Grief is a strange thing. We all experience it in different ways. For me, I come in and out of it rather rapidly, which can be dangerous when I’m at work and I suddenly think of Clover. I can’t control the tears and I just break down…
Clover was a sweet, 2 month old mini lop that we brought home 5/20/18. My husband and I fell in love with her at first sight. She was very sweet and curious. We opened our home and hearts to her and we wouldn’t trade our memories of her for anything. And I will tell you, the pain of her loss is absolutely excruciating.
A week ago Friday, we noticed Clover was a bit aloof. She was keeping to herself and wanted to be left alone. We let her hide and left her alone until she came out on her own. On Saturday we noticed she had a case of “poopy butt” which I know is not normal. I cleaned her up and checked to make sure she was able to still poop. Sunday she stopped eating and stopped pooping. Since it was not only the weekend, but also a holiday weekend, I was thankful that a 24 hour vet clinic that saw rabbits was available. Prior to calling, I purchased some BeneBac. The vet told us that if she didn’t poop within 8 hours after administration of the BeneBac that we would need to take her in. She did poop but it was runny, diarrhea-type. I did a ton of research trying to figure out what to do and I worried that GI Stasis was the culprit. We ended up taking her to the emergency clinic at 7pm that night. They took xrays and determined the diagnosis that no rabbit owner ever wants to hear – GI Stasis. She was given an enema which I imagine was just horrible for her and subsequently prescribed several medications to try and stimulate her gut. We got home at 12am Monday morning. At 1:25am my husband heard a noise and knew that she had died…I’ll never forget the raw pain and guilt of seeing that innocent creature – our sweet Clover – dead in her little home. I froze and just couldn’t stop looking at her…my poor innocent baby. My husband had better presence of mind and grabbed a shovel so we could bury her. We found a little spot in our backyard and just after 1:45am on Monday we buried our baby, Clover.
That morning, our kids woke up, smiling and happy to face the day. I had to tell them that our baby had died. This was the first true loss either one of them have experienced and they both broke down. That was an overwhelmingly painful moment. Throughout the day, we were heartbroken. My husband couldn’t bring himself to clean out her habitat, which still had the impression in her bedding from where she lay when she died. Her little food bowl, her water bottle and a toy. All hers but she was no longer here to play and eat and drink and be loved by her family…
We are still devasted. While I know the pain lessens in time, her memory will stay strong. I have plans for a memorial garden by her grave and I’ve kept pictures we took of her. I feel all the emotions that come with grief – anger, frustration, guilt and complete and utter sadness and helplessness. We loved her and we love her still.
Thank you for reading…I needed to get this out because the words have been inside me screaming to be written and read by those who understand.
We love you, Clover. We always will. Love, Mom, Dad and your brothers ❤