny parent I can be because of her.

I said I couldn’t add anything and I tried to anyway. Can’t seem to help it. You make me think. Just wanted to tell you I relate. Clover was one in a million from what I’ve read of her the short time I’ve been here. I know you know and believe that. And often that makes it all the more painful. If she does reign supreme in your heart too, forever, I think that is perfectly fine as well. Fate had me join BB when I did. And because of when I joined I got to know the bunnies that were here, then, at the height of my emotional vulnerability. There are several icons that will forever remain with me from this experience. Clover is one of those icons. As corny as it sounds and I’ve said it too many times…but…you two were a match made in heaven. My heart is with you.

[Bladesmith]

Thank you all so very much.

[Hazel]

I have nothing left to add, either. I’m very sorry you’re going through this, it does get better with time.

[Ellie from The Netherlands]

There are few things that hit harder than the loss of a beloved pet. Your whole daily routine revolves around them, and whatever you’re doing they’re there with you. The love and trust of a rabbit is a very pure and beautiful experience: a shy prey animal trusts you enough to take care of them. That bond is extremely precious. When they pass away it leaves a massive void, like a hole in reality. It upsets every part of your day because you’re so used to them being there with you. It’s only logical that this hits so hard: you’ve shared so many things together. All those beautiful moments make the pain of loss very difficult to deal with. Over time routine will slowly creep in again, and the sharp pain of the loss will be softened by all the beautiful memories. Wishing you all the best in these difficult times.

[LittlePuffyTail]

Very well said, Ellie.

[jerseygirl]

Bladesmith, so many of us understand what you’re feeling. Not need to apolosing for expressing some of it.
I do have some other thoughts to share but they’re not quite translating to words as yet. I admire your ability to do so, when you are feeling lost in this grief.

I just wanted to leave this here.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/pendulum-of-grieving-0301125/
It’s helped me understand grief a little better this year. It’s not overly long, probably about an A4 page if it were printed out.

[Author]

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