Bonding Impasse

[Jessica]

Hey all. 

I have 2 rescued rabbits, both estimated to be about 4 years old, both are fixed. I’m at an impasse with the bonding process.

We’ve had the white male New Zealand (Crumpet) since November of 2016. We got the female lionhead (Q-Tip, aka Cutie) a few months ago. Crumpet is the absolute sweetest rabbit towards humans. I don’t think he would bite to save his life. Towards other rabbits, however, he is a bully. The problem is that he doesn’t have the brawn to back up his attitude problem, and when he starts a fight he usually ends up losing it (I didn’t let them fight on purpose: Cutie hopped her pen once). He never seems to learn his lesson though. Cutie seems to be perfectly willing to get along except for the fact that she will always VERY DELIBERATELY hop up to Crumpet, lower her head, and slowly rip out a chunk of fur from his rump (its strange because its not a fast attack, or a nip, but a very slow and deliberate thing).

Back-story: Pre-bonding has gone great. They live in side-by-side pens, switched out every other day or so. Crumpet no longer tries to nip at Cutie through the pen, and usually can be found hanging out by her pen when it’s his turn to be loose. When the pen is between them, it seems like they would like nothing more than to be closer to the other. When I try bonding, however, its a different story. Even in neutral territory if Crumpet isn’t stressed enough to be hunkered down, he lunges at Cutie, boxes her face, and then scurries away before she can retaliate. If I pet them they will hunker down together and make little bunny pancakes, but as soon as I stop one of the following will happen every time, without fail. Option 1: Crumpet will box Cutie’s face and run away. Option 2: One or both bunnies will look like they are lunging at the other but will stop short and cram their face into the other, then one will bite the other and if allowed to continue it will turn into chasing then into the bunny tornado. Option 3: They do the face-smoosh-lunge thing and stay like that for a moment without doing anything else, then Crumpet will get this look on his face like he suddenly remembers that he is supposed to hate her and will box her, OR Cutie will very slowly cram her head into Crumpet’s rump and come up with a mouthful of fluff. 

I’ve been trying to avoid stress-bonding (Cutie didn’t have a very good living situation before and is very skittish (but friendly, likes to be pet, will jump up on the couch with me for cuddles, etc), and I’d like her to feel safe in her new life), and Crumpet is almost more like a dog than a rabbit in his attitude and doesn’t get stressed very easily, but I don’t see that I have much choice. It doesn’t matter how well things are going, or how long they spend being nice to each other, the second I stop petting them or they finish whatever treat I gave them to reward them for spending 5 seconds without being jerks to each other, one will be aggressive to the other. Cutie, although she is half of Crumpet’s size, will probably win any real brawl based on that time she hopped her pen. She jumped out while he was loose, and I came downstairs to find fluff everywhere and she was lounging in the middle of the floor while Crumpet cowered under the stairs. Neither of them will groom the other (or me, for that matter). 

Ideas? It seems like neither is actually afraid of the other, or particularly bothered by the other, and both would like to have a friend, but are bound by some obligation to be a jerk .

I’ve tried dates in the bathtub, the kitchen floor, outside in a pen, etc. Same things every time. 

It has been months now, and I’m making no progress (but at least not losing any ground, they don’t exhibit any negative behaviors towards each other when they are in their pens or generally near each other). 

[DanaNM]

Stubborn buns!

How long are your sessions? Do you see any positives (relaxing around each other or grooming themselves)?

I think you should try stressing! Take them for a car ride together before their next regular session.

Also, boxing and running away is ok to allow, as is random nipping and lunging. Do stop the tornadoes, but some level of nipping and light chasing will need to happen.

I would also recommend a much larger space, like two pens linked up, with lots of distractions and hiding spots (with two exits at least so no one gets cornered).

The fact that they aren’t just attacking on sight makes me think that there is hope, sometimes all it takes is one breakthrough and all the sudden they are best buddies.

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Jessica]

Sessions have ranged from a few minutes to a half hour or so (I usually get overwhelmed by the fluff-storm that comes from petting two shedding rabbits, and my arms get tired from having to pet both of them non-stop lol). They definitely relax around each other and groom themselves, but only if there is a barrier between them. They will occasionally munch on hay, will almost always take treats, etc. I’m thinking the car ride method as well, its just tricky finding time as my fiance and I both work ~80 hours a week. Luckily, we own our own business and only work 2/10 of a mile from our house and I can come home and check on them, feed them their dinner, etc so they usually aren’t home alone all day without being checked on.

Thanks for the advice, and definitely keep it coming if you think of anything else!

[DanaNM]

Ah, ok! This is helpful.

I think you should try stressing for sure, and then some longer sessions. Sometimes with short sessions over and over again, bunnies need to repeatedly “introduce” themselves, and they never really get a change to fully sort out their hierarchy.

It’s a bit of a balancing act, because you don’t want to push them too hard to the point where a brawl breaks out, but longer sessions are really necessary eventually.

Given your busy work schedule, I think what I would do would be to start extending their sessions by 15-20 minutes each day. Start with a car ride (about 10 minutes is usually good. have a helper drive so you can sit in the back seat with the buns in a bin and make sure they don’t fight), then move them to a bigger space. Use the largest most neutral space you’ve got. Add in several hidey boxes (with at least 2 exits), hay everywhere, treats scattered. Try not to immediately jump in with petting and see what happens (but be ready too if needed). I get the sense they need to be able to run around and interact a bit more… it is a delicate balance though. By now you are familiar with what behaviors lead to a tornado, so you can intervene before that happens. End the session when you’ve met your time goal, but end on a good note (so it’s OK to end a bit early if something good happens.. !).

Keep increasing the time they spend together. I’d be interested to know how they do after several hours together… I’ve had real breakthroughs with mine only when they had to spend 8-12 hours together! It’s like they have to realize “well, i guess this other rabbit isn’t going away, so we’d better get on with it!”

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

[Jessica]

We went for a ride tonight. Put them both in a laundry basket, fashioned a cover out of a tote lid with zip-tie “hinges” so they couldn’t jump out if they got adventurous. My fiance drove and I sat in the back with them. They laid nose to tail for the whole trip (about 15 mins). Crumpet (less easily stressed) was alert and looking around the whole time, but didn’t do anything mean. Cutie just laid there being a good little pancake. I hadn’t read your reply yet so I wasn’t sure what to do when we got back. I was thinking I should probably put them in a pen together and provide lots of treats and love for a few minutes so we ended the adventure on a happy note, but neither was interested in treats yet so I put them back in their pens. Next time I’ll have a big pen with the hidey boxes set up and ready to go.
So far so good!

[jerseygirl]

Love the names!

It has been months now, and I’m making no progress (but at least not losing any ground, they don’t exhibit any negative behaviors towards each other when they are in their pens or generally near each other). 

I know it must feel like that, but it is progress. All this will be building their level of trust. Where you see that breakthrough point DanaNM describes. So don’t discount the work you have done so far!

Luckily, we own our own business and only work 2/10 of a mile from our house and I can come home and check on them, feed them their dinner, etc so they usually aren’t home alone all day without being checked on.

Could you take them to your workplace at all? This would be ultra-neutral territory! Really plucking them out of a familiar environment. You could use that to your advantage.
Having someone else monitor their interaction there might even be helpful, if you can trust someone to that degree.

[Jessica]

I wish I could take them to work, but space is severely limited, and it’s an auto repair shop so it gets super loud when the guys are using air tools (loud enough to hurt my ears sometimes, so it really doesn’t seem right to subject the buns to it!).

My parents are away for the weekend and we have to dog/house sit, so we took the buns for a ride and I have them in a pen together here, with some boxes for hiding and a jumbo litter box big enough for multiple buns. Crumpet is up to his usual nastiness, and Cutie is still stressed enough from the ride to be on very good behavior. Crumpet boxes her face every time she comes out of the cardboard box she’s hiding in >.<

[DanaNM]

I would remove the litter box for now (even though it’s large, they can cause issues…. buns are very particular about their potty spots).

If it seems like the boxes are causing more problems, you can also try removing those and see if it helps. But, a little boxing doesn’t sound terrible, and good that it isn’t escalating! Often the first turning point is when you see one bun always back down and not retaliate.

I’ve had mixed results with boxes, sometimes they help (especially in long sessions), other times they cause arguments. And sometimes what works at one phase in bonding and doesn’t help at all in others… so it’s really a process of trial and error… and patience!

. Try to re-train yourself to see any sort of interaction as communication. I have found myself slowing down the process by placing my own expectations on how they should behave on the process. Bunnies don’t act aggressive out of being mean, it is all out of fear. Crumpet may seem like he is just being a bully, but the fact is that Cutie has not submitted to him (or exerted her own dominance yet), so he sees her as a threat and isn’t sure what to make of her.

Time and persistence will allow them to realize that the other bunny isn’t out to hurt them. My local rescue always says “rabbits don’t speak rabbit”, so it can take them some time to learn to talk to each other.

It does sound like the stressing helped, so don’t be afraid to do some more car rides with them (just make sure neither gets tooooo stressed).

. . . The answers provided in this discussion are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet. Seek the advice of your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist.  

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