Conflicted! Keep my foster to bond or?

[Mimzy]

So I’ve been fostering a Californian rabbit since earlier this year. Originally, the look of the Californian rabbits wasn’t really my favorite, not because of the red eyes at all, I just hadn’t ever been drawn to them. But I got assigned to foster a male Californian who I named Dax & he is SO sweet. I think his most annoying trait would be his incredibly high food drive. Sometimes it’s funny, but other times he goes crazy nearly hurting himself from trying to jump onto or over things to get to the food. I swear he would eat a piece of meat if it was within reach O_o

Long story short…I also recently adopted a little female holland lop named Runa. Runa & Dax are both caged separately but occasionally have interaction through a gate when Runa is let out to play & they lay on either side of the gate together. I have also taken them together in a stroller & they do just fine, no grooming or anything though. Every now & then, Dax will nip through the gate so I put a 2nd gate barrier up so no one gets hurt.
I feel like their interaction means a bond is very promising once Runa is spayed? So I was about to start the adoption process…But now there is a lady who is very interested in adopting Dax because at one of the adoption events, their female rabbit seemed to take to Dax fairly well. I have grown to really love Dax, he has such a great personality, but I also feel like I might be robbing another person of happiness I guess there will always be other rabbits that need homes too? What would you guys do?

[DanaNM]

Oh my, look at the size difference on those two! I love it!

And oh man, my Moose had a food drive like that! That’s how he got his name!

I don’t really have a great answer… but it sounds like no matter what he will have a loving home and likely a bonded mate. And it sounds like either way who ever doesn’t end up with him will end up with another bunny that needs a home.

I think since you were about to start the adoption process already, you shouldn’t feel guilty about adopting him. If it was the other way around (she was already filling out paperwork, and all of the sudden you were like, “actually i want him”), then that might be a bit touchy.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[LittlePuffyTail]

If it were me…..I’d keep him! I love Calis! They are so sweet and laid back. I understand the food drive thing. My Bridge bun, Sterling (whom I’m guessing was Cali/Flemmie) was the same way. We used to call him “Starvin Stering.”

But I guess, you need to think about the possibility (a big “if” if done properly) but IF they don’t bond, would you still keep him, in the long run?

[Mimzy]

LPT – I think I could still make it work if they didn’t bond, but I really really am hoping for that! Technically, they are starting out a heck of a lot better than my Mimzy & Obi did xD Mimzy was a little monster I honestly thought Mimzy would never be able to bond & she did, & I think with these 2, my only concern is that Runa is still a baby developing her personality. Which, she’s already quite the stubborn one But she’s still very sweet, no signs of aggression even though she’s beginning her hormonal stage, just getting into everything & destroying a few things here & there

So I guess it sounds promising to me. There is another one up for adoption that I think is a male, & he’s closer in age to Runa but a tad bit younger, but I know nothing of his personality just yet, & there’s no guarantee they’ll bond either.
My fiance brought up a good idea, to see if maybe I could swap fosters with someone else in the group to see if I miss Dax too much to let him go.

[LizG]

It sounds as if you first need to decide whether you’ve permanently bonded with Dax? If you haven’t, then ideally he would be adopted by the woman whose bunny seemed to take to Dax, while you could provide a foster home for another bunny. (I have to say, I have so much admiration and gratitude for you and others who provide foster homes for bunnies. It takes someone really special, and with a huge heart, to provide loving care to the bunnies and bring out the best in them, all the while anticipating you will end up turning them over to other people. The two times I tried, ages ago, we ended up adopting the buns because I couldn’t let go.)

If you and Dax have bonded — if you feel as if it would break your heart to lose him — then in my opinion your decision would come down to whether you’re 100% prepared to keep him AND Runa if it turns out they don’t want to bond with each other, or if the bonding process takes a really, really, really long time.

How long is really, really, really long? So far, in more than 30 years of living with rabbits, my husband and I haven’t had bonding take more than a year (and that was with a trio, under unusual circumstances), but right now we’re about to begin Month 7 of working with two bunnies, Cap and Anna, who definitely want to bond with each other, but are stuck on the issue of dominance. We’re reasonably confident that they’ll come to an understanding within the next few months…but three months ago we thought it would only be a few more weeks, so who knows? We expected six-year-old Cap would demand to be the dominant rabbit, based on his two previous relationships (those partners crossed the Rainbow Bridge), but he was so desperate to regain the bliss of bonded pair life that after less than two months he gave ground and offered Anna a 50-50 partnership. We’d never seen this happen before, so we were amazed and delighted, anticipating Anna would quickly agree. No such luck! Anna is every bit as obsessed with being the dominant rabbit as Cap has ever been, and having spent virtually all of her 3+ years in shelters before we adopted her, she thinks her life now is pretty fabulous and doesn’t understand how much better it could be as part of a bonded pair.

Eventually, either Cap will give in and submit, or Anna will meet him halfway, but they’ve been in a holding pattern now for 4+ months, and all we can do is keep trying different ideas to encourage positive changes. This is the first time in years that we’ve had bunnies take more than a week or so to bond, and we’d forgotten how challenging it is to remain patient and give the bunnies whatever time they need to work things out. (Admittedly, we’re also contributing to the length of the bonding process for Cap and Anna, because we’re not willing to let them harm one another, so they can’t use the shortcut of fighting; he’s 1-1/2 times her size and weight, so she’d be at a distinct disadvantage.)

My apologies for rambling on about my own buns, but being reminded daily for months that bunny bonding can be a long-term proposition, I wanted to encourage you to think about whether you’d be OK if Dax and Runa end up needing a lot of time before they decide to become a bonded pair. With an x-pen panel between them, Cap and Anna are totally relaxed and often lie next to one another. Without a barrier, it’s a lot more complicated! That’s not to say you should expect Dax and Runa to follow Cap and Anna’s pattern, only to consider “what if”.

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