Bonding Trouble

[MochiMain]

Hi All!

I made an account for this website for some advice on my situation. I used this forum for insight before as a rabbit owner and it has been extremely helpful so far, and I am hoping you could maybe help me. Right now I am at an impasse. I am having rabbit trouble and need some perspective on some next steps I have been pondering.

Here is the context:
I am the happy owner of a (roughly) 2-year-old female rabbit named Mochi. She is extremely timid and scared of everything, yet when things are quiet and late she likes to zoom around the living room in my small apt. She used to be bonded with my first rabbit, Kimchi, until he passed away last Fall from illness. Kimchi and Mochi’s bonding process was miraculous. They loved each other instantly and I did not have to do ANY steps in the bonding process. They practically moved in immediately and had no problems ever. After he passed, I struggled with what to do next for Mochi. I observed her during Kimchi’s absence and noticed she wasn’t all that bothered by the lack of company; she never seemed depressed. She would still come and run around and had no eating issues.

I work mornings, and often leave the house to hang out with company; my roommate does the same. When we are both home Mochi is allowed to roam, but when we are gone we put a fence up to half of the apartment where there aren’t any wires she could snack on. Essentially, we are only home with her for half the day on weekdays. So, I believed having another rabbit friend to spend time with her when we were gone was the next best step. I waited some time for me to grieve and looked into a new rabbit.

I reached out to the same place I adopted Mochi and went through a few speed dates. After a couple of rabbits, I settled on a 2-year-old male rabbit named Russell. During the speed date, Mochi was scared and did not really react to anybody. I chose Russell because he was friendly to me and didn’t seem to harm Mochi in any way, plus he was a new rescue and I have a soft spot for underdogs. I took Mochi and Russell home and did a test date in the spot I had planned for them to stay. After having a speed date without any problems, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to see how they interacted without all the pressure. Russell immediately went to mount Mochi and they did some chasing with some fur flew off. I separated them into their own pens in different rooms immediately. I understand mounting is a natural bonding process so at first I did not worry too much.

I followed the steps on this Website, and others, and took some ideas from people with experience in bonding. I tried dates in neutral territory. I tried stress dates in car rides. Etc. No matter what, Russell tries to mount Mochi with no relief. Russell will ask to be groomed and Mochi will groom him but he does not groom back. When she stops grooming he immediately mounts her again. For context: If it went on excessively, I separated them to keep stress from Mochi and/or any possible fights.

It has been one month now, and they are currently in side-by-side pens with a divider so they can still interact with each other. I will switch them from pen to pen so they get used to each other’s scents. Russell often tugs at the divider to try and reach Mochi. Since the bonding process, Mochi has not been herself and I believe she is stressed all the time. She still eats fine but I never see her sleep often and whenever Russell moves she flinches. Recently, I had one date in a neutral zone where Mochi groomed Russell, then tried to dig at him and mount him instead, and then a tussle broke out.

I spoke with the rescuer I got Russell from and kept them in the loop for the month, and they said that they were surprised and believed I had been doing everything right. They said if I wanted to return Russell I could. My problem is that I love animals very much, and Russell is a great rabbit. He likes pets, he’s very sweet, and when he isn’t trying to mount Mochi, he likes to interact with people. However, I’ve had Mochi for longer and her needs come first for me. I told the Rescue I would house Russell for another week in case anything drastic changes, but I have been stressed about these two for a month now and I am unsure of what to do next. I am scared to return Russell because I know how hard is for rabbits to be adopted and there are so many animals that need homes, and returning him seems so unfair. I am also reserved about getting another rabbit and putting Mochi through this process again and again. I am wondering if Mochi is happier by herself.

Right now I believe that Russell and Mochi are not a good fit. I think Russell is great but I think he wants it all and Mochi does not want to deliver. I believe Russell has the potential to be adopted again and find a better home than I have to offer him. I do not know if I am being selfish or unfair to Russell, or Mochi. I kind of at my wit’s end.

Any advice, support, etc. is greatly appreciated. I know a lot of you have greater experience than I do.

If there is missing context I forgot to add or have questions, ask away!

Sorry for the long thread. Thank you in advance.

[Wick & Fable]

Welcome to BB! You’re mentioning a lot of the usual recommendations. My first thought is if you tried the stuffy trick (stunt double) mentioned yet– essentially getting a stuffed animal and getting it to smell like the rabbit, then giving it to the other to let them get their dominant mounting out of their system…. It’s an unusual tactic, but can be worth a shot.

With it being only one month, I would not feel good discouraged. Yes, it’s not an instant bond, but those are not something to expect to begin with! Their perception and behaviors towards each other can definitely change over time. Perhaps just very short dates in the meantime, mediated with food, then discontinuing before the mounting gets too crazy, would be beneficial to increase face time. Again, it’s pretty early though!

The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.

[DanaNM]

Thank you for all the detail! I can certainly understand the internal conflict!

So, to start, I would not feel guilty if you choose to try another rabbit. In either case, you will be giving a rabbit a home and freeing up space in the rescue, and your goal was to find a companion for Mochi. The info you provide about Russel will certainly help him get adopted, and you can consider yourself a foster for him. It’s possible that Mochi would do better with a bun that is more matched in her energy level and temperament.

That said, I agree that 1 month is not too long, and you have seen a lot of positives in the process. You have seen some grooming, and it sounds like Mochi is actually starting to assert herself, which might actually be a bit of a breakthrough. It’s possible that her trying to mount him will be the thing that gets him to stop going after her or finally return the grooming. It also sounds like they are interested in each other, and don’t immediately turn to aggression (it’s only after some dominance disputes), which is also good. It is important to try to end sessions on a good note, so if you are always separating them immediately after fights or too much mounting, you could be reinforcing that dynamic unintentionally. I like to do lots of petting with the buns side by side to calm them down in tense situations like that.

A couple more questions will give me a better sense of where they’re at. How long has the longest date been, how frequent are the sessions, and how large is the bonding space?

If you would like to try a “hail Mary” approach before deciding whether to swap him for another bun, I recommend setting up a large space (at least 2 x-pens) in a very neutral environment (such as friend’s house or area in your home they have never even been close to), and plan to do a marathon session. Sometimes adding a few tunnels helps break up chasing and mounting attempts. I put pee pads on the floor and a pile of hay in the center. I have used this method at times when I’m not sure whether to proceed, especially after I have already done a fair amount of sessions. Usually if things are going to work out, I start to see improvements by hour 8-12, and I know for sure by 24 hrs. Sometimes they really just need to get the mounting out of their system and realize that “other rabbit” is not going away. Then they settle down and start clicking. I don’t recommend doing very small space methods, as it can be very stressful for the rabbits, especially when one rabbit is more shy and fearful. I’ve had very good success using this method to finalize bonds for the pairs I’ve bonded. The only time it hasn’t worked for me what with a trio I was attempting, and another bonder tried working with the same buns at her house and agreed they were just not a good match.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Author]

Messages