Luna is the love of my life.
She’s a 7 year old lionhead who’s never been anything short of delightful. She’s cheerful, obedient (for the most part) and so, so loving and caring. She will never hesitate to lick my hand, face or clothes when I come near her, she hops right to my side in the morning when we first see each other, she always likes to explore a lot. When I take her to her free roaming space, she binkies and jumps on top of everything she can reach, and runs around like the happiest bunny I’ve ever seen. I love her. 😀
Unfortunately, she has a mom (me, hi) who is a chronic worrier, and suffers from anxiety, so whenever I see the subtlest changes to her behavior, I freak out, and it stresses me a lot. I try to stay cool for Luna’s sake, so that she won’t sense my tension and become tense herself, but it’s hard. When she was younger, it was much easier for me to talk myself into feeling better, by thinking “She’s young and healthy, she’s gonna pull through. Give her a few days and she’ll be back to her regular self.” And this has always proven to be true. Luna hasn’t given me that many health scares, aside from a few times where I got worried and rushed her to the vet, but it either turned out not to be anything serious, or she just bounced right back with due time and treatment.
Luna is getting older, though. And this is a thought that is in my mind 24/7 now.
My anxiety has me constantly bouncing between preparing for the worst, and kicking myself in the head for worrying so much when she’s perfectly healthy and active. The real problem comes when she’s feeling under the weather. Because now that she’s older, it’s much more difficult for me to even try to brush it off, my mind is plagued with “What if she’s like this because she’s starting to feel her age weigh on her? What if she’s dying?”
This past week, she has been a little reluctant to jump to high places (like my bed), and most of the times, she hesitates to come to me when I call her. Sometimes she comes, sometimes she doesn’t, and this is out of character for her. I thought of the possibility that Luna might be feeling under the weather, because I also noticed her leaving cecotropes around more often. I started monitoring her droppings, and how much/often she eats, more closely, and nothing seems out of the ordinary. She’s still the same munching and pooping machine she’s always been. When she’s lying down, I don’t notice any tension in her posture either. She will either have her front paws stretched out in front of her, and the hind legs tucked underneath her, or off to the side. But for the past week, I haven’t seen her flop down either. She just kinda lies down slowly and peacefully, without those dramatic bunny theatrics that say “I feel so safe and happy!” This is also out of character for her, because I see her flop quite often. Every day, actually. And now it’s been a few days since the last time I saw her do it. Same with binkies. I’m not about to mess around with my dear baby’s health, so I obviously scheduled a checkup for her.
The checkup was today.
Now, I was already nervous before going in, anxiety and whatnot. But every vet who’s ever checked Luna always compliments her on how lively she is, so I thought to myself “The vet is gonna say she’s looking fantastic for her age, and all of these worries will disappear.” How wrong I was.
The vet was super robotic and “cold” in the way they talked to me, and even in the way they handled Luna. I have given Luna oral medicines with more grace than that. Animals are rarely comfortable when they go to the vet, but Luna was clearly not okay with the way she was being fed that medicine, and, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve done the same thing the vet was doing, much more gracefully than that, so I know she doesn’t always react like she’s being tortured. The vet was holding her vertically and against their torso, so much that Luna’s head was bent over the vet’s arm. That’s unnecessary, they could have fed her the medicine in a more comfortable position. As the visit continued, I was clearly upset, my voice was shaking as I talked, when I asked the vet if they do the whole cremation process too, I was on the verge of tears. This still didn’t affect how the vet spoke to me in any way, they still spoke just “cold, hard facts” with no tact whatsoever. I was hopeful when I said “I know that a rabbit’s average lifespan is between 8 and 12 years old,” and I was going to follow that up with “But I know some even live up to 16 and 18 years old.” But they didn’t let me. The vet spoke over me and said “Eeeehhh… and even then, 8 is really pushing it. Not many make it to 8 years of age.” I was shattered. 😥 How could they say that to me, so coldly, while a perfectly healthy 7 year old rabbit was right in front of them? If anything, they could have said it, as long as they followed it up with “But this one here looks great for her age, so I wouldn’t worry just yet.” Isn’t that part of a vet’s job? To be tactful and bear your feelings in mind when they talk about your fur baby? I know healthcare professionals also have to be objective and straight to the point, but jeez! I wasn’t asking her to promise me that Luna will never die, I just wanted to hear a “Your baby is doing fine, just keep her on a healthy diet.” I’ve been aware of Luna’s mortality since the first day I’ve had her in my arms, I know she will pass away someday. Accepting that she will die someday is not the issue here, I don’t need to be constantly reminded of it. 😡
Anyway, apparently nothing is physically wrong with Luna, she could just be going through mood/hormonal shifts, she’s healthy as a peach (as far as I know) so I’m wondering… why is it that it suddenly seems like her age is front and center of my worries? Why am I noticing her less active all of a sudden? Is this how the aging starts? Could she really be showing signs of aging, or is she just feeling some sort of change? Do older rabbits still binky? Do they still flop? Is 7 even old for a rabbit, or just middle-aged? Is my stress causing her stress too?
I’m sorry for such a long post, I just feel so confused and alone, and I don’t know whether to be worried that she might be too old to do “happy bunny thearics”, or to just stop worrying so much, because she still eats, poops and makes happy noises when I pet her. I’m just so confused. I could really use some friendly guidance. Or at least, I just want to feel understood. It seems like nobody understands my pain. 😥
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