Even if the breeder you talked to was correct (which she isn’t) and 60% of them die during the surgery, if you compare that to the fact that by the time the bun is 3-4 years old her chances of developing reproductive cancer will have risen to 85% or higher… well, you can do the math.
As others have said, if you chose a vet who has lots of experience with rabbits, even a small one is in no more danger of dying during the procedure than any other animal. Just find an experienced vet, and everything will be fine. 
Concerning her behavior, it could certainly be her personality. Rabbits in general are pretty bossy, and females can be quite territorial. Rabbits like things to be on their terms, they feel no need to accommodate their human slaves.
If they feel like getting pet, they will let you do it, if not, they will make sure you know. Pushing your hand away and even grunting or a light nip is still a gentle way (in rabbits terms) to tell you they don’t like what you’re doing. They have razor sharp teeth, and if she really wanted to hurt you, she could easily take a piece out of your hand. I know it feels like she’s being mean, but for a rabbit, this really isn’t aggressive behavior, it’s just how they communicate. If she nudges your hand away or grunts at you, try to understand what she’s telling you and approach the situation in a different way so she won’t react negatively. If you have to move her stuff around or clean her cage, just do it when she’s not right there. Maybe keep her busy with some food so she’ll be distracted. 