Goodbye Sophie

[Marc Comeau]

On Wednesday I brought my rabbit Sophie to the vet to have her put to sleep. She wasn’t suffering exactly but it had got to where she no longer had much quality of life. It all went well but it was so hard. I had gone through it in my head a dozen times and I knew it would be painful but nothing prepares you for it. It’s like getting punched in the stomach and your whole world imploding all at once. Even when you know it’s the right thing you feel so sorry for doing it. I held her and reassured her until she was gone. It was so hard.

Sophie was my best friend for so many years. She was so sweet and adorable and just the best. She had her own wonderful personality, likes, dislikes and behaviors. I loved her so much. Rabbits are such noble creatures, at once cute and dignified, and they ask for so little. They soak up all the love you give them, and will always forgive you. The chance to cuddle her and know that I was making her feel safe and happy was a privilege. It was just the best feeling. More than anything she was a fantastic friend and companion and I always looked forward to seeing her again when heading home. While I know I did everything possible for her, there will always be guilt about some ways I could have done even more, but these things tend to reveal themselves only in hindsight.

Sophie gave me so much joy over the years. I calculated I must have refilled her water dish 4000 times. She would do a special dance when she wanted her nibbles. She munched her way through many 10 lb. boxes of orchard grass. I went far and wide to buy her only the best hay. She loved mischief. And cuddles, of which she got many. I was diligent in maintaining a steady supply of carrots, parsley and lettuce. She wouldn’t let me come back from the kitchen without a little something for her. It was hard to watch the gradual decline in the past few years, then the effects of E. cuniculi at the end. The illness and loss of any loved one doesn’t just feel sad, but so unjust and unfair.

As hard as that trip to the vet was, the moment she was gone I felt a huge sense of relief and my whole body just released so much that I had been carrying for so many years, the stress, anxiety and worry about her. It was taking a real toll. It’s so weird now not to have a huge chunk of my brain constantly devoted to concern about whether she’s ok, if she has what she needs, etc. I also feel like there’s a huge void in my world now. She was such a big part of me and now that she’s gone I kinda have to create a new me and go on to new things. I’m feeling a little lost.

When my Mom’s dog died we didn’t talk about him much because it was just so painful. I want to do the opposite with Sophie. I want to remember her always and promised her I would. It’s partly because I need to process it all but it’s also my way of thanking her for what she gave me. I miss her so much and can’t believe she’s gone. Luckily I have photos of her from when she was at her best, and things like her dish, her comb, and some fur clippings. I gave the rest away to charity.

My apartment is pretty empty now, while still being full of her. I’m really going to miss her companionship. I’m taking her loss really hard and have been in tears all week. I would be very grateful for any words of comfort, for both myself and especially for Sophie. She always came first.

 

[Sarita]

I’m sorry your sweet Sophie is gone. She was beautiful. I can tell she was very much loved.

I commend you for making the decision to allow her to cross the bridge before she suffers too long – it’s always difficult to do this but you know in the end it is the right decision.

[Bam]

You write beautifdully about her. Itr is exactly the way you put it, like being punched in the stomach so hard you can barely breathe. I’ve not lost a rabbit yet, just a dog, but it was terrible and it hurt for a long time.

You seem to have been the best bunny owner possible and she must have had a great bunny-life. She looks so lovely in trhe pic, with the typical lop-disapproval facial expression!

Most often we outlive our pets, and the only small comfort is perhaps that however huge and disabling the grief when they leave us is, the joy and love they brought us during their life-time was greater.

[LongEaredLions]

I know it hurts. You are a wonderful bunny owner and you made Sophie happy, but it was her time to go. She is at peace now at the rainbow bridge, may she binky free. (((((hugs)))))

[Deleted User]

Oh my Marc Comeau. I just read your beautiful story and even though I wiped away a tear of two, I thought how lucky we are that you chose to share your Sophie with us along with your sadness. I find that a privilege – grief is very personal. Then I scrolled down and saw her photo! I thought I was looking at my boy Henry? Sophie is just a bit darker around the nose. I am honoured that my boy looks just like your Sophie – beautiful!
It’s not fair to lose someone we treasure/love. As bam said above, our pets aren’t meant to outlive us, and I ‘try’ to find comfort in that – who would love, adore, and look after our pets more than us pet parents do? You did everything right by Sophie, you have to take comfort knowing that. You were brave where a lot of us may not be able to? I haven’t lost a bunny either, but my precious dog Molly. Sometimes it felt like the hurt and sadness would never ease, but it did – and like you want to, I Molly talk and ‘laugh’ about him all the time now. He is with us every time he is talked about and thought of. Give it time, and you will get there to. Eventually. Take care of yourself Marc Comeau and know you’ll never be alone in your grief.

[calipa_st]

I can’t imagine. They really do become true friends. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[Marc Comeau]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. They really helped. The process of adjusting is slow but it’s a little better every day.

 Marc

[Ellekke]

Hi Marc,

I’m so sorry for your loss. I admire you for wanting to talk about her. I think that is so important. I held my grief inside after I lost my first bunny. So thank you for sharing your story. Sounds like she was an amazing friend!

Take care,
Elle

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