Bonding Journey-HELP Needed!

[MMmm]

I’ve posted a bonding help request post a few weeks ago. I’d now like to keep all my bonding related questions and updates here. Here is the template and a shorter version of what happened before (in my other post).

Spay/Neuter
Both the male and female are fixed and are 6 months old. Ive had my boy for over 2 months and hes been neutered for 3 months. I rescued the girl a month ago and she’s been spayed for 2 months. They were not aggressive toward each other when put together briefly in the rescue shelter. I was told they should work out.

Housing
They lived together in a 4ft x 4ft pen when they came back home from the shelter. It was my biggest mistake. I did not give the girl some time to settle in.

Since the fight, they’ve been living separately but side by side.

Bonding background
I didn’t let the new girl to settle in. She was very skittish at first. My boy is a friendly and calm rabbit. In the beginning, the new girl just followed the boy as he knew the routine very well. A few days later, I guess she became familiar with the routine and settled in. So she wasn’t “submissive” anymore. The fake bond broke. The girl now is still easily spooked but doing much much better than before. She is also very active.

We’ve been swapping the bunnies into one another’s enclosure everyday for almost 3 weeks now. In the beginning, they were both stressed and would marked the new territory. This stopped the second day of swapping. They are very used to living in each other’s space and using the other’s soiled litter box. They eat and go to bathroom side by side without problems.

Yesterday was the first time I restarted the bonding. They met for the first time since the incident (about 3 weeks ago). I put them in a neutral area for only 5 minutes. They both shoved head to the other. I petted them both and quickly ended the session. Today I tried the same thing and it did not go well at all. Again they both asked for grooming and very quickly started circling and fur pulling. I manually snuggled and petted them. When I stopped and one started to move, the other would lower the head and then quickly started nipping. The cycle just repeated. I petted them both-they both asked for grooming-nipping/circling-I petted them both… I ended the session after petting them. When they were bac to their enclosures, they both kind of binkied and zoomied trying to display their strength.

Since their fake bond broke 3 weeks ago, I’ve only started very short sessions yesterday. So only 2 sessions so far with today’s (2nd session) gone bad.

I haven’t tried stress bonding yet. I was worried that it might create some fake bond again. Since in the beginning when I first brought the new girl back, they got along well. I saw cuddling and some grooming. Once the girl felt more comfortable she demanded to be the dominant and the boy did not agree.

[DanaNM]

Aww that’s tough. At this point, I wouldn’t necessarily change anything just yet. I would keep up with the petting and short sessions for a few more sessions and see if you notice any improvements. I would give it at least 3 or 4 more short sessions just as you have been doing, and then if things are still rough you can change things up (new location, try a car ride, etc). It can also help to do sessions at a time of day when they are sleepy, so mid-day or after a meal.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[MMmm]

I am very discouraged as they are doing so well side by side. Today they pretty much went for each other immediately. I don’t know if it’s still hopeful.

[DanaNM]

Bummer 🙁

I think it might be time to try a car ride or a new location if you’re up for it.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[MMmm]

I consulted with the rescue and she agreed that these two are probably not compatible as both are very dominant. Since yesterday’s bad encounter they now like to lie side by side along the shared fence “peacefully”. I used to think it as a good sign. Now I know they are probably just guarding their boundaries. We agreed to exchange the girl for another one. This time I will leave my male there to pick his own friend and bond. We are hoping to try some more submissive girls. It’s very sad that this girl has gradually warmed up to us and now has to leave.

when they met yesterday, they both submitted their head to one another’s side, and a few seconds later the girl would nip. My boy didn’t run away but instead nipped back and they ran into circles.

 

My main concern is whether my boy is even a solo rabbit or not. Maybe I’m just discouraged by this disheartening first bonding experience. Will keep the forum updated as we send him to the bonding boot camp next month.

[DanaNM]

That’s really great they will let you try out another bun! I’m sure they will help you find a good match.

I’ve been through that process as well (sending a bun back after failed bonding). It is really hard getting attached to a bun and then sending them back, but you can consider your girl’s time with you as a little vacation away from the rescue, like a foster home. I’m sure they would even like to know any observations you had on her behavior that might help her get adopted, because often buns behave very differently at the shelter vs. a home environment.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[MMmm]

Updates:

So we took the girl bun back to the rescue. Since their last fight, they both became pretty tense living side by side. The girl would binky and be active all day long with much rest and strangely she also became a little aggressive. She started to lunge and bite whoever got close to her litter box. She got me once since I did not expect that at all as she wasn’t like this before. I ended up moving her to a different area where they couldn’t see each other. They calmed down a bit but unfortunately the girl bun’s territorial behavior over litter box never went away. It is now clear that the two are not compatible. Spunky friends make my boy bun stressed out.

We also left my boy there to try to find a new friend. To my surprise, there was only one bunny who seemed to get along with him. The rescue lady was nice enough to try as many as 7 or 8 girl bunnies. It was either them attacking my boy or my boy turning them down. This only girl bun who seemed to get long with him stayed with him for a few hours initially and the rescue lady went on to try some others. She told me that while she put her back to my boy’s cage the next day, my boy looked so relieved and relaxed next to her. However, i was informed this girl bun possibly has megacolon. I know every bun should be given a chance especially those of special needs, but I decided to not take her. My previous bun passed away not long ago at age 11. She had developed so many problems since she turned 8.5. I had been dealing with daily pain meds, monthly gi stasis, and frequent molar trimming. I honestly felt relieved when she passed. But I loved her dearly and would love to continue all the ordeals if she could have lived. That being said, I am not ready to go back to that kind of lifestyle so soon. I felt terrible to turn down the rescue lady and that bunny and also to separate my boy from a friend he might be in love with.

I have received this pressure from the bunny community that every rabbit must have a companion of its kind. I already felt guilty that my previous bun was a single bun. But I am also stressed out that bonding has been hard for my boy. I also cannot free roam my rabbit (another “standard” in bunny community) so I felt the urge to get him a buddy even more. I’d like to have a break (for my boy too) from getting him a friend. I might try later. But IF he stays a single bunny is it absolutely cruel? I work from home but I am not interacting with him 24/7.

[DanaNM]

Firstly, don’t feel guilty at all about anything! I have been through the ringer matching up my various buns over the years and also dealing with chronically ill buns (including one that I was fostering to try to bond). I know it can be so heart breaking to return a bun after a failed attempt.

I wouldn’t have advised to try to bond with a megacolon bun anyway, because they require such special care it would be really hard to have them in a bonded pair (dietary differences, poop monitoring, etc, as you know). Plus it’s important for both rabbits to be healthy to bond, so it would have not been a great recipe for success.

Second, you tried many rabbits and none were a great match, so it’s not like you didn’t try! That doesn’t mean he’s unbondable, but it means you don’t need to force anything. If you would like to try again in the future, just keep in contact with the rescue and they can let you know when there might be some good matches there. There have been buns on this forum that seemed very clearly “single buns” that wanted nothing to do with another rabbit after going on many dates, and then suddenly they found a match. Who knows what’s going on in those little bunny brains?

I don’t want to get on a soap box about the push from certain prominent social media channels about free-roaming, but personally I think it can be harmful when stated as a “must do”. Many rabbits (and homes) are not suited to this, and it can lead to rabbits being rehomed because the owner was not prepared to have alternate housing. I think of it like dogs… many people crate their dogs when they are not home, and this is widely accepted. As long as a bun has appropriate housing and gets exercise in a larger area, they can be completely happy and healthy. I’ve even noticed my buns are MORE active when I’m not giving them full free-roam (I had one pair that was perfectly behaved so I started letting them roam 24/7, and all they did was lay around!). So don’t feel bad about that either!

There is absolutely no need to rush or feel pressured to bond. It’s important that you feel rested and ready for the process, and excited about the bunny you will adopt. Bunnies also need sleep and rest, so don’t worry about not interacting with him all the time.

For the future, I tend to not rely too much on seeing amazing positive interactions in inital speed dates. I like to use speed dating as a way to make sure the rabbits don’t HATE each other, because they will often behave very differently in the shelter environment. I suggest (if and when you try again in the future) that you go meet some rabbits and pick out 3 that YOU really like, then try dating those. If they don’t attack each other, then they are likely bondable. Male-male pairs are also pretty common, so you might try another male as well.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

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